AN: Okay. Big news: This does NOT take place in my In-verse. So, SPOILERS. Akito's a woman, Kureno's freed (in the technical sense), Hatori's alive… and so on. Really, at base, it's a different philosophy altogether.

Plus, wow. I got this account with a vague idea that I'd be writing two stories and then, if there was a limit on how long you could go without writing, I'd get taken down. Instead of which, neither of those original two stories are up and I'm on number ten. Double digits! I adore writing these.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to HulaHula, who asked for this one too. I've had her walk me through every step, and she's responsible for the whole thing, which means at heart that if it sucks it's all her fault. Mine is an evil laugh.

No really, it's not her problem that I'm a dummy.

Dedication: Mi hermano. Freak that you are.

Disclaimer: Even more so than usual, nothing here is mine. It all belongs to Natsuki Takaya and I honor her above all other manga and anime author-types. The story-song is from Buffy, and the chapter-song is U2's "A Man and a Woman."

And here we go…


Let it Burn

"Walk Through the Fire," Once More, With Feeling, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I touch the fire and it freezes me

I look into it, and it's black

Why can't I feel?

My skin should crack and peel

I want the fire back.

Now, through the smoke she calls to me

To make my way across the flame

To save the day

Or maybe melt away

I guess it's all the same

So I will walk through the fire

'Cause where else can I turn

I will walk through the fire

And let it –


Chapter One: A Man and a Woman

Little sister don't you worry about a thing today
Take the heat from the sun
And little sister

I know that everything is not okay
But you're like honey on my tongue

True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

And I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance
'Cos I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

And I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
And you're the one, there's no-one else
That makes me want to lose myself
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman


When we're children, one of the first things our bodies learn is to shrink from pain. It's an instinct so basic, in fact, that it nearly isn't something to learn at all so much as remember.

But there is a time before that, before we learn to shy away, when we don't know what to do when faced with pain. If, at that age, we close a hand around something burning, we simply don't think to let go.

Instead, we hold tighter.

And I realize that there must be something lacking in me that such a basic, hereditary instinct seems never to have arisen.

I can't do anything but constrict around her.

She drives me insane. Of course, she's less than stable herself… And I wonder who started it, this game of possession, and if it matters.

She knows how to cut me up inside until it hurts to breathe, and she does it. Over and over again, she does it, and I…

I hold tighter.

I don't let her know how much it hurts, because that would be against the rules. It's what she wants. No, I hurt her back, hurt her worse – so that her heart is bleeding and no one can soothe the hurt away, and I treasure her pain as I treasure her kisses and more. Because I'm the only one who can do it her, who will do it, to her.

That's what makes me special, ne?

I've gone through life like a ripple, as lovely Mayuko put it. Nothing hurts a ripple. No one can get close to me, ever, no matter how hard they try.

Ayame and Hatori were the first exceptions, slipping into my heart before I thought to drift away. I can almost see it as literal, Ayame laughing and singing and distracting me, letting me think I was using him as I used everyone, while Hatori waited and watched, patient as always, for my guard to slip. And then they were in.

But they would never hurt me, never ask anything of me. Power isn't real unless you use it.

Then that dream. They woke up crying and shying away from the pain. I was… enthralled. This thing was in my heart, and I could do nothing but stand and let it in.

I was predisposed to love her, you could say.

From the moment she was born I wanted her more than anything. And from the moment she was born, she was willing to use that.

She puts people in categories, ingrained since childhood in her. Most of them involve being proof, a replacement. None of them are romantic, and her convoluted views of things she thinks she shouldn't have…

I won't play that for her. I won't live in her world of her black-and-white cruelty or kindness, won't play the part Kureno does for her, a father she can take to bed, someone she can control completely – someone safe.

Sometimes, I wish I could.


The sound of the doors to my rooms cracking back along their tracks and slamming into their niches is like thunder in this mausoleum of a house. Thunder of the apocalypse and an angry god.

She stands in the doorway, arms out as if the doors will fight back, as if she wants them to just so that she can break them. Her eyes are black with rage, lips white with the fury that hell hath none to match.

