I do not own Inu-yasha
Alone
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were-I have not seen
As others saw-I could not bring
My passions from a common spring-
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow-I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone-
And all I lov'd-I lov'd alone-
Then-in my childhood-in the dawn
Of a most stormy life-was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still-
From the torrent, or the fountain-
From the red cliffs of the mountain-
From the sun that round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold-
From the lighting of the sky
As it pass'd me flying by
From the thunder, and the storm
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view
-Edgar Allen Poe
Chapter Two
It Is Not Real
"How beautiful!" Kagome exclaimed as she leaned out of the carriage.
It was another carriage that Miroku had somehow "been given". She felt a little bad at that, but a carriage meant she wouldn't have to walk. And after yesterday's battle, that was good.
It was two days from when the new moon had occurred.
The day before, when Inu-yasha had asked her about her hand, another demon had attacked them, and this time, she had hurt her foot.
Inu-yasha sat across from her, a leg was up, the other through the gap it left. His arms were around the shin of the raised leg, his face lowered so that his bangs blacked out his face.
He hadn't been able to protect her again...
Sango and Shippo were up with Miroku and they were in the back. She raised a hand and put it over his own.
"Inu-yasha?"
He didn't say anything but twitched under her touch.
Kagome gasped. "Inu-yasha?" she said, her eyebrows raising in sadness and questioning. Was he...afraid of her? Was he...rejecting her?
He didn't say anything.
"Please Inu-yasha!" she said, sadness thick in her voice. "Please say something!" She could feel the tears run down her cheeks. He had never done this before, not since they had become friends. "Do you hate me?" she said. "Do you hate me?"
His head jerked up. "No!" he said. "I would never hate you!" A look of anger was on his face. His eyes gave away the slightest bit of hurt. "Why would you think that Kagome?"
She sniffled. "You drew away..."
"That...That's not it, Kagome," he said, trying to make it all better. He had never liked it when she cried, never liked it at all. But what was happening to him? He couldn't protect her, not like he used to be able to. Twice now, she had gotten hurt. "You're the one who should...hate me...," he said, leaning back against the carriage wall, looking off to the side.
Kagome wiped her tears away with the back of her hands. "I could never," she said.
Inu-yasha's eyes swiveled back to her. He watched as she finished wiping up her eyes and then smiled at him. His eyebrows lowered. Why was it that she never seemed to hate him, even after everything he had put her through? Was she unable to hate anything?
Sure...she had gotten mad plenty of times, but he had never heard the words 'I hate' come from her mouth, not once. Even after everything...he still couldn't understand her. Maybe he just wasn't meant to understand women...
"What's wrong?" Kagome said.
Inu-yasha looked at her for a little while longer. Finally, he allowed, "I can't protect you anymore, Kagome."
She smiled at him. "Oh, is that all? You're so silly Inu-yasha. I'm fine! You shouldn't beat yourself up."
Inu-yasha gave a gruff 'feh' and his arms were lost inside the sleeves of his red haori. Once again, his face was darkened by his bangs as he tilted his head down.
Kagome smiled, knowing that everything had been solved again.
----------------
Was it something that she had said? Is that why it had happened? If it was, she wanted so much just to fix it. She wanted him back. She didn't like what had happened. Didn't like it at all. She could still remember that voice, gruff, but so soft at times...
Those eyes... The way he had looked at her before going off to fight in that stupid battle...
"AM I SUPPOSE TO SUFFER?" she yelled.
They say there are different parts to losing someone.
There was the part where you denied it, the part were you were in devastation, the part where you got angry, the part where you were sad. Finally, you were just suppose to get over it, and walk around with a little bit of your heart gone always.
What if all of it was gone?
Would she slowly die, having no heart to pump the blood through her veins? Would she take her last breath, only for the oxygen to never make it to that blood?
You're so silly, ha ha.
She smiled to herself, a wicked smile carved out of insanity.
That was it, she would lose herself to insanity, never pulling herself out. A hole that got bigger, no matter how much you filled it back in with dirt.
Ha ha.
----------------
-Eri, Ayumi, and Yuka-
"Where could she be?" Ayumi said.
"I wonder if it was that double-dipping boyfriend of hers!" Yuka said. She thought to herself, deep in thought over it.
Eri stared at the ground. Where could Kagome be? This wasn't like her, disappearing. Her mother had said she had looked like she was dead.
"What if it was him?" Eri said finally. "What if something bad happened to him?"
The two looked at her.
"Eri, this isn't the time to be romantic!" Yuka said, thinking she would go off into one of her 'and-then-they'll-find-each-other-and-live-happily-ever-after' bits.
Eri shook her head. "No, that's not what I meant."
Yuka and Ayumi looked at each other with lowered eyebrows.
"Like what then?" Ayumi said.
"What if he...got hurt or something...and she feels like it was her fault?" Eri said.
"I don't know," Ayumi said, holding a hand to her cheek in thought. "Kagome's a down to earth girl, she could see that it wasn't her fault."
"Unless it was, of course," Yuka said.
The three of them looked at each other and wondered just what their friend could be doing now.
----------------
It was a new moon. She laughed to herself again. A new moon, of course. The most important night. It had to be that night. The rain stilled poured. A part of her mind told her to do something.
So she did.
She went to the tree and banged her head against it.
And again.
And again.
The second pain will cancel out the first, she told herself with a satisfied grin.
