Eh... this is just a random idea that I got in my head, so I decided to write it down. (That's one crazy story, eh?) Actually, there is more of a story; see, while I was helping to clean out my grandmother's basement, I came across this box that was nailed shut. After a lot of effort, I got it open! And, well... there was shoe polish in it... but that's not the point! I just thought of this story, okay? Okay. It was originally meant to be a one-shot, but it ended up being kinda long, so I split it up into three chapters. And just to be teasing, I'm spacing out the posts! HA!
The Scene: Ten years after the union of the two worlds, the village of Mizuho – under the leadership of their new chief, Sheena – is returning to Tethe'alla. While gathering together all of her belongings, Sheena is reminded of the good and bad times during the journey. But will the bad memories leave more weight on Sheena's shoulders than she would have expected? Will she seek out a way to correct her past wrongs?
Disclaimer: Guess what! I don't own Tales of Symphonia! GASP!
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/...My Living Diary.../
Sheena stood outside of her home, keeping a close eye on all of the moving activities taking place in the village; her village. It was quite literally owned by her now that she had become chief. Though she was named successor ten years ago, it was only at this time when Sheena was officially named chief—when her grandfather passed away. The loss of Igaguri had a great affect on everyone in the village, but it was Sheena – the one closest to him – that had to remain strong and keep things in order. Within days of her grandfather's death, Sheena made the huge decision to move Mizuho out of Sylvarant, and return it to its roots of Tethe'alla; with a loss comes a change.
Sheena herself desired to be helping everyone else in the village with the move, but they would not allow it. All of her Mizuho companions had insisted that she remain in her own home, believing that she needed time to get by the death of Igaguri. But she had already passed the stage of grievance; that was simply Sheena's way. She did not break down into tears and she did not search for the condolence of others. Heaving a sigh, Sheena turned back towards her home and entered it to find several villagers – including her good friend Orochi – packing up her things. She approached her old friend, "Orochi, I can take care of this myself."
Orochi shook his head, "No, Chief. It's really no problem; we have nothing else to do, anyway."
"Well that's a blatant lie," commented Sheena, brushing a strand of hair out of her face, "And don't call me 'Chief'. I'm still Sheena, you know." Orochi nodded in understanding, although he still did nothing to correct his stubbornness. "Don't make me order you to leave. I don't want to abuse my title that way."
Her friend sighed in defeat, "All right. But if you need any help, don't hesitate to—"
"Don't worry, help won't be necessary," Sheena assured. Orochi nodded again, and then exited the house along with the other Mizuho villagers. Once they were all gone, Sheena could not help but roll her eyes. "They shouldn't treat me like that. I'm still me." A smile spread across her face after she thought those words, "Heh. Just like Lloyd always used to say to Colette—'you're still you'..." Sheena smile faded slightly, "I'm going to miss those two. I won't get to see them as often when I'm back in Tethe'alla... and they just got back from their own journey a few years ago, too." She walked over to the pile of boxes that were already prepared for the move and could not resist having a look at the things that she had kept over the years. Amongst the bland, typical moving boxes, Sheena's eye caught sight of a large, wooden chest with some writing and pictures carved into it.
She slid her fingertips along the trunk's lid, feeling the shape of each design where the wood became rough. "Dirk made each of us one of these. I haven't looked in here for the longest time..." A rush of curiosity came over Sheena, and she unhooked the locks of the chest, gently lifting its lid. The moment that Sheena caught sight of her long lost treasures, memories flashed before her eyes. There was Corrine's bell, the memento left from her old, deceased friend; and Kuchinawa's charm, something that she had held dear even after all of the troubles that Kuchinawa had caused for her companions. Even though these memories were far from pleasant, Sheena smiled. They were all things of the past, and she did not have to worry about them anymore. She knew that Corrine was content in the afterlife; she knew that it was best for Kuchinawa to brood alone.
Then, it caught her eye. She reached into the trunk of memories and pulled out a small book; its black, leather cover was lightened by a layer of dust that had accumulated over its long years of storage. The book was decorated with designs of vines spreading from the bottom right corner of the cover, across to the top left corner. Perhaps there was once a time where these patterns held colour, but it was long faded. "My diary," Sheena whispered aloud while flipping the journal open to the first page, "Heh, I can't believe I kept this thing... What on earth did I have to write about?" Sheena's eyes scanned the first few words written in the diary, and soon she found herself unable to resist reading more than one entry as she flipped from page to page.
