part 5

Rodney jumped down from John's arms just as they reached the door to the labs. I'll walk from here, thanks.

"Since when do you want to walk anywhere?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

I need to maintain my authority around here. I can't exactly manage that if I have YOU carrying me everywhere. Rodney huffed as he sat down in front of the door, waiting for John to open it. I mean, how do you think it looks - me having to get the head of the military to carry me around like I'm some kind of royalty or something... Wait, on second thought, pick me back up and let me preen for them. Maybe I'll get a little more respect from having you at my beck and call.

"I'm not so sure about that," John said as he rolled his eyes, and bent to pick Rodney up again. "And... this is just a suggestion, but maybe you should consider laying off the meatballs for a day or two, seriously."

Rodney glared at him, which was somewhat less then intimidating coming from a cat. Or maybe more intimidating than usual, John couldn't quite decide. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Just because I'm now small and furry doesn't mean that I'm not still the smartest person here, Rodney said disdainfully as they walked into the main lab.

Their entrance seemed to have had all the subtlety of a nuclear explosion, as everyone attempted to stare at Rodney while still pretending to work, which lead to a biochemist almost creating a mouse/Wraith hybrid when he turned to look while in the middle of an experiment.

Point in fact, Rodney said as several of the scientists yelled and scrambled to help the hapless biochemist. Just set me down at my work station.

John rolled his eyes and plopped Rodney down on the table next to his laptop. "You're going to be alright by yourself? I've got a few things I need to do." Rodney just stared at him. "Right, never mind. I'll be back later." John headed for the door, neatly sidestepping Zelenka, who looked like he'd rather John didn't leave the scientists alone with a version of Rodney that had built-in claws.

Rodney stretched with satisfaction, listened to his spine pop loudly, decided that being a cat was really nice in a way, because he could stretch much better then usual, gave a staring lab tech a dirty look, and settled down in front of the laptop on his hind paws. The power button was easy enough, and Rodney couldn't suppress a happy "Mrrrrrrowr". Password window came next. They didn't really need passwords on Atlantis outside the gate room, but Rodney's laptop protected some of the most important ideas in the universe, and he was not about to leave them in the open for everyone to steal. Rodney hit the keys for his password, and then the "Enter" key with his paws.

Invalid Password.

Rodney blinked at the screen. That couldn't be right. He tapped the keys again and smacked the enter key.

Invalid Password.

Rodney looked down at his keyboard as he typed the third time, and that's when he realized that, while he could aim for the keys he wanted, he tended to hit at least three other keys at the same time. He couldn't type! Rodney let out a bloodcurdling yowl that had everyone in the room either shrinking back in horror, or barely resisting the urge to come help him, the latter group obviously unable to resist anything that could sound so pathetic.

He gave the idiots a death glare and bared his teeth - his sharp, pointy teeth. It seemed to discourage most of them, except for Miko, who continued to hover nearby. Rodney frowned, and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, remembered John's words from the debriefing. Hmmm... There had to be a way he could type! He hated dictating stuff, because his ideas never sounded clear when he explained them out loud to other people before they were completely formulated, and there was also the matter of intellectual theft he didn't want to contemplate... Rodney looked at his paws, and sighed with disgust. If only voice recognition software worked with telepathic thoughts...

Zelenka appeared next to him just then, typed in the password and hit "Enter".

Gee, thanks, Rodney hissed at him. But that's really not going to solve any... WAIT! How did you know my password?

Zelenka just shrugged and walked away without saying a word.

Rodney debated going after him, but just then he swished his tail and had a brilliant idea. Okay, ANOTHER brilliant idea, but a brilliant idea nonetheless.

His tail was thin enough to hit just one key at once! Rodney tried this out and after some practice managed to set a good pace for himself, although the drawback of the tail-typing was that he had to sit with his back to the computer as he typed. Or maybe it wasn't a drawback, he thought, giving the evil eye to the gawkers.

Hey! Is there a holiday today I know nothing about? Rodney snapped, and several scientists flinched. Because I'd really like to know why no one is doing any work.

Miko and several others rushed back to their respective work stations. Rodney felt slightly better, knowing that he could still get them to do their work even if he was small enough to be easily punted across the room. And God, wasn't that a frightening thought? Rodney continued tapping at the keys with his tail and renewed his glare at the room in general.

"You'd think Weir would have thought to restrict something as dangerous as a compromised scientist to the brig. Or at least their quarters," a voice from behind him called out, obviously not intimidated by his stare. Rodney craned his neck around to see who was idiotic enough to cross him when he was obviously having an absolutely vile day. Kavanaugh. He should have known.

I am perfectly fine. Rodney stopped typing and snapped the lid closed with his paws before Kavanaugh could see any of his new calculations. I am not compromised at all. Beckett and Garcia declared me totally healthy.

