Part Nine
Troubled Waters, Part I
All the usual disclaimers apply.
Heero sat in his living room at his network of four computers and a laptop, illuminated in the dim light by the ghostly glow of each screen. He'd been sitting there for over four hours now, working since dawn, as was his custom. The early morning quiet helped him concentrate better. But right now, his concentration was not directed at his work.
The house was unusually dark because of the rain. It had started around three that morning, bursting with thunder and lightning, but now it was no more than a steady rhythm against the house, a drizzling monotone that provided a background to his thoughts. But his thoughts had wandered far off course. Looking around, Heero realized he had spaced out again, the third time that morning. He knew exactly what he had been thinking about -- or rather, whom his thoughts had centered around. That was not a good way to start the day. It was certainly not a good way to start his new job.
Forcing his head to turn back to his main computer screen, he resumed typing in the necessary lines of code.
* * *
Halfway across town, Sally stood in her kitchen as she gathered certain ingredients from her cabinets. After she and Heero had returned to her apartment last night, she had invited him up to finish off his cinnamon roll with a cup of hot chocolate, just the thing to relax him. After that, he had spent the next twenty minutes convincing her that she was, in fact, a good cook, but needed to hone her skills. To emphasize that, he made her show him all her cookbooks, then picked out a recipe for her to work on: chocolate fudge brownies. Humph, she thought to herself, making sure she had all the items she needed. Looks like I'm not the only one with a sweet tooth.
Grabbing her mixer and some bowls, she turned on the oven and set to work. If they turned out at all well, she would have to invite Heero over to try them. She smiled to herself at the thought.
* * *
Relena waited anxiously as she listened to the monotone ringing on the line, twirling the end of the cord around her index finger. It didn't usually take this long for her to pick up…
"Good morning, Relena Dorlian's office," answered a very harried voice.
"Veronica? It's me, Relena."
"Ms. Relena? Oh! Uh… how is your vacation going?"
"Just fine, thank you." Relena was beginning to grow suspicious as she heard her secretary fishing through what sounded like several piles of papers. Something definitely was not right. Veronica's desk was usually arranged in precise order. "Is everything okay there, Veronica?"
"Yeah! Uh, I just… Well, actually, I was hoping you would call..."
Relena sighed. She knew she should have checked in everyday. "Alright, tell me everything you need help with." Sitting down, Relena grabbed her notebook and a pen. This was going to be a long morning.
* * *
Wufei stretched his arms out in practiced movements, drawing them in again with just the right amount of tension and balance as he shifted his body, flexing the muscles in his shoulders, back, and torso. This was the first apartment he'd ever had that was big enough to give him space to do a kata, even though it was just a basic one. He would still have to go to the gym if he really wanted to move around.
Releasing a slow breath, he centered himself, readying for the next flow of movements. Listening to the mellow patter of rain against his window, he thought he heard someone call his name. Opening his eyes, he cocked his head to listen, but it didn't come again. Looking over at his window, he decided to take a break and look out at the rain. The day was off to a lazy start, but he felt it was just what he needed, a break from the fast pace he generally thrived on, and would once again when he returned to work on Monday.
Looking through the cool haze of rain, his eyes once again found Relena's window. He was surprised to see her standing there, as if it were she who called to him. She lifted her hand to wave at him. He smiled, though he realized she couldn't see it. A second later, her attention was pulled back to the interior of her apartment as her head whirled around, then back to him a moment later. She made a gesture indicating a phone call, then left the window, presumably to answer it. Wufei chuckled to himself. She made the mistake of calling her office. He couldn't blame her though. He'd thought of doing so himself.
Leaving the window, Wufei returned to the middle of his floor, once again taking on the practiced stance for his kata.
* * *
It was getting lighter outside. Maybe the rain would stop soon.
Looking out the window, Heero realized his attention was once again not where it should be. Shaking his head, he once again set to work, typing furiously on the keyboard in his lap. But after a few lines of code, he knew it just wasn't working. Exhaling sharply, Heero set the keyboard aside and got up, pausing to rub the kinks out of his neck. His left shoulder blade always had a way of making its presence known a little too clearly.
Looking around, Heero thought of what he could do to occupy his mind. The answer was: nothing. He would remain distracted all day unless he found something else to completely capture his attention. A good ride might do the trick.
Grabbing his jacket and helmet, Heero left the house, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him, and started up his bike.
* * *
At last, the brownies were done. Sally was pleasantly surprised at just how well they had turned out. Well, at least they looked good. She would let Heero be the first to taste them.
