Author: 'Ello everyone. You probably think that this story is stupid and dose not any plot at all and it's just everyone getting killed. First of all, this is stupid because it's supposed to be. Second of all, you will understand the plot at the end. You have to wait until the end until you find out everything. This is why you should keep reading the story in order so everything makes sense. And now it's time for something completely different. And now it's……………. Theme to Monty Python's Flying Circus plays No! And now it's Disclaimer! Can anyone find the Monty Python reference in this chapter? If you can then you are incredibly smart. You will also receive a cookie.
Disclaimer: Hi everybody. For today's report, the usual piece of shit. I am not saying it anymore.
Author: Umm Disclaimer, you have to say it so we don't get sued.
Disclaimer: The readers know it. Do you think that someone is so stupid that they would sue you for copying the work of Tolkien?
Author: How do you know?
Disclaimer: Fine, the Author does not own Lord Of The Rings blah blah now you can go back and do what you were doing scram!
Author: Onwards, with the story.
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The hobbits were buried and everyone was once again filled with sorrow. Gandalf was in the living room smoking a pipe. While he smoked the pipe, he decided to think. He thought about all the previous events. These last two weeks had afflicted on him and everyone else terribly. " Another One Bites the Dust.'' Gandalf said as he voice became mellow and sad. " I wonder who killed them all? Why are they doing this?'' Gandalf decided to sing a song to clear his head:
Ooh,
let's go
Steve walks warily down the street
With the brim
pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his
feet
Machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, hey, are you
ready for this
Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat
Out of
the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat -
yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the
dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one
bites the dust, eh
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites
the dust
How do you think I'm going to get along
Without
you when you're gone
You took me for everything that I had
And
kicked me out on my own
Are you happy, are you satisfied ?
How
long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To
the sound of the beat
Look out
Another one bites the
dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and
another one gone
Another one bites the dust, eh
Hey, I'm gonna
get you too
Another one bites the dust
Hey
Oh take
it
Bites the dust - bite the dust hey
Hey
Another one bites
the dust
Another one bites the dust, ow
Another one bites the
dust, hey hey
Another one bites the dust, heeey
Ooh show
down
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And
bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You
can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down, yeah
But I'm
ready, yes I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out
of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the
beat
Oh yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one
bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another
one bites the dust, yeah
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one
bites the dust
Shoot out
Hey, alright
" Gandalf what are you talking about?'' Faramir poked his head through the door.
" I'm saying that Another One well a few bite the Dust.''
" That is a good song.'' Faramir cheered.
" Yes, but the point is we are all going to perish if we don't find out who killed Mary Sue and the others.''
Faramir stepped inside and closed the door and the door slammed. " What can we do?'' " We haven't found any evidence of anyone related to the murders. Plus I'm glad Mary Sue is gone. Don't get me wrong Gandalf, but Mary Sue was a bitch at times. I never understood why Legolas was so in love with her.'' " Apparently, Legolas got what he wanted you know what I mean?''
" Erm no I don't.'' Gandalf looked at Faramir with keen eyes and gave Faramir with a quizzical look.
" Legolas always said that he would die for Mary Sue. Guess what? He got what he wanted.''
Gandalf leaned back in his chair. Faramir was talking so rationally that is scared the wits out of him. " Faramir, you don't need to be so rational.''
" Gandalf, there must be a conspiracy going on.''
" What kind of conspiracy are you talking about?'' Gandalf replied with a sinister tone.
" I don't know.'' Faramir said inhaling and exhaling.
" Where are Boromir and Gimli? It's time for a meeting.'' Gandalf responded switching to another subject. " BOROMIR GIMLI, GET YO ASS UP IN THE HIZZLE FO SHIZZLE!'' Boromir and Gimli jumped through the ceiling don't ask questions.
" Who would of thought that Gandalf belonged on the East Side yo!'' Boromir said using his wit and sarcasm.
" We have to discuss something.''
" Gandalf the White, this better be something good I was eating a very good snack.'' Gimli said angrily.
" Well Gimli, what we need to discuss is more fulfilling than a snack.'' Gandalf replied humorously.
" Don't count on it.'' Gimli muttered.
" Come on Gandalf get on with it.'' Faramir said pushing Gandalf to the point.
" GET ON WITH IT!'' Random people yelled from the window.
" Yes, even listen to the people outside.'' Boromir said haughtily.
" Okay we all know about the previous events that happened in the past two weeks?''
" Yes,'' Faramir, Boromir, and Gimli chorused.
" Mary Sue, Legolas, Aragorn, and the hobbits have been murdered in the past two weeks.'' " Who could be the killer?
" I don't know.'' Faramir said.
Gandalf and the others chatted about this. They concluded nothing. Gandalf was starting to grow suspicious of the others. It had to be one of them, but who? Gandalf scratched his beard repeatedly. Apparently, a few minutes of thought produced nothing.
……………………………………………………………………………..
The shadow grimaced when he watched Gandalf and the others. " That's right Gandalf, you don't know who the killer is mwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!''
" The next one to be murdered is Boromir.'' " I don't know how to do it though.'' Boromir is going to be tough.'' The shadow stumbled on this thought. Mary Sue, Legolas, and Aragorn, and the hobbits were easy.''
