Trigger Warning: Mentioning of Sexual Harassment, Assault and Violence!

Chapter Title "If You Care" by Evan Barlow

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Chicago PD, Fire or Med characters, only my OCs!

December 20th, 2020:

"Wait? Are that Rianne and Jay over there?"

"I think so…" Adam answered her distractedly, while he was trying to maneuver a stroller and all of their Christmas shopping through oncoming pedestrian traffic and keep up with Kim's pace at the same time.

"Well they look extremely lovey-dovey…"

She had spotted the two familiar faces near a Christmas Tree lot, obviously contemplating which one to buy or just browsing through the different options of Scotch Pine, Nordmann, Douglas, White or Fraser Fir, Norwegian or Serbian Spruce… Kim had to admit she knew them all. Her nerdish streak when it came to that topic was a little appalling, even to herself.
The other couple could clearly be seen fooling around now across the street, with Rianne trying to get Jay to eat some candy that they must've gotten from the German market down the street, at Daley Plaza, because it was wrapped in that tell-tale paper.
Jay wasn't really known for having an overly sweet tooth and most of the time liked to stick to a healthy diet, so he seemed to be a little reluctant to indulge and kept avoiding Rianne's feeding attempts. Kim thought it was cute.

"Should've seen them bickering and shouting at each other a few days ago in the bullpen, like an old married couple… Nothing lovey-dovey about that!" Adam shrugged and rearranged some of the bags he was carrying.

He had already told her about that, so Kim knew. Like she knew everything that happened at the station, even if she wasn't working there at the moment. And she loved that Adam didn't mind her living through him, which was a welcome distraction from changing diapers, getting their son down to take a nap and feeding him, day in and day out. Kim actually couldn't wait to be back at the 21st, although she knew that once that day came, she would have a pretty hard time leaving Tommy at day-care. This time together was precious, but sometimes she was so exhausted, that Adam's every-day sounded like paradise to her.

"Well, they are a married couple," Kim winked at Adam, which gained her an eye-roll.

"Let's go say hello!"

For a minute Kim contemplated, if it was rude to impose on the obvious couple-time of Rianne and Jay, but Adam obviously didn't and had already changed directions to get closer to the Christmas Tree Sale. And she really craved social interactions with grown-ups these days too much to let the opportunity pass her by.

"Didn't peg Halstead for someone who'd be buying an actual Christmas Tree and hanging out near the German Market though," Adam mumbled under his breath, when they had almost crossed the street and walked up to the fenced-in stall.

"I told you! Everyone's getting a real Christmas tree this year but us!"

"Oh no, not again…," her partner groaned, because they'd had that discussion before.

"Just kidding!"

Kim didn't really want to have to deal with cleaning the apartment of pine needles on top of keeping up with all the childcare work. A plastic one would have to do this year, so she also didn't need to worry about Tommy sticking its branches into his mouth.

Still she guessed she envied the Halstead's their purchase a little, telling by the slight pinch in her heart, when she saw Jay handing over some cash to a delivery guy now and Rianne excitedly jumping up and down, before planting an indulgent kiss on her husband's smiling mouth. She was whispering something to him, which made his hands fall from her face to catch her around her waist and look down at her jacket.

Kim didn't know if it had to do with seeing so many trees all at once or Tommy maybe even recognizing his godmother, but their son suddenly shouted out with glee in his stroller, which caught Rianne and Jay's attention, before Kim or Adam could even call out to them.
Like on cue they turned around and Kim thought she saw Jay quickly slip something into the pocket of his winter-coat, while Rianne greeted the new arrivals:

"Oh hey, you guys! So good to see you!"

The welcome was very cordial as those two really seemed to be in high spirits. Even Jay was grinning from ear to ear in an unusually open manner and taking his sweet time to make Tommy laugh in his well-padded vehicle.

Feeling a little Christmas-emotion on top of her usual mom-emotions, Kim almost had to blink back some tears, when Rianne finally let her go while complimenting her on her 'radiant' complexion, her new scarf, and how much cuter and bigger Tommy had become since she'd last seen him. Which Kim recounted had been a few weeks, because everyone had been quite busy with their own lives.

