Heh heh. ' The changes sort of changed again, but back to more of the original plot line. Forgive the time it took, but I just started college and haven't quite had the time to write that I want. I'll keep it updated as best I can. I ask nicely please review. I'm an aspiring writer and I want opinions on writing style. I'll love you all more if you review. Shout out to xbloodyxvalentinex I feel so honored.
I tossed around in my bed unable to sleep. My mind simply couldn't stop running on overdrive. All I could think about was suicide and how simple it would be. People tended to give me my privacy, which was exactly what I needed in order to finish this. I could easily finish it off and end my useless existence. All I did was cause people problems or unnecessary worry as I did with Honda-san. She always seemed to feel the need to keep an eye on me. I couldn't keep putting all of this on her. It would all be so simple and I could even keep the mess to a minimum if I went to the bathroom. I rolled over to my other side and forced my eyes closed trying to get my mind off of it. The darkness surrounding me simply wouldn't leave me alone. It continued to call to me even as I tried to sleep. For some reason the voice was always louder when I needed sleep. Frustration finally took over and I threw my covers off. It was impossible to get any sleep with that damn voice. There was a small amount of homework that I hadn't finished and I had brought some paperwork for the student council that could be done. I was willing to do anything right now just to make the voice stay in the back of my head. The homework was the first thing I did, unfortunately it was simple math problems and I finished it rather quickly. I hated to be so desperate to actually do council work, but I was. Letting out a sigh, I pulled out the paperwork and ran through it. Of course it had to be something that would involve approval by others. I had to find a compromise between two groups that never got along, staff and students. The student body wanted to have another festival to celebrate the end of exams, however the staff didn't want to waste the schools time and money with it. I ran through the ideas the staff had come up with for other festivals that the students wouldn't mind adapting into their festival. Anything educational was out, since it was supposed to celebrate the end of exams. One suggestion from the students was definitely out. The staff wouldn't accept the idea of a dunk the teacher booth. Something clicked when he thought of the details of the booth. If the festival was a fundraiser the staff wouldn't mind it so much. All of the classes could come up with a different fundraising booth. This would allow the students to have some fun and allow the staff some kind of practical purpose. Creating the proposal for the two groups would take some time. Each one would be more swayed by a completely different set of points. Creating the different proposals would take all night . . . perfect. I had found my escape from the voice.
My eyes opened very slowly and I saw a small amount of light coming through my window. I sat up very slowly wondering exactly where I was and what was going on. I definitely wasn't a morning person. I looked around and found myself sitting at my desk with a half-finished proposal sitting in front of me. It all came back. I had been working on the proposal and must have fallen asleep out of sheer exhaustion. At least I had managed to distract the voice for the night. As I became a bit more aware of myself I noticed the ache in my back and neck. I made a mental note to never fall asleep at my desk again. Despite the mental note my senses were really dulled down and I didn't even notice the door opening behind me. "Yuki-kun, are you awake?" Honda-san peaked into the room and saw me half-asleep at my desk. "Were you up all night?" Worry filled her eyes and she came a bit further into the room. I turned to her, not completely registering that I was asked a question. She turned her head to the side and looked at me, expecting the answer. I looked back at her for a second and slowly shook my head. A yawn took over and once it was over I managed to rub some sleep out of my eyes. It woke me up a bit more and I could give her a better explanation.
"Fell asleep while working." I pointed my head quickly to the paper on my desk. She nodded, still worried, but willing to wait until I was completely awake. For that, I was thankful. In the state I was in I had no idea what would come out of my mouth. My mind knew what was going on, but my body wouldn't listen to that part of my mind. She smiled and moved to walk out the door, but turned at the last minute.