The shadow leaned back on the wall. The shadow then heard stomping and horns blowing and shouting coming from the forest. The shadow ran to the forest and peeked through the bushes. It was the Uruk- hai army marching through the forest with violence. They stomped on the ground and knocking down trees. Lurtz looked very shifty running through the forest. The shadow watched with inspiration. " That's it. Maybe they could do something.''
Lurtz and the other Uruk-hai stopped and detected the shadow. Lurtz climbed into the bushes were the shadow hid. " Hey maggot, what are you doing here in these parts?''
" Nothing just walking around. What are you doing here?'' The shadow replied being snotty.
" Anyone here that walks around can be suspicious. We are looking for a Boromir of Gondor, have you seen him?'' Lurtz replied gruffly.
The shadow pulled his arm down and did a victory dance. That's it! They could help him kill Boromir. But first he wanted to get some things out of Lurtz. " Why do you want to know?''
" Boromir shall die because he is the son of the Steward of Gondor and all Gondorians shall be put to death.''
" Well, I do know where he is. What do I get if I tell you?''
" Nothing!''
" Well fine then. But I do want to kill Boromir too. I want to kill him because he has been sued by Mary Sues.''
" Oh, that's a good reason to kill him.'' Lurtz agreed.
" Yes. Now if I tell you where Boromir is hiding. Will you help me?''
" Yes anything.'' Lurtz bowed.
" Okay. Boromir is staying at Lord Elrond's house in Rivendell.''
" Thank you for the information.'' Lurtz said happily.
" Now tomorrow afternoon, you are to come out here to the backyard with your weapons.''
" How will you get Boromir to come out though?''
" I'll send a letter.'' "Then once you see him shoot many arrows until he is dead.'' " Agree?''
" Yes I do.'' Lurtz swore himself to the shadow. Lurtz and his army marched away out of sight.
………………………………………………………………………………..
The next day came and Boromir woke up smelling the coffee. " Hmm I bet Gandalf is making some Maxwell House Coffee.'' Boromir got up wearing his nightcap, rainbow pajamas, and his bunny slippers. Boromir smelled the coffee and closed his eyes imagining the coffee beans pouring into the coffee machine and churned and bubbled. Boromir opened his eyes and ran downstairs and smelled the coffee.
" Hey Boromir, a note for you.'' Gandalf said dismissively.
Boromir waltzed to the table acting sluggish. He grabbed the note and read it out loud:
Dear Boromir,
Please meet me outside immediately. I have some things to talk with you. Business matters to be more specific. My carriage should be arriving shortly, please come out now.
Love,
Denathor aka, Denny, aka Papa D.
PS: Sorry to mench, if you finished with the lawn edger can you pop it in the post?
Boromir closed the letter and tucked inside his shirt pocket. What a random letter. What business matters does Denathor want to speak to me about? Boromir thought it might have to do with him getting married. Boromir never thought about marriage in his life. Boromir thought that Denathor brought the girl he was going to marry. " What was the letter about Boromir?'' Gandalf asked.
" My father wants to speak to me and he wants to meet me outside now.''
" Oh what a fool. He probably wants you to go on some dumb quest that has to do with being their for Gondor.'' Gandalf replied being pissed at Denathor.
Boromir sped outside and ran into the backyard. But, no one was there. "Wait a minute. Father requested that he wanted me here immediately.''
Suddenly, arrows flew into the air and pierced Boromir's body. These arrows weren't enough for Boromir. Boromir is the man who won't die.
" Oh my lord, die already!'' Lurtz shouted from the bushes.
Oh Lurtz you will get your wish soon enough. Finally, Boromir was no more. He was dead.
………………………………………………………………………………
" Hey Gandalf, where's Boromir?'' Faramir asked worriedly.
" He said that your father arrived and he wanted to speak to him about some things.''
" What could that stupid git want anyway?'' Faramir said darkly.
" Business matters.''
" Go figure.''
" What do you mean?''
" Of course he set up Boromir to go on a quest to represent Gondor. He never would set one up for me.''
" Don't be sad. Faramir. Your father loves you deep down inside.''
" Right.''
Faramir stepped away from Gandalf and walked outside. Faramir was so angry. He was in fury. How could father come to only see Boromir and not Faramir? Faramir walked past a dead guy with arrows lodged all over him.
Faramir stopped and went toward the dead guy. He removed all the arrows and the identity was uncovered. " Holy crap!'' " Boromir is dead!'' He then called for Gandalf and Gimli. " GANDALF AND GIMLI, BOROMIR IS DEAD!'' Faramir bellowed. Gandalf and Gimli rushed out and checked out Boromir.
" My brother my captain my king!'' Faramir cried.
" Where have I heard this before?'' Gimli asked thinking of this familiar statement.
" Boromir must have been sued.'' Gandalf said sadly.
" Another One Bites The Dust.'' Faramir concluded.
………………………………………………………………………………
The shadow thanked Lurtz for helping him succeed in killing Boromir.
" Well I killed Boromir.'' " Now I'm going to go and try to hang off the Golden Gate Bridge. Bye!'' The shadow left Lurtz and his armies and he smiled.
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Author: Well it's starting to get closer to the end. Can anyone figure out a Monty Python quote? If you guess correctly, I will check out your stories and send a wonderful review! Stay tuned!
