Warning: this is a bonus chapter with no logic or connection to the main story. Only pure absurd and fluff ( and maybe a little bit of foreshadowing).

Why this happened? Because it's hot today, I can hear seagulls screaming outside, and "Carnival Phantasm" music in my headphones.

And because the cast deserves some fun before I'll kill them all.

You've been warned. Don't blame me for the brain damage.

Special: Summer Tastes Like Pistachio

"Men will sing, women will change clothes," Arturia decided with a wicked smile.

"I don't remember saying that, Siegfried." Arturia rolled her eyes, slightly annoyed. "Two cheeseburgers won't make me wear a flower swimsuit for you."

Saber and Lancer accompanied Iri and Illya on the beach. It was a perfect day for a stroll and they decided to relax on the sand with Aoi Tohsaka and her daughters. Robin followed uninvited, the same with Rider and his Master. Even Avenger and Sola-Ui declared that it's too hot for fighting today and joined their little party.

"I'm sure you did, Lancer." Siegfried smiled widely, clearly provoking her. "A knight like you must keep a promise, don't you think?"

"In your dreams…"

"Why don't we solve your conflict in a different way?" Rider smiled; he clearly was plotting something evil.

"Like what?"

"A match." No one knew from where he got the volleyball ball. "Two on two, beach volleyball. What say you?"

"I'm in," Arturia decided, always ready for a new challenge.

"Me too." Avenger saw a chance to finish their duel from the forest without unnecessary bloodshed.

"And I will make sure that you do not kill each other or anyone in the audience," Archer declared to avoid being selected to one of the teams.

"Um, I want to see the match!" Illya sounded decisively enough to make them all agree. "But first we buy some ice cream! Which flavor for you, Saber?"

Siegfried hesitated, surprised by this unexpected question.

"I… I've never tried ice cream. I have no idea which one to choose."

"So it's decided!" Illya raised one finger in the air to show that her verdict is final. "I will choose for you."

She clung to the freezer, focused on her task like the future of the planet depended on her choice.

"Hurry up and buy chocolate ice cream." Rin rolled her eyes, already bored. "Everyone likes chocolate ice cream."

"No one asked you, Rin. If you summon your own Servant, you'll buy him whatever you want, but this one is mine."

"Of course I will summon a Servant! It will be a Saber, for sure!"

"I would prefer an Archer," Sakura said quietly and smiled to Robin.

"Do as you please, mine is the strongest anyway." Illya stuck her tongue out. "Right, Siegfried? Here, try this!"

"Thank you, Illya." Saber stared at the green orb inside a wafer. "What a strange color…"

"It's pistachio ice cream."

"A kind of nut," Irisviel explained, trying to not laugh at loud at Saber's confusion.

But she couldn't resist anymore when he finally tried the ice cream, because Siegfried's face expressed an absolute happiness and delight.

"It's hard to even look at you, Kirei." Gilgamesh winced and put his sunglasses on, like it could protect him from such unpleasant view. "How can you eat such spicy mapo tofu in this temperature?"

"You told me to dive into simple pleasures, so…" Kotomine did not stop eating even for a moment, despite a blush on his face and sweat on his forehead.

"So you're a masochist?"

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just so tasty that I simply can't resist it?"

"Would you like to order a dessert, Mister?"

Gilgamesh barely glanced at the waitress, too relaxed to be angry for her rude interruption.

"Just bring me that famous tequila thing."

"I'm sorry, we don't serve alcohol here…" The woman stopped immediately, staring at the gold brick placed nonchalantly on the table. "As you wish, I'll be back in a minute, Mister!"

"Greedy mongrels."

"What about challenges for losers?" – Waver asked, sitting on the sand near their improvised court.

"Men will sing, women will change clothes," Arturia decided with a wicked smile.

"Shouldn't you play men on women then?"

"No!" For the first time Lancer and Avenger agreed to something.

"O-ok. How do we split…?" Siegfried did not manage to end the sentence – Kriemhild already clung to his arm. He sighed. "Right. So… prepare to wear that flower swimsuit, Arturia, because I'm going to win!"

"Oh?" Lancer's golden eyes narrowed dangerously, her vicious smile wasn't much better. "I hope you know many pop songs, Saber, because I'm going to enjoy your little recital tonight."

"No, rather Rider will sing an opera aria for me." Avenger smiled at the possibility.

"And my choice of clothing for the princess will be" – Iskandar made a dramatic pause – "Gothic Loli Maid!" He looked at Avenger as if she was already in such costume.

"Huh?" Kriemhild did not know what he means, so she wasn't sure if she should be afraid or not. "How does it look like?"

"I'll show you." The King of Conquerors was always ready to help. "Boy, please throw that bag to me."

"So this is how you spend my money!?" Waver groaned, defeated. "You pervert!"

They all gathered around Rider and stared at the magazine cover in his hands.

"Looks nice." Arturia seemed strangely excited.

"Hmm." Siegfried had nothing more to say, but Avenger, who was carefully examining his face, frowned suspiciously.

"I didn't know you're into lolis, my love…"

"I'm not!"

His protest was ignored.

"You're acting strange, dear. First flirting openly with that big-breasted b…"

"Kriemhild!"

