After Kakashi had taken a few months off, he finally went back to doing regular missions. He mostly did intel missions with Shanan and Sasuke, but there had been some chatter about larger threats to the shinobi world lately and they had been getting into more and more battles.
It had been about three years since he'd left the position of Hokage and he was forty-four years old now, but still as strong and powerful as ever. And he and Shanan still worked so well together. You would never think that it had been so long since they fought together. She and Sasuke fought really well together too, so Shanan could easily back either of them up.
Over the years she had absorbed some very useful techniques and abilities. She could use Chidori and Kakashi's lightening style. She had her Sharingan from Sasuke. Naruto's nine tails chakra which seemed to amplify some of her other abilities. And Shikamaru's shadow possession, which she had seen him use enough, she didn't ever need him to help train her on it.
The three of them often took people by surprise by never using any hand signals. People really weren't used to it. One time Sasuke had allowed himself to be captured and tied up once so that he could be taken back to the enemy hideout and he broke free easily. He didn't need to make signals to activate Chidori and sever the rope. Although he could've taken everyone out with his fireball or anything else with his hands still tied.
Oftentimes Shanan would catch people and hold them in place with her Shadow Possession so that Kakashi and Sasuke could take them out. And she could do a lot at once if she utilized the nine tails cloak at the same time.
They all had barriers they could put up and all had use of Chidori.
The three of them truly made a great team.
But it had been hard for Sasuke to see Shanan and Kakashi sharing a sleeping bag when they rested at night, even though all they did was sleep. After his and Shanan's first ANBU mission, they pretty much always shared a sleeping bag, because she did get cold really easily. She had grown up with Naruto keeping her warm and sleeping all over her. So he supposed that she was just used to having extra body heat. But when Kakashi was with them, he opted to sleep in a tree so that he could be more alert, but really so he didn't have to keep looking over at them together, while he slept alone.
Nights like this, he always felt so helpless. He didn't regret choosing not to move on, in fact it wasn't really a choice for him, he just knew that it would never happen. He didn't understand why Shikamaru had done it and often wondered if he was truly happy. Maybe he was and maybe Sasuke was a coward for not even wanting to try.
When it was just him and Shanan on their ANBU missions, she usually slept facing him with her face buried into his chest and he'd lost all of his shyness for holding her close and keeping her warm a long time ago. He didn't sleep much either way. He either watched her sleep or he was in an uncomfortable tree now. He always tried not to watch her, but he could never stop opening his eyes to look at her. Just like when he lived with them. As soon as she fell asleep every night, he'd set his book down and cover them up and stay awake for hours just pretending she was his. Imagining that they had kissed before she finally fell asleep on him. Telling himself she slept on him because she loved him the way that he loved her. That he had sought power for her and it had paid off, she felt safe with him. That she had waited for him and when he'd come home, she was right there for him to run to and pick up and kiss. That's why he'd had to move five years ago. His imagination was getting so out of hand and it was too easy for him to live in that lie with Kakashi gone so much.
As much as he loved her and wanted to be with her, he never wanted her to go through what she went through with Shikamaru again. He had a lot of respect for Kakashi and never wanted to undermine their relationship. Neither of them deserved for him to just come in and derail their marriage. And seeing her happy, even if it wasn't with him, was more important to him than his lifelong dream of marrying her. And Kakashi truly cherished her and made her really happy.
He could see the undying devotion in his eyes. He could see how much Shanan admired him. He could see them in eachothers eyes. They were such a big part of one another.
To Shanan, the sun shone for Kakashi and to Kakashi, she was the sun. Even without the abilities he had absorbed from Shanan, he could see it. Everyone could.
Yes. Nights like this, he always felt helpless...