Chapter Five – Numb

Clanking of mugs and ceramic dishes rang throughout 7th Heaven as she stacked them back into cupboards and shelves. Her mind wasn't focusing on anything but the image of Cloud sitting at the run down church, speaking to Aeris and then him not returning home for the night. Every word he said she had heard. To be more precise, Tifa Lockheart had heard all she could take in before leaving, and now that a day had past since the events and Cloud was still nowhere to be found, if possible, she felt worse.

Now cleaning, Tifa was wishing so hard that time travel existed so she could travel back and make the decision of not going to the church. If she had chosen to stay and tend to the bar, she wouldn't be feeling so miserable right now. As she wiped down the wet countertop, taking her frustration out on cleaning, this time she realized cleaning didn't cease all thoughts of him.

The words he said repeated in her head, each time echoing louder. You'll always have a place in my heart; you'll always be dwelling within my memories. She recalled as she wiped down another table. Those words hurt… She realized in Cloud's life, she, Tifa Lockheart will always be second best.

With that last thought jammed in her head, Tifa slammed her hand onto the wooden table top, dropping the cloth. She didn't want to think about that day's event anymore, she had enough. But it was also the fact that Cloud didn't return last night that made her jump to conclusions which, at this moment sounded very reasonable to her. She didn't know how she was going to react when he came back, but if he did come home, she knew she wouldn't be able to greet him with a smile. A cheerful grin appeared out of reason at the moment.

Striding to the cleaning cupboard, she grasped the mop and commenced cleaning the floor, planning on getting all the chores done earlier so that she wasn't around if Cloud returned from work. Part of her ached inside, wondering where he was, and yet the other part of her wanted him to stay away from her until she had enough energy and courage to face him. As Tifa mopped the wooden floorboards, a blonde haired figure stood in the garage alone, breathing in deeply attempting to obtain enough courage. He had been in the garage for the entire night and almost the entire day, lost in his own thoughts and words in which he was to say.

Cloud Strife gave a final nod of his head with satisfaction of the speech he had just revised in his mind silently. He had been lost in his writing, and planning for the entire night and day that he had forgotten to call Tifa to tell her he was fine. But seeing how everything was turning out smoothly, he was sure luck was on his side tonight. After his short confession yesterday, he had made the biggest decision of his life. Reaching into his pocket, he made sure the box was inside before standing from Fenrir. Walking out of the dark garage, he stared at the bar window that was brightly lit, sure that Tifa was awake.

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A familiar clicking sound of the door opening caught Tifa's attention. Deep down within her, she was filled with relief in knowing that he was safe. She heard his footsteps entering the bar, barely taking three steps before a hushed silence erupted the bar again. At first, she tried hard not to look at him, but knowing he was standing immobile and probably watching she couldn't help but avert her eyes towards the door whilst holding the mop in a vice-like grip as her knuckles turned white. There he stood, his eyes locked onto hers with a solemn expression on his face as she glanced away.

"I've heated your dinner and there's dessert in the fridge." She informed formally.

When Cloud didn't respond, she numbly glanced back up at him with hesitancy. Her mind leaping to various conclusions, her senses alert, waiting to hear something that was going to change her life for the worse.

"Tifa?" He called softly as she stared at him.

Here it comes... She thought before replying. "Yes?"

Was he going to tell her that he was leaving again because of Barrett's words? Was he going to reveal more hurtful words, telling her that he never felt the same?

Waving his left hand at her in a gesture to follow him outside, Tifa rested her mop by a table, following him, full of uncertainty and doubt. The journey outside was a silent one, both parties unable to speak as Cloud led her to a mound of grass, situated underneath the full moon and bright stars. It appeared the sky was glowing particularly bright tonight, just for this occasion.

As Tifa took a seat, she could only stare at Cloud silently. Something didn't feel right when he sat before her in an awkward stance that appeared to be half kneeling and half crouching. His eyes however, those beautiful blue eyes never lost contact with her as she spotted seriousness within them. Was he really going to tell her that he was leaving for good?

The two of them were drowned in silence as nerves started sinking into Cloud, his heart racing away. Never in his life had he ever been this nervous before, but it was the very first time he was doing something like this, and he hoped he would never have to do it again.

Clearing his throat, he studied her confused expression. "Tifa?" He whispered as the sounds of crickets reverberated in the night sky.

She had a pondering gaze as she gave him all her attention. "Yes?" she replied just as softly, her hands held tightly in fists. Although she knew things weren't going to be the same between them, it didn't mean she wanted him to leave her forever.

Cloud gave a gulp… This was it…

"We've been friends…" he began really awkwardly, his mind suddenly blank, losing his long revised conversation. "I-I m-mean..." he paused taking a deep breath (although it sounded like a sigh of frustration). It was so hard because all he could hear was the loud thumping of his heart, not to mention his throat was dry.

Tifa continued to observe, her mind set on the worse. Why are you acting so strange? Are the words too hard to say? If so, don't say it. I rather not hear it. Her mind started reeling with thoughts of a Cloud-less life. She didn't want to say goodbye. As her mind started drifting into another world she had barely caught Cloud's next words.

"M-marry me?" He stuttered, unable to stare at her, ashamed of how poorly he presented his request.

He waited with anticipation, his eyes gradually reaching her brown ones, hardly able to digest the look of astonishment on her face. It was obvious that she hadn't expected his query of marriage. An unsettling silence roamed in the night air as Tifa watched in bewilderment, unsure whether she had heard correctly or not. As she stared at him, his hand unhurriedly reaching into his pocket, clutching a cream colored box in his hand, her eyes widened as she realized he was for real.

Continuing to observe the image before her, she stared, as his warm hand started opening the box to reveal the ring. Before it was fully exposed, she hastily placed her hand over his to stop him.

"No…" She whispered, shaking her head at him as time ceased to exist. Cloud's mako blue eyes lifted to meet hers. "Don't," she stated, pulling her hand away.

Cloud didn't understand.

"Why are you forcing yourself into this?" Tifa asked softly, tears building behind her eyes. "Why do you always have to live up to peoples expectations Cloud?" she queried, breaking the eye contact, unable to look at him knowing that she was in a vulnerable state. "Why can't you just listen to your heart and make decisions that make you happy?"

She allowed some time to lapse, gazing up at the sky for a while to stop the tears. Somehow, his request of marriage appeared worse than her judgment of him leaving because she knew he was forcing himself into something that was against his free will.

Breathing in deeply, Tifa stood. "I know you're still in love with Aeris, so why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to me?" She questioned. "That day… I heard everything. The things you said to her, I understand it all. You don't have to feel like you owe me something. I just want you to follow your instincts and do things of your free will. Don't pretend to be someone you're not Cloud." With those last words and tears evident in her eyes, she walked away.

Cloud went numb as her words began to sink in. Things weren't supposed to turn out this way. Everything had gone too right to plunder and be so wrong. What did she mean by 'live up to peoples' expectations'? Did she believe he was proposing because he felt obliged to do so?

At that thought, Cloud slumped down onto the grass, the ring grasped tightly in his hand, unable to feel anything but the sudden blow of her words. It was clear that Tifa didn't understand he wanted to marry her out of free will. There was a great big mistake between them…

A/N: An update :D And a long chapter indeed... So what did you think? Honestly... Was it good or bad? Reviews are always appreciated. Hrmm... It's been a while since I've made a dedication. So I shall dedicate this to my readers and reviewers! You guys are the best :D

Anyway, stay tuned, I'll be back soon!

Cheers!