Setting them on the stove so they could cool, Sally left the kitchen for her living room. But instead of sitting on the couch and picking up her book, she traveled to her window to look out at the rain. It hadn't stopped all morning, and it didn't look as if it were going to any time soon.
The smell of baking chocolate had filled her apartment, and she found it very hard to resist. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to sit here all alone with them. She thought of calling Heero to come and share them with her, but then she had a better idea. If he would be coming over for some dessert, perhaps she could feed him lunch as well. She thought she could make some pasta for him, one of the few recipes she was comfortable with.
Going back to the kitchen, she forced herself not to look at the pan of brownies as she searched her cabinets, hoping she had all the ingredients she needed. Of course, she did not. "Well," she said out loud, "it looks like I'll be making a trip to the store."
* * *
The rain did not stop. Instead, it seemed to pick up a little. After a few minutes, Heero could feel his jeans clinging wetly to his legs. His arms and shoulders were equally soaked, and he could feel tiny rivers of water streaming steadily off his helmet into the collar of his shirt. It didn't bother him though. His mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of the night before. Even the steady drone of the motorcycle seemed far away. He felt that his heart was trying to tell him something, but he wasn't really sure that he was ready to listen. So he just kept riding his bike through the rain. It didn't matter where he was going; he was almost certain of where he would end up.
Several minutes later, he found himself riding down Walnut Avenue, still three blocks from the corner where Sally, Wufei, and Relena lived. This was where his heart had told him to go, he knew. He felt it as surely as he felt the rain pelting his skin. It was Sally. He had thought of her all morning long, unable to get her presence off his mind. He could still hear her musical laughter, smell the soft scent of her hair. It was the hug, too. It had been a good hug. He wondered if a hug from anyone else could ever feel as good, as right as that one had. He didn't think so.
Pulling up by the curb of 525 Walnut Ave., Sally's building, he looked up toward the sky. The rain fell steadily onto his helmet as he looked, but it didn't matter. He was already soaked. Across the street was 527 Walnut Ave., Relena's building. Looking up toward the seventh floor, he realized it had already been four days since he'd last seen her, and she hadn't even called him, at least to make sure he was still around. Usually, it took no more than two days for that to occur. It made him wonder what she had been up to lately.
Dropping his gaze, Heero reached down, tracing over the painted decoration of wings on his bike. Taking off his helmet, Heero sat there in the rain thinking for several moments longer, heedless of the rain as it soaked through his hair. Finally, he swung himself off his motorcycle and disappeared through the double set of lobby doors, above which were the painted gold numbers, 525.
* * *
Wufei slowly exhaled, finishing with his kata. Opening his eyes, he straightened, taking a moment to enjoy the quiet. He hadn't practiced that particular exercise in a long time, and he'd forgotten just how relaxing it could be. Glancing at the window, he thought of Relena. He wondered whether or not she was still on the phone with her office. Probably so.
Walking into his kitchen, he grabbed a cool bottle of water from the fridge, draining half its contents in a few swallows. Perhaps, he thought to himself, I should go over there and drag her away for a while… Wufei immediately shook his head at the idea. No, Relena was a workaholic just as much as he was. Pulling her away would be more torture than letting her take care of things, just for the sake of her peace of mind. Though he doubted just how peaceful her office was without her.
Taking another swig of water, he returned to his living room to stand over the box of wall scrolls he had pulled out of his bedroom. He had succeeded in hanging up a few of them over his bookcase, but he wasn't sure where he wanted to place the others yet. Decorating, he mused, was a woman's job. He looked again to the window. It was still raining out, but it was a short trip across the street.
Wufei frowned. He didn't understand why his mind seemed so intent on visiting her this morning. The time he'd spent with her last night had been… pleasurable. Despite those strange, brief lapses of sentiment he sometimes felt around her, he seemed to be able to relax in her company well enough…
Suddenly he remembered the motorcycle. Her reaction to seeing it had not been favorable. He had meant to question her about it, but she was far too tired last night. But perhaps he could coax her into talking about it now, if he went over there for lunch. He nodded to himself, pushing down the voice in his head that remarked he was just using the question as an excuse to see her again. Excuse or not, he was going over there, determined to find out why she had reacted the way she did when she saw the motorcycle -- even though, if it belonged to who he thought it did, a part of him didn't really want to ask.
Fifteen minutes later, after a brief shower and a change of clothes, Wufei was ready to go, grabbing his keys as he opened the door. But before he could step into the brightly lit hallway, he froze, instantly recognizing the lean figure standing at Sally's doorstep.
* * *
Heero didn't know which feeling was stronger when Sally failed to answer her door: disappointment or relief. He had come up to see her almost completely on impulse, and he wasn't sure what he would have said to her if she were home.
