Ummm…yeah, I'm late I know. The problem is, this episode just didn't want to get written. I know that's not really an excuse but it's the best one I've got.

Disclaimer: Yeah, don't own. See the relevant authorities. I.e. Not me.

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3 – Forget the shooty-dog thing

('Suggest you engage 'running' mode, Mistress!')

The episodes always seem to start with the Random-week's-villain doing something clearly evil and dastardly while the other characters remain completely oblivious to it all. And this week is no exception – as the 'random un-miss-able' extra gets eaten. Has she got no friends to miss her? But anyway, the Demon Headmaster has an early lunch.

Then we cut to our friendly alien Timelord realising that applying for a job as a teacher does mean that he might have to, on occasion, teach something. Since when? This is possibly the hardest thing he's ever had to do and he's wearing the Glasses-of-Looking-Knowledgeable for all the respect they can give him. It's not much, especially when he undermines his image by making up a word like 'correctamundo!'. Anyway, he gets slightly suspicious when a random kid can keep up with him in a game of verbal tennis.

He informs Dinner-lady Rose about his misgivings, all the time trying to stop himself from smirking at her doing a menial job. He then eats his very…yellow lunch, obeying the posters on the wall ('Eat more chips!').

But the

'Time (for) Another Ruffle, Doctor Is Sexy' ((Compliments to The Doctor's Tenth Companion, one of my old reviewers. I do know what you mean, his hair just demands to be ruffled up!)) crew aren't the only ones getting sceptical about the 'super school', Mr. Demon Headmaster is showing an inquisitive journalist around. She has a very familiar name for those of you who have watched the previous serieses. And if you haven't, you'll soon get the idea of who she is.

Rose's superior observation senses pick up something out of the ordinary as a Dinner-lady gets burnt by a highly toxic substance in the kitchen. And then she acknowledges that maybe, just this once, Mickey was reasonably intelligent and did the right thing by calling them in. She has to say it, coz we all know the Doctor won't.

In the staffroom, Trouble is being told about all the mysterious teacher replacements, all under the same unexplained circumstances. Except for the position he's taken. The physics teacher received a lottery ticket through their door with the winning numbers on. It's almost as if someone from the future sent it deliberately…our vampire shifts guiltily while trying to look as if he's got no idea how that could happen.

…He's not very good at the innocent look is he?

But he's saved from having to try and extract himself from this situation by the Demon Headmaster's entrance, inquisitive journalist in tow. Mr. Last Timelord's jaw drops with an audible 'clunk' and he starts grinning like an idiot. Obviously the journalist is looking for an easy victim who will talk with not much prompting and spill any secrets about the school.

She scans the room for a potential target and spots the still-grinning-stupidly alien. 'Bingo!' she thinks. Unfortunately for her, (and him) he hasn't been there long enough to learn any juicy gossip. She still catches him off-guard when she asks for his name.

"I'm the D...err…dreadfully new teacher," he improvises "Err…William Yurealeyes…call me Will,"

She frowns to herself as she wanders off "Will Yurealeyes? …Realise what?"

Meanwhile, our alien is still stuck looking after her. He also seems to be searching for a word to describe the situation. He seems to have forgotten his trademark that is 'fantastic'. Was anyone else trying to make him to say that word by force of willpower alone?

Later, around about the time that the vampire normally wakes up at (after dark) Miss. 'I'm-sure-I-recognised-Mr.-Smith-from-somewhere' breaks into the school. At exactly the same time the Time Travelling Gang (also known as 3 members of Junior Detectives 2006) enter the building at a lower level. As normal, they do a Mystery Inc. ('Let's split up and search for clues, so that in the event of something being hostile, they can pick us off individually without the others noticing'. …No one has a problem with this? Just me? Okaay…if you find something, scream.

Upstairs, the journalist is failing to get into the evil Headmaster's office. Hearing someone coming (John Smith. But she doesn't know that yet.), she hurries off and enters the first random unlocked room she comes to.

Due to some twist of fate, or the inevitability of the story, or something, the room she goes into contains something scarier then the Demon Headmaster. Lit by a pretty spooky spotlight, the

'Time Always Reveals Discrepancies In Script' ((Credit to Ldyknight for this one, thanks loads!)) does its best impression of a big, intimidating…1960's police box. Whatever. It works and the journalist runs out as if she's seen a ghost. In a way she has, a ghost from her past.

Behind her is the owner of the blue box, even though he looks quite a bit different to when she last saw him. Nevertheless, she recognises him. But before they can catch up on old times, a 9 year-old's shriek cuts the stillness of the night. Thank you, I thought it had been too long without some action. From the sound of it, it's obviously a young girl being viciously attacked by the school's aliens.

Err…not really, it's just Mickey-the-Idiot and some vacuum-packed rats. Although, they did viciously attack him. The Doctor has zero sympathy for him, and I agree wholeheartedly. There's no place for wimps on this show.

They cautiously open the door to the Headmaster's office and our vampire's eyes light up at all the bats.

"Distant cousins!" he whispers hopefully. The other three drag him away before he does something as fundamentally stupid as waking them all up.

Rose and Useless-Mickey run for their lives while Sarah-Jane follows Trouble's lead and saunters out leisurely.

