Author: Welcome back everyone! I hope you enjoyed Chapter two even though Legolas died. I told you before and I will tell you again Legolas is always sued and now enough is enough. I am sure that you crazy Legolas fan girls are rioting in the streets and coming up with evil plans to kill me. You will fail. Anyway, excuse me. Here's Disclaimer to tell you the usual crap.

Disclaimer: Thank you Author. Of course I don't Lord Of The Rings. Why bother saying this. I mean really would anyone be so dumb that they would sue? Tolkien owns Lord Of The Rings. He will always even though he's dead. God rest his soul. Back to you Author.

Author: Thank you Disclaimer for that piece of crap as always.

Disclaimer: I try.

Author: Okay, onwards with the story.

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" But Gandalf, how can Legolas be dead? Their aren't any signs of pain.'' Merry asked bewildered.

" Well Merry there is only one possibility.'' Gandalf answered.

"What's that?''

" Legolas has died from having split ends.''

The fellowship and Faramir stated forms of protest. Gandalf needed them to understand but he couldn't because everyone else was protesting.

" Oh come on Gandalf tell us the truth, Legolas couldn't have died from split ends.'' Faramir protested.

" Faramir is right.'' Boromir said agreeing with Faramir.

Faramir, Boromir, and the hobbits protested and Aragorn and Gimli remained silent.

" GUYS SHUT UP!'' Gandalf yelled.

Faramir and the others shut their mouths and looked at Gandalf with wonder in their faces.

" Having split ends as much as Legolas can kill elves.'' " I read in a magazine that split ends are the number one cause of death in elves. Forget from being slain in battle and having a broken heart SPLIT ENDS MAN! Surprise, shock, gasp!'' Gandalf explained.

" That's right.'' Gimli replied primly.

" What do we do with Legolas's body?'' Sam asked while looking at Legolas's body.

" We can't leave him here.'' Frodo said obviously.

" No shit Sherlock.'' Aragorn huffed.

Aragorn, Faramir, and Boromir picked up Legolas and carried his body outside to where Mary Sue was buried.

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The shadow went back to the cave. It was a bright sunny day and everything was going his way. Legolas is dead. What else could go wrong? The shadow watched the others grieve for Legolas and could not help it smiling and laughing to himself. The shadow paced back and forth to glance at every angle. The shadow had to say one thing: " HALEUJAH!'' The shadow jumped up and down.

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" Phew Aragorn please take a shower. You smell like feet.'' Sam stated.

" I smell like a man!'' Aragorn replied hotly.

Aragorn really smelled and needed a shower. Despite everyone's protests he will not take a shower at any cost. Aragorn missed Legolas. Legolas would have usually said that you're own man and stuff like that. Sam walked out of the room holding his nose. Faramir then walked in and looked disgusted.

" Oh my lord what is that smell ? Oh never mind it's you and it always was you.''

"Shut up you moron.''

" Aragorn, please take a shower. How long has it been since you haven't showered?''

" Two.''

" Two days?''

" No, since I was two.''

" No wonder why you smell like Gandalf's feet.'' Faramir wrinkled his nose.

" Hey Faramir, want me to turn you into something unnatural?'' Gandalf said overhearing Faramir.

" Ummmm, no.''

" Then can it!'' Gandalf closed the door.

" Gee Faramir and how would you know about Gandalf's feet?'' Aragorn replied sarcastically.

" No reason.'' Faramir stood up and walked away.

" Right.''

Frodo came dancing about and started to do some pirouettes. Aragorn looked at Frodo as if an anvil struck Frodo.'' " Frodo , what the hell are you doing?''

" I'm so happy!'' Frodo exclaimed.

" Why?''

" I can only express it by song.'' Frodo then stood up and began to sing:

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

Frodo then did some more pirouettes and cart wheels. This was amazing to Aragorn that Frodo could dance. Then, Frodo started to do the can can.

" Hey Frodo , are you high?''

" Just a little.'' Frodo replied.

" Weirdo…''

" Shut up smelly!'' Frodo said .

" I smell like a man!'' Aragorn said proudly.

" Men smell better than you do.'' Frodo sniffed. " You need a shower buddy.'' Frodo then walked away.

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" That's right smelly it's time you take a shower!'' The shadow laughed. The shadow checked to make sure no one else besides Aragorn was around. Then he climbed inside. He grabbed Aragorn and Aragorn kicked and screamed but no one heard him. Aragorn knew in his heart that water meant no more for him. He got inside and was plopped into the shower and the shadow climbed outside the window. The grease slowly disappeared from Aragorn's body and Aragorn was starting to diminish. Before you know it , Aragorn stopped breathing and died.

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A few hours had passed since Aragorn was dragged into the shower. The Fellowship and Faramir began to worry.

" Hey where's Aragorn gone off too?'' Frodo pondered.

" Who knows.'' Gandalf replied uncertainly.

" Maybe he's taking a shower.'' Boromir said thoughtfully.

The Fellowship laughed at this. Aragorn taking a shower is a hilarious thought. When would Aragorn ever take a shower? Little did they know that Boromir is right . Boromir noticed that the door was opened a crack and he thought that Aragorn might be there.

" I think he's in the bathroom. I 've looked for him everywhere else and he wasn't anywhere. He has to be in the bathroom.'' Boromir and the others went into the bathroom and saw Aragorn dead as a doornail.

" Holy Crap! Aragorn is dead!'' Frodo cried obviously.

" Thanks Captain Obvious for stealing Legolas's job.'' Boromir said dryly.

" Sorry, I had to say it.'' Frodo said ignoring Boromir's comment.

Gandalf went closer and turned off the water. He then examined Aragorn thoroughly. " Aragorn has died because his protective layer of grease has washed away.'' Gandalf concluded. " Aragorn has been sued.''

" That's weird man.'' Pippin said in bewilderment. " First Legolas now Aragorn. Their must be something going on.''

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Meanwhile, the shadow watched the whole scene. " Yes, three down and eight to go.'' " It's about time Aragorn died.'' " His body odor could kill us all.'' " Now it's time for him to go!" The shadow thought about this and went away to plan his next murder.

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Author: Like I said before. I am sure that Aragorn fan girls probably want to murder me too. Go ahead and riot in the streets I don't care.

Disclaimer: Well I do.

Author: Really?

Disclaimer: No.

Author: That was Chapter three and now it's starting to get spooky isn't it?

Read and review everyone! Let's all thank Boromir for finding out where Aragorn was!

Boromir: Ummmm I was just taking a guess.

Author: Sure. Stay tuned everyone!