Of course it was always nice to run into Rianne Halstead, because she was a positive person and just gave those great hugs that made one feel really loved and appreciated. Like for as long as that hug lasted, you had all of her attention. Talk about throwing a lot of love around.
But today the other woman was positively glowing with warmth, even though the temperatures weren't higher than 37 degrees and Kim was already craving the coziness of their apartment after running around town all afternoon.

"Fancy meeting you here, buying Christmas trees! I thought you'd be preparing to go to Argentina, like every year?" Adam started making conversation, which made the others pause momentarily.

Finally Rianne stammered: "No…. actually…"

"We decided it would be nice to have our first 'married' Christmas in our own home," Jay stated and pulled Rianne into his side, running his left hand along her upper arm.

Kim didn't miss the tiny thankful glance that Rianne threw her husband, as if he had just helped her out with a fib. So there certainly was a different reason for them not going to Argentina this year.
Interesting, Kim thought.

"So, what are you guys doing for New year's?"

"We don't have any specific plans…"

Kim had only thought so far as to get their plans for their first Christmas with Tommy and all the family visiting duties in order. Now that her and Adam's lives were bound together forever there was just so much more to consider, so that no one felt left out. Everyone wanted to spent time with their grand-child and nephew and god-son. Sometimes it was a little exhausting.

"Then you should come to our house! We were thinking about having some people over, nothing big, but as you know it is my…"

"Your birthday the next day!" Adam finished that sentence like a question he had answered a million times before.

Kim chuckled into her scarf. She really couldn't think of anyone being as obsessed with their birthday as Rianne was, and of no one whose almost child-like excitement several months before was so infectious that it wasn't even annoying.

"See? They all already know!" Jay smirked, his tone uber-chipper.

Rianne rolled her eyes at him, then addressed Kim and Adam again: "Well, anyway: It's gonna be fun! You can bring Tommy, there's plenty of room to put him down, if you don't wanna get a sitter. Will and Nat are bringing Owen, they're actually all sleeping over…"

"It's gonna be fun!" Jay emphasized, which made Rianne kick him in the shin immediately, but he just kept on smiling contently, grabbed her gloved hand with his own and held on tight.

After chatting for a little longer, Tommy started to get a little antsy in his stroller and the other couple claimed they had a ton of errants yet to run, so they all said their good-byes with the promise of seeing each other on New Year's at the latest.

"She's pregnant…" Kim muttered, when Jay and Rianne were out of hearing distance, originally more to herself than to Adam, but he'd heard her anyway.

"What? No! What makes you say that?"

"Just a feeling…"

There had been something about Rianne. Maybe it was just a woman's instinct, but to her it had felt like the other woman seemed different…

So Kim hadn't actually been surprised, when 11 days later, as they'd gathered for New-Year's Eve celebrations 'couples-edition' in Wicker Park and Rianne refused her brother-in-law's offer of some champagne to go with dinner:

"Actually…" Rianne hesitated and exchanged a look with Jay, who nodded almost imperceptibly,

"No bubbly for me tonight…"

"Why? Are you the designated driver?" Adam teased, obviously finding this funny considering they were at Rianne and Jay's house and neither one of them would have to drive tonight.

Obviously his second drink in one night after a long while of running on zero alcohol between diaper changes, work and trying to catch up on some desperately needed sleep, had already caught up to his brain. He didn't even see Kim winking at him like a maniac, begging him to remember what she had suspected and told him only a few days before. Men!
Actually all the men shared that same puzzled expression, as Kim took a look around. But when she saw Stella and Natalie and caught their eyes, she knew they were hoping for some other reason, too. Something to celebrate besides everything else tonight.
And when they saw a smile taking over Rianne's face and the happy twinkle in Jay's eyes, they already knew before the other woman confirmed their suspicions:

"No, Jay and I are…we're having a baby! I'm 12 weeks pregnant by tomorrow!"

