Chapter Title "Real Thing" by Middle Kids

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Chicago PD, Fire or Med characters, only my OCs!

February 17th, 31 hours earlier:

"How is it that you get to wear my favorite winter jacket anyway?"

"Because it's cozy and warm and has extra room for more layers underneath! See?" Rianne presented the assortment of another woolen jacket and a thick knitted sweater underneath his very functional black parka.

It wasn't that she hadn't had more options in her own wardrobe, it was more that she liked to have something of his with her, preferably on her. Rianne couldn't really explain or rationalize it. It had been like this from the start of their relationship. His scent was something that made her feel incredibly safe.

"Yeah, right…" Jay scoffed, but then he flashed her his famous half-smile, the swoon-worthy one, the one where his green eyes sparkled with mischief:

"You're so lucky that you look ridiculously cute in it…"

"Are you flirting with me Detective?"

"Maybe…"

His eyes wandered over her appreciatively, a little longer than was considered safe when winding a truck through downtown Chicago traffic, but a look that certainly showered her with warmth.

"Okay, eyes on the road Sir!" Rianne chided him with a bemused smile.

Jay did as he was told, but squeezed her hand a little tighter. He had been holding it ever since they'd gotten into the car, his fingers sporadically playing with both her wedding and engagement ring, his thumb stroking alongside hers. The mutual excitement buzzing between them definitely needed physical contact to be bearable. Rianne loved how their hands felt and fit together, always had, always would. Cozy, firm and safe. A connection, a symbolic and subtle sign of the deep link between them. He held on to her, like she held on to him, simple as that.

Rianne wondered, if it was a sin to be this happy, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling widely into her thick woolen scarf. If it had been up to her, she gladly would have taken the rest of the day off, take Jay back home and kiss and hold on to him all day. Right now it felt like the only way to process that vital energy running through her. God knew how she was supposed to concentrate on all the things she had on her agenda today. They seemed so meaningless in comparison. Okay, that wasn't exactly true: That meeting at the 'Children's Home + Aid' center was pretty important, but still: Sometimes she thought she was enjoying this domestic bliss a little too much for her own good.

Because Rianne had felt like she could use some fresh air before being stuck in meetings for the rest of the day, Jay dropped her off at Starr Park, two blocks from where she worked, so that she could walk the rest of the way. Of course only after he had taken his sweet time to let her get out, pulling her back by her, well technically his, jacket-sleeve two times to thoroughly kiss her good-bye. Again not really helping them both to gain anything resembling work-motivation.

Rianne took a deep breath, as she waved back at Jay's truck making a u-turn, in an attempt to ground herself and get out of that love-stoned bubble.
She had only just started to follow a snowy park trail, when her phone rang deep inside her backpack.
It was Jay again. A little confused she took the call:

"Forget something?"

"No, only wanted to keep talking to you!" His voice sounded a little tinny, as he was most likely using the hands-free device.

Rianne let out an incredulous laugh, scolding him:

"Jay, you just dropped me off! And I'm running late for my next appointment!"

Secretly her heart had skipped several beats at his words and the obvious need to stay close to her, at least through a phone-call.

"I know, I know. But I'm not ready to let you go, because, well…," he was obviously searching for the right words and she knew exactly how he felt:

"I'm just really happy. Really, I am…and pretty excited, too!"

It made Rianne smile to herself, even if he couldn't see it. A smile so broad that it almost made her cheeks hurt. God how she loved that he was so openly invested and forthright about his feelings. And Jay was absolutely right:

"Yeah, me too! I love you so much babe!" She burst out, still smiling.

It felt like the first time she really let herself be exactly that: excited, happy and hopeful!

"I love you!" Jay answered in that sexy and emotional half-whisper that made her weak at the knees.

Every freaking time! Rianne pressed the phone closer to her ear. They really shouldn't have gone back to work. She didn't know if it was the icy wind making her eyes all teary, or her elation.
There was a pause. Obviously neither one of them wanted to end the call and thereby their connection. Eventually Rianne's sense of duty kicked in:

"Seriously though: I have to go now!"

