Thanks to L Zara for her comments, which I have sought to address in this chapter!


Part 6

"By all that is blessed!" Eweenator gasped as the figure stumbled into their camp, let out a grunt of pain and fell to the ground before them.

"I knew the prophecy was true!" Beagragon hissed. from. There was the hint of maniacal zeal flashing in his eye as he recognised the hair now matted sweatily about the head but still golden.

Magawincha was the only one that moved. Her heart lurched with both hope and pain when she perceived who it was groaning on the floor in agony before her. Not quite knowing how to react, she never-the-less rushed forward to sit beside the figure where it had fallen and she reached out her paw.

Blue eyes opened at her touch, veiled and dull. "Please," Starbuck moaned beseechingly as another wave of pain crashed through him. "Help me!" his voice was deep, gravelled and his pain was evident as his handsome features contorted. His legs came up and his hands down to clutch at his stomach and he moaned weakly.

Belatedly Eweenator and Beagragon rose from their haunches and stepped forward. "I knew he would return to us for so it was written and so it will be!" Beagragon hissed. "Quickly, we have lost much time. We must prepare him for it begins already!"

Starbuck's body contracted into spasm and he let out a louder groan of pain. "I can't…" he tried to sit up but the pain was too intense, it wracked through him and stole all of his strength. Sweat was dripping feverishly from him, his skin was almost grey and his breaths were coming in short, empty pants.

"Eweenator," Beagragon ordered. "Fetch tyroot. We must dull his pain; he will never survive long enough to reach promise unless we keep him strong." Eweenator rushed to obey. "Hold him, Magawincha," Beagragon continued. "Comfort him as you wish. I must prepare…"

Starbuck was only vaguely aware of the movements around him. He focused what energy he could on the sweet voice that came from close to his ear as it whispered soft, comforting words and he could feel the soothing touch on his forehead but it was distant and disappeared completely when another surge of pain welled through him. The pain started in the very depths of his stomach and radiated outward, touching every nerve, twisting them hideously until all he had was screaming in agony. Then it faded away to numbness and he was left gasping and weak, unable to comprehend the world around him, unable to do anything but wait, thankful for the respite, until he felt the telltale signs of another spasm begin and the fear of the upcoming pain tensed his muscles so that when it took him once more, every fibre screamed in discordant agony.

It had been different on the Galactica when he had awoken in the Life Centre he had felt calm and comfortably numb. He had lain quietly, content that every movement did not bring corresponding pain and that the eruptions in his guts seemed to have been quietened. He had seen the fear in Cassiopeia's eyes before she hid it behind her relief and he knew without asking that she had really feared for him. He had focused his conversation on his treatment for the fear in her had scared him immensely and she told him that his apparent recovery was because of the drugs that Salik had given him. His memory went smoky at that point and he could not recall how he had left the Life Centre. He had a vague recollection of a struggle but he pushed it away, the blistering thoughts in his fevered mind too molten for him to consider what he may have done.

What Cassiopeia had said appeared to be true, for once they began to work their way through his system as he tried to land the viper on the planet, his body had begun to spasm. He had managed the landing but it had not been one of his best, and he feared that the viper would never fly again. The pain had got worse and it was all he could do to climb out of the cockpit and make his way, stumbling through the forest from tree to tree, to collapse at the camp of the only beings that could help him.

He remembered his conversation with the beautiful woman entirely and he remembered his promise to her. He would do whatever it took; give whatever was needed to fulfil what she required. She had mesmerised him with the power of beauty, but it was the strength of her need that had made him willingly accept what she would do to him. It was worth the price he would pay. And so he had known exactly what he was losing. Known it as he had watched Cassiopeia walk away from him when she thought him sleeping, he had known he would never see her again and the loss had been a crushing pain for him. He had left the Galactica, stolen the viper and disobeyed a direct order from his superior officer and it had broken his heart. He had not found the strength to answer Apollo because the guilt had raged through him, he had known if he spoke to his long-time friend he may be undone and so he had forced himself to continue on resolutely.

He was losing everything he had ever held dear and yet he had known it was all worthwhile. He had found something more important than his own selfish need, his own desire. He had done it all for Kynan.

But now as he floundered in the agony of pain, somewhere deep in the rational part of his brain the thought struck him that it was too much! He had believed she would be there with him all the way, he believed she would share and support him through the overwhelming anguish but there was no presence within him except pain, no comfort except that from weak but soulful voice from outside and no certainty except that he, the consummate gambler had finally lost everything.