When he heard the door open behind him, annoyance briefly flashed into his brain, but it was quickly subdued as he turned to face the Chinese man.
The surprise that showed on Wufei's face was barely noticeable -- just a slight widening of his slanted eyes and a certain lift to his eyebrows. But Heero definitely noticed Wufei's brief hesitation after he opened the door, betraying his instant change in plans, whatever those might have been.
Heero knew Wufei hated empty conversation just as much as he did, and wasted no time getting to the question on his mind. "Do you know where Sally is?"
Wufei's brow creased, his lips becoming a thin line. "I'm not her keeper. She doesn't report to me every time she goes out."
Heero glared at the Chinese man, though his expression didn't really change. He didn't need to voice the fact that she was his partner, and they should always keep tabs on one another no matter what the situation: his eyes said it all.
Wufei turned as if to go back inside his apartment, then suddenly stopped, his eyes belatedly taking in Heero's soggy exterior. It seemed that Wufei's scowl deepened when he noticed the motorcycle helmet that was tucked beneath Heero's elbow, but it could have been Heero's imagination.
"Come on, Heero," Wufei said at last. "I'll get you a towel."
Heero hesitated for a moment, then nodded, taking a few steps into the apartment as Wufei closed the door behind him.
The Japanese pilot stood there for several moments, taking in the clean, sparse apartment as Wufei left to find him a towel. Except for the bookcase, there were almost no personal touches, although he noted the box of wall hangings shoved against one wall, beneath a hanging picture of a dragon flying among the clouds. Curiously, he also noted a small stuffed panda bear perched on top of his bookcase. No doubt a gift from Relena.
Wufei returned a moment later, tossing a white towel to him from the kitchen. Catching it, Heero immediately applied the terrycloth to his face and dripping hair, then joined Wufei in the kitchen.
"Want some tea?" Wufei asked, holding up a box of Mandarin Green Tea, one from Relena's gift set.
Heero nodded.
Turning toward the stove, Wufei didn't bother to make small talk as he set a pot of water to boil. He then busied himself fishing cups from his cabinets and spoons from a drawer near the sink before prying open the box of tea to retrieve a bag for each of them.
It was not until the water had boiled, the tea had brewed, and a hot mug rested in each of their hands that Wufei broke the silence that settled between them. "When is it you officially start at Preventers, Heero?"
Heero sipped at his tea before answering, letting the warm steam wash over his face. "Monday morning, to upload the new security system."
Something flickered in Wufei's dark eyes. "How is that security program coming for you? You're not having any… trouble, are you?"
Heero's expression darkened, unsure of what the Chinese man was getting at. "Not at all. Actually, I'm ahead of schedule."
The answer did not seem to please Wufei. Lips pressed into a thin line, he focused on his tea.
"You don't need to worry, Wufei. I've made sure that this program is top of the line -- it's virtually hacker-proof. If you want to review the code for yourself--"
"Don't bother with that, Yuy. I'm sure Sally will fill me in."
Heero sipped his tea in thought. If it wasn't the security program that was bothering him, then what was it? "Sally only knows as much as you do," he said offhandedly. "If you have questions, it would be better to ask me." Looking up, Heero saw that Wufei's eyes had suddenly fixated on him.
"You mean you weren't discussing the system with her?" Wufei sounded as if Heero had just spoken blasphemy.
"No," Heero replied, calmly taking another sip of tea. "Does that bother you?"
Wufei considered, then let out a long sigh. "No. Why would it? Sally is free to date whomever she chooses--"
"We're not dating." The vehemence of the statement surprised even Heero. The prospect brought an uncharacteristic warmth to his cheeks that he hoped would be attributed to the hot tea.
Wufei's eyes widened visibly. "So you're spending these long hours with her, not discussing work -- but you're not dating?" The smallest of smiles was evident on Wufei's face. "That doesn't sound like you, Heero."
Heero was thoughtful for a moment. Contrary to Wufei's expectations, he did not rise to the bait. Instead, he fixed Wufei with a stare that would have made any other man squirm. "I've spent my entire life alone, Wufei. My entire life. Do you know what that's like?"
Caught off guard at the amount of emotion that weighed in Heero's voice, Wufei could only shake his head. It was true he did not know what it was like to live truly alone for so long. Despite his penchant for privacy and his reputation as the Solitary Dragon, he had always been able to rely on someone whenever the ache for companionship grew to be too great.
Sighing, Heero broke the stare, letting his gaze roam over the bare white walls. "Men weren't made to live alone. It takes something away from you when you do. Inside."
