AN: I thank everyone for their feedback on my story. A special thanks goes out to those of ya'll that gave me prank suggestions (I still have room for more, too), and a special special thanks to Loqui and DCourtes, who might recognize some of the things that happen in this chapter!
And by the by, I love you, ElrohiryElladan . The evening hawk poem was a bitch, and your comment made me laugh so much to know that everyone else hated it too!
Oh, and a warning. If you squint, you might find traces of Neji/Hinata in this chapter. If you don't like that, then ignore it, it's not really there. If you like the pairing, feast your heart out, because it is there. And if you're really confused by what I just said, join the club (it exists, and you can even get a tee-shirt if you pay the dues!).
Prankster
Chapter 4: Neji's Traumatic Day
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Maito Gai woke up with his usual Youthful Exuberance (it was still, after all, the Springtime of his Life) at the crack of dawn, and bounced out of bed, ready for a day of Rigorous Training, Fierce Rivalry, and Gentle Nurturing of his Beloved Students.
He stripped out of the jungle green boxers he slept in and hopped into the shower. 'Strange,' he thought to himself, as he noticed his hair products were missing. He thought he'd bought more last time he'd been shopping… Oh well, he'd just have to put extra gel in it when he got out of the shower (you didn't think that Manly Beauty like that came without effort, did you?).
Gai finished his quick morning shower and wrapped his (bright green) towel around his muscular waist. He reached blindly for his bottle of styling gel as he dried his hair with a second towel. His hand closed on air. He groped around his table, searching for his beloved gel.
Konoha's Beautiful Blue Beast searched wildly around his apartment, seeking his gel. He knew he had gel! He just opened a new bottle yesterday, so he should have at least half a bottle left! Gai rummaged through his drawers, but his emergence bottle had disappeared as well. He dove under his bed and discovered that his third, Super Secret Spare bottle had vanished.
"What has happened?" He cried, holding his hands up with dramatic anguish. He was a shinobi of Konoha, though. He was trained to cope with any trauma. He'd just have to water down his hair until he could get to the store and stock up on gel again.
Gai threw open the door to his closet and reached in to grab one of his spandex body suits. To his horror, they had suffered the same fate as his hair products. Some fiendish devil had broken into his apartment, scrounged around, and left not a synthetic thread of spandex behind.
Gai could barely see through the Manly Tears welling up in his eyes. This was too horrible for words! He tried to sit down in his chair before his knees gave out, but found the seat otherwise occupied. There, in all of their wretched glory, was…
…
…CIVILIAN CLOTHES!
Gai's anguished cry could be heard throughout the village.
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
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Across the village, Hyuuga Neji awoke from his peaceful slumber to the broken-hearted cry.
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Forty-five minutes later, as Neji was about to eat the delicious breakfast that Hinata had prepared, a green spandex blob tackled him. The somber genius looked up to find his teammate on top of him, rambling.
"My eternal rival! I need your help! Something awful has happened!" Lee gasped, visibly shaken by whatever it was that he'd seen.
Neji gazed longingly at his breakfast (chocolate-chip pancakes, light and fluffy, cooked to perfection) and sighed.
"Come on." He said, pushing Lee off of him and standing up. "We can talk in my room."
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"I need civilian clothes!" Lee shouted at Neji, the moment the long-haired boy had his door firmly shut. Neji froze. His hyperactive teammate didn't want to wear his spandex? Wasn't that one of the signs of Apocalypse? Neji checked Lee over with his Byakugan. Well, he wasn't an imposter, at least.
"Why?" Neji asked.
"This morning, as I was out for my before-dawn training," Lee explained, "I saw our beloved Gai-sensei. But he wasn't wearing his usual Beautiful clothing. In his Infinite Knowledge and Foresight of Aesthetic Beauty, he must have moved on to more fashionable attire. I've been left behind in the outcast trend. What if Gai-sensei doesn't want to associate with me any more, since I am so ignorant and behind the times? That is why I need hip and modern civilian clothes, Neji-san!"
Neji blinked. Gai out of spandex? It just wasn't natural! How many times could his world be turned upside down in one morning? All the universal constants were changing. The next thing he knew, Ten-ten would probably be swearing off weapons!
"So, you're coming to me for normal clothes?" Neji asked. His own wardrobe wasn't exactly…normal. He doubted Lee would look good running around dressed like him, in khaki shorts and a loose shirt. Not that he would give Lee those kinds of clothes, knowing how prone the kid was to imitation.
