Authors Note

Well here's another chapter because someone bribed me into updating but I'll be damned if I actually remember who. I was going to update anyway so it doesn't really matter. Well, on with the chapter! Review! –Steph

Disclaimer: Based loosely on characters created and owned by Lauren Brooke.

Commander In Chief

Chapter 15

I sat at the kitchen table on one of the chairs with my knees pulled up to my chest. I traced a finger absently along the striped pattern of my blue pajama pants, dad had made me change out of my wet jeans but I'd opted to keep my Billabong sweatshirt on. I stared numbly out of the glass door and down at the yard. The yard was strewn with branches and the patio furniture was flipped about. There was a slight breeze blowing through the trees and the sky was clear and blue and the sun was shinning full and bright. I looked down at my pants, it made me sick. How could the day be so perfect when my world was falling apart? My eyes were dry and stung and face was chapped and raw from crying for hours. I didn't want to believe what the policemen had told us but… I new it was true.

There was a crash from the other side of the room, it sounded like glass breaking. "Damn!" dad yelled out suddenly. I turned my head slightly, dad was standing by the counter, and on the floor were the remains of a coffee mug that had fallen. Dad swept it up with shaky hands. After he had thrown the glass in the trash he turned to me. His face was strained and tired and… sad, heartbroken. "Would you like some coffee Ames?" he asked in a quivering voice.

"Sure," I said softly in reply.

Dad turned and fiddled with the coffee pot. He was trying to be strong, for Alex and me, but I could tell he was hurting just as much, probably even more, than I was. After the policemen had told us that… that mom was… dead, Alex had fled the room and locked himself in his room. He hadn't come out since and yelled at me to go away through his loud sobbing when I'd knocked on his door. I'd stayed downstairs with dad to make sure he didn't lock himself in his office and take comfort from his secret stash of whisky in his desk drawer the way he had when his father passed away.

"Damn coffee machine…" dad mumbled.

"Dad it's okay, I don't need any," I reassured him.

"No, I'm making coffee," dad said stubbornly. "Do you want anything to eat? A piece of toast? Some eggs?"

I looked at his drawn face that seemed so much older than it had yesterday. "Sure dad I'll have a piece of toast." I wasn't hungry and didn't think I could stomach anything but it gave my dad something to do.

"Can you turn on the news Ames?" dad asked suddenly as he slid a piece of toast in front of me. The toast was burnt and charred with a glob of yellow butter sitting in the middle of it.

I tried to give my dad a light smile but I don't know how good it came across. "Thanks dad." I flipped on the news channel and my heart lurched, they were reporting on the storm from last night. I fingered the piece of toast and some black bits fell to the white plate below.

"I'm sorry," dad said and he sounded so dejected that my heart clenched in pain. "Cooking's not my forte. That was always your… your moms job," his voice cracked at the end.

My eyes burned as I felt them fill with fresh tears. I blinked rapidly, I couldn't cry again, especially not in front of my dad.

"Its okay dad," I said to try and reassure him. "I'm not that hungry anyway." I set the burnt, soggy toast back on the plate and stared unseeingly at the television. They showed a frame of a truck with a tree lying over it, crushing it. My stomach churned nauseatingly, I knew that truck. That was mom's truck.

"Last night a down tree crushed this 2005 Ford truck killing its driver. 43-year-old Marion Fleming was killed in the crash." The news anchors voice filled the silent kitchen. It was too much for me, and my dad to. He sprang from his chair and fled the room. A door slammed at the end of the hallway. My heart sank, dad's office. I looked back at the TV, at the picture of mom's truck and the emergency vehicles surrounding it and the crane lifting the tree off of it. The roof was smashed in almost to the point where it was probably touching the seat and the flat bed in the back was sticking up in the air. A few tears trickled down my burning cheeks. The frame on the news cast changed to showing the paramedics lifting a stretcher into an ambulance. Lying on the stretcher was a body that was covered in a yellow tarp. A sob tore through my chest and I leapt from my chair, knocking it over in the process, I ignored it and ran up the stairs to my room. The TV was still blaring ominously behind me.

I slammed my door shut and collapsed onto my unmade bed. I buried my face in one of many pillows and sobbed.