February 17th 2021, 24 hours earlier:

Those memories suddenly hit her out of nowhere, while she had been scribbling down some info from a co-worker of Rianne's, so Kim hurried to take cover in the stairwell. She could feel hot tears behind her eyes that she wasn't able to stop in time. It felt completely inappropriate to shed them in the office, where Jay could walk back in anytime.

Sometimes she felt since becoming a mother she had gotten too soft to do this job on a daily basis. Especially when something personal like this happened. She could only barely resist the urge to get up and run into day-care to press Tommy to her chest and never let him go again. It could all be over so very quickly…
Right now she was so afraid for Rianne's life, she didn't want to imagine how that had to feel for Jay.

That's how Adam found her. Kim didn't know if he'd seen her storm off, or if that inexplicable sixth sense he sometimes had for how she was doing had made him go look for her.

"Hey, Kim. What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," she stuttered and wiped at her eyes and nose with the sleeves of her sweater, when Adam squatted down next to her on the upper stair.

Unfortunately his soft brow gaze on her brought on a fresh wave of tears: "It… I couldn't… I didn't want Jay to see me like this. He's so… Adam, this is just terrible."

"I know, I know! Hey, shhh… Come here!"

He put his strong arms around her and held tight for a while, breathing calmly into her hair and rocking them both a bit:
"We'll find her! You know we will! We got this!"

"They just had their 19 weeks scan this morning…"

"I know, babe! I know!"

Rianne had become a good friend and confidante to Kim. This right here, would just be a way too tragic end. It didn't feel right and it certainly wasn't fair.

Her moment of weakness was interrupted by Hailey, who suddenly opened the door to the stairwell and informed them:

"Guys, patrol found the silver van we're looking for! Like 30 miles outside of Chicago! Forensics and the K9 unit are on their way! Jay, Kev and I are heading over there, too!"

It took Rianne a really long time to calm herself down after that encounter in the 'tub room'.

It wasn't just that she was still lying here, half exposed on the sticky floor of a run-down fabric building, her hands still bound and her wrists incredibly sore:
The worst thing was that this filthy bastard had touched her! Not only her, but the naked skin around her child, skin that only Jay and her had touched up until now. That nobody else was supposed to touch! Well, apart from their doctors of course, and people she gave the all-clear, if they asked her, but certainly not a strange man who had the worst intentions!

Rianne normally wasn't that timid when it came to fending for herself. On the contrary: Her big mouth had often gotten her in trouble before. But now? What could she have done to stop him? Her greatest fear had been to provoke him, so that he'd hurt her, or even worse: The baby! Maybe she could have found a way to live with a rape, but she definitely couldn't live with losing this baby. If she would ever get out of here alive that was.

23 hours earlier:

Of course the van was found empty, when they all arrived at a sordid scrap-yard outside of Chicago.

It looked like the offenders had switched cars. They could have driven back to Chicago or further out of town, there was no way to tell, because it was some deserted place in the middle of nowhere, no pod cameras, no owner, no nothing. The K9-unit was currently canvasing the area, but something told Jay, that they wouldn't find anyone or anything useful in this area.
The only thing they could hope for was, that Forensics could get some prints or D.N.A to run through their criminal database. Maybe something would pop up. They desperately needed a real lead, otherwise they literally were groping in the dark. All the daylight had long since faded, as it was already after 8 p.m.

Jay only hoped that the small traces of blood they found in the van didn't belong to his wife. The sight of it had surely made his heart beat faster and his skin crawl.
And as relieved as he had been that the car didn't contain the lifeless body of his wife, all those 'maybe's' were driving Jay insane. He needed answers, he needed a real prompt as to what exactly was going on and some proof that his wife was even still alive.

"Dogs found a body!" Someone suddenly called from afar, those words hitting Jay like a sledgehammer.

A body? The ground was immediately shaking underneath his feet and all of a sudden the world was upside down.

"It's a female. A woman, or a girl!" Someone else called, dogs still barking madly in the distance.

Well, what was it? A woman or a girl?

Jay's feet suddenly had a life of their own. He wasn't even thinking about it and he certainly didn't listen to everyone in his unit calling out after him to wait. Wait for what?