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I have been chosen to be the Emissary of Death. I am going to be sent to the declining land of Sylvarant with one purpose: to assassinate their Chosen. But I'm going to be alone. That's why I've really started writing this diary: I need to talk to someone, even if it is just an empty book. I need someone to let all of my emotions out on, and someone to complain to when things don't work out.
But nonetheless, this mission has to be done. Hmph... I'd prefer to just stay here and punish Tethe'alla's own Chosen, but I have to do this for the sake of my world. Of course... I'm kind of nervous. What if something goes wrong? What if I'm not strong enough, or what if their Chosen is too strong? There's so much uncertainty involved... but I can't give up before even leaving. I have to save Tethe'alla.
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I have failed. I've only fought them twice, and already I know that I've failed. The Chosen and her companions are so strong! I managed to stop them at the Balacruf Mausoleum and engage in combat... but I lost. They were even more challenging than the first time that I fought them at Ossa Trail. It's hopeless at this point... I may as well give up now.
...No. No, I'm wrong. What am I thinking? I'm not going to go back to Tethe'alla yet... I will continue trying with whatever chance I have. I need to train more. I have to get stronger than them! I can't lose my hope. This was only the first attempt; for as long as I am alive, I will continue to try and assassinate the Chosen. I won't let you down, Mizuho... Tethe'alla... Grandpa.
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I can hardly believe the scene that is before me. I am sitting at a campfire with my enemies; sharing their sorrow and rage; understanding their feelings and hatred towards these "Desians". I'm... scared. I'm scared that I might be becoming attached to these people, and I just can't let that happen. They are my enemies. If I had to choose between Tethe'alla and them I would choose...
I am hesitating to write "Tethe'alla"! What's wrong with me! I don't get what I'm feeling! It's because of the presence of Sylvarant that Tethe'alla is in danger! I shouldn't want Colette and the others... no. No. The Chosen's group. I'm so torn up... I'll just have to take a page from the carefree lifestyle and live in the moment. I have to get into the mindset of someone else if I'm going to stay calm. Whatever will be, will be.
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Sheena read through the pages with interest. 'The Chosen's group', as she had worded it, had become her best friends. Since Mizuho had moved to Sylvarant, Sheena had spent much of her time with Lloyd, Colette, and all of the others (when they were actually home). Now when Sheena looked back at her diary entries, she was very content knowing that for once in her life she had decided to go along with whatever life gave her. It was a good attitude to have in certain times of doubt. Sheena could still recall what had happened after she began travelling with Sylvarant's Chosen: they first destroyed the Asgard human ranch, and then made their way to the Tower of Salvation where Colette's heart and memories were taken away. That was when they returned to Tethe'alla, and Sheena made her way back to Mizuho. The summoner skipped a few entries in her journal, and began reading again at the point where she had rejoined her friends...
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I've been ordered to continue travelling with Sylvarant's Chosen – no... my friend, Colette – but now I've returned to find that Zelos is with them! Imagine, that stupid Chosen! I can already tell that this is not going to be a pleasant experience. Thankfully, though, Colette is back to her normal self courtesy of the Key Crest that Lloyd prepared. I can't believe how dense Zelos is! I had to explain to him why Colette made such a fuss over Lloyd finally making her the necklace he had promised. And Zelos actually had the nerve to ask if I would fall in love with him if he made me a necklace and presented it at a romantic time. He even acted upset when I said no. The idiot Chosen... But I can't let him get to me. Things are finally starting to look up. I can feel hope building up inside of me. We still have a long way to go, though. And I just feel that we're going to end up having to face Volt... I don't want to endanger my friends. I really care for them now and don't want them to suffer the same fate as Grandpa.
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I succeeded in making the pact with Volt... but the achievement is so hollow. Corrine sacrificed his life for me when Volt attacked. I can't bring myself to even write about it... there are no emotions to express. I feel empty right now. Too empty to even write.