"…British king, now your hidden desire for dark loli maids."

"I don't like maid costumes! Or lolis. Cut it off."

But it seemed that everything he says can be used against him.

"You're mean, Siegfried! Why have you even married me if you're into such stuff?"

"I… don't remember." He sighed heavily. "Can we just… start playing?"

"Sure." Robin, their self-proclaimed arbiter, threw the ball high into the air. "Let the battle begin!"

Meanwhile in the cafeteria on the beach, three women were sitting at the small table, waiting for their ordered cold drinks.

"So…" Irisviel smiled gently, trying to be nice. "Do you have children, Miss Sola-Ui?"

"No."

Iri fell silent, feeling like she's been hit in the face. Aoi Tohsaka realized it's her turn to keep this conversation going.

"Do you want to have childr..?"

"No."

And Iri again:

"Do you like…?"

"No."

A moment of awkward silence.

"I'm going to get more chocolate ice cream." Aoi pulled out the wallet from her handbag. "Who's with me?"

"Good idea." Sola-Ui smiled at last. "With whipped cream and sauce."

"And nuts." Iri's eyes shone with pure joy. "I like them with a mountain of nuts!"

The tension in the air disappeared momentarily. It seems that nothing connects people more effectively than chocolate ice cream.

"AAAALaLaLaLaLaie!" Iskandar attacked so fiercely, that Siegfried had no chance to get to the ball on time. "It's no use, Saber! You're too big and slow to play in the defensive."

"I know, right?! You can't just keep bullying me together like that! It's not fair!"

"Exactly." Surprisingly Robin joined the discussion. "I want to see Lancer in that outfit, too! Four points to 'Princess and Her Dragon' team!"

"If you don't stop cheating, Archer, you'll see only a tip of my spear in your ass!" - Arturia was strangely serious about it.

"I have enough of this." Siegfried decided to take advantage of this moment of chaos. "Disengage."

Somehow the score suddenly changed to a draw and they could do nothing to undone it.

"Hey, this is not how you use this skill!" For the first time since the beginning of their match Arturia looked disturbed by the vision of parading around in a flower swimsuit.

"I use my skills the way I want." Siegfried shrugged. "Now, Kriemhild, is our chance to win this battle. Here I come!"

It was a powerful jump serve, no one should be able to defend himself against such blow…

No one except the King of Knights.

"Do not underestimate me! Hyaaaa!"

"Go, Lancer!" Iskandar perfectly prepared the ball for Arturia to attack.

"On your left, Kriemhild!" - Siegfried shouted, but Avenger had no slightest intention to dive for the ball. To Saber's confusion, she only stared blankly how the opposite team gets another point. "What was that?"

"I made my decision," the Black Widow answered simply, focused more on her own nails than on the ball. "It's better for you to see me in a maid costume than stare at her almost naked body."

"Sounds good to me." Iskandar laughed, feeling that his team has already won the match.

"Because you won't have to sing, Rider!" Siegfried winced, thinking how to save himself from this hopeless situation.

"Ready to give up?" Arturia smiled. "This is the match ball, you won't get away."

"Bring it on!"

Behind their backs Sakura whispered something to Rin and Illya. The girls chuckled, delighted by some crazy idea and ready to put it into action.

"By the power of my Command Seal…"

"Illya?" Saber turned around, not knowing what's going on.

At this moment the ball served by Rider hit the back of Siegfried's head with enormous power. He fell on the sand, literally knocked out.

"Why this always happens to me?"

"That's the E-rank luck for you, friend!" Iskandar smiled widely and did a high five with Arturia. "You've been conquered!"

"Don't move, my love, I will avenge you!" It wasn't nice to hear something like that from a mad Avenger class Servant with a two-handed sword.

"Better help me get up, Kriemhild." Siegfried stood up, sighing heavily, then looked accusingly at his little Master. "You did that on purpose, Illya?"

Even an actual devil couldn't give him more 'innocently evil' smile.

"A champion takes on all challengers, Saber. Better prepare for the show!"

***Evening in the Einzbern castle***

"You've been hit by

You've been struck by

A smooth criminal!"

The audience went wild. Even Kriemhild, who served drinks in a gothic loli maid outfit, forgot about her own embarrassment and joined the applause.

"It was a great idea, Sakura!" Rin winked cheerfully to her sister. "We must do more cosplay in the future!"

"You look wonderful in this white suit!" Iri poked Saber's arm. She couldn't stop laughing, truly impressed. "And that anti-gravity lean! When did you learn it?"

"Well…" Siegfried decided to keep this secret for himself, he only winked meaningfully to Sakura, who smiled to him from the couch.

"Awesome, Saber!" Illya gave him an affectionate hug. "Here's the reward for my champion! All for you!"

She gave him a pack… of pistachio ice cream. Saber's face brightened in an instant.

"It's just…" He never suspected that all his effort would be so much appreciated. He could even sing and dance for entire day to be praised so much by his Master. "Oh, I forgot to ask. Why pistachio, Illya?"

"Because your crest have almost the same color. I was sure that you'll like it."

"Indeed. It's… perfect. Thank you."

Saber smiled. It was a truly unforgettable experience for him - that can be carved into one's very soul.

From this day on, summer will always taste like pistachio for him.