Panic flamed deep in his chest, already struggling lungs groaned at the further constriction as hot and fierce fear burned through him. "Kynan!" he desperately tried to call her to him but he could find no voice.

She did not answer him.

He was alone, so dreadfully alone with his pain and he feared he could not bear it.


"Report, Captain, please." Adama sat back in his chair and eyed his son minutely.

Apollo stood to attention in front of his Commander, green eyes still flashing their anger and cheeks coloured. Adama knew his son was tamping down his emotion, striving to appear the calm leader of men he aspired to be, while deep inside the annoyance and worry raged through him. Annoyance at being ordered to return when the job as he saw it had not been completed and worry at Starbuck's strange and perilous behaviour.

Apollo licked his lips nervously but his voice was detached and distant as he began. "Lieutenant Starbuck left the Life Centre, took a Viper and returned to the planet we took him off yesterday, Sir."

Adama snorted, knowing how conflicted his son was between the need to carry out his duty but also the sense of betrayal towards his friend. Apollo was holding himself together well under the strain but his father could sense the emotions swirling below. Adama promised himself he would try to make this as easy as possible on all of them, but then again, it was not an easy situation, particularly as more facts were revealed.

The Commander sighed, suddenly feeling frustrated and constrained; he stood up and moved to the port. The sight of the vastness of the universe before them served, on occasion, to still his disquiet heart as he fought to steer a safe course for the Galactica and her crew. But not this time, the sight of the limitless black ocean made him feel only more humble and more anxious.

Adama took a deep breath. He regretted ordering Apollo back, leaving Starbuck to whatever awaited him down on that planet but it was the only reasonable decision he could make. Now as more of the facts became available to him, he still believed it to be the correct decision.

He turned back to the Captain who waited patiently. "Was he carrying out orders?" he asked.

Apollo flinched slightly. "None that I am aware of, Sir." Each response was clipped and offered only barely sufficient detail.

"Do we know why he returned to the planet?"

"No, Sir."

"Would you care to speculate, Captain?"

Apollo gulped. His eyes momentarily left those of the Commander to flick across to Colonel Tigh who sat to the left and then back again. "Further than the fact that his behaviour may be fuelled by the condition he was in when we found him yesterday, I cannot, Commander. We have insufficient data to make an informed guess."

"Your suggested course of action?" Adama asked.

"Let me go back to the planet and get him."

Tigh snorted and Adama turned to regard him. "Colonel?"

"As far as we know Starbuck went of his own accord, Sir, not only did he take out Ensign Greenbeen on the way, he also assaulted two security guards outside the Life Centre and Med Tech Cassiopeia was dazed and bleeding when Salik found her."

"He hit Cassiopeia?" The strain in Apollo was evident in the slight tremor in his voice. He was remembering the late night conversation he had had with Cassiopeia over the comm. Her eyes had been wide and wild but he had thought that as a result of Starbuck's escape not any physical hurt the blonde lieutenant had inflicted on her. Apollo's stomach lurched fearfully; Starbuck would not hurt Cassiopeia, surely?

Tigh shrugged. "She is refusing to elaborate on what did or did not happen. But, bearing all that in mind, even if we find him and bring him back who is to say he would not do the same again?"

"There's something on that planet," Apollo surmised. "If we keep him under observation until we are out of range then he could not return."

"There is a school of thought that says that we should keep him under more than observation," Tigh was obviously being circumspect with his choice of words but he was not careful enough as angry green eyes turned on him.

"Just what are you suggesting, Colonel?" Apollo spat, his anger barely controlled now.

Tigh held the challenging gaze. "You know as well as I, Apollo, military discipline must be maintained at all times. We can't have pilots assaulting people and then taking joyrides to planets whenever the mood takes them, especially now with our fuel shortage. No matter who is involved; due process must be seen to be followed."

"But we don't know why!" Apollo spat. "There could be any number of reasons why Starbuck went back. We can't make that judgement until we get him back! And you don't know if he assaulted anybody – he wouldn't hurt Cassiopeia, not for anything. Surely you can see that, father!"

"And I'm not saying that we should make any snap judgements. But you, yourself know he was the only one who could have hit Greenbeen," Tigh replied, keeping his voice calm and cool as he refused to be intimidated by Apollo's hard stare. "I am making the point that instructions must be followed and any warrior who disobeys a direct order must be suitably punished. If we do not do so then anarchy will rule."