Wufei didn't know how to respond. Looking down at his mug, he suddenly had no desire for the tangy brew. Turning, he emptied his mug out in the sink. As he was rinsing it out, Heero approached him, coming to stand beside him.
"You should understand better than anyone what I mean, Wufei. You can't live your life hiding yourself from others."
Taking Heero's proffered mug, Wufei began washing it as well. "I'm not hiding from anyone," Wufei huffed. "You're the one who disappeared for three years."
Heero nodded, leaning back against the counter. "I had my reasons, as you have your own. But listen, Wufei." Heero's tone was conspiratorial. "I know there must have been a time when you looked at Sally as more than your partner. She is a woman, afterall, and very attractive." Wufei stopped rinsing the cups, giving Heero a warning look.
"And I know you've probably considered what it would be like to have such a woman as your wife, to settle down and, perhaps, raise a family."
Wufei was glaring now, a wayward vein ticking at his right temple. "Just what are you getting at, Yuy?"
Heero ignored the death glare, turning to face Wufei. "What I'm saying is, what are you going to do the next time a woman like Sally comes along? Are you going to pretend that none of these things matter to you and hide behind this mask of yours until you turn her away too?"
Wufei was too stunned to speak right away. But then a surge of anger gave him words where his deeper emotions failed him. "You have no right to speak to me like that! You and I are not the same, Yuy! I don't need your patronizing advice!"
Still calm, as though Wufei were not shouting at the top of his voice mere inches from his face, Heero slid the towel off his neck, set it down on the counter, and walked out of the kitchen. When he was at the door, he turned back. Wufei was still fuming by the sink. "Just think about it," he said, and he was gone.
Wufei stood planted where he was for several moments after the door had closed again, clenching and unclenching his fists as he thought over all that Heero had said. Why on Earth did Yuy suddenly care about what he did, or whether or not he was married for God's sake? All this talk about finding a woman like Sally, not hiding behind masks… That didn't sound like the Heero he knew. Or thought he knew…
And that was another thing. Perhaps it was why he was so angry. He had never told anyone about his former crush on his partner, never thought he had ever let enough of his emotions show for anyone to even guess. Yet here a man whom he hadn't seen for three years -- had barely talked to since he'd met him five years ago -- had stood there and told him the workings of his own mind as if he were a materialized extension of himself. How was it possible?
Infuriated, Wufei grabbed the closest thing at hand -- luckily, it was the towel Heero had deposited -- and flung it across the room. The towel didn't go very far, but following its flight, Wufei's eyes alighted on a small object that sat upon his bookcase. It seemed very out of place sitting between his jade sculpted dragon and his small bonsai tree, but the little panda bear that Relena had given him had already claimed the spot as its own. Now it stared at him with glassy black eyes, somehow disapproving of his childish display of temper. Don't you think you're overreacting just a little? it seemed to ask him, amazingly, in a voice that sounded just like Relena's.
The next time a woman like Sally comes along…
Heero's words echoed in his brain, taunting him.
Are you going to pretend that none of these things matter to you and hide behind this mask of yours until you turn her away too?
Staring at the panda, looking into its dark, emotionless eyes, Wufei finally understood. Relena had been the one that Heero had turned away. And he was warning him not to make the same mistake.
* * *
"That takes care of that," Relena sighed, hanging up the phone for the last time. Sitting with legs crossed on her couch, she stared down at the page of notes perched on her lap. Thankfully, most of her secretary's concerns could be dealt with easily; but there were still a few things she only felt comfortable dealing with herself.
Her gaze drifted to the window and the hazy gray beyond. She wondered briefly what she might do for the day, suddenly feeling like talking with someone, when there was a knock at the door. Wufei, you have perfect timing, she thought, grinning as she set her notebook aside and sprang off the couch. So certain was she that it was once again Wufei who had come to drag her mind away from her office worries, she didn't even bother to check the peephole. And so, when she opened the door to find Heero Yuy standing there, she could not immediately hide her confusion.
"Heero?"
Standing in the dim hallway, a still-dripping Heero noticed Relena's bright smile diminish. He wondered if she were expecting someone else. He would have asked, but before he could do so, she voiced her concern over his appearance.
"Heero, you're soaking wet! Come inside," she said, pulling him by the arm across the threshold. "You can use my dryer."
Peeling off his denim jacket, Relena shoved him into her bathroom, pointing out the robe that hung behind the door. A moment later, he emerged from the bathroom wearing the white terrycloth robe that hung to his mid-calves, giving her his shirt, jeans, and socks to go in the dryer as well. She made a face as she took the clothing, holding it out at arm's length as she ducked into the alcove behind her kitchen where her dryer was. "Help yourself to a drink, Heero," she called, her voice muted through the wall. "And something to eat if you're hungry."
