It had been three months. Three months without Kakashi. Three months of waking up every day wishing that this had been a sad and scary genjutsu that she'd accidentally placed herself in. Three months of total and complete darkness, the likes of which she'd never felt. Even when all she could remember of her past was literal darkness, it never made her sad the way losing Kakashi had.

She spent her nights sleeping on the couch with Sasuke, but she spent her days lying in bed and staring at the spot Kakashi was supposed to be. He was supposed to be there. That was his spot. He was supposed to be asking her why she was so far away and he was supposed to put his arms around her and pull her close and tell her that that's where she belonged as he kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. And it was where she belonged. But he was gone, so where did she belong now? It had been three months of her asking herself that question and she still didn't know. Or maybe it was still with Kakashi, but she couldn't leave her kids… She couldn't leave Naruto… She couldn't leave Sasuke…

Three long and miserable months.

It was already almost time for bed and Sasuke would be in any minute to help her into the living room. Even walking still felt like too much for her and she had definitely gotten weaker since she didn't eat very much.

"Shanan," Sasuke said gently as he sat on the bed next to her. She rarely heard him come in, even when she was expecting him. "Are you ready to come into the living room?" He grabbed her hand.

She suddenly felt a rush of tears. She didn't feel like she'd stared at the empty space on the bed long enough today, but she felt like that every night. She had the same rush of tears every night. She had to do her breathing exercises every night. She had to be calmed down by Kakashi every night. She finally nodded.

"Do you wanna walk or do you want me to carry you?" he asked her.

"I can walk," she said, barely audible.

Sasuke stood up and held his hands out to help her as she stood up. He hated seeing her like this. But he knew he'd feel the same way if she ever died.

They walked into the living room together, the same as every night. Then Sasuke sat down and then laid on the couch, the same as every night. And then he held his arms out for her to lay down next to him, the same as every night. She usually fell asleep pretty quickly. Crying was exhausting and tonight was no different.

Tonight, however, Sasuke held her close and wept silently, because she was beginning to feel extremely frail and he knew he'd failed her. He was supposed to protect her, but she was withering away in darkness and all he'd done was let her. He thought he was helping her by giving her space and letting her grieve in her own way. But it wasn't what she would've done. It wasn't what she did when they were kids and it wouldn't be what she'd do now. She'd pulled so many people from darkness. People she knew, people she loved, people she had never even met before performing the Kurushimi technique on them. She'd even pulled countless enemies from darkness. It was her turn. He'd been too weak to save her in the past, which was why he left to train with Orochimaru, but that wasn't ever what she'd needed from him. And he would never forgive himself if she died because he couldn't be the light that she needed now.

The next morning when they woke up, they were still lying together and Shanan asked him to show her the Shi no Tenshi again, the same as every morning. But Sasuke had promised himself to do today differently.

"Shanan, I'm sorry, but no. I can't do that." He immediately hated himself for telling her no.

She didn't say anything as she covered her face and sobbed. She needed to see it. To hear him. It was the only thing she looked forward to, feeling Kakashi.

Sasuke sat them up. "Shanan, look at me," he said in a firm and even tone. "We're getting up today. You're not going into that room. You're going to take a shower. You're going to eat. And I'm going to help you. Ok? You have to stop-" his voice broke as his chin started quivering. "You have to stop being so sad. You still have a long life in front of you and people that love you more than anything." He'd tried to stop them, but he had a steady stream of tears now. He really hated seeing her like this.

"Sasuke…" Shanan whispered as she buried her face into her hands again. "I can't do it. I can't do anything."

He reached up and removed her hands and looked at her sympathetically as he shook his head. Tears still flowing. "I'm not asking. Alright? We're getting up today. I sent the twins to stay with Naruto and Hinata last night, so it's just me and you. Come on," he said as he stood up and grabbed her hand.

He led her to the bathroom door and told her to stay put as he went into her room and grabbed some clothes for her. "You need a shower, I'll help you as much as you need or as little, but you're taking a shower."

She really didn't want one. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had one. She'd thought about it for a while, but then she stopped thinking about it.

Sasuke pulled her into the bathroom and turned the water on as he held her hand to make sure she didn't try to walk away. But she didn't try. She wasn't happy about the change to her routine of sadness, but she didn't have any energy to fight or argue with anyone, let alone Sasuke.

"Do you need me to help you?" he asked her.

She didn't answer. She felt as though she'd already said more words than she normally did.

Sasuke stood up and helped her undress, looking away as best he could. But Shanan didn't really care if he saw her. She was just a shell of a person now, not much to see. Once she was completely undressed he grabbed her hand.

"Shanan, you need to step in now. The water is warm. I won't let go until you're in."

She did as she was told, but she didn't do much else. The water was warm, but she still wanted to be lying in her bed next to Kakashi's space.

After a few minutes of her just standing there, Sasuke got into the shower behind her, still wearing his boxers. "I said I'd help you if you needed me to." He gave her that same look he always gave her and tried to remain strong for her. "I'm gonna wet your hair now, ok? Hold onto me, I'll make sure I don't get any water into your eyes," he said gently. He grabbed her hands and put her arms around his waist and then gently cupped the side of her face with one hand and scooped water gently through her hair with the other until it was soaked through. "Keep holding on," he told her. She continued to do as he instructed with no emotion as he massaged the shampoo through her hair. "Is this alright?" he asked her softly.

Shanan nodded, barely, though it did feel rather soothing.

"Ok, I'm gonna rinse this now. Just close your eyes," he instructed.

She closed her eyes and felt him scooping more water through her hair to get all of the suds out.

"Do you want me to use the conditioner too?" he asked her.

She barely nodded again. But she was starting to feel a little less sad already.

Sasuke smoothed the conditioner through her hair as she held onto him. Once her hair was saturated to his satisfaction he grabbed a shower poof and lathered it with body wash. "Do you want me to do this?"

Shanan blinked slowly at him, she certainly didn't feel like she was ready to wash herself, not yet anyway. She barely nodded again.

"Don't let go." Sasuke pulled her head against him so that he could see over her shoulder to wash her backside. When he was done he leaned back a bit. "Hold my hand. I'll try not to look while I do this." He had already mostly seen everything as he'd undressed her and checked on her and then when he was getting into the shower, but still, he turned his head away as he washed the rest of her. "We just need to rinse you off and then get the conditioner out of your hair and you're done, ok?" he said as he held her hands and guided her under the water a bit more. He used his hands to scoop some of the water so that it would run down the front of her.

The fact that he was doing this for her was starting to really sink in. But she still couldn't do much. She just felt so weak and sad and pathetic.

Sasuke wrapped her arms around his waist again. "We're almost done," he said gently as he started rinsing her hair. It took a few minutes to get all of the conditioner out, she had long hair, but once she was clean he got out first and grabbed a couple of towels for her. He didn't bother with himself. He helped her out, keeping his eyes on her face, and then wrapped her up in one of the towels. He used the other one to start drying her hair. All the while, still soaking wet himself.

Afterwards, he helped her over to the sink. "You need to brush your teeth. I'll help you if you need me to," he reminded her.

She didn't say anything, but she soon had a toothbrush with toothpaste on it in her hand. She looked at it and frowned. It felt like too much work. She raised her hand a bit and thought about doing it, but then she dropped her hand as tears started welling up.

Sasuke gently took the toothbrush from her. "It's alright. Look at me and just do what I say." He added a bit more toothpaste since most of it had fallen off when she dropped her hand.

She followed his instructions on when to open her mouth or close it or spit or rinse as he helped her brush her teeth. And her mouth did feel much better when he was done.

He wiped her mouth and rinsed her toothbrush off for her before grabbing her bundle of clean clothes and helping her to get dressed, again, looking away as best he could while doing most of the work.

Once that was done and she was in fresh clothes, he quickly got dressed himself and then led her into the kitchen. "I'm gonna make us a big breakfast and we're gonna eat together. You don't have to help me, but you are gonna sit at the table today. Alright?" He hated being so firm with her, but she needed him to be.

He helped her to sit down and got to work on making them something. Shanan stared off a bit listlessly as she waited. She remembered the last day Kakashi had been at the table, he'd carried her around since she couldn't walk and sat her on his lap while they ate. And the thought that neither of them had any idea that that was their last breakfast together made her cry uncontrollably.