"Amy?" Came a soft voice from the door a few minutes later.

I picked up my head and pushed the hair out of my face. I looked over at the door and saw it partially opened. Alex was standing in the crack. His face was tear stained and his eyes bloodshot. He was wearing the same jeans and navy Heartland sweatshirt that he had had on before and his short brown hair was mussed and sticking up in the back.

I hurriedly dragged the sleeve of my sweatshirt across my wet face leaving a glistening trail on the black fabric. "What is it Alex?" I sniffled.

Tears pooled in his hazel eyes. "I…" his voice cracked and he trailed off. He rubbed his hand over his eyes furiously.

My heart went out to my little brother. I pushed myself into a sitting position and crossed my legs Indian style. "Come here Alex," I said softly and opened my arms to him. He hesitated for a moment but than slide through the space in the door and ran into my arms. He jumped onto my bed next to me and locked his arms around my neck. He buried his face in my chest and I felt his shoulders start to shake against my arms. I pressed my face into his hair as I started to cry again too.

After five minutes had passed Alex looked up at me. His face was red and wet and tears were still streaming down his cheeks. "Why did it have to be mom?" he asked me suddenly.

I shook my head sadly. "I don't know Al, I just don't know."

"But there were tons of cars on that road, why did it have to be hers?"

I stared into his eyes that mirrored the same sadness and pain as mine held. "I don't know," I whispered again.

"It's not fair!" Alex wailed as the tears started flowing harder and faster. "Wh-what are w-w-we go-g-going to d-do n-no-now?" he stuttered through his tears.

"I don't know…" I trailed off.

"D-do you th-think tha-that we'll g-go back to En -England?" Alex managed to ask clearer as he got his stuttering under control.

"I just don't know Alex. I don't know what's going to happen. Dad's…"

"Drunk," Alex said in a hard voice.

"Oh," I said softly. I thought that that would happen. "We just all have to help each other out, as a family."

Alex sniffled hard and rubbed his face. "How can we be a family without mom?" Alex asked quietly in a sad little boy voice.

I was silent; I didn't know the answer to that. I'd never… I'd always thought mom would always be here. To wake me up when my alarm failed to in the morning, to make breakfast, to ask me how my day was or go on trail rides together, such trivial, small things that without my life would never be the same. I'd never see her out in the barn, doing Join-Up with a horse or running around the place like a mad woman with pieces of straw sticking out of her bouncy blonde hair again. She wouldn't be at my graduation or Alex's, wouldn't be there to see us off to college or at anymore shows to cheer us on. Finally I composed myself enough to answer Alex. "Well we still have each other. Me, you, Lou and dad, we'll help each other," I tried to say confidently but my wavering voice gave me away.

Alex threw his arms around my shoulders again and buried his face into my neck. "I miss her so much Amy," he sobbed against me. Tears rolled down my face again as Alex sobbed on. What did we do to deserve this?

"So do I Alex," I said softly as I smoothed his hair down.

I heard my door creak open and looked up from Alex. My heart lurched hopefully as I saw who was standing there… but it fell when I saw that it was just Lou. She looked so much like mom with her curly, cornstalk yellow, shoulder length hair and aqua blue eyes and fair complexion. She gave me a teary smile and walked silently over to us. Lou sat down on Alex's other side and he looked up as the bed shifted slightly under him. "Hey guys," Lou said softly.

Normally I would have been embarrassed and tried to cover my tearstained face so that my big sister wouldn't see but it didn't seem to matter so much anymore. Not after seeing her equally red and tearstained face that was normally so composed and businesslike. "Hi Lou," I said with a sigh.

Tears filled Lou's clear blue eyes and she hugged Alex and me tightly. Alex ended up smashed in the middle of us.