It was strange: When confronted with the possibility of possibly making a terrible discovery in the next moment of your life, one option is to decide to not want to find out. To drag out the time span that you don't have to see the body of your dead wife, buried in the woods or where ever else those dogs had gotten lucky. To just pretend that just for a little longer she is indeed alive and well somewhere. That there is still a chance to get her back.

But Jay actually ran as if his life depended on it. Until his lungs felt like they were going to burst, until his knees were almost buckling underneath him, snot and tears from the winter cold mixing as they ran over his face. His feet stumbling over debris on the ground, almost tripping him up several times, him blindly following the sound of the dogs and the flashlights of the other unit. His heart pumping to the sound of his feet hitting the crunching snow underneath them, the mantra in his head accompanying him to drown out any other thoughts: A woman, a girl… a woman, a girl…

He had to see her with his own eyes…

December 14th 2020:

"Don't talk to me, I'm still furious with you!"

Those were actually the first words she greeted her husband with that evening, even though he hadn't said a thing at all when he'd come in.

"I wasn't planning on doing much talking tonight," he replied smoothly.

Jay had the audacity to just approach and kiss her on the cheek, then place the take-out he'd brought on the dining table. His casualness about her still being angry with him was riling Rianne up even more. She knew she was being silly and unfair, but she wouldn't give in and play nice that easily.
Even if he'd brought food and was looking at her with those smoldering eyes. Cocksure bastard!
If Rianne was being honest with herself, she couldn't really find enough sufficient arguments for coming at Jay this morning at the station, but she'd be damned if she admitted that to him.

Doing her work as passionately as she always had and moving forward, combined with being more argumentative than usual, was her weapon against the fear she was constantly fighting. A fear that had reached its peak a few days ago: Fear of losing this baby again, fear of disappointing Jay, fear of losing her cool. The fear of letting fear take over her whole self.

Rianne really didn't want that.
So she only knew one way out: Toughen up and fight for those who had no one else to look out for them. And that her husband of all people had stood in her way of doing exactly that today, had been unfortunate. And yes, she was feeling overly emotional lately.

On top of all that she needed to be careful not to give herself and her still secret pregnancy away. Secret because she wasn't over her own 12 weeks dead-line yet, secret because she didn't know how, once she came clean to her boss, he would change her line of work for her. And there were still some cases close to her heart she wanted to close or prepare for to hand over, before anyone took them away from her.

But all too often her hand wandered to her stomach to linger there. Even if there was nothing to see yet, she couldn't help it. She had always wondered what it was with pregnant women and their hands over barely showing bellies. Maybe it was some instinct of wanting to protect an unborn life. Or maybe to establish contact, to cuddle and caress this little human inside.

"Hey babe? It's gonna be okay. You got this!"

Obviously she had done it again: Upon hearing those words out of Jay's mouth, Rianne noticed that her hand was resting on her flat stomach, her thoughts far away, like in another world. She only became aware that tears had been falling from her eyes, when Jay was suddenly beside her, brushing his thumb over her cheek, wiping at the wet traces, and pulled her in for a warm hug. She wasn't resisting anymore, she couldn't. She'd already forgotten everything she'd wanted to argue with him about.

"If you're worried we can ask Will to do an extra scan. Just to be safe! I know it's a tough time right now," he whispered into her hair, making Rianne tear up even more.

He knew! He knew it was right around the crucial weeks that she had lost their first baby and that she was thinking about that non-stop, even if she tried not to.
They hadn't really talked about it, but Jay knew. Just like he knew when she needed gentle and intimate, or when she yearned for rough an animalistic sexually. He had nailed his instinct for her down to perfection. Because he just knew her so well it scared her from time to time.

So sometimes, like right now, Jay would not argue with her, when she was looking for a fight. He just wouldn't take the bait. More than once he had resigned to just picking her up or kissing her, taking her to bed and love her, as if she hadn't called him a pain in the ass or worse, only minutes beforehand.