"Yeah, me too! See you tonight, gorgeous!"

"See you tonight!" 'Lover, friend, most beautiful person in the world!'

How had she gotten so lucky to have that man in her life?

Pocketing her phone and shaking her head at the stupid jitters those moments with Jay still managed to elicit inside of her, Rianne tried to make up for lost time by fastening her steps. Something that turned out to be more difficult than anticipated. The thick snow cover on some of the paths, made moving forward ten times more strenuous. On top of that she was surprisingly off form, so that she found herself out of puff within a minute.

Half a block away from her final destination, her phone rang again.
Needing to catch her breath anyway, Rianne came to a halt and took the call, frowning, even thought of course the caller couldn't see that:

"Adam… I just got off the phone with Jay. Are you guys taking shifts?"

It wouldn't have been the first time that members of the Intelligence unit kept tabs on her, whenever her husband wasn't able to do it himself.

"No, just a coincidence! How are you?" Ruzek sounded a little too casual, so Rianne called him out on the spot:

"What' you want Adam?"

"What are you talking about? I was just making conversation, that's all!" Ruzek feigned indignation.

"I know you Adam! And you never just call to ask me how I am!" He couldn't fool her.

"Just humor me!"

Even though she probably shouldn't do it, because she was sweaty and too hot from her brisk walk and probably risked catching a cold, Rianne took off Jay's thickly lined parka, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder, to keep her backpack from falling into the snow.

"Okay fine! I'm really good actually!"

"Glad to hear. So, we're still on for Saturday? You and Jay're really fine babysitting Tommy?"

"Of course! I'm already looking forward to it! You and Kim got any specific plans?"

"You bet! Although I fear it'll end with us asleep on the couch before nine."

Even though Kim and Adam had been well accustomed to operating on little sleep for years, it was certainly a different matter to raise a baby and work in Intelligence at the same time. And little Tommy was a very 'awake', very spirited and very lively child. Something Rianne loved very much about the little guy, but she wasn't the one having to take care of him every day. Picturing Kim and Adam fast asleep on the couch instead of making a possible dinner reservation, Rianne had to suppress a giggle.

Time was still getting away from her though and she really had to get to her meeting, so she tried to get to the true motive behind Adam's call and keep moving at the same time:

"So, you're only calling to confirm we're still on for Saturday?" It was still the middle of the week.

"Well, yes and… no!" Adam caved quicker than Rianne would have anticipated.
"I knew it!"

"Okay fine! You really are one suspicious Halstead now!"

"Comes with the husband…"

Rianne didn't know why she liked to keep saying that. But the meaning of that word in connection to Jay was something so powerful she had totally underestimated beforehand.

"Rianne Ellen Maria Torres Delgado, I love you and I really, really want you to be my wife!"

September 13th 2020:

"Shit babe, I… I can't get it off! I think the zipper's stuck!"

"Wait, let me try…"

"Rianne, careful, you're going to rip it…"

"But it has to…Whoah…"

With her fingers fumbling to get to the zipper of her short, lacy bridal romper, she'd twisted her ankle in her orange platform wedges, crashed against the bed-frame and then back into Jay, who, in an attempt to catch and help her, had lost his balance too, so that they were now sprawled out on top of each other, on the floor.
After their tipsy brains had caught up with what just had happened and how ridiculous they looked, a giggle spread over Rianne's whole body, infecting Jay as well, the sound echoing from off the walls of their hotel room.
Every time Rianne thought she was done, she just had to take another look at Jay still shaking with laughter, and had to start giggling again, until tears were streaming down her face and she was suffering from serious stomach cramps.