"Breakfast is almost ready. I wanted to make sure you were up in time for school. Didn't you say that you had to leave early today?" I nodded my thanks and she finished the walk out, closing the door behind her. Once I was sure she was further down the hall my head fell back down to the surface of the desk. There was no way I had gotten more than three hours of sleep and the lack of sleep was beginning to pile up. If I didn't watch myself I could transform at school. I let out a sigh. If that happened I wasn't sure I would be able to stay away from the darkness. My neck and back were stiff from my position. Getting up wasn't going to be fun, especially now that I was completely awake. I let out a sigh and forced myself to pull myself up. The pain was as bad as I had assumed it would be, but I still wasn't ready for it when it came. It took a little bit of stretching, but I managed to dull the pain enough to move. Honda-san was right about my schedule. There were some council things that I had to do before school, along with finishing the proposal I had started during the night. The one thing I liked about myself was my autopilot ability. I threw myself into autopilot to get dressed. It was the best way for me to conserve energy to prevent myself from transforming. Today was going to be barrels of fun. I laughed to myself at the sarcasm. As I worked the tie under my collar I was yanked out of autopilot. Ties were created to drive men insane. It always took me at least five tries before I could finally get it to look semi-normal and that was only if I put my full concentration into it. I cursed under my breath as my first attempt failed. I really didn't have the patience for it this morning, especially with my lack of sleep. It took me seven tries this morning before I finally managed to get the damn thing tied. By then the smell of breakfast began wafting into my room. I took in several deep breaths and pulled up the wall. When I came to the table Shigure was already sitting there with the newspaper. He registered my presence as I sat down at the table.
"Morning, Yuki-kun. Tohru-kun said she found you asleep at your desk this morning. Awake all night?" He had a rather smug look on his face and I scowled. "Now, now. Be nice to me, Yuki-kun. I was simply asking a question." If I had the choice I would have growled at him, but that would only give him something to make fun of.
"I fell asleep while doing some work, not like it's any of your business." I continued my glare until he nervously returned to his paper. The nervousness was, of course, an act. Around Shigure I had learned to never anything Shigure said, did, or pretended to do. The best bet was to never trust Shigure in any way. Honda-san came out with two trays of food and was about to trip when an arm reached out to catch her. He held his trays with one arm and steadied her with the other. She flashed him a grateful smile and I felt my heart sink at the look she was giving him. Kyo looked away a bit nervous despite his nature. I hated the awkwardness he always seemed to give off, especially after he had been chosen by her. As I sat there I reinforced the wall.
"Look at that. Kyo-kun is actually being kind and protective of our little flower. Didn't you see, Yuki-kun?" If looks could kill Shigure would have dropped dead right there. He, miraculously, took the hint and returned to his paper. Honda-san set a tray of food in front of me with a smile. She sat down next to Kyo as he practically threw Shigure's in front of him. I wished it had landed in his lap. Turning my attention to my breakfast managed to keep myself away from any felonies today. Both Shigure and Kyo were on my hit list, if I ever created one that is. Honda-san looked up at me with a question in her eyes.
"Yuki-kun, what were you working on last night? I was sure our homework wouldn't have taken you all night to do. You explained it all to me rather easily." I looked up quickly from the food in front of me to meet her eyes. She seemed to be rather concerned with the fact that I had been up so late at night. I gave her a small smile, knowing it would reassure her, though I wasn't sure if she would notice how forced it was. I prayed she didn't.
"I was working on a proposal for that festival the students wanted. It took me a while to figure out a way for the staff to approve of it. Then I had to prepare a proposal for both the student council and the staff. That is what took so long." When she seemed to accept the response I felt a bit relieved. As long as she didn't question it I was fine. Something clicked when I saw Shigure move. He didn't believe one word of the crap I was spewing. I looked over at him and caught his eyes, glaring at him, warning him away from any stupid ideas of telling her anything. He seemed to catch the hint, but when his face warped into a smile I knew he was going to do it any way. Right then and there I swore that if I ever got him alone he would pay.
"Yuki-kun, something like that wouldn't take all night, surely. It would only take an hour or so, right? Why then were you up most of the night?" I was sure Honda-san had seen the look in his eye and knew what he was trying to do, but I overestimated her ability to read Shigure and her eyes snapped over to me. Kyo knew better, but he wouldn't do anything to help me out. He still loved to watch me squirm like this. He was going to wish he hadn't the next time I got the chance to hit him.
