Her Shattered Heart: Chapter 5
Rejection and Realization
Yuna stirred amongst her bed sheets restlessly, groaning in annoyance. It had almost been three and a half hours since she had returned to her small hut…alone. Tidus had assured her that he would catch up, but he still hadn't. Where was he? She had thought that his reasons for just running off were a little more then suspicious, but she didn't interrogate him for fear perhaps spoiling a surprise or something he was planning for her. She had been waiting so long now and it was beginning to get far beyond the point of ridiculous. She had almost sprinted back to her home she was that excited after they're beach frolic, preparing herself for what she thought would be a night of unbridled passion and romantic gestures on his part. But all she had gotten so far were now, nearly four hours of growing abstinence, frustration, anger at his insolence and his blatant disregard for both the time and her feelings.
'Where has he gone…?'
Yuna turned again for perhaps the millionth time to look at the small digital clock on her mahogany dresser and noted that it was now, indeed four hours since Tidus had taken off. She felt so stupid…why on earth did she have such high expectations of him? She had been stood up and it broke her heart. It was just past midnight now, and Yuna knew that she couldn't wait much longer for him to return.
She didn't want to wait.
She was absolutely furious and she now felt like she was too livid to accept any forgiveness or excuses he tried to offer her. Finally letting it all out, a combination of exhaustion and sadness, Yuna broke down into uncontrollable sobs as she buried her face in her pillow to muffle the noise, afraid that it would wake the villagers and in turn spur an unreasonable amount of questioning.
'Why would he do this to me? I feel like such an idiot…I feel so worthless.'
And there Yuna remained until she eventually wore herself out from crying and fell into an uncomfortable form of slumber.
'Why…?'
"I don't think I can even face her, knowing what's going to happen," Tidus spoke out aloud from his hunched position on the sand, his fists clenching painfully at his hair. "What am I supposed to tell her?"
"I truly am sorry," the hovering ghost offered. "Right now we're doing all we can to find a solution, but…at the rate things are going now, I don't know how long you'll last."
"And that's all you can say?" Tidus snapped back, half in fury and half in disbelief that he was actually having this conversation.
'…Just when Yuna was starting to get over her worries that I was going to disappear…'
"What's all this talk about my 'form' becoming 'unstable'?"
"You needn't worry yourself with the details," the spirit said calmly. "That information will only complicate matters and make you worry more."
"Don't you dare stand there and tell me not to worry about my life…about my life with Yuna…you have no right to take this away from me, away from us!" Tidus screamed passionately at the shadowy figure, his voice cracking with emotion.
"I'm sorry," the Fayth repeated, but this seemed to only anger the blonde haired blitzer more. Suddenly he jumped to his feat, obviously upset.
"Yuna's the one you should be apologizing to! Why would you do this to her? Bring me back only to rip me away from her again! I was told about what happened to her the first time I left, her family and I honestly don't think she'd survive another…"
"Please Tidus," Bahamut begged, "we are doing everything we can, I just thought that I should warn you…in the mean time though, I suggest you conceal this from Lady Yuna as best you can. I know how deeply upset she would be…"
"You're damn right she would!" Tidus yelled at the hooded boy, furiously kicking a cloud of sand up as he did so. "Anyway, it's not like you care, you got what you wanted from us two years ago, this doesn't affect you at all either way so I don't expect you to understand!" Now he was starting to lose it…
"You're wrong!" The Fayth argued, "We wanted to thank Lady Yuna for what she did for us…that's why we brought you back. We had no intention of hurting her at all…" His objectives sounded genuine to Tidus, but it did little to dissolve his anger.
"Well by the looks of it, your 'intentions' have just flown out the window," he whispered bitterly under his breath. The ex-aeon didn't seem to notice though.
"So?" He questioned hopelessly in a rather defeated tone as he struggled to blink back his own tears. "What do I tell her? She's going to be wondering where I am, and I'm sure she's not too happy with me either."
'I'll be lucky to salvage anything after all of this…'
The Fayth smiled. "I'm sure you'll be able to come up with something," was all he offered before disappearing from sight.
"We will talk again…soon," the child's voice lingered on the breeze, seemingly ringing in Tidus' ears.
"Yeah…well, don't come back unless it's to tell me you've fixed all of this!" He threatened weakly, he knew there was no stopping them either way and he had a horrible wrenching feeling in his gut that the next time he talked with the once holy spirits, it was not going to be good news.
