"Warning: Cigarette Smoking is dangerous to your health"
by: Chibi Viki
Ed knew that the General was not in a good mood today. Not only wasn't he in his usual mirth as Ed presented his report, but he also hadn't teased him about his height! That alone was an indication that Lt. Gen. Roy Mustang was definitely NOT in a good mood.
So, as their session ended, the General gave Ed a thick brown envelope.
"Since you're going out, Fullmetal", he started, "hand this over to Major Havoc, will you?".
Ed took it without much thought, "Major Havoc, huh? So, where is he?"
"At the Central Military Hospital…"
There was a bored tone in Roy's voice. It was unconcerned, uncaring and could even be considered as cold and strict.
Ed raised a brow, "The hospital! Why? What happened to Major Havoc!"
Roy looked away. His eyes shifting from Ed to his son's stroller near his desk which has, by now, become part of the office furniture. He rested his chin on the back of his hand as a frown rested on his lips.
"I told him smoking cigarettes was bad for the health…", Roy muttered more to himself than to Ed.
Edward and Alphonse Elric made their way to the hospital, later on. For a while, they walked in silence as they thought about what the General said. Major Havoc was in the hospital because he smoked a lot… and smoking causes lung diseases, like lung cancer.
The brothers were not particularly close to the General's men, but they still considered every one of them as their friends. This alone was reason enough to worry about the man.
"Hey, brother", Al, started, "so do you think that the major…"
Ed sighed heavily. It was a reality they had to accept. After all, it was nobody's fault that Havoc was in such a predicament, he did this unto himself.
Soon, they arrived at the Hospital. Room 215, 5th door to the right from the stairs. The brothers stood in front of the aforementioned room not knowing what to expect.
Ed took a moment to reflect. He glanced at the thick brown envelope that he was supposed to give to the Major. What was it anyway? Maybe it was Havoc's military health insurance papers so he wouldn't have to pay for anything. And leave permit since he'll surely be staying in the hospital for quite sometime. Or even… discharge papers from the military.
He shook his head clear and prepared for the worst as he opened the door and entered.
"Please excuse our intrusion…" Edward announced as he and his brother stepped into the room.
Both were shocked by what they saw…
Havoc sat on the hospital bed, still in his uniform, a few places of which had bits of charred pieces. The half of his face, from the nose down, was covered in bandages along with his left hand… well, his thumb, index and middle fingers that is. Around him stood the rest of the General's subordinates: Fuery, Breda and Farman who were, for some strange reason, laughing.
This was definitely what Ed and Al didn't expect to see.
"Oh, hello you two", Fuery greeted them with a calm smile, "I guess you heard about it from the General, huh?"
By now, the group had stopped laughing as the dumbfounded brothers stood in the middle of the room, their mouths slightly opened in wonder.
"What's going on?", Ed cried out, "why are you guys laughing! Isn't the major supposed to be sick from his smoking!"
Fuery, Breda and Farman looked at each other for a while… and began to laugh again. Havoc, unable to speak, sighed sadly as he sat on his bed.
"You see, Ed", Farman began, "This morning, Havoc lit a cigar in the General's room…"
Ed and Al stared at the man blankly.
"What he didn't know was, little Maes was in there, lying in his stroller with Black Hayate looking after him… and you know how the General and the Lt. Colonel are both sensitive about Maes. Secondhand smoke is worst that smoking itself after all, especially on babies…"
Fuery smiled and continued, "If the Lt. Colonel caught him smoking around her baby, she would've just shot the cigar right off of his mouth. Unfortunately, she was out on an errand. And even more unfortunate for the Major was that the General caught him in the act instead so…"
"BOOM!", cried Breda waving his hands wide mimicking a huge explosion, "the General snaps his fingers and destroys Havoc's cigar while it was still in his mouth just as Havoc was about to take it off with his hand!"
Laughter roared in the room. Could anything be more amusing than that!
Havoc, on the other hand, sighed miserably for his helplessness and his inability to retaliate. He'll get back at his officemates later on. All along, a thought entered his mind… that would be the last time he'd try to smoke in the General's office. After all, smoking IS bad for his health, especially if Maes was around.
END
A/N: Nooo! I don't mean to be such a meanie to Havoc… but I just found this story too irresistible not to write it.
Thanks again for all the reviews! XD They are truly very inspiring.
Just to answer some questions:
1) What is FMA DX manga?
The FMA DX manga Laboratory (complete name) is a manga(comic) magazine created by Hiromu Arakawa and staff made for fans. It's the ultimate FMA manga fanbook for short; full of trivias, games, yonkomas (toilet humor has a new meaning) and some quirky tabloids made by the staff (you should see what Roy used to look like, haha!), and fanarts from japanese fans. I don't have a copy of the book itself, but a few members of the forums managed to give us a few tidbits about the manga magazine. One trivia there states that Roy calls Ed, Fullmetal since he keeps forgetting Ed's first name. There was also a list of Dog-lovers and Ed is "dog-loved"... (see animaxis .com for more details)
2) In your story, has Al been restored?
Yes, I'm conveniently leaving this question unanswered so readers who haven't seen the entire series won't scream bloody murder ;)
3) So Royai is Roy x Riza?
Yup. The reason why I'm emphasizing this is because there are some people who still use the term "Royai" for Roy yaoi and it gets confusing sometimes. Not that I have anything against yaoi, but I just wanted to clarify that.
4) …I saw that comic with Riza's friend but in the last chapter I never read where Roy forgot Ed's name...
Well, this always happens in the manga. Roy always keeps referring to Ed as Fullmetal… actually, I don't recall Roy calling him by his first name EVER. This fact was stated in FMA DX Manga Laboratory (see question #1). The manga gaiden with Riza's female friend, called "Simple People", was in FMA book and Figure Red which is another sort of manga character guide that comes along with a beautiful diorama figurine of Ed and Al. (See animaxis .com for more details)