Lee nodded. "You're the only one I could come to with this embarrassing dilemma, Neji-san. Please help me, my friend and rival!" Neji supposed he should be flattered that Lee would come to him for help. Maybe if this whole situation wasn't so messed up…
"I can see if I have anything that will fit you. I might not, though." He told his teammate, who nodded eagerly.
Neji dug through his drawers, and at last produced a pair of jeans he'd never worn from the forgotten corner of a bottom drawer.
"Here. Try these on." He said, tossing them to Lee. Lee wiggled out of his spandex and slipped into jeans.
"These are just like what Gai-sensei was wearing! They're a little loose though."
"They're supposed to be baggy. That's the style." Neji explained.
"Oh." Lee exclaimed, and nodded. Neji found a belt for him, and began the search for some sort of shirt.
In the very back of his closet, he found an old tee-shirt, black with the name of some band written on it. It'd been a gift that he'd never worn either. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.
Neji tossed the shirt to Lee.
"Is it supposed to be this tight, Neji?" He asked, pulling the shirt on. Neji looked. It seemed fine. Yes, it was formfitting, but the shirt looked good enough on him.
"It's fine. I wouldn't think tight clothing would bother you, considering all you ever wear is spandex." Lee's eyes welled up with tears at the mention of his beloved spandex. Neji would have to avoid that word until this strange turn of events ended.
Lee pulled his standard issue sandals back on and observed himself in Neji's mirror. He began to ruffle his hair until it was no longer shaped like an upside-down bowl.
"Gai-sensei's hair looks like this." He explained to his wide-eyed rival. "I feel weird." He said self-consciously.
"You look fine. Gai-sensei will love it." Neji told him absently. His breakfast must be getting cold!
"Do you really think so?" Lee asked, round eyes shining. Neji spent the next few minutes painstakingly reassuring Lee that yes, he looked fine, no, no one was going to make fun of him. All the while, Neji was thinking of his rapidly cooling pancakes.
By the time Lee left and Neji made it back into the kitchen, his lovely chocolate-chip pancakes were completely cold.
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Umino Iruka was one of the few people in the village that could boast sleeping through Maito Gai's mournful racket that morning; the poor sensei had been so worn-out by that night's pranking, he'd slept right through the shouts and the sobbing. After Iruka's shower, he'd remembered that he wanted to remove Gai's hair-products, so he'd snuck back into the Blue Beast's apartment and taken them. Then he'd circled back around to Kakashi's place, drugged the watchdogs with dog-biscuits laced with a sleeping drought, and snuck into there. Iruka was tired, but it would be worth it to see Kakashi's reaction when he found out the Prankster he'd been chasing after so persistently had been standing over him in his sleep.
He was a little bothered by Kakashi's reaction to the Prankster, now that he was far away enough from the man to actually think straight. Did the copy ninja go around groping every strange masked person he met, or was it only the Prankster? Iruka didn't really like the idea of Kakashi getting cozy with him if he didn't KNOW it was him (even if Iruka did like being able to grope Kakashi back). Damn, that hardly even made sense though. He liked Kakashi, he was getting to have Kakashi- he should be happy, right?
The more Iruka thought about it, the more distraught he became. He needed help. He couldn't exactly discuss his problems with his friends, though. They didn't know he was the Prankster, and none of his complaints would make sense unless he told them. The only people that knew were the Hyuuga. Well, Iruka needed advice, and beggars can't be choosers. He dressed and headed over to the Hyuuga Complex.
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An hour after Neji had eaten his cold pancakes, he was doing some warm-up exercises to prepare for the training he was going to be doing with the rest of team Gai that day. He had just finished stretching out his muscles and was about to begin molding chakra when Iruka jumped over the wall and landed in the Hyuuga courtyard. From the bodily signs that Neji read, he could tell the young sensei was slowly working himself into a panic about something.
"Neji-kun, I need to talk to someone. I don't know what to do." Neji beckoned him to sit, wondering when today had become 'Ask Neji' day. At least Iruka hadn't tackled him. He continued with his chakra exercises as Iruka rambled.
"You see, there's this person that I like, and they like me, except they don't know it's me. This person likes the Prankster, and I'm not really sure how he feels about me. And it doesn't help that whenever I'm around him, I can't think and I end up doing stupid things. Like last night. Last night shouldn't have happened, and now I don't know whether he just likes me or if he molests every man he meets on the streets at night. I mean, I don't think he's like that, but Kakashi's not the epitome of morals or anything. So I don't know if I should just avoid him, or make his life miserable as the Prankster so that he'll stop liking him and start liking me. I just wanted to make everybody happy! I didn't mean for all of this to happen!" Iruka lamented.