"How are you guys holding up?" she asked us, concern laced through her voice. I didn't feel the need to answer her question because our, Alex and mine, faces said it all. Alex sniffled again and scrubbed at his eyes. I covered my hands with the sleeves of my sweatshirt and rubbed face. My eyes caught sight of a picture sitting on my dresser that showed all of us, Lou, Alex, dad, mom and I, when we had been on a family vacation to Cancun two summers ago and we went on a bareback horse ride on the beach. We all looked so happy sitting on the beautiful, energetic, exotically colored and patterned animals with the clear blue water lapping the shore in light waves in the background. My eyes filled with tears and a few trickled out from under my eyelashes. Lou looked over her shoulder and caught sight of the picture. She smiled softly and just like mine had her eyes filled with tears at all the smiling faces. "I remember when that picture was taken," Lou said softly. Several fat tears slid down her flawless cheeks and she brushed them away with her deep red manicured fingers.

I was silent; I didn't feel the need to speak. That and I was incapable of speech at that moment. Looking at that picture brought back so many memories of when we'd all been together as a family… we'd never be like that again, ever. Mom was gone.

"How did this happen?" Lou asked in a pained voice. "I just wish I'd gotten to say goodbye, if anything," she added.

"I know. The last time I saw her was yesterday afternoon when she was telling me I couldn't go out to the barn, I'd been mad at her," my voice cracked as I remembered our exchange yesterday. "Mom wasn't mad, just calm and her usual stuff. I wish I'd been nicer and that I hadn't given her such a hard time," I said regretfully.

"The last time I saw her," Alex began to say, he stopped and sniffled before continuing. "Was when I was about to get Arty's tack and give him a workout, she told me not to because he'd been worked hard the day before." He looked up at the ceiling. "I don't think I even said anything to her," Alex recalled.

"The last time I saw her was when she came into the office to ask me a question about a horse that's supposed to arrive on Wednesday." Lou paused. "It's no use stressing over what could have been," Lou said softly.

"You're right," I agreed. "Mom's gone and as horrible as that is we can't change it now," it practically ripped out my heart to say those words.

"What's going to happen to us Lou?" Alex asked again. "Do you think we're going to go back to England?"

"I don't know," Lou said sadly. "I hope not, I didn't like only getting to see you guys only once a year or so."

"Me neither," Alex agreed. "But… everything's just going to be so different now."

I nodded my head solemnly in agreement.

"We'll take care of each other though; help each other get through the hard times. We're a family, you, me, Amy and daddy…" she trailed off. "Speaking of which, where is daddy? I haven't seen him."

"He's in his office," I relayed.

"Oh no," Lou sighed. "I'll go and see if I can talk to him, I have something to tell you guys," Lou paused, "Of course it just doesn't seem so important or great right now."

There was a soft knock on the door. I looked over. Ty was standing in the doorframe awkwardly. My heart surged as I saw him, he could make everything better.

"Uh hi," Ty said awkwardly. "You're dad told me to come up… I can go though if you want," he offered. I didn't say anything, just stared at him. "I saw what happened on the news," he started softly, "I'm really sorry."

Lou stood up from my bed. "Thank you Ty that's really nice of you. You stay with Amy; I'm going to go talk to my dad."

"Me too," Alex said. He cleared the remains of his tears from his face and before he stood up I gave him one last hug, he returned it gratefully. Lou and Alex walked through the door and Lou shut it softly behind her.

I kept my eyes on Ty; he was lingering by the door. "Are you sure you don't want me to go and come back some other time? I understand if you just want to be alone right now."

"Ty," I said softly before he could continue. "Don't go, stay. Please," I quietly begged him. I'd been positive that I had cried all my tears and that I physically incapable of anymore but my eyes flooded with tears that threatened to spill without any warning. Ty was watching me intently as I stood up and took a small step in his direction. His arms opened to me and I rushed into them. His strong arms folded around me and held me close to his chest. I buried my face in chest and put my hands on his chest.

He soothed me and stroked my hair as my shoulders began to shake from crying. "I'm not going to say I understand how you feel," Ty said softly into my hair, his breath rustled around my ear, "Because I don't. I don't know what it's like to loose one of your parents but I know it's got to be hard. I'm so sorry Amy." His words were spoken calmly and did sooth me but also brought my tears on harder.

After standing like that for about ten minutes I managed to compose myself a little and looked up into Ty's warm, loving face. "It's not fair," I murmured.

Ty shook his head sadly as his emerald green eyes caught my much plainer gray ones. "No it's not," he said as put his hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears. "No one should have to loose a parent; everyone should have two, a mother and father. Maybe even more if you're lucky."