"I tried to sleep for a while, but couldn't so I decided to work on it. I fell asleep while I was working on it." I directed the answer to Shigure and let a bit more venom in than I had intended, but managed to make the stupid dog squirm. He probably had no idea what he was doing, but he now knew to back off. With Honda-san around sometimes he got the idea that he actually had to play a parent. It was almost making me wish I had somewhere else to go. Suddenly the food sitting in front of me didn't look so good, even though it was her cooking. I put on the act of checking my watch before getting up. "I'm sorry, but I have to get going. Yamaoka-san wanted me to get some more paperwork done today on top of this proposal." Before I could see their disbelief I turned and made my way out of the room. I had never been so relieved to be on my own, even when Nii-san was around. If I thought about it, which was all I did on the walk to school, Shigure probably knew I was up to something, or hiding something. Damn him. He was going to hold that knowledge over my head for as long as he could. Usually it was something that I would eventually let Honda-san know about and then he would no longer have the leverage, but this time . . . there was nothing I could do about it. I could leave the house, but that would mean that I would have to go back to the main house . . . to Akito . . . that wasn't an option. As I shuddered I shook my head to clear that option out. There was no way I could go back. I wasn't that desperate . . . at least not yet. The call of the darkness hadn't reached that point yet. "This world is a cruel, dark place. Your whole life will be lived in that darkness. Hope, possibility . . . those concepts don't apply to you. Your fate is to stay on that pitch dark road until you die." Akito's word echoed in my mind. Before I always thought that Akito had lied, that Honda-san could bring me out of that dark world, give me hope. There was always that hope, wish, that she would save me, but in the end . . . "Don't get any ideas or think I will be saved some day."
"Yuki-san?" My attention was brought back out of my inner world to see Yamaoka-san standing right in front of me. It was a bit close and really startled me causing me to jump back. "Welcome back to planet earth, Yuki-san. You really spaced out there." I looked at her. She had turned her back to me and continued walking into the school. "I'm glad you showed up early today. It seems that the staff heard the rumors about the festival and want a full explanation as to what we plan to do about it. Since you had been called in yesterday we figured we wouldn't do the same thing again, though the staff won't like our lack of preparation." Her rambling went on long enough for me to regain my composure and pull the wall back up. If anyone caught sight of the darkness it would all be over.
"Actually, Yamaoka-san, I had some time last night and managed to start up a proposal." She looked back at me with a hint of surprise. "I was thinking about how to get the staff on board, what if we turned it into a form of fundraiser? Each class comes up with their own booth to raise money for the school. Students can do what they want and the staff gets a practical purpose out of it. I started a proposal, but I was going to bring it up later today." Without any notice she pushed my shoulder back rather hard, but there was a smile on her face. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. All I really understood was that it had really hurt.
"Here I thought you were getting lazy on me, Yuki-san. Ever time I make an assumption about your character you go and surprise me by throwing a curve ball. That's a great idea!" I let out a nervous laugh and rubbed my shoulder. If she liked the idea then why'd she have to hit me so hard? "Sorry about that, Yuki-san. I grew up in a house of guys who decide that if they like you then you immediately become a punching bag. I figured, from your actions that you didn't really grow up like that. Do you have any brothers?" That dreaded subject. I felt my anger rise slightly at the mere thought of that man. "I take it you do and you're not to happy about that." She laughed. "Nobody gets along perfectly with their siblings, but in the end they're there for you in a time of need." She seemed to drift off into her own world leaving me to do the same as we entered the building. Nii-san had never been there when I needed him and now all he seemed to do was get in the way. In the end, the only person that managed to be there had finally chosen to leave me. I shook those thoughts out of my head and looked down at Yamaoka-san, making sure I hadn't let my wall drop. Her eyes were completely serious and any guard she may have had was dropped. There was a loneliness, a sadness in her eyes that caused me to shudder. It reminded me of the same feelings in my heart. I wondered if my eyes ever held that same look before. Manabe appeared suddenly in front of me.
"Mr. President and Yamaoka!" He moved almost as quickly as Nii-san did and almost as loud. I really, really didn't like this guy. Yamaoka-san seemed to be annoyed by him and put her hands on her hips and glared at him.
"Manabe! How many times do I have to tell you not to be so noisy in the halls? What if there was someone making up a test in the classrooms around here?" Her eyes narrowed, losing the look that she had before. I wondered what had brought about the sudden sadness in her eyes. "Do something about this plague, Yuki-san. He's bringing down the entire image of the student council. Imagine what people must think about us when they see this fool running around the hallway." I couldn't help, but shake my head, covering my eyes with my hand. The entire council was full of freaks, but they couldn't be near as bad as what Nii-san had put his school through.
"I just came out here to greet our glorious leader, Yamaoka. Take a chill pill, 'kay?" He put a hand behind his head and let out a nervous laugh when Yamaoka narrowed her eyes even more after this statement. "Alright. I came to make sure you guys were coming. The principal didn't like the idea that we were planning some festival under his nose. He's about to have a conniption. The only one who can talk some sense into him now is Mr. President here." He clapped a hand on my shoulder, luckily the one Yamaoka-san hadn't punched earlier. "Now that you're here, we can rectify this situation." I felt myself being pulled away. Before I could make any hesitation I was shoved into a close room and the door closed behind me. In the room there was the principal and a few of the staff members sitting at a long table. None of them looked pleased to see me. I took a deep breath and began my greeting.