Neji had started off listening halfheartedly. When Iruka's mystery 'person' had become a 'him', however, Neji's pupil-less eyes had widened. When Iruka had spoken of being accosted on the street, he began clawing at his ears. And when Iruka had named that fatal name, Neji grabbed his head and tried to block out all the images in his head. Why had Iruka felt the need to tell him these awful, awful things? Neji doubted the sensei even realized that he'd let Kakashi's name drop, so distressed was he.
Iruka looked at Neji, seeking some sort of advice. Neji panicked. How was he supposed to know what to do? He was a teenage genius ninja- he had no concept of romance (that fell under people skills, which he didn't have), and he definitely didn't have a clue about gay romance!
"H-hello, Iruka-sensei." A quiet voice whispered from the door to the courtyard. It was Hinata, blessed Hinata, to the rescue. She sat down a tray of snacks and took a seat next to Iruka. "Neji-nii-sama has to train now, but maybe I can help. I…I heard what you said." Hinata shooed Neji away, and he was more than happy to exit the courtyard and leave his former sensei's romantic mishaps to someone else.
When Neji was safely behind the walls of the mansion and out of Iruka's sight, he mouthed a "Thank you" to his cousin. Although there were two solid walls, a few trees, and probably an antique or two between them, he knew she'd see. She had good eyes.
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Kakashi woke up that morning much like he did every day. He showered, dressed, tucked his Icha Icha safely into his vest pocket, scarfed down breakfast, and left. He didn't look into any mirrors because he didn't take any particular interest in his face, and he didn't care how his hair looked.
He first began to suspect something was wrong when he was met with strange looks from all the villagers he passed. He was used to disapproving glares from mothers, since he walked around reading porn, and he was used to curious stares, what with his mask. He was not, however, used to people pointing at him and laughing, or walking up and snapping pictures of his face.
He was almost one hundred percent sure something was amiss when Genma took one look at him, whistled, and exclaimed, "Holy shit!"
Kurenai looking at him and laughing so much she snorted confirmed it.
Kakashi did a quick mental check. His mask was firmly in place, as was his hitai-ate. He had on pants and shirt. There weren't any genjutsu around him.
He finally begged a mirror from Kurenai and looked at himself. The Kakashi he saw in the mirror didn't look much like the one he was used to seeing, though. His fly-away hair was now a rainbow of colors. Every visible inch of skin on his face had been drawn on with a permanent marker. His Konoha hitai-ate had been replaced with one that bore a smiley-face in the center. All in all, he looked like a nin-clown.
"Hn." Was all the response he gave. Kakashi had never been one to care much about his appearance. He pulled out his list of Prankster suspects and looked around at his jounin friends. "You guys want to help me with this?" He asked. The jounins stared at him a few moments more, chuckling, before gathering around to add their input to the list.
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After spending three years as a part of Team Gai, Neji would have sworn that he had developed a tolerance for the 'Manly Sobs' his sensei and his teammate were capable of turning out (always accompanied, strangely enough, by a sunset, no matter what the time of day). Being the genius of the Hyuuga Clan, he wasn't wrong very often. This, however, was one of those rare instances.
He had heard Gai-sensei's sobs even before he'd arrived at the training area. He entered the clearing in the woods where they always met, and his foot landed in a puddle formed by Gai's tears. Ten-ten sat nearby, happily snapping pictures with a little disposable camera with a tag that said: 'Thought you could use this.- The Prankster'. Neji could understand why she took pictures. He'd never once seen his eccentric teacher out of spandex, but now he wore jeans, a tee-shirt, and tennis shoes. It was blackmail opportunity at its finest.
The tear flow had slowed after a while, as Gai rambled on about taking strength from the appearance of his Bright and Youthful Students. That is, it slowed until Lee decided to make an appearance. As soon as the poor boy set foot into Gai's line of vision, a dam inside of Gai broke and the crying became stringer than before.
"Lee! What has happened to you, my Beautiful Student? Did the Prankster rob you of your Special Training Suit as well? That Vile Villainous Prankster must have been jealous of out Beauty!"
Lee stared for a moment, eyes watering. "You…you mean this isn't a hip and modern new fashion? I…I'm ugly now?" Lee jumped into Gai's arms and sobbed. The sky filled with dark clouds, and thunder clapped along with their cries, dramatic enough to make any special effects artist weep with jealousy. Ten-ten kept taking photos. Neji rubbed his temples. How much more traumatic could this day get? Damn it, he knew this was going to be an awful day, ever since his unwanted wake-up call. Gai-sensei and Lee hadn't had a crying fest like this in well over a year.
