I'm a bit drowsy from my meds (not dat kind of meds! I have a bad cough) but I decided to write dis chappy while I'm still lucid.
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Her voice called to him, making him crawl out of bed and follow it. He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes.
It was still night, with the moon barely there. Winter was a whisper away and brought with it cold winds and frosty breaths.
He couldn't sleep. He never could for he was used to having someone beside him. And when his dreams led him to believe he wasn't alone, he reached for that person, waking to find it empty; he didn't like sleeping alone.
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Her eyes didn't want to close, her mouth fought to say what she couldn't think. The hairs on her neck rose, begging for something. If only she knew what that something was.
Though it was too dark to see, she ventured out her rooms without a candle. She didn't need such a frivolous thing, just as her mind cried for something…for someone.
It was too cold to go outside for a walk, so she settled on just wandering the halls. Once in a while she'd trip but that didn't stop her in her tracks and turn back.
Her heart was dead set on walking on. She felt her soul cry when another flash of memory hit her, bringing her to her knees.
Bella no longer cried. It scared the kingdom. A baby of a difficult birth, she was often resigned to cry fitfully into the night until either her father or mother held her, cooed to her.
But now, Bella's cries weren't heard anymore. It frightened them. Was she sick?
Doctors weren't called, for she knew Bella knew something. She knew Bella saw something that distressed her, enough to silence her cries.
She tried many remedies to fix her. Ancient hums of her country were sung, over and over. She placed blessed candles over her crib, burned sage at every entrance, every corner of her room. Nothing worked.
He told her it was a phase. She told him Tristan was never like that. He didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to believe.
The sky was dark, a storm rolling in from the west lands when she put Bella in the arms of her wet nurse. She waited for a cry to emit from her tiny mouth. It just curved into a small scowl and then she closed her eyes.
She went into her room, hoping for any kind of answer to come to her. Just as sleep was coming to her, she felt a hand go over her mouth and a horrible scent filling her nostrils.
She tried to keep her eyes open, to fight back. But it was so overwhelming, that smell, that terrible smell. It numbed her brain, her senses and she fell into a deep sleep.
And before that happened, she swore she could hear the cries of her baby down the hall. But the world went black, and for the first time in her life, she thought she might never hear Bella cry again.
When she finally opened her eyes, she was confronted with another set before her.
They were blue, oh so blue.
And they belonged to her husband.
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She tried to turn away, tried to ignore the feelings she saw in his eyes. They yearned for her and she was felt sorrow for him. He might never get back the love of his life and it was all her fault. Part of her didn't want to remember; didn't want to relive the torture she might've experienced that could've resulted in her remembering nothing.
It scared her to know what could have happened those two months she was missing.
He didn't look away from her, just held her until she was standing again.
And she could tell from the way he stared at her, that he knew she remembered something.
He said nothing. His hands slid down from her arms to holding her sweaty palms. She couldn't bring herself to pull them away. He needed this, to feel connected to his wife. She gave him that, for he found no other way of feeling her love for him.
She didn't love him, just felt attraction but that wouldn't be enough for a grieving husband. That wouldn't be enough for an expectant kingdom.
No matter how much she tried, love for this man didn't seem possible. They all told her they loved like no other, but she couldn't find the reason in that. It was one thing to know there was love; it's another to feel it.
Her soft side decided to give him some hope, even in its diminutive vessel.
"Bella had stopped crying," she whispered.
He nodded, moving an inch closer to her.
"Yes, she had."
"And we didn't know why." He nodded again.
"She started crying that day," he sighed.
She pulled her hands from his and wiped the sweat on her nightgown. She had no idea how he found her here, but suspected that a small cry might've alerted him while she was in the midst of her episode.
"I don't know how to be Queen Serenity," she murmured, pushing her hair from her face. It somehow escaped its braid and was now cascading down her back.
She saw a sliver of emotion go past his eyes when she touched her hair.
He walked up to her and draped his hands on either side of her cheeks.
"She didn't know either," he said before he swooped down and kissed her.
First it was chaste, glimmering on hope. Then it progressed as she responded to his mouth. Kissing the corners of her lips, his slipped his tongue, waiting for her to take him. Slowly, like a blushing virgin, she rubbed him softly as her dainty tongue touched him.
Thankfully, he went slow, giving her enough time to become comfortable.
She didn't really understand what was going all, the feelings swimming inside her. The thought of touching him used to scare her, now here she was kissing a man she was told to love.
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The last few weeks, he felt his soul draining, losing the glow it had achieved when she came into his life. Now, he saw it was coming back as he was finally able to touch her, like a husband to a wife.
Her grip on him was wavering and realization would soon hit her. He took all he could before it all ended. He wouldn't blame her for her indifference for him and the situation. Her memory was still incomplete and it took his whole being to wrestle with the fact that it might take longer than expected for to become well again.
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It got too much for her so she pulled away, and took a deep breath. She couldn't face him, couldn't let him see the confusion on her face. It would hurt him too much. Better if she just ran away to her room and cried herself to sleep.
He rested his forehead atop hers and inhaled her scent.
"Don't ever leave me again," he muttered, his eyes closed. Her heart went out to him, her resolve to walk away disappearing from her mind.
"I promise," he opened his eyes at her words. She could tell that he didn't expect for her to answer back.
She didn't mean to, but the Serenity in her might've felt his pain and spoke for his benefit.
He smiled and walked her back to her room. And before she went in, he bent down and tapped a kiss on her cheek. He didn't see the blush that crept on her throat; he left without a word to his own room.
She murmured a prayer as she lay in her bed, hoping the Goddess heard her.
She prayed for her husband to finally find the peace he deserved. For his soul to no longer be in torment.
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Okay, I gotta say, this came out really emotional. I have 2 give thnx to da following songs that were playing on the AOL RADIO while I wrote dis chappy:
The Click Five "Say Goodnight"
The All-American Rejects "It Ends Tonight"
Pink "U+Ur Hands"
The Fray "Heaven Forbid"
Aly and A.J. "Collapsed"
Aly and A.J. "Something More"
Aly and A.J. "Never Far Behind"
They, like, literally got me in dat mood and helped me write dis chappy. Freaky thing is, they all played consecutively, well except da last two. I had to wait for those songs.
In da next one, I might have dem do more den jst kiss, not da nasty (hehe) but something more...we'll see