Songfic, based on the Frank Sinatra song of the same name. Heero POV, set a couple of years post-EW.

This is my first GW fic, AND the first thing I've posted here. Don't hate me.

--ooOoo--

A Day in the Life of a Fool

Looking up from the pavement, I was greeted with a once familiar sight; a large town house, with a dirty grey façade, and imposing cherry stained door. This house, in one of the many indistinguishable cities that are scattered all over Europe, was used during the war as a safe house several times, on various occasions. I leant against the wall, my eyes following the traffic, lost in nostalgia. It had been 3 years since I'd seen any of my fellow pilots, since I'd walked away and gone to find my place in the world, severing all ties.

But finding something is so much harder when you don't know what to look for. I'd taken to tracing my life to date, journeying from safe house to safe house, constantly remembering, living only in the past.

It didn't fit though. Each individual fragment was separate from the rest, connected only in the vaguest ways, like a jigsaw missing every other piece. There was but one connection… him.

All the parts of my history that my mind had retained involved him somewhere. The traumas, the stress, and even those occasional times I could have laughed, all were with him. And I'd left. The only person who had made me feel even slightly human, I'd walked off and left.

With this came another revelation. All this time I spent, going back to our old haunts, had been searching. Perhaps one day he would think of the past and come back here. Perhaps he would remember that pre-colony video game Quatre had confiscated, and come back to find it… the thousands of reasons for him to come back threw themselves at me, each more unlikely and yet more believable than the last.

Turning and glancing at the house, I swear I saw a figure in an upstairs window, slight and quite short. Blinking, it was gone, and I realised I should be too. This place held too many ghosts.

Back in my room, I lay back on my bed, closing my eyes in an attempt at sleep. All I could see was him haunting me though, his total innocence as he slept, braid curled over his shoulder, the grim determination he attacked his missions with, the wide eyed look of anguish I had seen during near the end of our time together, but mostly his grin. That smile which sang a thousand melodies in perfect harmonies, that made me think of green fields in the sunshine, of unending comfort and warmth. The smile that made me feel.

Unable to stop myself, I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. Tears. A new experience for me – I had always believed in keeping control of my emotions, not showing any weakness. And yet here, in the dark of a hotel room, in some god forsaken city, I sobbed my heart out. Great wracking sobs which built up from the pit of my stomach, which filled the room with an eerie wailing I didn't recognise, making me feel nauseous. I cried for the happy times I missed so much, and the sad times I had never gotten over. I cried for help, for relief, for salvation.

But none came. As my cries subsided, my chest slowed its heaving and the tears dried itchy on my face, I realised that I'd been a fool. These unexpected tears had a purpose. They're tears of farewell. I understood that what should have been said three years ago, if ever, I'm saying now. I could no longer live by the hope that everything would go back to how it was. I was fated to carry this new burden for the rest of my days, howling at my loss in the nights. That's the way it would be every day. Every day in this life of a fool.

--ooOoo--

So there we have it. Nothing much, I know. Regardless, please review me; I feed on the emotions of others, be they love or hate. Don't make me cry though.

LaVerne x