'At least I have training with Raido-san to look forward to.' Neji consoled himself. Raido was one of the saner of the jounin, and he could always learn new things from the scarred ninja. Just because he'd started out the day with cold pancakes didn't mean his whole day was shot. He didn't believe in fate like that anymore.
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"The problem is," Kakashi explained to Asuma, Kurenai, Genma, and Raido, "I've already eliminated everybody on this list I made. They've either been away on missions while a prank has happened or they don't fit the profile right."
The others looked over his list, and then at the list of Prankster characteristics.
"Maybe you assumed something about the Prankster that isn't true then." Asuma said.
"Yeah. You only have men on here, for one thing. Are you sure it's not a woman?" Kurenai asked.
Kakashi looked down at his hands, remembering the night before. The Prankster was definitely male.
"I'm sure." He told the group, in a voice that clearly warned 'Don't ask.'
"Well, are you sure he'd jounin?" Genma asked. Kakashi was about to answer yes, he had to be a jounin, when he had a thought. Most of the pranks pulled were simple things, using no chakra or only the most basic of jutsus to accompany them. Even when the Prankster had been trying to escape from Kakashi, he hadn't used any jounin level moves to get away. The Prankster had done nothing to indicate he was a high level ninja, other than being as tricky as hell.
"Maybe not." Kakashi leaned over and crossed it off his list. Now that he thought about it, the Prankster was probably a chuunin, considering he'd eliminated all of the jounin possibilities. He began a new list of possibilities in his head.
"I need to go." He told the others, snatching his lists away and running to the record room to get the names of every male chuunin in the village.
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Iruka felt much better after his little chat with Hinata. He left her with a task for his next prank, and then rushed to get to his classroom on time. He hadn't had time to make any lesson plans for the day, but he always kept a few pop quizzes in his desk for such emergencies. Iruka would have to make it up to the children later. Walking by the classroom in a crazy costume, maybe? He'd have to find out a favorite cartoon character from them, and have him make a special guest appearance.
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After Kakashi mad his list of every male chuunin, he broke into the file cabinet where the mission reports were kept. He crossed off every chuunin that had been on a mission during any part of the pranks. He eliminated a few more names that he knew couldn't possibly be it (Kotetsu, for example, and what's-his-name, who guarded the Hokage; Tsunade was too much a slave driver to give them the free time to breathe, much less carry out elaborate yet amusing tricks), and was left with a list of about twenty names. He most certainly was a genius.
Kakashi went back and put a little smiley-face beside the chuunin that had any ties to the academy, and a star beside those who worked in the mission room. The ninja on the list got a plus for good handwriting (he crossed off one name, because he knew that particular nin couldn't write legibly to save his life) and a minus for having outstanding artistic skills.
"Damn. I need to investigate more." He said to himself as he reviewed his list. The name with the most marks next to it was Umino Iruka. Kakashi must not be getting enough sleep…
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Neji had finished up his afternoon training with his old genin team without even breaking a sweat. He had been thoroughly soaked, but that was from the tears of two-thirds of his team, not from any physical exertion on his part. He could have danced when it finally came time for him to train with Raido-san, had he not been a Hyuuga, and thus above dancing of any type.
His day was cursed, however. All that crap that Naruto had spouted a year ago, about there being no fate or destiny, that was bull shit.
Raido's training had started off normally. Neji was practicing throwing kunai in his blind spot, while hanging upside down and spinning. Childs play. He'd just thrown his last kunai, and was asking Raido to gather them up for a second round, when Raido's lover Genma crashed into their training area.
"Raidooooo! Holy shit! You have to see this!" He'd shouted, out of breath. Raido rolled his eyes, obviously used to this sort of behavior from the other man.
"What is it?" He asked, sounding like he was humoring a small child more than speaking to his boyfriend.
"I have acid spit!" Genma explained. (AN: shameless, shameless plug for my other story, Training with Jounin, from which I recycled this prank) Raido shook his head with disbelief.
"Genma, think about what we did this morning." He said. Genma's eyes glazed over for a moment, remembering.
"Why, you ready for another round?" He asked with a lecherous grin. Neji wondered if the senbon-sucking man realized there was an underage jounin hanging less than ten feet away. Well, from what he knew of Genma, he should probably revise that to did he care that there was an underage jounin hanging there. Apparently not.
"Genma! Try to focus! Now, do you think that would have worked if you had 'acid spit'?" Genma thought for a moment.
"Maybe we should go try it out and see!" He said. Genma obviously had a one-track mind, Neji thought.