"Hey!" He screamed where the boy's transparent, floating form just stood. "You helped cause this mess, don't you think that you should at least…" He trailed off mid-sentence as he became aware that it was pointless to keep going…the Fayth was long gone. Tidus growled as he let out his rage on a nearby ledge that was home to a few old ruins, kicking it repeatedly. Even as large chunks of dirt, rubble and stones continued hit, scratch and nick his skin he continued his relentless pounding hoping that maybe after this his wild temper would diminish, allowing him to walk back to the village calm and collected and slip into bed as if nothing ever happened…fat chance. Yuna was probably fuming by now, even if she had fallen asleep, she would make sure he paid for 'abandoning' her in the morning…
'I'll be looking forward to having that conversation.' He thought to himself sarcastically as he slowed his attacks on the small cliff. After expending so much energy and dealing with the emotional burden of having to hide yet another similar secret to the one he had kept from Yuna two years ago, he was exhausted.
After about an hour of frequent stops and random outbursts of anger, Tidus eventually made his way back to the small village of Besaid, praying that by now, Yuna was definitely asleep. He honestly didn't think that he had the mental capabilities to deal with the problem of being potentially shot on site tonight.
'I hope she forgives me…even though I didn't really do anything wrong…'
Slowly he began opening the door; cringing every time the old wood creaked for fear that the sound would wake Yuna up. Even though she could be still be awake and just waiting for him to return. He sure hoped not. Sneaking his way through the darkness, he tried his best not to run into or knock anything over, the last thing he wanted was the bleary brunette attacking him because she thought he was an intruder. Upon successfully reaching the bedroom, he mentally let out a huge sigh of relief…she was asleep. Or maybe she was aware that he was back and she was just pretending to be asleep to show that she was upset with him?
Deciding it best not to sit on the bed for once again afraid that his movements may arouse her, he simply stood on one foot to remove a yellow boot and then did the same for the other. He heard Yuna stir behind him, and turned in the dim light to face her sleeping form. From where he was standing, she looked so peaceful, almost as if he hadn't done anything to make her sad. He almost actually believed it too, but upon closely examining her face against the small blazing ceramic lamp on her dressing table, he noticed still damp trails originating from just under her eyelashes and following all the way down to her chin. She'd been crying, just like he thought. In fact, when he looked even closer, he noticed that even her entire facial expression was set in a mould of sorrow.
Not even back a week and already he was breaking her heart.
'Poor thing probably thinks I rejected her or something…and that's exactly what she'll always think because unless the Fayth can fix this mess, I will never be able to tell her the truth…I hate having to keep secrets from you, but if it means not seeing you as sad as you were two years ago, then I'll do it. I just want to make you happy…'
Tidus sighed, as he slipped underneath the cool sheets and placed a strong, warm arm over Yuna's small frame. Tomorrow morning was sure to be…interesting in the very least. He just hoped that he could come up with a plausible enough reason as to why he had 'taken off' on her, in turn giving her no reason to suspect him and thereby returning everything to normal.
'Pfft, I make it sound so easy…'
Gradually his eyelids began to close; he kept them focused on Yuna for as long as possible, before she eventually disappeared underneath the ever growing blanket of darkness known as sleep.
"Lady Yuna I'm sorry, we tried our best…"
"What do you mean?" She asked bewildered, "what happened?"
"Your Dream…he's…" The Fayth trailed off and watched Yuna's expression morph from one of curiosity into one of horror and worry.
"What…?" Yuna asked urgently, no longer calm and centered, "I don't understand what you're trying to say…what's wrong with him?"
"Just don't be angry with him okay? He…he has his reasons…" The phantom boy said as he slowly disappeared.
"Wait!" Yuna cried out after the now barely seeable ghost, "what's happening to him…? I don't want to lose him!"
But she received no answer and instead, the entire scenario began to fade before her very eyes…
Yuna woke up with a start, her eyes shooting open as she gasped for air…it was a dream. Only a dream, she hoped. As her breathing and heart rate began dimming down to its normal levels once more, she allowed her eyes to focus properly. Upon doing so, they fell on a familiar form…well the upper regions of him anyway. She was snuggled in against Tidus' chest and although she would've usually smiled and rejoiced at being so close to him, after what had happened last night, she felt like she wanted to push away from him in disgust. What had he been doing last night that was so important that he forgot about her in the first place?
