someone5 – Believe it or not, this slacker struggles from high school, not college. I think my life will officially be over when I do go to college, yup yup. And about your idea…let's just say you're somewhat spot-on.
miloluver – I was wondering when it'd be on. March 1st. Thank you, dearest.
crazyfanfic – I accept your terms.
selina – I started writing this story before the Jude Law thing, but by the time it got up, that had happened, and I thought many people were going to draw parallels. You're the first one to do it though, so congrats on, well, I don't actually know what. Feel proud of yourself anyway!
Eliza – Thank you for your refreshing realism. I agree with you completely.
They'd agreed that they needed to talk about it. 'It' being both the baby, and their marriage. But she'd asked him not to pressure her. She'd said she'd tell him when she was ready to talk, and so far, she hadn't told him. It was two weeks after she'd confessed to Jess, and not much had changed. She wasn't talking to Luke or Lorelai, she hadn't gotten a doctor's appointment yet, and she refused to mention it to anyone. Some things had changed, though. Kathy had heard on the radio, and a quick nod from Jess had assured her that it wasn't just a rumor. Rory wasn't drinking, though she had yet to pour all the alcohol down the drain like she'd done for her other children. And Jess was avoiding Mina like the plague. The blonde (who did know, but didn't say anything) was crushed; but her lover had decided that anything which could possibly get in his way with Rory was done.
The couple was currently dressing for an awards show Jess was nominated for some-or-another shiny statue at. Her light blue gown hugged all her curves benevolently, and his roaming eyes tried to catch a glimpse of a fattening stomach underneath the fabric every time her head was turned.
"Would you stop that?" Apparently, her head wasn't turned enough. He didn't reply, but only struggled with his tie. Seeing that he was on the losing side of the war, she moved forward and, without preamble, pushed his hands away and tied it herself. When she was satisfied, she let her arms drop to her sides, and stood inches from Jess. She didn't look at him, but instead turned her head to the mirror beside them, observing their reflection. Jess was baffled as she wrapped her arms around his waist, then put her hands up as if she was pushing him away. All the while checking the mirror.
"What was that? The thing with the mirror?" he had to ask a few minutes later when they were in the back of the fancy car which had been sent for them.
"Trying to see which looked right."
"Which did?"
"I don't know, Jess. Would you stop it with the interrogation already? Or would you like to hook me up to a polygraph?" He backed off, frowning. A few minutes later, though, they had arrived, and were expected to get out of the car smiling. She let him take the tips of her fingers shyly, turning up the corners of her mouth in a forced but beautiful smile. Like the perfect couple they were, they stepped onto the red carpet; her grinning, him smirking, holding hands.
The couple watching the event on TV on the 13th floor of a building a few blocks away knew that perfection was not what it appeared to be.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
"Bunny!" Lorelai warmly greeted her daughter as she ushered her through the door. "Rabbit," she spoke much less warmly to her son-in-law, affectionately nicknamed several years ago by mother and daughter. The named conveyed absolutely no affection now, though.
"Man to man talk," Luke growled, grabbing Jess's arm before the actor had managed to take his coat off yet.
"Luke, you're being rude to our guests," Lorelai stopped him. "At least let's provide them with refreshments before we drag them out of the room." Luke and Jess sat on opposing sofas, glaring at each other. The scene made Rory a little sad- she'd hid whatever problems she'd been having with Jess for precisely this reason; she didn't want the family split over it. Because Luke and Lorelai would obviously take her side, even though over the years they'd developed soft spots for Jess. He was Luke's only living family other than Liz, and he was Lorelai's only daughter's supposed 'love of her life'. He'd scored points on both accounts, and both Danes' tolerated him at the very least.
"Nuts?" Lorelai offered the group. They declined, so she took a generous handful, in an effort to set an example.
"So. You lost," Luke commented, speaking of the Awards show they'd just attended. Jess shrugged.
"He was better than me. Didn't expect to, so no biggie."
"Aw, there's no reporters here. Don't have to be the big man, Jess. Go ahead and get emotional."
"I said I didn't expect to win."
"Still, shouldn't there be tears?"
"I think I'm man enough not to cry because some faceless group of old 'business' people didn't pick me as their personal favorite, thank you very much."
"Pass the nuts, Mom," Rory broke in, trying to stop the brewing conflict. Neither man behaved as if they'd heard her.
"No, that's the thing. Men deal with their problems, they don't run away to something else, or someone else. So I don't think you deserve to call yourself a man."
"If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, you have no right to pass judgment. On it, or any other part of my life!"
"When a little girl that I love is crying on my sofa, you bet your ass I'm going to do a hell of a lot more than pass judgment."
"Luke, keep your voice down! Matti's trying to sleep!" Lorelai shushed.
"I'm not a little girl!" Rory insisted at the same time.
"Really? Because when you and Lorelai were fighting last year, and she spent a weekend crying in my guest room, I didn't say jack to you."
"Worlds of difference, Jess."
"No, I don't think so."
"Yes, because Lorelai and I may have been fighting, but I didn't even think about finding someone else." Jess snorted.
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I? I know you're not being faithful to Rory." Silence greeted this outburst. None of the room's occupants had been deceived as to the topic being discussed, but directly saying it called for a few moments of stinging reflection.
"I asked you to drop it," Rory finally said, sounding tired.
"You don't just 'drop' something this serious, Rory." Lorelai's scolding deepened the frowns on every face in the room.
"Watch her," Jess muttered. He sounded as put-out as her parents were, which only served to make her feel like she was being ganged-up on.
"Jess, let's go."
"Sounds good." The two stood up without further words, and walked to the door together. He opened it and exited first, and she stood in the doorway. Looking back at her mother and the man who had completely replaced her father in every way, she watched them gape at her.
"You can't let him-" Lorelai started, but Rory cut her off.
"I can't do a lot of things." She left, closing the door softly behind her.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Jess was waiting for her in the back of the fancy car that was all theirs tonight. In days past, he would have spent the entire ride home trying to persuade her to join him in doing something dirty with the driver only a few feet away, separated from their world by a thin piece of plastic. She'd given in only once, but the thought still made her neck flush. Tonight, though, he didn't proposition.
Instead, he was pawing through the bag they'd brought along filled with books and music. She could normally tell how he was feeling through the book he chose. She'd seen him put Cat's Cradle in the bag, which would indicate a playful, funny mood. She'd also seen him stow Fahrenheit 451, and if he selected that one, she'd know he wasn't too pleased with something. Namely her. His arm withdrew from the fabric, and she saw Helter Skelter.
Not good.
"What are you so mad about?" He just shook his head, realizing how she'd immediately sized him up and determined what was raging around inside of him. She never gave him opportunities to do the same, keeping to the same book for all moods and submoods.
"You told them."
"I told you I told them. Not the first you've heard of it."
"Yes, but I thought that by telling them that I was sleeping with Mina,"-it felt strange saying those words aloud, because he'd never actually told anyone before, much less Her- "You'd throw in some other details. Like how you never let me touch you most of the time. And how when you do, it's a matter of hours before you turn back into the Ice Queen, leaving me dangling. And how you don't change in front of me anymore. And how I had to find out we were having a baby from some lady named Tiffany or Stephanie or something ending with –any. You know, just something to make them not think I was sleeping with Mina,"-again, weird- "for kicks."
"I didn't hold anything back. It's not my fault if they value the bonds of marriage a little more than you, and chose to focus on that little detail."
"And then we left. You had to rip even that little bit of real emotion from me, didn't you? You know, someday, one of us is going to come to our senses, and fill out some paperwork. And I'll be so confused when I go out on my own, because I'm not used to people acting how they really feel."
"I won't be the one filling out the paperwork."
"Well, it won't be me either."
"Guess you'll always be sheltered."
"Fine. If you're really going to pull the I-don't-care-no-matter-what-you-do act, I was going to drop Mina. Now, I think I might just go see her tonight. Mind sleeping alone?"
"I'd prefer it, actually." Now they both were steaming mad. His book had been thrown to a parallel seat at some point, and he gesticulated angrily.
"Then it's settled. She wears what few emotions she has on her sleeves. Not that she'll be wearing sleeves when I'm done with her." Tears threatened to spill from Rory's eyes now, though she had to hold them back. That was what this whole thing was about, right, not caring? Well, at least in part. But still, it was difficult. He'd NEVER spoken to her about his other activities before, much less like that.
"Go to Hell."
"What? Did I touch a nerve? Provoke a response?"
"I'm serious. Send me a nice post card. 'Dear Rory. Ow. Love Jess.'" A tear did slip down her cheek, and she hurried to wipe it away. He was beginning to regret this whole talk, but he'd made progress. Another tear became his goal.
"You're the pregnant one, true, but I feel like it's kind of wasted on you. I mean, I get so much more…interesting, a response from her. So much more fun. A little better, if you know what I mean." He'd crossed so many lines here, both on her side and his. He was openly lying-nothing could compare to being with the girl he loved-and she was shaking from the effort it took to pen her tears in.
"Have I said go to Hell yet?"
"And a follow up comment."
"Go to a deeper Hell, then."
"So witty she is."
"Stop it before this baby doesn't have a daddy."
"You're going to kill me out of passiveness? Don't think the courts will buy that."
"Stop it."
"Why? Don't tell me you're- gasp!- Angry?"
"Stop it!" And the dam burst.
She skittered away from him sideways on the long, leather seat, like a crab. Drawing her legs up to her chest, she held her head as she cried. Slowly, he inched towards her.
"Don't touch me." For once, raw emotion clogged her voice. She was pregnant, she was betrayed, she was screwed up. She hurt, and yet, at the same time, she felt better. It had been so long since she'd last cried, not counting post-pregnancy test. Then, she'd been in pain, but she still held things in. Now, she felt somewhat more at ease. And she hoped she'd continued to feel more at ease the more she cried, because the reality of her stopping probably wouldn't happen soon.
"I'm sorry," his voice cut through her choking and sputtering. "I shouldn't have said those things. I just got carried away."
"I know. Still don't touch me." He complied, going back to his book as he listened to the feeling in the corner of the car. They were almost home when she looked up at him, almost breaking into a fresh round at the sight.
"Is she really better than me?"
"No. I'm a liar."
"Not a liar, a hider," she honestly replied. He nodded slowly.
"If it makes you feel better, I don't plan on ever touching her again."
"It should, but it doesn't."
"Look, Ror." He set down his book again, forgetting to mark the page in his solemn earnestness to talk. "I won't apologize for her, and for the others. Because there's no way 'sorry' could cover that. I can already tell it will haunt me- just know that."
"Well, I'm not fucking forgiving."
"I don't expect you to." She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she'd found conveniently in the car.
"I want her out. Suitcase packed, jobless, terminated. Out of my house, away from you." He nodded, realizing he owed her anything she asked for. "And…I still want to go to therapy. If you'll go, that is."
"I'll go."
"Good. I'm going to go cry more now."
"Got it."
"And you'll be on the couch tonight, if not for the next several days."
"Got it."
"And I've never hated anyone as much as I'm allowing myself to hate you now."
"Got it." His throat was scratchy as he was forced to acknowledge that statement so casually. But she had let loose another wave of sobs, and there was nothing left for either of them to say.