"Not now! Can't you see I'm busy? Drop this nonsense about 'acid spit', let me finish up here, and we'll do all the experimenting you need later. Honestly, I don't know where you get these ideas from."
"But I've got proof! Look at this senbon!" Genma protested, waving a tiny stump of a needle in Raido's face. "I was sucking on this and the next thing I know, it's halfway gone. My spit must have suddenly become acidic, so maybe that's why it didn't affect you this morning! Oooh, do you think this is some sort of bloodline limit?" He asked, practically bouncing off the walls in excitement.
Neji decided he didn't need to hear any more about Genma's 'bloodline limit' or his morning's exploits. He pulled out his shuriken and began throwing those at the targets in lieu of kunai.
"Genma, listen to me. You don't have acid spit! It's impossible. There must be something wrong with that senbon." Genma looked at his lover skeptically.
"Fine. I'll prove it to you." Raido grabbed the locks of hair that hung down from his bandanna on either side of his face, and pulled him into a deep kiss.
Neji threw the last of his shuriken, trying to block out the sounds of his mentor and said mentor's crazy lover making out. He moved on to caltrops.
"See. I kissed you and I haven't melted. Do you believe me now?" Raido asked gently. Genma nodded, and gave Raido another kiss. He finally pulled away and picked up the senbon stub.
"Must just be a shoddy craftsmanship." He declared. "I did get this one from Suna. Very poor workmanship. I'll be sticking to Konoha-made products from now on."
Genma turned to leave, but Raido, tackled him.
"You're leaving?" He asked. Genma nodded. "You can't just leave me here after a kiss like that!" Raido scolded. Genma grabbed his lover's wrist and dragged him off, still not even acknowledging Neji's presence.
Neji had run out of sharp objects to throw by that time. He hung upside down, exhausted and disgusted by the lack of concern Raido-san had for his training. He pulled himself up and looked at the knot Raido had used to tie his feet. It was a special jounin knot, one he hadn't learned to untie yet. He looked around the training room and fixed his eyes longingly on the weapons he'd just thrown. He had nothing to cut the ropes with now.
He began working at the knot, which would probably take him an hour to untie if no one came to free him, cursing all Konoha senseis.
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Gai had almost recovered from his spandex deprivation as the sun began to set. He walked by the Memorial Stone and found his Hip and Modern Eternal Rival, Kakashi. The jounin was staring at his pink and orange novel in shock.
"Where is it?" He muttered to himself. "It's got to be here somewhere! He couldn't have taken it!"
"What is the matter, O Worthy Rival?" Gai asked, ready to climb the highest mountain or complete the most grueling of tasks to help his friend.
"He wouldn't have taken it. He'd better not have taken it!" Kakashi continued. "It's a special edition!" Kakashi flipped through his novel and threw it on the ground, disgusted. He pulled out a kunai, a dangerous glint in his eye.
"What hasn't he taken? You're speaking of the Prankster, I assume, and he doesn't seem to have qualms taking our most precious belongings." Gai pointed out, thinking of his own beloved spandex suit.
Kakashi scooped up his book and shoved it into Gai's face. Gai immediately averted his eyes from the impurity.
"No, just read it!" Kakashi growled. Gai scanned a page.
"'Grip the kunai firmly and flick the wrist forty-five degrees, releasing in a fluid motion during the throw.' Jiraiya isn't writing in metaphor now, is he?"
"No. It's a weapons instruction manual." Kakashi said, spitting out the last words as if they were the foulest curse he knew. He slid the pink cover off of the book and showed him the title of the book as proof. "He took my Icha Icha!" Kakashi wailed.
"He took my spandex!" Gai moaned, his own sorrows brought back up by his rival's misfortune. They both sat down by the Memorial Stone, wallowing in their misery until the color faded away in the sky and left them in a sea of darkness.
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The sky was just starting to darken when Iruka hit the streets as the Prankster. He hadn't made any big plans for the night, so he'd have time to grade the pop quizzes he'd given and then to get some well earned rest. All he needed to do was return Gai-sensei's clothing and hair-products to him, and then replace Kakashi's real hitai-ate with the smiley-face one the jounin had been wearing all that day.
After his talk with Hinata, Iruka's day had gone pretty well. Hinata had whipped up some rock candy at his request, and he'd carved it down and painted it with a metallic-colored coating to mask its sweet taste and make it look just like a senbon. Genma had taken it and run off convinced that he had acidic spit, to the amusement of everyone watching.
