Garfield goes to Taco Bell

Author's note: FUCK ALABAMA MAN AND ITS ENTIRETY. I WILL BE THE MOOSE MAN! FUCK YOU, JAYLENO MAN AND YOUR LITTLE HOUSE OF BELLS AS WELLS.


Garfield was infuriated at his bowl of food. He picked up his bowl and stomped on over to the kitchen where Jon Arbuckle sat. "JON, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING LITERAL FUCKING SHIT YOU SERVED ME, YOU DISGUSTING OBSCURE PIECE OF SHIT!"

"That's just how fucking Jim Davis draws your fucking food — like diarrhea. Enjoy. Stupid bitch."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" Roared Garfield as he slammed his food bowl down onto the counter to shatter the dish. "YOU BASTURD!"

"I CALLED YOU A STUPID FUCKING BITCH, YOU STUPID BITCH!"

Garfield was so enraged that he growled loudly before passing out from how much energy he exerted from his unbridled rage.

Hours later, Garfield woke up. Jon Arbuckle had brought home Taco Bell. Garfield plopped his entire body into the box and began to devour the tacos only to furiously spit them out. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LITERAL FUCKING SHIT?!"

"It's fucking Taco Bell, what the fuck did you expect?!"

"I FUCKING EXPECTED SHITTY PROCESSED MEAT, NOT LITERAL FUCKING DIARRHEA!" Garfield ran over to Jon and slapped him.

"Oh gee fuck wow, as usual." Said Jon apathetically unaffected by the slap.

Garfield pulled out a shotgun and placed on sunglasses. "WE ARE FUCKING GOING TO TACO BELL!"

Jon sighed and grabbed the car keys to drive his beloved cat over to the pseudo-Mexican fast food restaurant.

They arrived at Taco Bell and Garfield plunged himself out the car window shattering the glass. "GARFIELD!" Shouted Jon, "REPLACING THE FUCKING CAR WINDOWS IS EXPENSIVE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Garfield then threw himself into the Taco Bell restaurant shattering the windows in the building as well. "Bitch." Sighed Jon as he searched for a parking space.

Inside the Taco Bell, Garfield let out a mighty roar. "YOU BASTURDS!" He shouted. "TACO BELL IS NOT REAL MEXICAN FOOD NOR DOES IT TASTE LIKE IT, BUT IT IS SUPPOSED TO NOT TASTE LIKE LITERAL FUCKING SHIT!"

The cashier at the register sighed. "Okay, sir. So you want a chalupa?"

Garfield went silent for a bit. "Yes, please." He eventually responded while reaching into his fur to pull out a wallet full of dollar bills to pay the cashier. He grabbed his order and went to a table to sit down and eat his chalupa.

A child ran by him clutching a burrito getting its contents all over the floor and splattering some onto Garfield. "YEAAAAH!" Shrieked the horrid child. "SHIT EVERYWHERE! WE FEAST ON SHIT!"

Garfield pressed his palm into his forehead feeling defeated. "I'm getting old." He sighed as he observed the horrifying customers toss food around creating a chaotic mess for the poor employees to clean.

Jon Arbuckle stepped into the building frantically searching around but then he spotted Garfield and smiled with relief. "Garfield! There you are! I thought I lost you! I was scared for a moment."

Garfield looked up and smiled at the familiar face feeling at home. "You know, Jon. I may be getting old, exhausted, and may never really ever get any better, but I'm thankful you're still in my life. You're my best friend."

Jon could not understand cat-speak and hugged Garfield. "Aw, you're purring!"

"I love you, Jon."

The two went to a Mcdonald's to buy two Happy Meals for the Pokemon toys that were being promoted for the month and then they went home to watch television.