This pregnancy had made her feel plenty vulnerable and weak up until now. And the only person she could depend on to soften the blow of that vulnerability, wasn't by her side. Would he ever be by her side again?

By now Rianne was shivering all over in the evening cold. Or was it already night? She had completely lost track of time.

At one point the youngest one of the men had come back into the little room and at least gotten her out of that tiny hell-hole, rearranged her clothes without saying a word and taken her back into the big hall. Rianne began to ask herself how she was possibly gonna survive the night without any heating, another jacket or at least a blanket.

Rianne guessed the only advantage that her 'bathroom break' had given her was, that she wasn't bound up so tightly anymore. That young guy had bound her upper arms to what appeared to be a heating pipe, but if she spread out her fingers she could still place them over her belly now. It was just a gesture, some irrational kind of reassurance thad made her feel like she could connect with the new life inside of her, even if it was way too early in her pregnancy to expect a kick or heavy movement, but still. It calmed Rianne down to feel like she could at least attempt to protect that baby.

She begged for her child to give her a sign. It hadn't been for long, but since two weeks or so, Rianne could feel her, or him. At first she'd believed it to be just gas, but then it had become more distinctive and clear. It was only a little tremor, like when she drank too much sparkling water, but she remembered from Matteo that this was what first child movements felt like.
She hadn't seen any blood in her pants, when she'd used the 'bathroom', so that was a good sign, right? Rianne desperately tried to breathe calmly, just like she'd learned in several therapy sessions and meditation classes. A panic attack would be of absolutely no use to anyone right now…

"It's not her, Jay! It's not her!"

He only snapped out of it, when Kevin grabbed his arm, not very gently. What had he been doing until then? By the horrified look in the other man's eyes Jay couldn't quite tell if it was because the sight of the girl lying on the ground in front of them, was quite a gruesome one, or because it was actually the sight of Jay himself in his agitated state, that had his colleague worried for his sanity. And he was right to be. Jay was going to go completely nuts, if this nightmare kept on dragging on.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd registered a few minutes ago that the corpse couldn't be Rianne. First of all the female had short black hair and was a little shorter than his wife. Second of all there were no tattoos whatsoever on the body, which was easy to detect as she was completely naked, apart from some torn up sweater and panties. Her skull was smashed in, which made it pretty hard to see what her face had once looked like. Jay didn't normally feel queazy around dead people, but today bile rose in his throat, that he quickly tried to swallow. It made him wince with disgust.

"Call Forensics over here now," he heard Voight order from behind, addressing someone from patrol, when he'd finally caught up with Kevin and him.

It wasn't Rianne, it wasn't Rianne… But why was there a body, only a few hundred yards from where they had found the kidnapper's van? Apart from that the woman, or girl, couldn't have been out here long. In these temperatures her body would have more signs of severe frostbite, if it had been here for more than a few hours. At least that was what it looked like to Jay in the sparse gleam of the flashlights directed at the frozen ground.

A heavy hand landed on his arm that made him jump: "Jay, you good?"

It was Hank's. Jay didn't really look at him, he didn't dare to show his boss how badly he was fighting to not break right here and now. He probably already knew anyway.

So Jay found himself nodding mechanically before he walked off to catch his breath.

22 hours earlier:

Suddenly there were raised voices. They were coming from somewhere down the hall or from an adjoining room. Rianne had to really concentrate to be able to understand what they were saying, until she realized they were speaking Italian again:

"Don't yell at me! …. But he just said to go after his family, preferably his wife, that he wanted revenge for,… so yeah, we did it! How could we have known?"

"If you'd done your fucking homework! Cazzo!"

"So, what do we do now?"

"This is a disaster! Do you get that? You better tell me everything else you did, before he finds out more about your absolute fuck-ups!"

"Well, there's only one more thing…"

The voices faded away and all Rianne could make out were some more swear-words. But she'd heard enough, especially one thing: She knew that second voice! She - knew - that - voice!
The only thing was, that she didn't know what to feel, or what to make of it! What kind of a shitshow was this?

21 hours earlier:

"Jay? You alright up there?"