Iruka walked down the streets slowly, waving amiably at the few people still rushing around in the last moments before the streets became totally dark. Some waved back and told him about the pranks they were pulling on their friends, while others just smiled and skittered off shyly. There were only two people that didn't respond to his friendly gesture. In the shadows of an alley, the same two men from the night before were whispering and passing scrolls between one another. The one still looked tantalizingly familiar, but Iruka couldn't remember who he was. In the spirit of mischief, Iruka walked right up to the man, whipped out his trusty red sharpie marker (he used it for grading exceptionally horrible papers; he had a sharpie specifically designated to Konohamaru's homework), and drew a target in the middle of the man's forehead. Before the stunned man could respond, Iruka walked away, chuckling.
Iruka retrieved the bag of Gai's clothing from Gai's neighbor and left that and his hair products in the Blue Beast's apartment. He repositioned everything the exact same way it had been before he'd taken it. It was easy; Gai wasn't back from his training yet, so Iruka could work as slowly, as loudly, and with as much light as he needed. Before he left, Iruka placed a brand new bottle of hair gel on Gai's kitchen table as a peace offering. He propped up a little 'Thanks for participating' card beside the bottle and left.
Kakashi wasn't back at his apartment either, so Iruka left his hitai-ate and his book on the jounin's bed. He patted the guard dogs' heads (they were cute, even if they weren't very skilled at keeping intruders out. Iruka hoped for Kakashi's safety that they only let him in because they knew him, and not because he offered them treats) and made his way out.
"I'll have to be careful on the way home, if Kakashi is out lurking.' Iruka told himself. Had the other man started his stake-out early?
Iruka thought about what Hinata had told him in regards to Kakashi. At least, having had that conversation, he wasn't terrified of encountering the man while he was wearing the Prankster mask.
: Iruka's conversation with Hinata:
"I…I heard what you said." Hinata said, shooing Neji away.
"What should I do? Should I make him hate the Prankster?"
"I don't think you need to do that, Iruka-sensei."
"But… I just want him to like me."
"He already likes you, Iruka-sensei." Iruka looked up at Hinata in disbelief.
"No, he likes the Prankster."
"But who is the Prankster? You are. You're not pretending to be someone else. You're just being yourself, trying to help others." Iruka thought about it. That sort of made sense. As the Prankster, he was doing the things that he'd always wanted to do, but had been too shy to carry out.
"So, you think Kakashi will like me when he finds out I'm the Prankster?" Iruka asked.
"No." Hinata giggled. Iruka gasped.
"But… you said…!"
"He already likes you, Iruka-sensei. He just might not have realized it yet."
Iruka decided Hinata might be right. Kakashi seemed to like his school-teacher mode and his chuunin-mode, and he definitely was interested in his Prankster mode. Did it matter that Kakashi didn't know who was behind the mask, as long as he liked him for being him? (Why was it every time Iruka tried to think about romantic ties in his head, it came out jumbled and incoherent?)
"It's not very polite to take other ninja's things, you know, especially special edition novels." A voice said from the shadows in front of Iruka. One sandaled foot edged into the light, soon to be followed by the rest of Kakashi's body.
"You didn't find my book informative, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked playfully. Any plans that he'd had for a quiet evening at home were shot.
"I'm going to unmask you. We'll see if that won't wipe that smug look off your face." Kakashi said with a feral growl.
"Yes, I can't stand men with masks." Iruka tittered. Kakashi lunged at him, but he sidestepped smoothly and eluded the other man.
Iruka had planned to show some restraint around the Prankster until he could drop Kakashi some more hints to his identity, but the jounin's proximity was causing Iruka's reasoning to dissolve into mush. He snatched the smiley-face hitai-ate from Kakashi's head and sprinted down the street. Kakashi chased after him, which should have sent alarm bells ringing in Iruka's head, but only hade Iruka more excited and reckless.
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The Prankster led Kakashi on a merry chase around the Memorial Stone three times, through the empty halls of the Academy, over the roofs of half of the village, and toward the forests surrounding Konoha. Kakashi could hear the masked man laughing as he eluded Kakashi. His own anger at the loss of his book faded. He still wanted to catch the Prankster, and he still wanted to find out who was under that mask, but it certainly wasn't so he could get back at the man. When he caught the Prankster, it would be more along the lines of finishing what he'd started the night before.
"Getting tired?" The Prankster goaded from up ahead. The other man feigned right, then left, trying to throw Kakashi off the chase. Kakashi didn't fall for his trick, though. Instead of worrying about what direction the Prankster was going to chose, he did a quick kage-bunshin-no-jutsu and tackled the man with three clones. The Prankster, the slippery little devil, escaped his clones with a replacement jutsu, but left the stolen hitai-ate in the grasps of the shadow clones.