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Ever since Corrine's passing, it seems like everyone is avoiding me. Why can't they see that it's only making me feel worse? I need someone to talk to... even if they end up being the one doing all of the talking, seeing as I'm really not in the mood to spill my heart out. I just need someone to be with, really...
Actually, not everyone has been keeping their distance. Zelos is the only one who's approached me. While everyone else was occupied with other stuff, he walked over to where I was moping alone and sat down next to me. We were both completely silent, and all that I could keep thinking was how nice to was to just have Zelos there with me. I want to kick myself for thinking like that. I am supposed to hate when he comes over to bug me, and yet that was the happiest that I had felt in days. We didn't even end up talking at all. I guess he could tell that that wasn't my intention... but he still didn't leave. It just made me feel that there was someone there by my side.
Thank you, Zelos. I would never dare say it aloud, but you really know how to cheer me up. You're someone who knows how to listen, even when no words are exchanged. I hope that after all of the mana links have been separated, I end up on a side with someone like you.
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After that entry, Sheena observed that the dates that she had written on became more spaced out. It did not take long for Sheena to realize why it was that she was writing less: That's why I've really started writing this diary: I need to talk to someone, even if it is just an empty book. It must have been at that time when Sheena found an actual person to speak to. And that person was Zelos.
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We have revived the Linkite Tree in Sylvarant to call upon Aska, and are now camping out at its site while Lloyd and Presea make a flute out of the Linkite nuts. It seems that lately we've been staying in hotels in all of Tethe'alla's big cities, so it's really nice to just set up a fire in an isolated area and relax in nature as it is meant to be. Everyone seems happy right now; it's so blissful; my joy is no exception. Lloyd and Presea are hard at work on the flute while Raine and Regal are talking, Genis fast asleep by his sister's side. And Ze
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Sheena looked over the end of her last entry, a bemused expression on her face. "Why'd I just stop mid-word like that?" she asked herself, observing how the end of the last 'e' she wrote trailed off. She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear and smiled, "I guess I got distracted by something. Maybe I talk about it in my next entry... I'll just read that one and stop there." Sheena was becoming more and more interested in what she had experienced ten years ago. So many of these incidences were nothing but distant images in her memory, and by reading her diary she was able to relive those times and feel the emotions again. Even though she had said that she would only read one more, Sheena knew that she would not be able to resist flipping forward to entries from later on in the journey.
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I never got to finish describing the camp last night because Zelos wandered over just when I was about to write about him. How typical... but I was glad. I had to shut my diary right away, of course. Knowing Zelos, he would have peered over my shoulder and read everything that I was writing. Even so, he is a good guy. Before travelling with Zelos like this, I would have never expected him to be such a great person to talk to. I had anticipated him to walk over and poke fun at me for keeping a diary, but instead he said, "You're exactly the type of person I'd expect to keep a journal." How surprising is that? It was though he really understood me. He told me that I had a lot of emotions to express, but that I couldn't bring myself to tell another soul about them... and that's why I had to write. And he's right. I can hardly believe it: Zelos understands me. He said that he's a lot like me. That, however, I find hard to believe. Zelos does nothing but tell people about his feelings, whether they care to hear them or not!
Zelos dropped the subject when he noticed that I didn't believe him; he instead went on rant about "how lonely" I looked, "isolated" from everyone else, and that's why he decided to come and join me. I can't help but feel that I'm letting Zelos get too close to me. It had been very cold in the centre of the mountain range where the Linkite Tree was, so I let Zelos hold me for warmth... To wake up in his arms the next morning was a pleasant feeling... He didn't try anything funny, or even mention it or gloat after he awoke. He's growing up and it's so respectable. At this point, Zelos is the only person in the world who I can really feel right with. A longing like this one... I've never experienced it...
But what am I thinking? I shouldn't be talking about him at a time like this... We've finally made pacts will all of the summon spirits and... it didn't end well. The Great Seed went out of control, and I had to blast it with the power of Tethe'alla's summon spirits while the others infiltrated the Iselia human ranch. That ended well for us, but numerous sites in Sylvarant were demolished. It's wretched. And now something is wrong with Colette, and we don't know what... Celebration can never last long for us, can it? I don't even want to think about what awaits us in the future... it can't be good. It just can't be.