Adama cleared his throat. "I do not think anyone would disagree with you, Colonel," he said. "But I think we are getting ahead of ourselves here. In order to punish the guilty, we must first review all the facts, and of course, we must have them in custody. Need I remind you that, in this particular case, the alleged perpetrator is not here. I need to make a decision on how I rectify that situation."

Apollo's wide eyes flashed at his father then. "Are you suggesting, what I think you're suggesting?" his voice was brittle.

"I must weigh the needs of the whole fleet against the need of its individual members," Adama said with a deep sigh. "We are sorely short of fuel and we must ensure that all journeys are essential and necessary."

Apollo glared at his father, anger chasing the initial shock from his face. "You can't leave him!"

"Look at the facts, Apollo. Starbuck went down there of his own accord, you ordered him to come back, even threatened him with the consequences if he didn't."

"I would never have shot him down!" Apollo spat. "Like I would never leave him!"

Adama ignored the remark and continued. "He paid you no heed; that in itself is gross insubordination. Added to that is the further issue that Dr Salik made us aware of, maybe Starbuck knows what is inside him, maybe he has gone because of it, maybe he does not want to be brought back!"

"He would have told me!" Apollo snapped. "He would not have gone, not without telling me why, not without…" he stopped.

And that is the crux of it, Adama thought. He had an overwhelming urge to rush to his boy then and take him in his arms as he had long years before when Apollo had been inconsolable after Zac with his grasping chubby baby hands, had broken the celestial dome from his elder brother's model of a battlestar. There was the same bewildered look now in his eyes as Apollo pleaded, "You can't leave him there! This is Starbuck we're talking about, father!"

By the Lords of Kobol, Starbuck! Adama thought. If you had to go you could have explained to us why, made us understand at least, eased this guilt of not knowing, of not understanding and thus being unable to make that informed decision Apollo speaks of. In his head Adama finished the sentence his son had balked at seconds before 'not without saying goodbye!' And that was the pain that he felt just as strongly as his son; after all the experiences and time they had shared with Starbuck, surely they deserved an explanation from the irrepressible pilot who was almost a son. Adama squashed the bitter thought and the pain it brought with it. Starbuck had done what he had and there was no changing it, whatever his reasons they did not know now and they possibly never would.

It did no good to dwell on it, so Adama turned his intellect back to the current problem, and said. "He is a member of the fleet Apollo, and will receive no less consideration than any other but neither will he receive more. The fuel that it will take to go back may be better used for other purposes and I don't have to tell you our time is limited. We cannot afford to stop nor wait any time."

Apollo pulled himself back to attention. "And it is your decision and your decision alone to make, Commander," he said his voice raw, his face a study in blankness. "I think I've said all that I can. I'll be waiting in my quarters to be advised. By the Lords of Kobol I pray you make the right choice!" He saluted formally and then left the room.

Adama let out a long breath, moved back to his desk and slumped down. Tigh regarded him with sympathetic eyes. "Would I do it for anyone else, Tigh?" Adama asked. His face was drawn and pale and his eyes suddenly appeared dimmed by a sheen of worry.

"Yes sir, I think you would," Tigh said softly. "Do you remember the story you told me of when you were special guest of honour at the Academy on Caprica, and you took formal inspection." Adama arched his eyebrows and signalled his remembrance as Tigh continued, "And you refused to give best cadet award to Apollo even though you and he and everyone else knew he deserved it?"

Adama nodded wearily. "Are you saying that, in my intention to be impartial, I lose my objectivity and swing too far the other way like some ill-disciplined pendulum?"

Tigh smiled. "I am merely pointing out, Sir, that it is easy, in situations like this to overcompensate. I would be the first to say that Starbuck is unreliable, unruly and in short a pain in the astrum but he is also courageous, loyal and one of the best Warriors we have. To give up on him simply to save an amount of fuel that will keep the Galactica going for a few more centars seems vastly unfair, to give up on him to ensure that you are perceived as an unbiased leader is simply not right."

Adama nodded. "I believe you are correct, old friend. Have Apollo prepare a shuttle." He smiled, his eyes twinkling once more. "And remind me to inform Starbuck on his return that you are, indeed, his greatest fan!"

Tigh shuddered. "Perish the thought!" he hissed as he stood up. "The man is arrogant enough, tell him that and he'll be completely insufferable!"


TBC