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Iruka threw the senbon he'd switched with the rock candy one earlier that day and destroyed two of the clones. The third was disposed of with a quick jab of his fist. Iruka looked up to where Kakashi was…where Kakashi was supposed to be. A chill ran down his spine. Kakashi had disappeared. The giddy recklessness that had been fueling his action began to fade away. It was time to leave now.
"Not so fast." Kakashi's voice was close, right behind him in fact. Iruka turned around and found himself nose to nose with his pursuer.
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Kakashi trembled with anticipation. He'd finally caught the Prankster! He clamped a hand around each of the Prankster's wrists to make sure he wouldn't escape again. This time, he'd take off the man's mask and THEN seduce him. He grinned, and released one wrist. He reached his gloved hand slowly toward the gaudy mask that his the other's identity.
The Prankster placed a finger on Kakashi's lips.
"Wait." He said.
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Iruka stopped Kakashi before the jounin could unmask him. He wasn't ready to be found out just yet. The sensei was enjoying the chase too much. It also didn't help that when Kakashi was this close to him, all rational thought took a vacation. With all the lust swimming in his brain, all he could think at the moment was, 'Wow. Kakashi smells great. I wonder how he tastes…'
Iruka bet himself that Kakashi would taste wonderful. Last night, he'd just been kissing cloth, and hadn't gotten to find out. He decided to remedy the situation.
"I still have to pay you back for last night." He whispered.
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Kakashi looked at the Prankster in confusion.
"I though this was payback." He said, gesturing at his rainbow hair and his face, which still had faint markings on it despite the rigorous scrubbing he'd given it.
The Prankster twirled a finger around a bright red lock of hair that hung out of Kakashi's hitai-ate. "That was for leaving me wanting. I still need to thank you."
Kakashi's head perked up. 'Thank you'? That sounded intriguing. "And how do you plan on thanking me?" He asked.
"Hmm. Let me go, and you'll find out, now won't you?" The Prankster told him slyly.
"How do I know you won't run away?" Kakashi pointed out.
"I'll give you my word as a prankster, I won't run away until I'm finished. Besides, if I do, you'll get to chase me again, and I know you enjoy it."
Kakashi thought about it. The promise he'd made guaranteed that he'd try to escape Kakashi as soon as he finished with whatever he had planned, but Kakashi didn't think he was likely to get anything more binding out of the man. He'd just have to be on guard. He nodded, and released the Prankster.
The man dropped to his knees. Kakashi's eye widened. Did this mean what he though it meant? The Prankster unzipped Kakashi's uniform pants, all the while maintaining eye contact with Kakashi. Yes, it meant very much what Kakashi thought it did. The Prankster flashed him a seductive smile as he freed Kakashi's half-hardened cock. He studied it intently for a moment, gave it a tentative lick, and then swallowed the whole shaft with one fluid motion.
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Kakashi's moans covered up the sound of Iruka gasp as his gag reflexes kicked in. He released Kakashi from his mouth and took a deep breath. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as Iruka'd originally thought. He'd never done anything like this before, and he hadn't realized how strange it would feel.
Kakashi bucked his hips forward, trying to reestablish contact. Iruka placated him with more licks and a little bit of nibbling until he could get his breath back. When he'd recovered, the chuunin took the cock back into his mouth, slower this time. It wasn't so bad, as long as he didn't try to take the whole thing as quickly as he had the first time. And he'd been right- Kakashi did taste good.
Kakashi's knees were starting to buckle. Iruka felt a spark of pride that he could reduce the famous Sharingan-no-Kakashi to such a vulnerable state. There was a wall a few feet behind Kakashi, so Iruka pushed the gasping jounin back and edged up to him again. With Kakashi braced against the wall, Iruka continued his assault. He used one hand to toy with Kakashi's balls, the other to keep his hips steady as he continued to bob his head. He wasn't sure exactly what he was supposed to do, so he kept an ear out for what made Kakashi groan the loudest, and repeated those moves until the jounin was writhing against the wall.
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Just as Kakashi was sure he couldn't take any more of the Prankster's sweet torture, the man pulled his head back and looked up at him.
"You know, if I really wanted to get back at you for last night, I would just leave you like this." The Prankster teased. His voice sounded hoarse. Kakashi wasn't coherent enough for words at that point, so he fisted his hand in the bandanna that concealed the Prankster's hair and pulled the man' head back into place.
"Fine, fine! I wasn't going to leave anyways." The Prankster told him, nuzzling up against the heated flesh of Kakashi's inner thigh. "I did make a promise." He ran his tongue over the slit of Kakashi's cock. He took it back in his mouth. 'Finally!' Kakashi's body shouted.