Kavanaugh sneered at him. "Not compromised? You're a CAT! If they can change your body so drastically, who knows what they could have done to your mind. You should be locked up, and that planet should be taken out of the dialing programs."

Oh yes, because tucking our tails and running for the hills every time some weird thing happens in this galaxy is going to help us so much! Rodney tried not to wince at his own unfortunate choice in words.

"You really have been hanging around Sheppard too much, haven't you?" Kavanaugh crossed his arms and glared at Rodney. "Listen to yourself, you sound just like him. Just like one of those idiotic military..."

Rodney'd had enough. He leapt from the table and launched himself at Kavanaugh's leg with a speed that would have astounded even himself, if he wasn't busy being completely irate. Don't go there, Kavanaugh! You want to insult me, that's fine, take your best shot. Rodney began clawing his way up Kavanaugh's leg, ignoring the other man's screams for help. But don't you DARE start talking about Sheppard behind his back! The man's hair has more intelligence then you!

Kavanaugh seemed to have stopped listening, in favor of yelping "Get it off, my God, won't somebody GET IT OFF OF ME!" repeatedly. Unfortunately, nobody in the lab seemed to be in all that big of a hurry to throw themselves between the two combatants.

It was at this point that the door opened and John poked his head in. Seeing Rodney attached to yet another leg, he sighed and stepped inside the room.

"I leave you alone for an hour, and you've already turned feral," he said, leaning against Rodney's desk and observing the flailing Kavanaugh with interest.

I'm not feral. I'm PISSED OFF!

"Detach! Release! Unclaw! GET OFF!" Kavanaugh was hopping around shaking the leg Rodney had attached himself to. "Major, would you please DO SOMETHING!"

Oh, he is the LAST person you should be asking for help right now! Rodney exclaimed, digging in just a little bit more.

"Be thankful he's not humping you," Zelenka muttered under his breath and suddenly found everyone in the room, Rodney included, staring at him. "What? My cat, when I was little... he was ... too affectionate."

"Okaaaaay," John drawled, reminding himself that he now owed Dr. Zelenka a really disgusting mental image. "Rodney, do you want me to involve Carson in this? After what happened this morning?"

Rodney remained attached, but stopped trying to move upwards. He turned his head and looked at John speculatively. It might be worth it.

"Another trip to the infirmary..." John almost sing-songed.

Rodney sighed and slid back down Kavanaugh's leg. He kept his claws out the whole way down, though.

Kavanaugh held onto his injured leg and turned his glare on John. "If I get some kind of intergalactic rabies or something..."

We could only be so lucky! Rodney muttered.

"Kavanaugh, so see Doctor Beckett and get those scratches looked at. And try not to terrorize anybody on your way down there." Sheppard said, giving the man a look that just begged him to try and say anything else.

Kavanaugh opened his mouth, thought better of it, closed it and stormed out, his shredded BDU pant leg flapping as he walked. Rodney hopped up on a chair, looking smug.

I don't think he's gonna be bothering me anytime soon. He looked down at his paws and grimaced. Ew. I hope I didn't catch anything from him.

"But he'll be bothering Beckett, and Elizabeth, and everyone else who will listen," John pointed out. "Let's face it - this is not exactly an isolated incident..."

Oh, come on, I was provoked! Rodney protested. It was self defense, anyone here will vouch for me.

John looked around the room and thought that the other scientists actually looked a little like they wanted to run away but feared for their very souls. "Rodney, you're going to get in trouble for this, and you know it. Let's just get this over with and get you out of the lab now."

Rodney looked up at John from the chair he was perched on. His eyes seemed to get bigger and... poutier.

"Oh, now that's just not fair!" John said, smiling despite himself.

"My god, it's like he has some strange new super power." Zelenka looked at Rodney, mystified.

I'm adorable, you can deny me nothing. Admit it, Rodney whined, letting out a plaintive "Meow" for good measure.

John shook his head, snapping out of the cuteness-induced daze. "Still, you know this won't work on Elizabeth, so you need to stop letting the cat instincts take over the moment you're pissed at someone. You might end up under house arrest if this happens again. Three strikes and you're out, remember?"

Fine, fine. No more attacking not-so-innocent bystanders, Rodney groused, leaping down from the chair and winding himself in between John's legs, rubbing up against his ankles and purring.

John reached down and snatched Rodney up. "What did I just say about ignoring your cat instincts?" he whispered, staring Rodney in the face.

Not to attack people, Rodney said, butting his head against John's and rubbing their cheeks together with another low purr.

John tucked Rodney into his arms, tried to tell himself that everyone in the lab was most definitely NOT staring at them, and quickly headed for the door.

to be continued...