"Is it true?" Her voice is gentle, soft, in the same way a whip dragged across silk is gentle.

Ha-san stands behind her, not quite daring to touch her shoulder, say soothingly, "Akito-san, Ren-san was merely… you know she gets confused. You can calm down."

Over her head, his glowing eyes burn into mine. You can't have done it, cannot, but if you have…

Lie to her.

From my desk I stand deliberately and say, "Yes, it is true."

I was ready for these faces, I thought. I prepared myself…

I was wrong.

Ha-san, loyal Ha-san looks at me in condemning, betrayed shock, not because he condemning because he does, but because he refuses to do so.

And Akito just stops. All the rage leaves her empty and raw, and she says, her voice that of a confused little girl, "Why?"

I don't think her lips move. The word seems to fall into the room, lost on its way somewhere else.

I don't answer, and she steps forward, arms dropping to her sides. "Hatori, leave," she whispers, and he does.

He wants to stay, to protect her – protect her from me – but no one protects a god.

The doors slide shut in his hands at her gesture, and she stands, deserted by her own command.

"Tell. Me. Why." Lost words, angry and frightened, from a form fragile as a heartbeat.

"Ah, Akito-san…" I chuckle. "Didn't your parents ever explain this to you? Boys will be boys, you know."

Her lips, perfect pink lips which always taste of lemon, tremble and contort as her eyes fill.

I smile, honest and cruel.

Pain. Such a very mortal feeling.

"You cannot do these things to me," she says emptily. "I am god."

Eyes like windows into space, empty and black, sear through me, as her world falls away beneath her.

"I could ask you why you've done very nearly this same thing," I point out casually.

Her eyes dry, tears gone like pearls in the desert, and her face twists as she takes refuge again in anger. "No! You cannot ask me anything! You will not question my actions or my motives! I am god; I will do as I please and you will do as I say!"

A righteously angered god, a spoiled child.

"Well," I murmur, "You're half right."

"Shigure!" The desperation in her voice is stretched too tight, breaking and taking too much else with it. Her delicate fingers curl into fists and she darts forward, hands tangling in my yukata. "You love me!"

"More than anything," I say, and none of the tears in my heart come to my voice.

"But… you hurt me…" the questioning inflection in her voice, a child who needs to be held, a girl who knows enough to pull away from pain but can't believe its source…

My heart cracks a bit more, but it's working. This is what I wanted. I wanted to see her burn.

I say, "If you're looking for a shoulder to cry on, I'm sure Kureno will be happy to play Akira for you."

The force of the blow to my face sends me staggering, catching the desk for balance. "Get out," she hisses.

And because she is god, I do.

If I let enough time pass, I could come back to her. A sinner seeking absolution once the wounds are scars.

But I love her. So I won't.


I'm sorry, Akito. But as long as you're on this pedestal, I can't touch you.

You have a role to play, and everyone helps you play it. As long as we play along, you're safe, and none of us mean more to you than any other.

So yes, I'm sorry, so very sorry, but I'm going to destroy you. When we aren't your everything, you see, I will be.

In the end, they do need you, but they don't want you. Bonds of blood, ancient curses and oaths… very romantic, but in the end, no more substantial than a shadow and a wish.

They'll move on. It's only natural. They'll all find someone new.

I won't. Not ever. I won't need you, but I want you more than anything in the world.

That's why I hurt you. Because I'm the only one who can, because I'm the only one who will. I'll burn you until your hand can't open any longer, until you grow up and stop playing this game. Just let it burn, my love, because I promise…

You're my always.


Gray-eyed girl across the street
On Rue Saint Divine

I thought this is the one for me
But she was already mine

You were already mine

And little sister
I've been sleeping in the street again

Like a stray dog
And little sister
I've been trying to feel complete again
But you're gone and so is God

The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
When the soul wants... the soul waits...

And I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
For love and faith and sex and fear
And all the things that keep us here
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You'll see
You'll see
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?


AN: That was… quite the experience to write… lemme know how it was to read, okay? Boring? Wonderful? Sickening? Etc…