Listening as she rummaged around her laundry room, Heero turned to the fridge, wanting something cold to drink. Her fridge looked much the way it always did: nearly empty, except for lots of bottled water, fruit for her blended drinks (he knew strawberry was her favorite), a few condiments, and a couple of leftover containers from Chinese takeout. Heero picked up a bottle of water, then decided to check the freezer. As he suspected, it was loaded with frozen dinners and her essential carton of Neapolitan ice cream. But there was something else in there that he had never seen before -- a carton of cherry ice cream. "I thought she didn't like cherries that much…"
Relena stepped back into the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "I'm sorry, Heero, did you say something?"
He stepped back from the freezer to look at her, but didn't reply. He thought he saw a blush rising to Relena's cheeks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, stepping forward. She shut the freezer door, then walked over to the pantry on the other side of the room. "I forgot, I don't really have anything to eat. But I might have some breakfast bars or something in here if you'd like. Or maybe I could fix some eggs?"
"That's okay, Relena. I'm not that hungry." Taking a drink of his water, Heero went into the living room, taking a seat at the end of Relena's oversized red couch. She joined him a moment later, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt as she sat, then turning to shuffle some papers that were scattered over the couch and the end table next to her. Heero watched her for a moment, unsettled by her strange demeanor. Generally she was far more talkative than this; by now, she should have already given him the highlights of what she'd done since she'd last met him. It was her way of keeping him grounded, connecting him -- at least vicariously -- to some sort of social life to remind him that he did have friends and people who cared about him. But now, her silence intrigued him.
"Is anything wrong, Relena?"
She started, casting a nervous glance at him. "Wrong?" she asked, a slight catch in her voice as she once again rearranged the papers she had gathered. "No, nothing's wrong. I just…" She sighed, at last setting the papers down on the end table. "Well, you know how I am, Heero. I called Veronica this morning, and … well, things weren't going very well. Daschel's got the flu, and the paperwork's been piling up. I took care of a few things, but there's always so much to do…"
"Is someone going to replace Daschel?"
Relena blinked, switching her train of thought. "Of course. Veronica said they appointed Jenson. But I--"
"Then don't worry about it. If anything goes seriously wrong, they'll contact you. Otherwise … you should enjoy your vacation."
Relena looked dubious, but she couldn't help but smile. He was right, after all. No one expected her to do everything by herself. "Thanks, Heero," she breathed. "I'll try."
She thought she caught a faint smile on Heero's features, but it was lost as he raised his bottle to his lips for another drink. A few moments passed with only the hum of the dryer as background music. Silently, Relena chided herself. She had never felt so uneasy around Heero before -- what was different?
"How's your program coming, Heero?"
Heero regarded her with a level gaze. "Almost done. I just have to add the final touches and analyze for defects."
"I see." Relena looked at her lap, unable to meet the prussian eyes that regarded her.
"You seem distracted, Relena. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"I'm sure, Heero." She gave him a wavering smile. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind. Do you want some ice cream or anything?"
Relena always turned to ice cream when she was nervous. He answered the question with one of his own. "Cherry ice cream?"
Relena's face blushed crimson.
Heero dismissed the inquiry, regarding her. "What have you been doing the last few days?" Relena found she did not want to tell Heero about her time spent with Wufei. It wasn't just the pact she'd made with Sally … it went a little deeper than that. "Not much, really…"
"You didn't find yourself a new boyfriend, did you?"
Greatly surprised by Heero's bluntness, it took her a moment to find her voice again. "Heero, what kind of question is that? Of course not! You know I don't have time to… I mean I don't just pick up any guy I see!"
Heero's quiet laughter silenced her. It was a sound she heard so rarely, she couldn't help smiling along with him, letting herself relax just a little. Seeing him now -- wearing her white bathrobe with just his boxers underneath, lounging at the end of her sofa, casually holding his bottle of Perrier in his right hand -- he seemed like an entirely different person. Was this really the same Heero she had spoken with just a few days earlier? She wondered at the reasons for his sudden ease. An image came to her then. She remembered Sally, the way she seemed to bounce as she hurried across the parking lot a couple days ago, her smile bright and her cheeks rosy, eyes sparkling as she told her she was on her way to pick up Heero. As he turned to look at her now, she saw the same sparkle in his eyes.
"You protest too quickly, Relena. What happened to your political coolness?"
Relena regarded him. "I didn't realize this was an evaluation, Heero. From now on, I shall be more careful in our discussions."