"Yeah… I'll be down in a minute…"

After that horrifying discovery outside of the city, Jay had been so wrought up, shivering all over, all of his clothes wet and clammy from running through the snow like a maniac, that Hailey had convinced him to at least go get changed at home, maybe take a quick hot shower and calm the hell down. His wife needed him to be at his A-game, if they still wanted to find her.

And maybe there would even be something there, that would give them a different idea of where to look and what to look into, to solve this mystery. Something they hadn't thought of up until now. Something the squad car that had been sent to their private address to sit on the house and check for any suspicious activity, wouldn't be able to detect. It was a little bit of a stretch, but who knew?

Hailey was fidgeting downstairs, not sure how much privacy and room she should give her partner, her friend, who was going through the worst right now. She hated to see him like this. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come here after all. It had to be hard for him to be near all their personal stuff, all those reminders of someone he wasn't sure to ever see again.

If they had at least known for sure that Rianne was still alive.
Why hadn't they received any kind of message?

Hailey hadn't wanted to say it out loud before, but after all this time they had to consider the possibility, that she'd been taken randomly, just because she was a woman, not serving any purpose but to be raped, murdered or else… Like that poor woman they had found just now.
She knew Jay's thoughts had gone there at least once today and she herself really had to keep her Greek nature in check. Being hopeful didn't come naturally to her.

Taking a look around, she came across a picture from Jay and Rianne's wedding, placed between several other pieces of memorabilia on a coffee table near the entryway to their little inner courtyard. It was from when Rianne had sung her vows. She'd actually composed a song just for them, for Jay.

It probably had been the cheesiest and most tearful moment of that whole day for everyone. How many men could say that their wives had written an entire love song just for them?

And Rianne really didn't care what anyone thought of it, as long as it expressed exactly how much love she had for her guy. A guy who had grinned stupidly through all of those four minutes of her pouring her heart and soul into lyrics and melody and guitar-playing, and who had occasionally been wiping at the corner of his eyes.

Hailey remembered that moment very well. Remembered how she had told Rianne afterwards that it had been beautiful, that she was indeed beautiful. Upton had finally made her peace with that liaison. Those two belonged together. Jay was a good man and he deserved someone who loved him as much as this woman did. Maybe in another life her and Rianne would even have been friends.

Hailey's phone suddenly went off, making her flinch:

"Upton?"

"Hailey? You still at the house with Jay?"

It was Kevin, obviously calling from the station. She could hear rustling and phones ringing in the background.

"Yeah, why? Any news on identifying the body?"

"Yeah… That's why I need you to talk to Jay. Her name is Anita Solvano."

He said it like the name should mean something to her.

"But that's… Isn't she the one who made a few statements for that drug distribution trial? Wasn't she supposed to be in witness protection!"

"Exactly! Seems like something went wrong, we're gonna find out why, but we need to know how we got in contact with her back then. I knew Jay was the one, but I remember he was holding back on how he got her info in the first place…"

Hailey could have answered that question for Jay, because she knew who his source had been, but she kept quiet for now. She had to connect some more dots herself first:

"Okay, any DNA on the body?"

"Just one name came up in our database: Sergio Nandini, low level player with affiliations to the Italian mob here in Chicago. One prior for sexual assault…"

Hailey closed her eyes. Maybe she could keep that information from Jay for a while. He'd go ballistic. The name didn't mean anything to her though. Her attention was momentarily drifting away, so that she almost missed Kevin's more valuable info:

"There's more: That girl was drugged and raped before her head was smashed in and her DNA was also found in the van, as was Rianne's… So maybe they were in there at the same time, or at least that car was used to kidnap both of them. Either way it seems to be the same crew…"

"So the only question is, if Rianne's gotten luckier than that poor girl and where the hell she is…"

"Yeah… you can put it that way…"

AN: I am so sorry that I left you in the lurge for so long, but my own love-life was a bit of a mess I had to sort out, and I just couldn't write a single thing. Now I'm currently in home quarantine because of a Covid infection, so lucky for you guys that got me back to writing ;-) I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter!