Hi!
This was a piece I wrote when my best friend moved away. I changed it around to fit the Gundam Seed story because Kira and Athrun's separation reminded me of when I lost my best friend and she never came back. This story is written from Kira's POV but I hope you like it… even if it is a little sad.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed or any References made to it. The lyrics belong to Evanescence.
Too Soon To Say Goodbye
Can't we stay for a while?
It's just too hard to say goodbye
You can feel like you're alone
But I'm here still with you - Evanescence
I remember all to well. That day, that fateful day when my world suddenly shattered to pieces. I had thought I was holding up pretty well despite the pressure to perform at school, the responsibilities I had. Yet nothing could have prepared me for what happened that day.
It was raining when I awoke that morning, the sun clouded over as a shadow of distress befell the lunar prep school. I'd awoken that day with a headache, feeling abnormally sleepy, but I thought it would pass. I had basketball practice that morning – I couldn't be late.
As I walked along the sidewalk I couldn't help but feel the bitterness and sadness that sunk into my bones. The air was heavy, the sky was gray and I was alone, making my way slowly down the empty streets. I hadn't expected there to be life there at 5am in the morning yet that didn't mean that the emptiness didn't bother me greatly. The steady rain struck my forehead but I paid it little mind. It was something I had learned to deal with.
With my gym bag slung over my shoulder, I pushed forward, mindlessly pushing open the doors that lead to the foyer of the gymnasium and aimlessly wondered down the bare halls towards the dressing room. It was routine for me now. After two years, I no longer had to think about where it was I was going. The silence was chilling and I couldn't help but shudder. So quiet everything seemed that one could drop a pin and the sound of it would echo throughout the endless halls like a cry of murder.
I was greeted with the usual "good mornings" and "hellos" as I entered the locker room and took my usual seat between Athrun Zala's locker and Miho Li's. As I placed my bag on the ground, I casually glanced up at the white board on the wall expecting to see the plan for today's practice. Our coach always wrote it down so we would know what to expect. It wasn't there.
"Strange," I muttered but didn't think any more of it. I did notice however, when Athrun failed to arrive. The practice started at 6am and it was 5:55… he was never late. He wasn't like me. I sat quietly on the bench, suited up and ready, waiting patiently for him to come bursting through the locker room doors, that small, thoughtful grin pasted across his face. Yet he never came.
Anxiously, I watched the clock, my worry gradually increasing. Where was he?
"Hey Miho," I finally asked. "Do you know where Athrun is?"
I will never forget the way he looked at me. The way he stared at me as though I was stupid, as though I was joking - that look will forever be engraved in my memory. I blinked, waiting for an answer. He obviously knew something that I didn't.
"You mean you don't know?" Miho frowned, taking a seat beside me to keep our conversation private.
I shook my head, my brow dropping to a frown. Leaning closer I stared at him, silently imploring him to tell me what was going on. Athrun had recently told me that he and his father would soon be returning to the PLANTS. He had made me a small mechanical bird as a goodbye present though he had not been certain as to when he would be leaving.
I should have known that something was wrong when Miho had to take a long breath before speaking to me. His eyes were focused hard on the floor as he mumbled softly, almost apologetically.
I wasn't prepared for what he had to say.
"Athrun left," He told me weakly and slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. "He and his father left for the PLANTS first thing this morning… I thought you would be the first to know."
He left? For a moment, I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly. Athrun was gone? I felt my face drain of color and my expression morph into one of horrific disbelief. He had told me he would let me know when he was leaving. Straightening, I was about to reply, ask when, how and why this had happened when the door to the dressing room flew open and in walked a tall, dark-haired man in a suit.
His expression was unreadable as he stalked into the middle of the dressing room and eyed us all over slowly, nibbling on his bottom lip as he did so. Thoughts of Athrun flashed in mind as I tried to decipher what was happening and who this man was.
He left?
Perhaps this person was a scout of some sort. He had to be. They came from time to time to observe our school team. Our coach and his coaching staff never bothered with suits for practice.
"Good morning," The man said but there was nothing sincere in the way he spoke. His eyes hardened as they fell upon me and he nodded slightly when his eyes fell on the "C" on my jersey. "Before practice, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Leonar Tolk and I will be you're new coach for the season. As a coach, I emphasize defense and careful play. I can see that there is much talent on this team and I look forward to pushing each of you towards a new level of achievement in your game."
His speech was followed by a mix or groans and cheers but I didn't really pay it any mind. All I could think of was Athrun. He had returned to the PLANTS. Our old coach. He had be fired? Why hadn't I been aware of this? I had just seen Athrun yesterday afternoon and he had seemed fine. He must have known – why didn't he say anything?
Lost in my anguishing thoughts, it took an elbow from Miho to shake me back into the conscious world. Without moving, I threw my gaze to the left, eyeing him. My face was white and I could feel the tears filling my eyes. Stubbornly, I refused to let them fall, blinking them back.
"Hey, you going to be alright?"
"No one could even tell me…" I muttered, my face flushing as anger and betrayal swelled inside my wounded heart. Abruptly I stood. Shaking my head, I grabbed a water bottle and hurried towards the gym, hoping that no one could see the pain I was trying to hold back.
Athrun had been the only one who had ever understood how I felt. The pressures, the frustrations, the disappointment of school. He had always been there for me. He had always been the one to tell me not to worry about the next test, to keep calm during a game… and now he was gone
He had become my best friend. We were completely different but somehow we had become almost inseparable. He had agreed to double date with me because I had been nervous the first time I had ever gone out with a girl even though he hated the movie that we went to see. I whined and I cried and he never once complained or brushed me off as many other students did.