"Good morning." Narrowed eyes greeted me. I knew formalities weren't going to help me. "I know you heard about the rumors of a festival, but I assure you that we were not making any promises without your clearance. We were trying to tie in a practical purpose for it before we brought any formal proposals to your attention." From the look in their eyes they wanted every detail here and now before anything else. I set my bag down on the floor next to me and pulled up the incomplete proposal. "I began work on the proposal yesterday, but I haven't had any time to complete it yet." Slowly, I handed it to the principal to look over some. "Right now the idea was to make it a giant fundraiser. Each class can come up with their own ideas for how to raise money for the school." He flipped through the few pages of notes that I had written before looking up at me. There was no emotion in his eyes and I wasn't sure what to think of the reaction.
"Sohma-kun, you are a rather smart boy. I was all ready to throw out this entire idea, but then you come up with this." He pushed the papers across the table back to me with a small smile on his face. "I can't find a reason for us not to approve of this festival. Finish up the plans and give us a final proposal as soon as possible." He stood up and motioned the rest of the teachers out of the room. I let slip a sigh of relief once they were gone. It didn't take long for the rest of the council to find their way into the room. They all surrounded me expecting a detailed report. I let out another sigh.
"They couldn't find a reason not to approve. We are supposed to finish the proposal and get it to them for approval ASAP." Almost everyone erupted in cheers. Even Yamaoka-san seemed to have a relieved look on her face. While everyone was distracted I felt safe to move into my own mind. Somehow I needed the solitude, but once I tuned out everyone I could hear the darkness calling for me again. Involuntarily I took hold of my wrist and rubbed my thumb over the healing wounds. I wanted, needed to see the blood again. Someone grabbed my shoulders suddenly pulling me back to my surroundings. Manabe was the one who had grabbed me, but the others pulled in a group surrounding me. I looked up to what was in front of me when there was a flash of light. Once my eyes focused again I realized that someone had taken a picture of us. Yamaoka-san looked back from behind the camera with a small smile on her face.
"I'll make sure to keep record of this moment. The amazing Yuki-san managed to save the festival. If it goes well it may become an annual thing. You would leave your mark on this schools history." She looked down at her camera as it began to rewind the film. "It seems that I'll be able to develop this tonight." With the group chattering I managed to slip out unnoticed. The crowd was making me uncomfortable and I wasn't sure I could stay entirely alert for my situation with the condition I was in. I needed to take some time for myself to think. Somehow, despite the celebrations, I managed to get out of the room with my bag. As I walked down the hallway my mind traveled to exactly what had happened. It was only my depressed state that saved the festival. Somehow it seemed that I was nothing without the darkness. I shook my head bringing myself away from that thought. Even with the darkness there was really no use for me. The others would have managed to come up with the same plan and probably much faster than I had. Someone else was probably more suited for student council president than I was. Why didn't any of them realize this? It was so obvious. I seriously reconsidered the idea of resigning. The reasons flooded my mind, but before I could really think them over I managed to brush the underside of my wrist against my leg. The twinge of pain brought my attention back to the cut I had inflicted. It was healing, but that wasn't what caught my attention. The wound reminded me of an even easier way to get out of everything. I had listened to people preach their ideas that suicide was a horrible sin, but was it really? God put us on the earth and gave us the free will to make choices, to choose our own paths. Wouldn't that also include the right to live? I moved my wrist around testing just what would bring pain to the cut. It would be such a simple solution and yet it seemed to be the only one to solve every one of the problems. I found my way to the bathroom and locked myself into a stall. I didn't have anything to cut my wrist with, but my fingernails were long enough that I could probably just reopen the wound. That would pacify my mind. There was a small amount of pain and I welcomed it. There was a small amount of blood, enough for me to appreciate its beauty once again, but not enough to cause a major problem later in the school day. Once I noticed the blood flow was beginning to slow I checked my watch and realized that I should get back to the others. I opened the stall and washed my hands and the cut in the sink and began walking back to the others. Today seemed it was going to be a long day. I realized with a sigh.
