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Chapter 9

"My boy..." Angel whispered as he held onto his son for dear life. Running his hands through Liam's thick dark hair, without hesitation he then wrapped them around the child's back and pulled him even closer. Right then Angel swore he would give anything just to hold him a little tighter. It seemed as though he actually thought that it would somehow stop himself from slipping away and returning to reality.

But that would be fighting the inevitable, because when it came down to it, Angel had noticed that whenever he was getting somewhere in these shared dreams he'd wake up to find everything he could ever hope for was ripped away. And if it were to happen again, he knew that after what he'd seen, what he'd discovered, and what he was now holding within his arms... it would truly be the end of him.

And although he didn't want to let go, and lose that contact with his newly discovered son, he had to.

Pulling away to get a look at the most amazing thing he'd ever seen, Angel couldn't refrain from running his large open hands down either side of Liam's face. God his son was just so beautiful... so precious.

His dark eyes flooded with tears, tears of joy, and yet at the same time of sadness. How could he be gone? It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. There had to be something Angel could do to reverse the situation. A spell or... something.

"Daddy?" Liam stared at his father, a little confused by the sudden tears welling within his eyes. "Are you sad?" He asked, wanting to understand. "Did you have a scary dream?"

"No." Blinking back his tears yet again, as he reassured his son. "I'm finally happy." He added, his hands still resting on the little boys face. As hard as it was to believe that this young man was his own, Angel couldn't deny the bliss that the idea alone brought him.

Leaning forward Liam almost mimicked his father's actions as he placed his own hands over Angel's eyes. "Don't cry daddy." He said before pulling his tiny hands away only to have them come to rest on Angel's cheeks. "If you're happy you have to smile." He told his father, a concerned look in his own emerald eyes.

Even if this wasn't real, and he would wake up at any moment and face the truth. Angel couldn't help but let the most blinding smile creep across his face. He'd just have to deal with the pain later, right now wasn't the time.

Right now he had a chance that no man in their right mind would ever let go to waste. A chance to get to know his son.


After Liam dragged him out of bed, Angel started his day at the kitchen table, watching his son take in mouthful after mouthful of pancakes. Not long after that he watched children's movies and pretended to be as fascinated by what was going on as Liam was. He took him outside and chased him along the beach. He played catch out in the backyard with him as the sun set.

He then tucked the greatest wonder of the world into bed and read him a bed time story, before watching him sleep with teary eyes as he took in the rise and fall of the boy's chest.

Then with great sadness, Angel kissed his son goodbye...


Seconds after he woke, he jumped out of bed with a start. Where was he, where was Liam?

Turning as though he were expecting to come face to face with his son asleep in his bed. Angel was startled to find Buffy there instead. A frown creased his brow at the sight. Not that seeing his love was something that upset him, but rather where had his son run off too?

Turning his head back the other way, as the room slowly started spinning, Angel started to realize where he was, and what was going on.

He was back. And in a place that resembled hell.

The dream wasn't real like he'd hoped it to be. And now after being shown heaven for a day, he had to again fall back into his own world. A world full of darkness and despair. A world where he was a vampire and had lost just about everything imaginable that held any meaning in his poor excuse of a life.

A world where his love was insane and his son was dead.

"Arrrhh..." His face contorted in pain as his legs gave way, bringing him to his knees. It was suddenly so clear now, why Buffy was here, and why she hid herself in her own dreams. Her child was dead. Their child. "No..." Angel howled, and for the first time in as long as he could remember Angel cried. His hands clutching his face as he rocked forward and hit the floor.

Lying face first, he sobbed against the floor tiles, before pulling away one hand and clenching it into a fist as he repeatedly slammed it down, so hard the marble surface cracked. "Liam... No!" He sobbed, unable to contain the pain any longer.

He'd held it in and been so strong when it came to Buffy, but this... this was just the icing on the cake. This on top of everything else was excruciating. How on earth was he meant to deal with something so damn horrific?

How was he meant to stand there and tell Buffy that everything was going to be ok, when now he honestly didn't believe it ever would?


At the first crack of a barstool across his back, Lorne had just figured that someone wasn't too pleased at the sight of a demon sitting at a bar drinking. That always seemed to get him into trouble. Most of the time he could shrug it off by simply telling onlookers he was just in costume as it was a part of his job. They never really wanted to know more than that. Mainly because they usually didn't believe him, but they would still steer clear of him regardless of that fact. And ones that did believe him wouldn't pester him with anymore questions once he'd told them it wasn't any of their business.

But after pulling himself up to his knees and taking a good look around the establishment he noticed that the dingy bar seemed to play a second home to a lot of the underworld. Just his luck that he'd choose a place where most other demons had already marked their territory.

When the demon, the one he still hadn't gotten the chance to lay eyes on as he seemed to have a fascination with attacking him from behind, picked up yet another stool ready to strike again, he was interrupted.