Yuna wanted to know and was more then a little jealous because of it. Did he do it purely out of avoidance? Or was there some other basis for his rejection? He would probably wake up soon and try and make a joke of the whole thing to cover it up and try and get out of any kind of punishment. He apparently had no idea how much his little stunt had hurt her. He wasn't getting off the hook that easily…
"Oh you're awake," he stated obviously. "I'm surprised that you haven't tried to hit me yet."
"I'm a Lady you know…and Lady's don't hit," she mumbled unenthusiastically, "lucky for you," she added, her voice muffled by the thick sheets.
She wasn't at all in the mood for laughing and so she pushed away from her comfortable, warm spot close to him; and sharply turned around, refusing to face him at all.
"Where were you last night…?" Yuna asked timidly, although there was more then a hint of hostility laced within her words.
"Oh you know, no where that's important," he said casually, oblivious to the fact that it only provoked her more.
"So you went 'no where important' for four hours! Does that mean that I'm not 'important' either?"
"Yuna, please…you know that's not true. Not even in the slightest."
"Really? Then prove me wrong," she said menacingly, inching slightly closer to the edge of the bed, still not looking at his face. Hinting to Tidus quite strongly that perhaps her little challenge didn't include touching her.
"How?" Tidus asked plainly.
"Tell me where you were." She repeated, growing annoyed at his numerous attempts to dodge the subject.
"I told you…I went no where that's important and I promise that's the truth."
"And we all know how good a promise is coming from you don't we?" She said venomously, although it was more of a statement then a question. "I know you went to the beach, where did you go from there? To flirt with some of the village women? To simply avoid me? What? What was so important that you couldn't bother to inform me first? What was so important that you couldn't involve me?" She began to cry then, unable to retain her frustration any longer, causing sobs to escape her lips at random intervals despite her greatest efforts to restrain them.
"Why would you think that I would ever avoid you on purpose?"
"Oh come on Tidus," she hissed. "You know what I mean…there were others in Zanarkand weren't there?" She was finally looking him in the eye now, her teary expression matching his bewildered one.
"Why bring this up now? What's the point?" Tidus demanded, confused as to what she was trying to get across with taking the conversation in this direction.
She didn't answer right away, but when she did, she almost sounded like she was stating a fact. "Am I just like those others to you as well?"
"No!"
"Then why didn't you come back! What are you hiding from me again?"
"The exact same thing!"
His eyes widened in horror. So did Yuna's.
'God Tidus you did not just say that! It's been what? Eight hours and already you're screwing this up… '
"Wh-what? The exact same thing as what…?" Yuna asked eagerly, her tone abruptly dying down quickly realizing that by the expression on his face that he must have let some part of his secret slip between the cracks.
"I-It's nothing, Yuna…don't worry about it." He said, jumping up from the bed as he did so and quickly grabbing his yellow boots. "I'm going to be late; Wakka wanted me to help out with blitzball practice today. I'd better get going." With that Tidus practically jumped at the door, afraid that if he stayed a moment longer, he would definitely end up unconsciously confessing everything to her and in turn almost certainly smashing what small and incredibly fragile confidence she had into thousands of pieces. But at the rate he was going, just by not telling her, he seemed be achieving the same goal anyway.
Tell her what the Fayth said and risk a possible emotional breakdown…
Don't tell her and have Yuna violently avoid him for the rest of his life (which could be a week for all he knew…) because she thought he was lying.
It was a lose/lose situation. Until this matter was fixed, he was going to have to surrender all contact with Yuna, an idea which, all in itself was enough to make him sick.
The once obedient souls of the aeons had assured Tidus that they would speak with him again 'soon', but just how soon was the big question. The Fayth couldn't have been possibly any vaguer then that, Tidus had concluded later on. Now that he had already given away a hint of what may happen to him, (no matter how subtle) he was sure that he could only keep this charade up for a fortnight at maximum before he finally collapsed under the guilt of having to watch Yuna cry over what he was doing to her. It wasn't even half-way through the first day and already he was having trouble managing his secret keeping capabilities…
He had to stop thinking. He had to get out.
He was already turning the knob.
"Wait…please."
Tidus didn't turn around; instead, he merely just stopped and waited for her to continue.
"Tell me something," she began, her voice sounding almost defeated and rather submissive, "what did you come back for exactly?" Again he didn't reply straight away, nor did he even move. He slowly opened the door, allowing his forehead to rest on the old wood as he pondered his answer, a few awkward, silent minutes past before he eventually chose to speak.
