A/N Have I told you recently that I love you? Probably, because you all rock! Seriously, so many reviews, and they're all so lovaly! Thank you so much!

The bits in italics are either quotes from previous chapters or flashbacks, btw.

Chapter 13- Neela

Shit, shit, shit. I was an idiot, a stupid idiot. Why did I have to be so... I can't believe what I almost did. I almost kissed him. I wanted to so badly. I'd split up with Michael for what? Four days? And I was already to make a move on Ray. I am such an idiot. He was kind enough about it I guess, but actions speak louder than words, as they say, and the fact that I've hardly seen him recently has definitely made me get the point. It's been two weeks since I saw him playing (God he looked so good, he was so wrapped up in the music... shut-up Neela!) and we're suddenly on different shifts, he's even been spending more time with Brett and everyone. It's weird, I hadn't noticed but recently we've been spending more time together and he hardly ever has the guys round, it's something I'd always wanted but now I'd prefer even that to this... nothing. I'd rather see him with some girl than not see him at all. No, I'm lying, that would cut me up inside, I don't think I could face it. It was bad enough seeing that group of women crowding round him after the show.

"Shit," I muttered to myself as I slumped against the lockers. I had no idea what to do. He obviously wanted no more than to be my friend and I'd ruined that by trying to push the boundaries. What he'd said had been weird though;

"I was the re-bound guy in college once. It hurt like hell when I realised she still loved him. I don't want to..."

I was interrupted from my reverie by the entrance of Abby. "Hi Neela. God, what's up with you, you look like that coffee machine holds the answers to the meaning of life."

I realised I'd walked across the room without even noticing. "Yeah, I'm just feeling a little distracted at the minute."

"Oh, what's up?"

"Nothing, nothing," I replied, shaking my head. She looked at me curiously but shrugged.

"Well, I have something to tell you, me and Luka have decided we're officially dating. We've been open to the rumour mill for too long and we want to set things straight."

I couldn't help grinning, Luka and Abby were extremely sweet together, but it'd taken them a while to realise it. "I'm so glad, I didn't know how long I could cope without banging your heads together."

"I could say the same thing about you and Ray."

The smile dropped from my face, she must have noticed because she added;

"Neela, I'm sorry it's just I know how much you like each other. At least, it seems like you do."

"We're just friends," I said, stonily.

"Neela, what's wrong? You haven't been acting like yourself recently. And you and Ray seem all..."

I sighed, "We've kind of fallen out. Sort of. I mean, we haven't technically, but I think he's avoiding me."

"Why?" She asked, frowning.

"Because I'm an idiot who can't resist her urges." She looked at me blankly and I added, "I almost kissed him."

She opened her mouth in a gleeful look of surprise, "Really?" I nodded. "Well Doctor Rasgotra. I never."

"I feel so stupid now though... I don't know what I was thinking."

"You like the guy, just admit it to yourself then you can get on admitting it to him."

"He's made it pretty clear he doesn't like me, we hardly see each other now."

"He's probably just as embarrassed as you."

"Maybe," I said, in a sulky manner. Because if she was right then that meant I would have to talk to him. Of course I would never know if she was right until I talked to him. "Shit." I said again, with feeling. I think it was beginning to be my favourite word.

When I'd finished my shift and was sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels and sipping a beer, on my own, I found myself reminiscing. It was a sad affair really, that I was this depressed because I hadn't seen my room-mate in a while. But Ray was Ray, he wasn't just my room-mate. I couldn't pin-point the time where I'd begun to feel differently about him, mainly because I'd been denying myself from any such feelings for so long. I remembered when he first came to County, black nail polish and all. He annoyed the hellout of me. And he still did, but for some reason it no longer just annoyed me, it made me want to laugh. He was so... insufferable. He was my opposite and yet, he was exactly what I needed sometimes, no most of the time.

"Hey Neela, do you have any black nail polish?" The shout came form the bathroom.

"No, that's your thing," I shouted back, shaking my head. He was getting ready for his gig.

I wandered into the bathroom and found him rooting around in the cupboard, he pulled out a bottle triumphantly. "Here we go."

"Ri-ight."

"You sure you don;t want to come and see my sexy ass on stage?" He said with a grin.

"I'll pass."

"You need to get out, it'll help you forget about him."

"I don't want to forget about him," I snapped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you'd... I just meant it'd help you stop feeling guilty and sorry for yourself. It's a bad combination."

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself," I muttered surlily

"Ri-ight," he replied, mimicking me. He held up his hands, newly painted, "Ta da!"

I smiled, and tried to think about the time I'd first thought that black nail polish and a bit of eye-liner was sexy... It just wasn't me. But somehow, on Ray it was... almost irresistible. He grinned at me, and I noticed a cut by the side of his mouth. It looked a few days old, but I hadn't noticed it before. Wallowing in my own self pity I guess.

"What happened to your lip?"

His hand went to his lip, as if something had just happened then. "Oh... nothing."

"Ray."

He was avoiding my eyes. "Nothing."

"Spill it."

He looked at me then, "Gallant punched me."

My eyes widened, "What?"

"When he came to Pratt's, he was really upset and he um... punched me."

"Ray, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," he said, shaking his head, "Doesn't hurt any more." Then he raised an eyebrow at me, "You can make it up to me later." He licked his lips, and I shoved him. We both grinned at each other.

"In your dreams, Barnett," I said. Then a little voice in my head replied, No in yours.

I'd decided to go out with him that night, and I guess it was to make it up to him. I never went to his gigs, but now I really wished I'd seen more. When he was playing he was so... I can't even describe it. But it really was like I couldn't help myself, I had to touch him. I needed to touch him. But he didn't feel the same way. Shit.

I heard the door shut, and Ray wandered into the room. "Hey," he said, giving me a quick smile. He put his bag down and grabbed his guitar. "I've got to practise, so I'll be in my room ok?"

"You can practise in here," I said, and I hated the fact my voice had gone so... needy.

"You're watching t.v, it's fine."

"Ray, please." I quickly added, "I'm not watching anything."

He shrugged and sat, cross-legged on the floor with his guitar. I switched the t.v off and pulled my legs up onto the couch. It was a subtle movement but it meant I was facing him more and could see him better. He bent his head and began to play and I bit my lip. He was so... and he wasn't mine. That was what killed me the most.

"Ray?"

"Hmm?" He looked up at me, his fingers still strumming.

"Can we talk?"

"Um... yeah sure." He put his guitar down and looked up at me, expectantly.

"I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for that night. I shouldn't have... I just," I paused, not knowing what the hell to say.

"Neela, it's alright, I get the message." He sounded almost, angry. Why the hell would he be angry?

"If it's alright why have you been avoiding me for two weeks?" I realised my voice was raised.

"I thought that would be pretty obvious. For fuck's sake..." He ran his hand through his hair. "I just can't stand all this..."

"Stand what?" He was about to answer when both our pagers went off simultaneously.

We looked at each for a moment, then looked. It was the ER. He sighed, "I'll phone them."

A/N Oh la la! Well, this was a cliff hanger I totally didn't intend. It just... happened! So, what is it that Ray can't stand? (as if we can't guess) and what emergency can the ER possibly have that would force them to interrupt our heroes?