A Letter to Home (continued)

Disclaimer: Neither Dean nor Supernatural are in anyway mine (unfortunately) – see E. Kripke for ownership details.

Summary: Dean writes to Sam one month after he has left for Stanford. (Letter from Sam hasn't arrived with Dean – did he ever post it?).

Rating: A few mild curses

Hey Sam,

This is a new experience – letter writing. Never really had to write letters before, no-one worth writing to, I suppose. Consider yourself lucky, little bro, I even went out and got the paper special – no torn pages from a journal (although I contemplated that before getting this stuff).

You know I said to stay in touch and to let us know you had arrived safe – I'm waiting! I meant it – consider this a big brother order and if you don't do as you're told, I'm coming over there to kick your ass, princess.

You got your haircut yet? Met any girls? Have you even been out yet? Do you know where the nearest bar is? I need to know these things, because when you finally write to me, you're going to invite me to visit and I need to know that you are prepared for my arrival – bro, I most assuredly do not need to know where the library is (unless there's a hot chick there or its haunted and you want me to do my stuff – if you do say so, I'll bring whatever we need).

It's not the same without you here. And no I don't just mean that it's quiet although it is that! Horribly so. You know Dad, he's never been much of one for conversations so without you to talk to, I sometimes forget what my own voice sounds like (no smart-alec replies to that – you were listening and I was not talking to myself for the last seventeen years or most of the time anyway – I could tell by the look on your face when you thought what I was saying was a load of crap).

I've not quite got used to you not being here – be certain that when you come back, there will be plenty of cereal for you as I keep buying it even though you're not here to eat it – habit of a lifetime that's hard to break. Maybe I should load up the Impala and bring it all to you before it takes over the motel room. Then again, maybe you wouldn't want me to visit and I should just post it to you – I could put you a box with this letter. Dad's pissed at me (You're probably thinking it makes a change from his being pissed at you – but if you'd opened your eyes and seen a little more you'd have seen that he was pissed at me often enough too – I just kept quiet and didn't answer back and it blew over quicker). I keep feeding him your favourite meals. He accused me of trying to make him feel guilty about what he said to you about not coming back. Hey man if the shoe fits… On that subject, he didn't mean it – you want to come back, you do it – hell, call and I'll swing by and get you (come for a holiday or for good doesn't matter). I wish I could have driven you to Stanford, seen where you would be, checked it out – did you see I packed you some salt and holy water? Just to be safe. I threw in a dream-catcher and some charms (don't worry, Dad doesn't know – they're not from his supplies, I bought them for you, when you first told me you were going but I didn't want you to think I'd suddenly become a big girl when I gave them to you so… I just needed to know that you would be safe without me there looking out for you - another habit of a lifetime – definitely time I got myself some new habits eh!).

Miss you Sam. Do you know how much time I'm having to spend researching in libraries now? I blame you, this was always your part of the gig and you liked it – I can think of better places to be, man. It's funny though, they remind me of you in a good way, there are times when I can imagine you're sitting next to me with your nose in some tome enjoying yourself (ouch, now that really is too girlie to admit to? I'll run an extra mile tonight to prove I'm no wuss).

The good thing about you being gone is there's more hot water in the shower for me, no bitching about the music in the Impala and when Dad's out I get to choose what's on the TV – see life without you isn't all bad! I'd still rather you were here. I mean not here, but… What I mean is, god, who knew it would be so hard to explain. I wish you could be there, here. Try again. I wish you could have the life you wanted and still be here in our lives, that there was an overlap, not a choice one or the other. I wish we hadn't had to let go of you and you of us, that the two lives could have existed together. I'm glad you've gone though, you deserve better than the nomadic life we've had for years. You deserve all the things you wanted, a home, friends, a job, a wife and kids and to be honest (not something I do often) they are what I would have wished for you too. Make the most of it bro. I have faith in you, you'll make it work.

Remember, I am your macho brother, no matter what you have read in this letter, I can still run further than you and beat you up without really trying, I also drive a way cool car and the chicks dig me but having said all that, I miss you and hope things are going well for you. One last word though – get a girl and go find that bar.

Dean

Author's Note: Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and now it would be great if you would review too.