As I stared into his eyes I felt an overwhelming sense that I had to do something that would take away the dull ache in the pit of my stomach and the pain in my heart. Without thinking I stood on the tips on my toes and caught his mouth with mine. I felt Ty tense up at first in surprise but than his hands ran down my sides and curved around my waist and he kissed me back. As soon as I felt the familiar sensation of Ty's tongue running along my bottom lip I instantly opened my mouth. He explored mine and I his.

Ty deepened the kiss and I did nothing to argue. This was what I wanted, to feel good again. Not to feel the pain anymore…

I took a step backwards and pulled him with me until I felt the back of my knees hit the side of my bed. I stopped and, without breaking our kiss, I shoved Ty's jacket down his arms and he shook it off so that it landed on the floor. I put both of my hands in the inside of his navy blue Lacoste polo and was about to pull it over his head when he suddenly ripped his lips away from mine and pulled my hands out from under his shirt.

I groaned in annoyment and slid my hands up his arms before running them lightly down his chest. I felt him shudder beneath me but again he grabbed my hands and he placed them firmly by my side and I watched him in surprise as he bent down to retrieve his black jacket from the carpeted floor. He put it back on before he turned to me again.

I stepped back up to him and slipped my hand under the collar of his jacket. Suddenly his lips caught mine again in a rough kiss. It was filled with want, need and desire. All too soon for my taste Ty again broke the kiss.

"Amy no. We can't do this."

"Why not?" I said huskily as I pressed myself up against him. He was breathing rather quickly, I was too, and he looked down at our chest pressed together.

He shook his head. "No," he said firmly. It sounded like he was going against everything he wanted as he said that. He took a step back from me. "Amy we can't do this. I want to, but we can't."

"Why not?" I asked again.

"Because…" Ty trailed off. "Because it's too soon and… no we can't. You're hurt… I can't…"

I put a finger to his lips to quiet him. It worked successfully, very successfully. I wanted him to kiss me again but he didn't. He stayed resolutely where he was. His eyes begged to differ with what he was telling me.

"We can," I whispered in a way that I hope was seductive but I've never had a reason to be seductive before so don't know how good it was.

"No we can't," Ty said but his voice had lost most of its previous conviction and this time he didn't move away from me.

I smiled lightly in triumph as I kissed his jaw lightly. His hands encircled my waist once again and I heard him moan in pleasure.

"Amy no. Stop," he said again though his actions didn't follow through with his words. Quite the contrary actually, his hand was massaging little circles on my back.

"Ty stop," I said softly into his ear. "Ty please," I practically pleaded with him as I felt his muscles tense. "Just help me," I begged, "Take away the pain…"

After my words were spoken Ty sprang away from me like I was on fire, his hands slipped out from under my sweatshirt. "No," he said again, this time more forcefully. "Amy that's what I'm talking about!"

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion as he started pacing.

He stopped after a minute and faced me. "Don't get me wrong," he started. "I want that, I really, really do. But…"

"Than why not Ty?" I asked him. "You want it, I want it so what's the big deal?"

"You want it for the wrong reasons," he accused me.

"What?" I asked aghast. "That's not…"

"You just said it Amy! You only want this so that you stop thinking about your mom for awhile," he told me.

"How dare you?" I exclaimed. "That's not true! I…"

"Oh really?" Ty asked me as he stared at me critically. "Than why? Why do you want to do this now?"

"I…" I trailed off as I realized that he was right. Of course he was right, he knew me too well. I collapsed back onto my bed and buried my face in knees. "You're right," I mumbled into my pajama pants. "I'm sorry; I'm a horrible person…"

"No you're not," Ty said in a softer voice as he sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. "You're hurting and just want something that will make that all go away… even if it is only for a little while."

"I'm a whore," I criticized myself.

Ty look at me in shock. "What? What are you talking about Amy?" he demanded. I shrugged and stared at the different color blue stripes on my pajama pants. When I stayed silent Ty continued, "Don't say that! It's not true!"

"Whatever," I mumbled.

Ty turned his body so that he was facing me. "Amy, why would you say that?"

