part three

John tapped a finger on the table. Elizabeth was being awfully quiet, and that was just never a good sign. John cleared his throat and prepared to break the silence.

Elizabeth beat him to it. "So... Explain."

"Well..." John fell silent again and looked at Rodney. Rodney gave him a dismayed "Why me?" look and remained quiet. Finally, Ford spoke up.

"When we first got to the planet we assumed there were no intelligent life forms there," Ford said with a slight smirk. "We were wrong."

Whatever, Rodney muttered, not bothering to look up from where he was cleaning one of his paws. You still can't prove to me that they're all that intelligent. Sentient, maybe, but I'd even question that.

"After exploring the area around the Stargate, we noticed the life-signs detector picking up several signals, but they were definitely not human-sized," John said. "We followed them, and to our surprise, the signals turned out to be coming from several cats."

"We weren't too worried at first," Ford put in. "Then we heard someone speak. Only we didn't hear anything. We just... um... heard it. Like in our heads. But not with our ears."

I think we should amend the previous 'Ford isn't allowed to name anything' rule to 'Ford isn't allowed to speak. Ever,' Rodney said. He'd finished cleaning his paw and had curled up rather comfortably on the table in front of John.

"One of these 'cats', or the Maurith, introduced herself as Teisit, and demanded that we explain why we were trespassing on their land," Teyla said, the corners of her mouth twitching. "The Major told her that we were peaceful visitors, and Teisit..." Teyla trailed off and looked at Ford, who was turning red from silent laughter.

I can still hurt you and not be held responsible for my actions, you know, Rodney said, glaring at Ford.

"I didn't say anything!" Alas, Ford's attempt at a straight face looked like it took way too much effort.

It's not so much what you say as what you...

"I think we're getting a little off track, gentlemen," Elizabeth interrupted. "Major, what did Teisit do?"

It was John's turn to redden.

"She... tackled me," John admitted. "She was surprisingly strong for such a small creature..."

"Tackled you." Elizabeth sounded somewhat incredulous.

You should have seen it! He squealed like a gir...

"Shut up, Rodney," John interjected, glaring at the cat. Rodney glared back. John rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Elizabeth. "I expressed a mild amount of shock at such an action and tried to explain that we meant no harm to her or her people."

Rodney made a sound that was halfway between a growl and a hack. You made a sound not generally heard outside of Backstreet Boys concerts, only with a lot more fright and a lot less glee, and then you started babbling about how you were really more of a dog person, and if they really wanted a human they could relate to then they ought to talk to me. Rodney paused for a minute while John tried to disappear under the table. Thanks, by the way. Now that I think about it, this is all your fault.

"How is it my fault?" John bit out, straightening. "I was ... surprised. And please - I didn't squeal. My voice merely cracked for a moment. Yours would too, if you had a small malicious furry creature sitting on you with her claws at your throat. Oh wait, you did have one sitting on you. Did you enjoy what's-his-name, Jolethai, jumping on you from the back?"

Rodney went silent for a moment, and if he'd had the ability to clear his throat, he would have. In any case, we were attacked. Viciously. There were hundreds of them. Surrounding us.

"There were five." Teyla put in.

Rodney swished his tail. John cleared his throat for what seemed like the hundredth time. Ford looked like he was about to swallow his tongue.

"What happened next?" Elizabeth prompted, fighting the urge to thump her head on the table. "You're all here, and all - most of you are fine, so I assume you managed to find a common language with the Maurith."

There was a momentary pause before John finally spoke up. "We... negotiated. They took a rather immediate liking to Rodney, and pretty much ignored the rest of us."

I can't help it if we finally meet an alien race with decent taste.

"Rodney, what did you talk about?" Elizabeth asked, rubbing her temples. Even the UN diplomats were never this infuriating...

Various subjects. They seemed to recognize true genius when they saw it and appreciated me for my mind. Rodney looked like he was preening a bit.

"They turned you into a cat," John pointed out.

Because they saw my genius! Rodney said, offended. They were trying to give me a gift.

"Wait, they turned you into a cat because you were intelligent?" Elizabeth looked confused.

"They turned him into a cat because he's an arrogant son of a..." John stopped before he could finish the sentence and looked at Rodney, who was ignoring him and had gone back to cleaning his paws.

They know genius when they see it. The whole feline thing was a gift.

"You don't know that!" John practically yelled.

I'm sorry, did you hear something? I thought I heard an annoying buzzing sound. Is there a fly in here? Rodney feigned innocence miserably, especially when he was flicking his tail in John's direction.

"Great, Rodney. Let me know how being a foot tall, naked and unable to write or hold large objects is working out for you in about a week. I'm sorry, but I don't think we're going to get any further today, so how about adjourning the meeting for now?" Elizabeth nodded, feeling somewhat relieved but even more confused than before. John rose from his seat and headed out of the room, stopping in the doorway for a moment. "Elizabeth, I will be by tomorrow to discuss this situation further," he said over his shoulder, and disappeared around the corner, his stomping footsteps echoing loudly in the suddenly quiet room.