It was him who kept me sane those first few years when I felt like I was going to fall apart. I had never been to a school like the Lunar Prep School. I was praised one day and criticized the next. The pressures at times to perform well on the basketball team and maintain my good grades had taken me down to the point that I wanted it to end. Yet Athrun had always been there to help me – he was my teammate, my class mate and my best friend.
Now he was gone.
And then there was our coach. He'd been fired for reasons beyond his control. We were a horrible team. The league knew it, we knew it. Yet no one had had the motivation or the dedication to make the team better. We did what we could with the talent we had but it was just never enough. He must have taken the blame.
I missed every shot I took that day during practice. I missed every pass and misjudged my throws. I didn't care. Nothing seemed to matter. I felt hollow inside and the very feeling made me feel sick. Leonar Tolk had told me that he hoped I had better days but didn't push the issue of my pitiable performance any further. After practice, I quickly undressed and left the gym, not speaking to anyone as I made my swift exit. I just had to get out of there.
It was still raining when I stepped foot on the city streets but I didn't bother to try and run home. Instead, I simply walked.
For the rest of the day I had locked myself in my dorm room, tossing and turning as thoughts of my old coach and Athrun ran through my head. Gone. Gone without so much as a goodbye. They had just left me behind. I lay on my bed facing the ceiling, listening intently to the rain as it pattered against the roof.
No one was on the floor. Two of my floor mates were at work, one was in class, one still at practice and Athrun was gone. In a way it was just as well – I didn't want to see them or anyone else.
Sure, I thought bitterly, just leave me behind. Little Kira Yamato with nobody left to turn to.
RIING!
I didn't want to answer that, however, the phone continued to ring. Reaching over, I picked it up, knowing who it would be.
"Hello, Kira."
"Hn."
There was silence on the other line. Just hearing his voice brought back the wave of emotions I thought I had just overcome from practice. Obviously I hadn't.
"I guess you know…"
"Why couldn't you tell me?" my voice was faltering, betraying the emotions I had wanted to keep hidden… they were slipping out and what was worse was there was nothing I could do to stop them. "Why couldn't SOMEBODY tell me?"
"Kira, my dad didn't tell me until this morning. I hardly had time to pack. It happened so fast there was no time." His voice was quick, his breathing heavy – I could tell he was tense, perhaps even upset. I didn't care. "Look – I'm…"
"NO TIME?" I exploded and slammed my empty fist into my pillow as I jolted upright on my bed. "You had no time for a five minute phone call?"
"I was on the shuttle almost right away – You understand – "
"No," I cut him off angrily. What was odd was that I wasn't even sure if I was really mad at him or the situation or even myself. However, what I did know was that I had been hurt, my heart bleeding from pain and betrayal. "No I don't understand how you could just leave your best friend without so much as a goodbye! You told me you would tell me when you were leaving! Do you have any idea what it was like finding out today at practice? Having to ASK where you were because everyone knew but me? Wondering why you weren't at practice? EVERYONE KNEW! EVERYONE BUT ME!"
"Kira please calm down!" Athrun pleaded desperately. "I didn't think you would take it like this!"
"You could have at least told me!"
"You're acting like a child, you know that?"
I sighed and shook my head, trembling from anxiety and emotions that had long taken control over me. Blinking to clear my blurring vision, I finally gave in and let the tears fall from the corners of my eyes. " I just wanted to say goodbye, Athrun. That's all. I just wanted-"
"I know… and that is why I had to go… I couldn't face you." His voice was soft and I shivered, wiping at my left eye and smearing the freshly split tears along my face. "You are my best friend, Kira. Somehow I thought it would be easier this way… I had no idea you would take this so hard – I'm sorry."
I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. He was gone. My best friend – the only one who had ever truly understood me was gone.
"It will be fine," Athrun's voice softened as though he were trying to convince himself of that. "The PLANTS aren't that far away – you can visit any time you want."
I didn't answer him. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. Once again, I was alone; standing alone at school where nobody gave a damn about me. I was now alone, just a number on the registration sheet as I had been when I first arrived.
"Kira?"
"I'm still here," I muttered, less than enthusiastically.
"I am sorry that I didn't tell you," Athrun's voice was low and I had to concentrate in order to make out the words. "I didn't know what to say so I said nothing at all."
I bit my lip, trying to seek logic and forgiveness amidst my rage and bitter frustration.
"Try to understand," Athrun continued. I could hear him struggling on the other line. "My father… I just…don't be angry… call me when you have the time."
"Goodbye." Was all I managed to get out as I hung up the phone and sighed. There would be new faces in class tomorrow, new faces that I would have to get to know.
Leaning against the wall, I let out another heavy sigh and closed my eyes, thinking. Where did this leave me? What could I do now? My supports, my best friend and my coach – in less than 24 hours my world had suddenly spun wildly out of control, leaving me reeling and dizzy. That's when I first realized how ruthless and heartless the world could be. Nobody cared.
It was then I noticed the green bird that Athrun had made for me on my dresser. Reaching over, I turned it on, marveling how its head moved back and forth and it whistled its name over and over again.
My coach was gone, Athrun was gone and yet I was still here. Still the puppet that played the part of the simple and insecure student… and I hated that. At least when Athrun was here I could vent my frustration on him. Our coach had done nothing to merit his swift deportation either… however… all that was in the past now and I had to look onto the future.
Suppress such bitterness and focus.
Focus.
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night
There's nothing left in my heart
Where could it be?
Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me
And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you
- Evanescence
Fin
I know Kira may sound like a cry baby in this story but if anyone has lost their best friend because they had to move away, I think they might feel very much the way he does. I don't know lol. I tried.
Anyway, please review – I hope you liked it…I think I made myself cry o
Until next time,
Krilyn