Time to meet the tin dog, who's a bit broken right now…no worries, the Doctor can make it all better. Good, coz then the dog can identify this week's villains along with their basic weakness. But no one notices the second part yet. This week's villains…who are, yes, perched on top of the building opposite, not being very inconspicuous. But still, no one notices them.

Last Timelord has a rant at how annoyingly short humans' lives are and that the big problem with forever is long it lasts. He also accidentally reveals the fact that he is a Timelord to the bad guys/bats, who then swoop at the group for no real reason, apart from to include the shot from the trailer.

The next day, only the people who might be useful are allowed into the school. That doesn't include Mickey. And, awfully sorry K9, but could you keep an eye on him? Y'know, make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid.

Our alien confronts Bat Leader on his Evil Plan. For once, the villain has got a teensy bit wiser and can't be persuaded to reveal the Master Plan of Universe Domination (their ambitions gotten bigger) ahead of time. They have a glaring contest across the surface of a swimming pool. Was it just me who thought that the pool was just begging for someone to fall/get pushed in it?

Meanwhile, it's time for the bitch fight of the century. I'm better then you are! I've seen more stuff then you! He left you behind! He will leave you behind! Ghosts! Dinosaurs! Werewolf! Nessie! Really!

Yeah, but then the one they've been talking about walks in and they both crack up at him as if he's got a moustache drawn on his face. …Wait a sec…

These alien-bats do appear to be smarter then your average villain, they've padlocked everything and anything that might give their nemesis a clue as to what they're doing. And the sonic screwdriver takes a backseat as the writers get annoyed with locks meaning nothing to him. Hah, now you know how the rest of the world feels when they can't get into anything.

But hey, it's time to go into the final step of their master plan. Cue a PA announcement of 'Yeah, work harder now! Help us to destroy the universe! Move now!' . So all the students, apart from the non-brainwashed one go 'YAY! More school! Destroy the universe, ok!'. What does this say about eating chips? Makes you smarter, but gives you omnicidal tendencies (kill everything!).

The evil green computer program of DOOM starts running and all the kids sit there pretending to be really fast at typing. I could have easily been an extra in this episode! Apart from the fact I live in the wrong place, grumble. Our alien's eyes widen at the screen as he worries that he might be outclassed for once. He's only got control over Time and Space; they're going one step further to control Matter as well.

Noticing that Trouble's a bit flabbergasted, Demon Headmaster takes this as his cue to enter and play-act the Devil. Meaning: really nasty angst moment for the Doctor as he thinks through the whole 'what if I could go back and try again'. No, he has enough delusions without you lot giving him the power of a god.

Sarah-Jane realises this and decides it's time for the speech she appears to have memorised too perfectly. Anyone else reckon that's what she kept telling herself after the Doctor left her? But, something gets through to him, it might even have been the 'rule at my side' bit. Sounds like there's too many conditions attached to that one.

So, our vampire indulges in a bit of Chair-jitsu, the ancient art of …defending yourself with a handy item of furniture. Then it's time for the amazing strategic withdrawal. Yep, "RUN!". Again. So that's why this Doctor wears trainers, he's just being sensible.

Off they go, into the main dining hall, where he encounters yet another damn-I-can't-shift-it door. They're really quite fond of those this episode, aren't they? So, they're cornered and about to be eaten, as soon as they get past the very dangerous chair. I said he was a master of Chair-jitsu. But they're saved by the arrival of someone with a decent weapon. Or, since we don't have one of those; by a tin dog with limited batteries.

Up and down the same corridors as before; maybe the bad guys will get confused? Mickey for once shows a brief spark of intelligence…no, that was actually a brief spark. Of electricity. So the kids make it out of the school and stop conspiring to give control of the universe to the bats.

The tin dog gets a sense of nobility, and we're all convinced he's been around the Doctor too much – he's also become a severe pyromaniac. But yeah, the dog doesn't make it out. But that's okay, he's replaceable; more so then any other companion.

Outside the school for lavish hurrahs and congratulations. Oh yes, and the angsty farewell to K9. But he's not out of the picture just yet.

Annoyingly enough, for both me and Rose, the journalist convinces the Timelord to bring Mickey-the-Idiot along for the ride through Time. Rose even mouths 'No!' at him (she does!), but as he's blind enough to need glasses and he's not wearing them, he doesn't notice. Sarah-Jane insists that you've got to have a Smith along as cannon-fodder. Oh? In that case ok, but only if he goes (in one way or another) next episode.

Say goodbye to the mysterious blue box, you probably won't see it again. I'm personally quite surprised that he left K9 behind as well. I mean, sure, he knows that Sarah-Jane's gotten used to having the dog, but he trusts her to keep him out of inquisitive governmental paws? Apparently so.

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Summary of the Synopsis: They save the universe and nearly get blown up in the process. …Wait a sec, that sounds familiar…The tin dog does get blown up, but that's ok, he gets better. Mickey is a useless idiot, but still somehow squirms his way onto the TARDIS.

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I don't blame you if you gave up on me. This Doctor just does NOT want to be put down in type. Oh well, here's my best effort. Oh yeah and GET MICKEY OFF THE TARDIS! -- my opinion. Agree, disagree? Tell me!

TARDIS acronyms? Review anyway? Please?

Tai