It seemed that even after spending the past five years feeding his body nothing but poison in the form of alcohol, Gunn's reflexes were still as amazing as ever. His hand reached out, yanking the chair away from the vampire and breaking it over his head. Then using the one piece he still retained to slam it through the badly dressed creature's heart.

Turning to face the other onlookers, ones that had too many horns and scales and some with ones in wrong places, Gunn offered them a challenge. "Anyone want a crack at green here?" He said, pointing the makeshift stake in his hand in Lorne's direction. "If so, you come through me."

Nobody said a word; instead they turned their attention back towards their drinks, to afraid to go up against the upset ex-demon hunter. It seemed that maybe this wasn't the first time that Gunn had lashed out.

"I don't need your help." Lorne insisted. Backing away from his once friend as he rose to his feet and headed for the exit.

"And I don't need yours." Gunn spat. Causing Lorne to pause, and then turn to face him. "If Angel sent you here to spare me, then save it... It's too late." he said before picking up the bottle, finishing the rest of his beer and making his own exit out the back of the club.

Lorne was a little shocked at Gunn's reply, but then again what was he expecting, the man to beg him for help? No that wasn't Gunn's style. Still why would he think that Angel had sent the demon to help him? What the hell was going on?

Funny that before he'd gotten onto that plane and flown out to Los Angeles, he couldn't have cared less about anyone other than himself. But now that didn't seem the case at all.

He'd cared when he'd seen Angel at breaking point. He'd cared when he'd read the slayer and discovered that she was completely gone. And now as he watched Gunn walk away, he cared yet again.

As much as he tried to fight it, it seemed that parts of his former self were being awakened. And the only thing left to do now was to figure out whether that was a good thing, or a bad one.


The slayer woke from her slumber to the sound of a vampire howling in pure agony.

She slid off the bed quietly, as though she were trying to get past the creature without it noticing.

Waking up to find him screaming like that, screaming like she'd heard her family scream as she watched them die... It got to her. In fact it shook the slayer to the very core.

And as the memories poured through that sickening sound of fire melting skin swirled around inside her head. And in ways it stood out more than the screaming.

But the desperate wails coming from the vampire who was now slowly pulling himself up off the floor and coming to his knees once again, reminded her of back then. Of what they did to her, and most importantly her family.

For over three years she'd done as she'd been told. She'd listened to Giles and Spike when they'd told her what was best. She's listened because she'd known that if she'd dare crossed them, them being the people that she still couldn't remember clearly. She'd repressed so much since the incident. Their names were lost somewhere inside her head, but their faces... their faces she'd never forget.

But to this day she remembered knowing that if the truth ever got out. As much as she'd guarded Liam with her life, they'd manage to find a way to kill him. And sadly, they eventually had.

So in the end doing the right thing and obeying orders had only turned out to be wrong.

Trying like she did everyday to push the unwanted thoughts away, although again without success, Buffy padded over towards the door. And as soon as she reached it, her clenched fists immediately set to work on their daily routine of pounding so furiously against it, begging yet again for freedom.

But just like every other day, it wasn't delivered. Instead she felt a pair of cold arms wrap around her, and pull her close. She flinched almost instantly, trying to get away, not wanting for a moment to have him touching her.

She knew it was Angel. And she remembered what he'd done to her. He'd tried to take everything from her. Her baby... she'd woken up and he was in his hands. Her baby. Angel had tried to take Liam away. "No..." Buffy screamed, throwing her arms and legs in all directions.

"Shhh, sweetheart." He whispered against her ear. "I understand Buffy. I understand." Tears flowed freely down his pale cheeks as he continued his attempt of soothing her. "I know now my love. It's Liam... he's our son."

Buffy stilled in his arms. And her confusion was evident. There were a lot of things she couldn't remember, but one thing she was sure of was that Angel had no idea that Liam was his own flesh and blood. Or maybe she was wrong. Maybe Angel had known all along. Maybe that house by the beach and everything in it was real, and wherever she was now was just a nightmare.

No, no. She shook her head, because she was sure that this was reality. As cruel as it was, this was her life.

"I know why it hurts so much, and why you feel like you can't go on. I know he's gone my love." At those last few words, Buffy finally gave in. Slumping against him. It was just too hard trying to fight the pain all the time.

"I killed..." She barely whispered. Her silent tears slipping down her flushed cheeks.

Angel only tightened his hold on her. Pulling her back so tightly against his chest as his head slowly dipped to rest in the crook of her neck. "No, you didn't." Angel still wasn't sure of what had happened, but one thing he was sure of was that Buffy truly loved their child. He'd witnessed that when he saw her looking at the photo. So there was no way in the world that she would ever have done anything to bring him harm. "But I promise you, whoever did it. I swear Buffy; I'll take care of them." He insisted, as he continued to hold his love while they cried over their lost son together.