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Iruka sucked on Kakashi's member, wondering how exactly he was supposed to tell when Kakashi was going to come. He tried to watch for any signs, but found himself distracted by the noises Kakashi was making.
"Aahh! Ruk-aHHH!" He gasped. 'That almost sounded like my name.' Iruka thought to himself. Was what Hinata said true? Iruka wasn't paying attention when Kakashi's body tensed up. The hand on his head pulled painfully for a moment, before his bandanna slipped off his head. Startled, he found his mouth filling with semen as Kakashi came.
Iruka swallowed and coughed.
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Kakashi sank to his knees, gasping for breath. The Prankster crawled over to him. He gently tucked him back into his pants, zipped him up, and gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. The man stood and ran off through the darkened streets of the village. Kakashi was still too shaken to even follow.
He might have been angry that the Prankster had once again slipped though his grasp, but his brain was too melty and his body too sated to feel anything but satisfaction. He'd just have to catch him tomorrow.
The last thing Kakashi thought before the Prankster faded from his sight was, "So, he's a brunet?" He looked down at the bandanna that he still grasped. That eliminated five more names off of the list.
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Neji trudged back to the Hyuuga Mansion, tired and in a foul mood. He'd had to deal with crazy teachers, insane team-mates, perverted mentors, and a damn intricate knot. He just wanted to sleep!
Neji's stomach growled as he walked by the darkened kitchen. He was hungry, since he'd been hanging upside down when he was supposed to have been eating dinner, but he didn't want to test fate any more than he had today. Who knew what would happen if he tried to get a midnight snack before bed?
"Neji-nii-sama, I saved you some dinner." Hinata's soft voice rang out from the not-so-empty kitchen. Neji walked in and plopped down on a seat, his normal grace forgotten.
"What's the matter?" She asked quietly. Neji explained the story of his whole traumatic day. Hinata patted him on the shoulder.
"I'm sorry you have had a rough day, Neji-nii-sama. If you want, I could make you some more pancakes tomorrow. I promise I won't let them get cold." Hinata offered. Neji graced her with a rare smile.
"I'd like that, Hinata-sama." He replied. He finished off the meal Hinata had served him and rose from his seat. "Goodnight, Hinata-sama." He said, bowing slightly to his cousin. She didn't return his bow as she usually did. Instead, she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight, Neji-nii-sama!" She squeaked, and ran off to her room. Neji almost smiled. Tomorrow wasn't looking as bleak as it had five minutes ago…
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Two hours had passed since Kakashi had returned to his apartment. (He'd been pleased to find his book waiting for him.) He'd shed his jounin uniform and curled up in bed, still thinking about the Prankster. He was sleeping peacefully when Iruka broke into his apartment for the second time in one night.
The sensei crept into Kakashi's bathroom and left a little bottle of shampoo, to wash out the array of dye in his silver hair. He tip-toed out again, and paused for a moment to watch Kakashi sleep.
The jounin wore his mask even when he slept, but his hitai-ate was off and Iruka thought that was a vast improvement. Kakashi's face was much too handsome to cover up all the time. Iruka ran a finger softly over Kakashi's scar. He wondered where it came from, and why Kakashi covered it up.
That ghost of a touch caused Kakashi to stir and stare up at Iruka blearily.
"Shhh. Go back to sleep." Iruka whispered. Kakashi blinked his eye, but the famous sharingan eye stayed firmly closed.
"Gotta catch you." Kakashi mumbled.
"You can catch me later." Iruka told him. "I just came to leave you some shampoo, unless you like looking like a member of the Konoha circus." Kakashi blinked again, and looked at Iruka, confused. His tired brain couldn't process that long of a sentence.
"Go to sleep, Kakashi." Iruka ordered gently. He gave him another kiss on the forehead, and Kakashi's eye sank closed. Iruka snuck out of Kakashi's room and back to his own home. The sun would be rising in a couple hours, and he hadn't slept a wink. Iruka hung up his mask and threw himself sluggishly into his bed. He dreamt about Kakashi.
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Yes, this has taken forever. I'm sorry! It's twenty-two pages though, which is crazy long for me. The longest I've ever written for a single chapter is twenty-three, and that was for a one-shot (it's called Sexy-no-Jutsu, and if you haven't read it, you should go do that right now! Yay for shameless self-promotion!).
Next chapter: Iruka recruits more help, Kakashi starts putting clues together, and Susumu the Elder-bitch strikes again! Don don doooon!