Sasuke had been looking over every thirty seconds or so to make sure she was ok. Once he saw that she was crying he moved the pan off of the burner and went over to her and knelt beside her. "Hey. Shanan, look at me," he put his hand on the side of her face and turned her face to look at him and smiled softly at her. "Are you remembering the last time Kakashi was in here with you?" he asked her, though he already knew the answer.

She nodded sadly at him as she tried to wipe some of the tears that had started to drip from her face.

"Oh... Well, was it a sad memory?" he asked her.

"No," she said between sobs.

"Then tell me about it." He tried to sound positive for her.

Shanan looked at him thoughtfully for a minute as she calmed herself down. "Um… well," she tried to say, but she couldn't do it. "I can't!" She started sobbing again as she buried her face in her hands.

Sasuke grabbed her hands from her face and put his hand on her cheek again. "You can do this. Tell me," he said softly as he wiped her tears.

Shanan looked at him and felt calmer as his chakra flowed from his hand to her face.

"We made breakfast together. Well… I cooked. He stood behind me and held me up since I couldn't stand." She fought back tears as she spoke. It really was a happy memory. "Then when I was done, he picked me up with one arm," she laughed a little as she remembered. "He went back and forth with one plate each time. All while carrying me. And then he sat me on his lap while we all ate breakfast together. He was in such a playful mood. He usually was, though."

"I remember," Sasuke said as he smiled. "You did that to him."

Shanan couldn't help but think about the times she'd made him feel insecure.

"Don't think about those things, Shanan. Kakashi loved you more than anything in this world. No matter what. He knew you were at war with yourself for a while. He understood how someone else could love you the way he did and he knew that you had given up so much just for him. He never, ever held anything against you. Trust me. He may have worried about losing you sometimes, but that's only because he loved you so much. Don't think about those things. It was a long time ago," he said as he stood up.

Shanan nodded at him and wiped her nose on her sleeve. "Ok…"

"And don't think that either," he said just as the thought that maybe she didn't ever deserve Kakashi popped into her head.

Shanan looked at him a bit confused. She had known that he could sense her feelings for a while, but these felt like thoughts, not feelings.

"They're both," he told her. "Don't worry. I can't do it for long, it uses a massive amount of chakra. I can only use it on you, though." He held his hand out. "Come and help me."

Shanan nodded as she took his hand.

"You can make the eggs. Think you can without burning them?" he said with a smirk.

Shanan smiled at him a little. "You know, I taught Naruto how to cook and I highly suspect I taught you as well," she said softly.

Sasuke nodded gently as he gave her that look again.

They finished cooking together and sat down to eat. She still felt sad, but she was also starting to feel a little happy too. Which made her feel guilty and she felt like she couldn't eat.

"Stop feeling guilty for not lying in bed and crying right now," Sasuke said as he put his hand on hers.

"Wha-"

"Do you really think that Kakashi would want you to do that? He wanted you to be happy. And it's time to eat now. Do you need me to help you?" He was back to being firm.

Shanan looked at her food and frowned a bit. But Sasuke was right. Kakashi would want her to eat. "Please eat something, my love," she imagined him saying to her. She laughed as she remembered what he'd said at Minato Sensei's funeral.

"People shouldn't be this sad for me," Sasuke said just as she'd thought it.

Shanan looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"And he wanted the sun to shine. You realize what he meant, right? He didn't mean the actual sun, Shanan, he meant you. You. You were his sun."

Shanan smiled as she played it back in her mind and couldn't help but cry happy tears now. That had been what he meant and he did always think of her in that way.

Shanan looked at Sasuke again and everything suddenly felt less dark.

"Thank you, Sasuke." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Sasuke stood up and wrapped his arms around her and held her close as their chakras stirred. She did feel lighter again. Not as bright as she used to be, but he thought that she might get there someday.

Shanan let go and smiled at him again before sitting back down. "If I don't eat all of this, it won't be from lack of trying. You always make a lot of food."

Sasuke laughed at her. "And you always say that."

And she did try. For the rest of the day. She tried. And trying got easier each day until she no longer had to try. She still couldn't sleep in her own bed and had to sleep on the couch with Sasuke, but she also didn't spend any more time in her room staring at an empty space on the bed either.

Sasuke had pulled her from darkness and she was truly grateful to him for being there.