I stared at his face. Instead of answering him I asked him something else. "Why don't you want to do it?"

"Amy, what? I…"

"I bet you had no problem jumping into bed with Ashley," I pointed out icily.

Ty jumped back and a wounded look flashed through his eyes. I felt a fresh stab of pain slice through my heart at his pain. I was too far in now to just shrug it off though.

"Amy what are you talking about?"

"I said I bet you had no problem sleeping with Ashley! If you'll sleep with her than why not me? Am I really that bad?"

"You don't even know…" Ty started to say.

I cut him off seeing where he was going. "So are you going to say that you never slept with Ashley?" I blinked slowly at him.

Ty's mouth moved but no sound came out. "I…" he finally managed.

I stood up and faced him. "What Ty? Yes or no, did you ever fuck Ashley?"

Ty sighed and ran a hand through his hair, a surefire sign, I'd come to realize, that he was nervous. He looked back up at me. "Fine Amy do you want the truth? I slept with Ashley, happy?"

"So what did you gain by breaking up with her for me? You lost your screw buddy and instead got me. Maybe it's just a trick." My heart was pounding; I knew I'd gone to far that time.

"How are you changing everything to me and Ashley? That's not what this is about! We're over, Ashley and I!"

"Really Ty? You'll sleep with that blonde bimbo but you won't sleep with me? I didn't think I was that repulsive," I spat out the word 'that'.

Ty paled. "Amy what are you talking about? You're fucking gorgeous! A hundred times better than Ashley!"

"I'm sure. So tell me, Ty, why did you break up with Ashley for me?" Ty stared at me in disbelief. "Can't come up with anything? I didn't think so. So you dumped Ashley, and her model like body, for me? And I'm what? Boring and plain?"

I could have continued but Ty suddenly burst out, "Would you stop it? Just stop criticizing yourself! I told you, the day I asked you out the first time, why I wanted you over Ashley! But do you want to know something I didn't tell you before?" the room crackled as Ty paused. "I love you Amy!" he roared at me. My eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah that's right, I love you! I FUCKING LOVE YOU AMY! There are you happy now? Is that reason enough for you?" I was silent and just stared at Ty. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would burst. Ty took a deep shuddering breath. "Whatever Amy, I can't do this anymore."

"What…?" I breathed in surprise and dread. He couldn't say…

"We're over Amy," my heart thudded hard against my chest. I stared at him in shock.

"What? No, Ty! I'm sorry I..." I tried to plead with him.

"I thought we were good together Amy, I really did," Ty said as he looked at me regretfully. "I thought we had something special, but I guess I was wrong."

"No, Ty, you weren't wrong!" I leapt up from where I was again sitting on my bed and tried to move towards him.

Ty backed over to my door and opened it. "I'm sorry Amy. I guess I was wrong… about everything. About me, about you and about us." I shook my head frantically hoping that he would understand. "Bye Amy," he said and than walked out of the door, closing it behind him. I heard his feet descending the stairs.

I stared at my door, where I'd last seen him, in a stunned silence. I grabbed a little throw pillow that had been knocked off of my bed sometime in the past day or two and threw it with all my strength at the door. It hardly even made any noise. I stared at it and tears filled my eyes. It was a blue velvet heart… Ty had given it to me as a joke one day when I'd been stuck in the house after my accident.

The tears caressed my face and I collapsed onto my bed, curling into the fetal position. I'd just messed everything up, sent away one of the people I cared about most in the world. I was shocked to admit this little fact to myself… I loved Ty Baldwin.

It only made my tears come faster. "What did I do?" I said through my tears.

There was a soft knock on the door. My heart soared, maybe it was Ty. "Amy?" came a female voice from the other side of the door. It was just Lou. I didn't reply it was almost impossible to do so through my rivers of tears. Lou opened the door and stuck her head in. When she saw me she rushed through the door. "Oh Amy," she said as he sat down next to me. She stroked my hair back.

"Lou what am I going to do?" I wailed. "I've messed everything up…"

a/n: so? Sorry I don't have time to edit, my mom's gonna be home in like 10 minutes and I have to clean my room! I've proofed the first half, up till when Amy and Ty start fighting but it should be okay. Review!