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The doctor managed to cure Altessa; I'm glad. And the night spent here along with Zelos, Regal and Presea has been nothing less than memorable. We were all waiting outside of Altessa's room while the doctor tended to him when Zelos approached me and asked if I would speak with him outside. I've really grown so familiar with the Chosen, and that's why I said yes. We went out to Altessa's front yard where it would just be us together. We sat down next to the remnants of the landslide and just... talked. It was so nice to have no worries in our words; there was no talk of pain, suffering or battles. Only the good things in life. Zelos was just being himself and throwing in senseless comments here and there until he brought up a conversation that we had had a while ago – I think that I wrote about it, too – when he had asked me if I would fall in love with him if he made me a necklace, like Lloyd had Colette. I found it kind of weird how he brought that up... well, until he gave me the necklace that he had actually made for me. It's really beautiful; I still can't believe that he put so much effort into making it for me.
After Zelos clasped the chain around my neck, he took a chance and kissed me. And he wasn't shy about it, either! His kiss wasn't at all innocent! But... I kind of liked it. I didn't pull away. I mean... I actually returned his affection. The excitement that I felt was... weird. It made sense to be with him like that; I admit that I've imagined it before, but never so boldly. In my mind, it was always a sweet, gentle kiss that lasted no more than a few seconds, but that's just not Zelos' style. He wanted to get as much as he could out of that one kiss, I suppose. And even though it was passionate, it was also pretty innocent. Before he pressed his lips against mine, he just gazed into my eyes for a moment. I had never noticed how bright and sincere his eyes were... I was always distracted by that cocky smirk that he always had on. And then it came: the kiss. My body's quivering in delight just remembering it... How cheesy. I can't believe myself – falling victim to Zelos' charm... that side of his charm that only I've really had the liberty of seeing. His personality; that is his charm. That caring man who understands how to cheer a person up, when to keep their distance, and... apparently how to get his tongue into my mouth. Pervert—that stupid, lovable pervert. The way he held me close, made me forget about everything in the world except for him. I want to love him for it.
I got so lost in Zelos' actions that I didn't notice when Presea came outside and saw us together. Surprisingly, Zelos pulled away when he noticed our friend watching. I would have thought that he'd just carry on to keep his reputation as a womanizer, but he didn't. We returned inside after that.
Everyone else is sleeping now, but I just can't bring myself to doze off. There's too much on my mind. I'm a little nervous to grow intimate with Zelos... I've spent my entire life building this icy barrier around myself, keeping anyone from getting too close, and now Zelos is melting that barrier with his warming touch. I can still feel the heat on my skin where he broke through that frozen wall. I know that it's a good thing, but I'm hesitant. It's too big a change... What if something went wrong?
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"I remember that kiss..." Sheena whispered to herself. Her memories of that night had been long forgotten, and by reading her own diary, Sheena now recalled everything that had happened. She placed her journal aside for a moment and rummaged through the box again, searching for something. She quickly found what she was wanted, and pulled it out: the necklace that Zelos had made for her. It was rather plain in appearance – especially by Zelos' extravagant standards. The necklace was made up of two chains; the top was covered in beads of different shades of purple, and the bottom was simply a silver chain with a matching heart pendant. Sheena held the jewellery in front of her face and watched as it swayed slightly in her grasp; that was when she noticed her own addition to the pendant: while one side of the heart was perfect, the other had a crack carved along the centre. "I did that," she recalled aloud, "But why? I barely remember..."
Sheena rested the necklace on her lap, and then picked up her diary again and began reading the next entry.
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I hate him! Is this what I get for putting my trust in someone else! I know that you can never trust someone entirely; everyone has their own minds and for all I know, everyone in the world could be a fake, never speaking a word of truth to anyone, but... I thought that I could believe him! I thought that of all the people in the world, he would be the last one to lie to me, but that's all that he's been doing! It doesn't matter that he apologized, it doesn't matter that he was helping us in the end, because the bottom line is that he was working for both Cruxis and the Renegades; what's to say that he isn't just pretending to be on our side now? I can never trust him again... I can't. I hate him.
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Strong words, eh? In the next chapter, we shall see what Sheena feels about what she had written in her diary. And what is she going to do about it? Please review with your feedback!