AN: I'm calling this complete for now. I have run out of creative juices for this story, but may pick at it again at a later date...

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Danny McCoy. Danny, Danny, Danny… What is there for me to say about him that hasn't already been said? He's been my best friend since we could walk or talk. But I'm guessing that's not what you all want to hear…

Well, I'm sure that everyone has already told you that I've loved him all of my life. And they wouldn't be entirely wrong for saying that. Hey, there was a time when Danny McCoy was not a part of my life. Do I remember any of it? Well, no. I was a newborn then. But the point is my life has not always revolved around Danny McCoy… just that most of it has.

It's really difficult for me to really explain everything that's happened between us. Well, difficult for me, maybe not so much for him. Oh? You've already talked to him? What did he say? Wait, no. Don't tell me. I don't think I can deal with it right now.

Danny's always been my protector. My knight in shining armor. He and his dad protected me from my own father. And I'm grateful for that. They didn't have to, but they did. I lived with the McCoy men and took care of them while they took care of me. Danny's mother had passed away, so all they had were each other. And they could not cook to save their souls. So when I moved in, I took care of them to repay them for taking me in. Larry McCoy was the closest thing I've ever had to a real father.

I should have been there with Danny when Larry passed away. I shouldn't have gone to Hawaii with Jake. That was stupid. Like I said, Larry was the closest thing I'd ever had to a real father. I tried to help Danny when I got back, but he acted like he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He kept blowing me off. And that hurt, you know?

I don't know… I mean… I gave him the ring back, but that didn't mean that I didn't love him. I was just… confused. I was scared. I replay that night in my head over and over as I lay in my bed at night. Part of me wishes that I hadn't given the ring back. Yet the other part is glad.

I had to know.

I had to know if he truly wanted me. And seeing that I go to bed alone at night… I guess we all know the answer to my question, huh? But look at it this way. If you were me, would you rather blindly live your dream life but always have a seed of doubt in the back of your mind? Or would you rather risk it all and find out the truth – good, bad, or ugly? Obviously, I go the ugly answer.

Anyway, am I intentionally pushing him away? I don't know. Maybe. He's always pushed me away when I got too close. Maybe I'm subconsciously doing the same to him as revenge. I don't know. When I turned down Jake's proposal, Danny offered to let me stay at his place. And I told him that he didn't always have to come rescue me. Stupid, stupid Mary. Either I'm really good at pushing him away or really bad. He's barely spoken to me since that night.

I'd always imagined us with the white picket fence and Sunday dinners with Larry. And kids. Two. A boy and then a girl. And a dog. A golden retriever, to be exact. We were happy. We were in love. I had this whole dream wedding planned out, too. I've had it planned since the day he kissed me behind the swings. Everything was going to be perfect. We were going to grow old together and sit in rocking chairs on the porch and watch our grandchildren frolic around the yard.

When Jake proposed, all I could see was Danny's face. I loved Jake. But it wasn't the same love I've always had for Danny. You don't just stop loving someone. Danny was always in my thoughts and my heart. He still is. But I don't think anything is ever going to happen again. I think I've shut the door on any possibility of reconciliation. And I didn't mean to.

Heck, some days I don't know if we can even be friends again. He won't look at me. And sure as hell won't touch me. I can't remember when the last time he kissed me on my forehead was. It's like I don't even exist to him anymore.

I thought I wanted to try a life without him. I thought I wanted to try to move on. But this is absolute agony. I don't know if I can stand this. Being without him.