Getting up in that goofy mood was absolutely impossible and even though she'd always imagined that whole romantic wedding night full of excessive love-making, there was just no way this was really going to happen. Even the thought of moving anywhere at all made her stomach and dizzy brain protest. Sighing and slowly calming down from her fit of laughter, Rianne let her head sink onto Jay's chest:

"I shouldn't have tasted all the desserts… I'm so full… I seriously can't have sex right now."

"Yeah, and I think I had a little too much to drink with my brother…" Jay pulled her into him and breathed deeply into her hair, alcoholic fumes hitting Rianne's nose.

"He was quite chummy with my dad, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I noticed. Seemed fitting as dolled up as both of them were…"

That was what Rianne loved about their bed-time talks, besides all the physical closeness it always entailed: It was like gossiping with her best friend, because when Jay was super witty and quite entertaining when he was in the mood, his observations always on point. He lazily brushed his fingers over her exposed upper thigh, while she played with the button-down front of his no longer so crisp dress shirt. It was nice to just be in the moment with him, tired, buzzed, bone-weary, but content. Suddenly Jay softly pinched her side, grinning with his eyes already closed:

"I… have to tell you something else: I caught Kevin making out with your cousin earlier…" He almost whispered, as if it was a secret.

"Which one?" One of her cousins was married, so Rianne really hoped it was the younger one, who was newly single.

"Louisa…"

"Oh yeah, me too!"

"Really? When and where?"

"Just now… Right next to our room."

Jay had to have been too distracted while almost falling at carrying her over the threshold, because of how drunk they were. But she'd still noticed Kevin and her cousin making out in the hallway. They both fell about laughing again.

"Do you think we're the only people who spent their wedding night giggling on the floor, instead of fucking their brains out?" Rianne snorted.

"I don't care! Think we've consummated this marriage quite a few times already… and I intend to do it til 'death do us part'!"

They had actually done it a few hours later.

Jay'd woken her up, after they had fallen asleep on the floor over some more shared stories and observations of their wedding party and guests, kissing her bare shoulders, sweet and hot at the same time. He'd still smelled a little of booze, but also of toothpaste and soap.
Jay had insisted to take a shower together before properly going to bed, because after removing her shoes, Rianne noticed that her feet were all black from dancing barefoot for hours on end, looking like the ones of a stray. They also hoped that by doing so they could get rid of the slight hangover that was already setting in. Rianne hadn't needed much persuasion.

She would never forget how she had looked up at him, while water washed over them, entangled bodies in very early morning sunlight, a soft breeze from the lake blowing in through a window Jay'd cracked; her chin resting on his sternum, his thumbs caressing her ears. She'd realized for the first time, that, if they were lucky, this was how they could spent the rest of their lives, their forever, together. They were really married, husband and wife, he was truly hers.

Even a good five months later it still felt kind of unreal to her. So maybe that's why she had to explicitly call him 'her husband' sometimes. To remind herself that it was a real thing.

"Well, I thought I'd let you know that… I don't know, if you already do know, but…" Adam's voice suddenly interrupted her train of thoughts.

Sometimes Ruzek's awkwardness really got on Rianne's nerves: "Adam…"

There was a message coming in on her phone. Probably her colleagues, wondering if she was coming in or not.

"Yeah, sorry! Apparently I am quite bad at the subtle approach, so I'll get right to the point: I called to inform you that Nate's been released yesterday."

Rianne's good mood immediately shifted. She hadn't expected him to call about that.

"Right, I knew that." But she had to admit that she was a little irritated with Adam for bringing it up.

The memory of Jay's and her last big disagreement, between all the usual little ones, muddied Rianne's overall positive vibe she reveled in today.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I visited him in January, just after my birthday.… He told me that it seemed likely he could get out earlier, maybe by February…"

And Jay hadn't wanted her to visit Nate!

After the trial for pointing a gun at Jay and his unit over a year ago, he'd been placed in a psychiatric facility instead of jail. Her former best friend and room-mate had also gotten shot at by his crazy ex-girlfriend during that. The same crazy woman, who'd been responsible for Jay getting drugged and assaulted at a club he'd been at for Will's bachelor night.