"I came back for you. I love you Yuna…I guess things just…aren't going as I…planned though." He replied distantly, paying an abnormal amount of attention to the few flakes of timber on the otherwise smooth frame which he tampered with using his fingers. He almost laughed at himself, or, more specifically, how stupid he must look to her right now.
"It's ironic isn't it?" He said, laughing slightly.
"What?"
"The one thing you want, no matter how much you give up, it seems that you can never ever have it."
"Wha-"
"Never mind," Tidus interrupted harshly, mentally kicking himself for once again getting so caught up in his emotions and thoughts that he let something else sneak out by accident. He shouldn't have stopped, but the tone in her voice was so…scared and small that he felt like he just had to listen. He stood upright and walked outside, afraid to spare Yuna even a glance for fear of what he might see. It took all of his strength not to look. Silently he was yearning to pick her in his arms and whisk her off to some far away place where it would just be the two of them, away from all of this mess. They would be happy and never argue…
But it was nothing more than a fading dream…exactly like he was…
This time, Yuna didn't stop him; she chose to simply watch his retreating form while her expression of saddened perplexity at his strange behavior stayed behind…
"…I love you," he had said to her.
'Prove it…'
Somewhere from within the village, the Fayth was watching. He kept his ever focused gaze locked on the blonde blitzer and noticed the very thing he was afraid of, already Tidus was showing the symptoms of his condition. In his haste to get to the beach, he obviously hadn't noticed, but his lower left arm was fading in and out of transparency. Bahamut shook his head slowly in dismay; he would have to be the one to tell him he didn't have much time left. It was always him when it came to things like this…the rest of the Fayth had been talking and brainstorming for what had seemed like forever and they still always seemed to come up empty handed.
However…there was one alternative, but the ever young child was sure that the couple would not agree to it…they would have to sacrifice too much.
To keep Tidus alive, he would have to lose everything he ever knew. Because the aeons were somewhat of a novice at reconstructing a dead person, his form had been rebuilt poorly, causing it to eventually start deteriorating. Unfortunately though, the negative energy and feelings created by the several arguments they already had had only made the process go even faster, hence their current predicament.
He needed to talk to both of them. He wanted desperately to give them more time, but they literally had none. He just hoped everything turned out okay. After everything Yuna had been through, she deserved to be happy no matter what that entailed, but there was no other choice…they had been cornered.
'I'm sorry.'
A/N: Hey everyone! Long time no see! JAPAN WAS AWESOME! Sorry that it took me so long to update, a combination of recovering from travel, school starting once again. (I'm grade 12 people! Last year of High school ever!) And being just plain old exhausted, kind of left my writing right down the bottom of my list. As you can see from the update I have just given you, I am not deleting this story because while I was in Japan, I became aware just how many people are enjoying it and also, I managed to fix the plot up. Unfortunately, because in Australia, Grade 12 is a very big deal, my updates are sure to be all over the place. While I will endeavor to upload chapters as soon as I can, with the workload I have to take on this year, I can't promise anything. I love all of you guys and you can be assured that I will be reading a lot of stories (and reviewing them of course!), just not necessarily writing them :P Thank-you so much all of you for your support and reviews, as they have all been treasured and will continue to be with each new chapter. I PROMISE you all that will be the last angsty bit for awhile and I will be doing some fluffy stuff for the next few chapters.
Oh and to just give you guys a warning, depending on how I feel about it (and if I can actually do it!) This story's rating may go up to "M" within the next couple of chapters. I went through my storyline and for it to have the desired effect; it really does look like I may have to write some kind of lemon-ish scene. (Cringes at the thought ) If you guys could give me some tips or help with it, I would really appreciate it because I'm really nervous about it. --;
My email address is on my profile page or just review! Thanks again!
Special thanks go to these brilliant people who reviewed my last chapter:
De4thNIte, crazycutie2, Dragon Girl, Yunafan15, Alexie91, Dancing Summoner, GoldDigger, Pringles, CazzaCat, Sam, digitalgirl89, CrimsonOkami, Tiyuri, Nikki of Spira, Lucy, ffxfan, TgIiDgUiS, Al Bhed Sweetie, Obsidian Crystal and Secret and Strange Angel.
Thanks guys and you all know the drill!
ENJOY and REVIEW!
Warui-Usagi