Hey, WAIT! Rodney yelled out. He leapt off the table and banged his chin on the floor. Okay, ow!

"I thought cats were supposed to land on their feet?" Ford said, staring at Rodney as he scurried toward the door.

You, no speaking, remember! Rodney yelled as he ran from the room.

Elizabeth fought the urge to simply lay her head on the desk and go into hysterics. "Will someone please bottom-line this all for me? Do we know how long this is going to last, or if it's permanent at all?"

"I have almost forgotten to tell you, but we have been invited to visit the Maurith again in a week," Teyla said, still looking slightly perplexed by the earlier Sheppard/McKay spat. "I assume that Dr. McKay will be returned to his original form during that visit."

"Is there any reason not to believe that they will return him to his human form then?" Elizabeth asked somewhat desperately.

"No," Teyla said.

"Okay, well - we're going to assume that they can be trusted to do so for the time being." Elizabeth looked at the two remaining team members. "Doctor Beckett informed me that Rodney is all right for now, and as there doesn't seem to be a great deal that we can do for him until the meeting, we're just going to have to live with this until the Maurith change him back."

"Respectfully, ma'am?" Ford asked. "Request permission to be assigned ANYWHERE but the labs for the next week?" He made sure to show off his newly acquired bandage as he made the request.

"Granted," Elizabeth said. "Dismissed." As Teyla and Ford left the office, Elizabeth tried desperately to stop herself from either breaking into laughter or tears. This was most definitely not in her job description.

John had lain on his bed staring at the ceiling for a quite a while, cursing himself for his childish outburst during the debriefing. He didn't know what to do, didn't know what to think. There wasn't exactly any literature on the subject he could read. "What To Do When Your Lover Turns Into A Pussy?" and "Being In a Relationship With A Cat" were not exactly waiting for him at the Atlantis library. A hysterical giggle found its way out and John clasped a hand over his mouth.

He heard a distinct yowling start up outside his door. "When Lovers Yowl," he thought, opening the door to let Rodney in, still fighting the urge to break into hysterical laughter.

Do you have ANY idea what I just had to go through to get here? Rodney said, sounding somewhat traumatized.

John looked him over and noticed that he did look somewhat... ruffled.

"Well, I didn't exactly ask you to come and visit," he said, still feeling somewhat bitter. "You could have been safe and sound, with Ford conveying you straight to your room and guarding you from the groupies."

My room? MY ROOM? Now Rodney definitely sounded pissed. Have you lost what's left of your mind? What exactly would I do in my room? Sit there meowing at the door until someone finally let me out in the morning?

"I'm not your personal attendant, Rodney," John said sullenly.

Fine, you want me to leave? Rodney turned back toward the door.

"You can sleep on the chair, if you want," John said, flopping down on the bed again and returning to his previous pastime of counting ceiling tiles. "I won't kick you out for being yourself."

Oh, how very gracious of you, Rodney snapped, hopping up onto the chair. Really, I'd hate to put you out.

"No trouble at all," John said back, equally as sarcastic.

Rodney curled up on the chair, his back to John, and tried not to look as dejected as he felt.

John rolled over, his back to Rodney, and tried not to feel as dejected as he was sure he looked.

They had laid like that for an hour, and finally Rodney couldn't stand the silence anymore. In two leaps he was on the bed, poking John's back with a paw.

"What?" John grouched, though he was pretty sure that he sounded more sad than angry when he said it.

Rodney sat down behind him and put his paws up on John's shoulder, laying his head on his paws as he studied John's profile. I... Don't be angry with me, Rodney pleaded, then sighed. It's been a rough day.

"I know," John said, lifting his hand so he could scratch behind Rodney's ear. "It's just - it's kinda hard for me too, you know."

Rodney made a sound that could have almost been a sigh. Or maybe a yawn. John sighed as well. "Come on," he said, rolling over.

Rodney cuddled into John's side and wrapped his tail around himself. So, all's forgiven?

"Well, I wouldn't say all, but..."

Rodney began to purr lightly and John rubbed his head again.

Well, at least you can't say your life is dull...

John let out a laugh that sounded somewhat saner this time. "Never that Rodney, definitely never that."

Rodney purred louder and started to knead his new bed.

"OUCH! Watch it, or I'll have you de-clawed!" John said, extracting Rodney's claws from his side.

You wouldn't dare.

"Try me." John said with a smile.

Rodney didn't respond, knowing perfectly well that John would never do anything like that to a cat, but nevertheless paid more attention to his claws as he continued to knead the sheet and John's T-shirt.

John continued to lightly stroke Rodney's fur, letting his own eyes drift shut as the rhythmic purring lulled him into a sense of security. He'd never been a cat person before, but he was beginning to see the appeal. As he dozed off, he thought he could almost get used to the small lump of warmth curled tightly against his side.

Rodney continued to purr, which was admittedly not something he'd EVER thought he would do before. As he felt John beginning to drift off, and the hand on his fur slowed to a stop, he thought briefly about kneading his new bed again, but decided to let his lover sleep. Rodney pushed his nose under John's arm and let himself slip into sleep as well.