Subconsciously Rianne touched her left wrist and the subtle 'j' inked beside her arterial veins in plain typescript.

No, she didn't want to be reminded of that horrible night, when Kelly, Stella and her had found Jay, barely breathing, passed out in the snow, severe hypothermia leaving him ice-cold and as good as dead. She didn't want to be reminded how his heart had stopped in the ambo and just how close she'd come to losing him. It hadn't even been the first time and considering what he was doing for a living, it probably wouldn't be the last time she had to go through something like that. It was still always easier to push those thought away and she was pretty good at compartmentalizing.

But despite everything, Rianne believed in forgiveness and absolving people of their sins, if it was within her power.
So when Nate had written her a long letter, asking if she'd visit him, so that they could talk and he could make amends, she hadn't hesitated long to be willing to grand him just that. After all it hadn't been entirely his fault and Rianne knew how important such a step could be for him to make a full and successful recovery, to be able to start living his life again. Hopefully a healthier life, mentally!

Only Jay had almost lost it, when she'd told him about the letter and her plan to actually go see Nate.
They'd gotten into a pretty nasty fight about it. About Jay's tendency to get a little too invested, overprotective and her equally problematic habit to do her own thing, just to prove to everyone that she was still an independent woman, who couldn't be controlled and who felt like she was suffocating when someone was trying to.

As a result Jay had barely talked to her for two days straight and she'd gone anyway.
Yes, he had been acting out of fear and concern. Out of fear for her, for them, not wanting anything or anyone to hurt her, neither physically, nor emotionally. Because he cared so much and she loved that about him.
But she couldn't give up her own beliefs just so that he could sleep easier.

And it had been the right move for her. This visit had softened some of the ugly memories of that situation back in 2019. Things with Nate would never be the same again and she didn't want them to, but to her the matter was closed and put to rest now, as long as he let her and Jay be.

Afterwards she'd sent Jay a text, reassuring him that she was fine and he didn't need to worry anymore, but Rianne didn't hear back from him the whole day.
When she'd gotten home in the evening, Jay'd already been waiting for her, leaning against the kitchen counter, holding on to it with white knuckles, his face a stony mask, almost unreadable. It had taken all of her guts to approach him, walk right through that wall of anger and distance he'd put up, lean her head against his chest, his heavy beating heart betraying his outer cool, and take his hands into hers to knead all that tension away.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, but I had to go and see him!"

Jay'd worn that pained expression on his face, full of anguish, spiced with a little ire and frustration. The one he wore when someone mentioned his mother in a certain context, or his father, whenever he'd gotten into a serious argument with Will and now obviously with her.
Rianne really hadn't wanted to be the one to put it there.

"I'm sorry too," he'd croaked and she'd let go of his hands to be able to cup his sad features, pull his head towards her and kiss him. To take all his fears away from him.

It had been a kiss that had gotten out of hand pretty quickly. No one could claim that they weren't experts at make-up-sex…

"Well, I didn't know that. You never said anything and I just wanted you to be prepared, just in case…" Again Adam's voice pulled her back to reality.

"Yeah, thanks Adam! Look, I really have to go now. We'll text about Saturday, right?"

Still looking down at her phone, when she had ended the call with Ruzek, Rianne frantically tried to bench her thoughts about everything but the task at hand: Be there to solve family issues, be a freaking therapist! Which was her job! A job she intended to do as long as everyone would let her do it. But that was just another unpleasant matter she'd have to deal with at some point…

Distracted by the thick layer of different emotions battling inside of her, Rianne did neither see, nor hear the van pulling up close behind her on the sidewalk, didn't register the sound of sliding metal doors and when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her in a tight grasp and something soft, but ugly smelling, was pressed into her face, it was already too late to save herself.

Thank you so much for all the comments on the first chapter, so glad you found me again and liked it so far! Further reviews and speculations are of course always welcome!