Maybe it was a smirk, she didn't really care.
"Higurashi-san."
"I...nu-yasha?" she said, looking behind her.
----------------
-Hojo-
He looked at her, watched as she slammed her head against the rough bark.
He winced every time he heard the impact.
Then his eyes caught the look on her face when she finally stopped. It chilled him to the bone and worried him. He might not look like he knew what was going on most of the time, but he knew, he knew...
"Higurashi-san," he called out.
"I...nu-yasha?" she said and turned her head slowly, her eyes full of hope and fear.
Her face crumpled when she saw who it was.
"Higurashi-san... Everyone's looking for you," he said. He closed the distance between them and put a hand on her shoulder. Nothing could heal this... Not even dried lizards...
She cringed underneath his touch and backed away, her face contorted in pain. "No!" she said. "NO! NO, NO, NO!" she screamed now, holding her head. "YOU'RE NOT HIM! YOU NEVER WERE!"
He felt a stab in his heart. He had known for awhile there was someone else, but he saw how she pretended there was nothing wrong. So he played along. He didn't want to embarrass her. But now, screaming the truth at him, yeah, it hurt some. But what really hurt was the condition she was in.
He couldn't stand it. She was in so much pain and he had no clue how to help.
"I know I'm not," he said finally. "I won't try to be him. I just want to help, Higurashi-san. I just want to help."
"You can't," she said, sliding down the tree trunk, her shirt catching on it and pushing the back up. She could feel the scratches but didn't care. "You can't help," she whispered, an octave lower. Sobs started to wrack her body, her face covered by her bangs. "No one can..."
He took a step closer. "Can I at least...take you home? Everyone is looking for you, Higurashi-san."
She looked up at him and smiled, but it was a cold, frozen one. "I'm insane."
"No you're not."
"Do you have something to cure that, Hojo-kun?" she said, standing up again and walking toward him. "What would it be this time? Drinks? Slippers? Oranges? How about some more of those lizards? You know, I didn't even use them. And that time you came over when I was sick? Yeah, you didn't help me at all with your gifts. It was him. It was him who cured me. You couldn't do anything."
She was in front of him now. "I never liked you. All this time, you played along, and I loved him. Does it hurt you Hojo? Does it hurt? Could you ever hurt like I do?"
"Higurashi-san," Hojo said. "You're scaring me." She was never like this. Were was the smiling Kagome? The cheerful girl that always seemed to have some kind of illness, always disappearing, to be other places when he asked her out... Was that why? Was it him that took her away from school? Away from the dates that she said yes to? Or was it just her not wanting to be there? A mixture maybe?
"Good," she said under her breath, her face showing the littlest bit of pain for the first time.
He wondered if she had really meant it all.
"Go fuck yourself," she said, turning back to her tree and lying her head against it.
"Higurashi-san?"
"Go fuck yourself, fuck, fuck, fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo, fingerbang an orangutang, when you're in the zoo," she sang softly.
What had happened to her? Why was she so sad? What had happened...? "Higurashi-san... Are you going to be okay?"
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. STOP LOOKING AT ME! THEY'RE ALL LOOKING AT ME!" She crumpled to the ground, holding her face in her hands. "Those eyes," she moaned in sadness. "Those eyes...AMBER!"
----------------
She winced as the talons struck her arm. It wasn't deep though, barely a glancing blow. A little bit of blood trickled down her arm anyways.
And then the bird demon was gone like that.
Inu-yasha bent down to her, Tetsusaiga still shining with the demon's blood. He grasped her arm tenderly and examined it.
"I'm fine, Inu-yasha, honestly," she said.
But he obviously didn't believe her as he ripped off some of the cloth of his red haori and wrapped it around her cut.
"Inu-yasha, it's not necessary!" she said. "It's just a little bit of blood."
"I don't care," he said honestly. He stood up. "At least it can protect you," he said mainly to himself as he started to walk away.
Kagome stood up. "Now wait a minute!" She stomped over to him and took his arm. "What's happening to you? Are you going insane? Nothing is wrong with your ability to protect me and the others!"
He looked back at her, disposed for a fight, it'd take his mind off of IT for a few minutes at least. "Oh? Is that what you call protecting? First your hand gets hurt, then, if I remember correctly, your leg gets hurt, and that was only in two days! It's been a flippin' week and you've been bruised and scarred numerous times and now you've got a flippin' cut!"
Kagome glared at him. "Maybe the reason you can't protect us is because you've got that kind of attitude! I know from experience that you can't do anything when you believe you can't!"
The others watched on uncaringly. They knew it'd all be over soon enough.
Maybe Kagome will play with me, Shippo thought to himself, pulling on a blade of grass.
Miroku did what he usually did, and Sango followed up afterwards with what she usually did.
They kept on screaming...
----------------
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll look out
And barely conscious you'll say to no one
Isn't something missing?
You won't cry for my absence I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Though I must sacrifice
You won't try for me no, no
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Though I must sacrifice
You won't try for me no, no
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed
I'll bled knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
Though I must sacrifice
You won't try for me no, no
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
----------------
"Help me."
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Poem is 'Alone' by Edgar Allen Poe
Song is 'Missing' by Evanescence
End Chapter Two
It Is Not Real
-Reviews:
Inuyasha's girl and kikiyo's hater: You'll find out.
Hirina: Okay.
Mr. Garrison: I could never write as good as Edgar Allen Poe.