A/N: Heh, I've recently found myself writing more of this story than usual. The fourth way, in which James is confused, Sirius is suspected, Remus is right, Peter is not important, and Lily is offended.
Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter.
Happy Reading!
Way Four: Try a surprise attack – always effective! Guaranteed results.
For the third time in the last week, rain was thundering down upon the castle. James found himself this particular Saturday morning, unable to heave himself out of bed. He groaned and rolled over, his muscles sore and a migraine thumping in his temples. He began to cough rather loudly, and the hangings on his bed got torn back. It was Sirius, staring down at James with a strange glint in his eye; he was holding a black bottle in his hand.
"You alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked with concern.
James, whose eyes had burned at the light, shook his head vigorously.
"I feel terrible," James replied, coughing, "Like I took an instant sickness potion. Ugh…"
James looked up at Sirius, who was still holding the bottle in his hand.
"What's that?" James asked weakly, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest.
Sirius looked back and fourth between James and the beverage, his mouth slightly open. Sirius took a long swig from the bottle and burped lightly.
"Burping tonic," Sirius replied, wiping the purple beverage off his upper lip, "Got it in Hogsmeade this morning before the crowd got there."
James groaned and put his face in his hands.
"Hogsmeade," James groaned, "I completely forgot! Agh, what am I going to do?"
Sirius shrugged.
"Beats me, Prongs," he replied, "Just stay here for a bit and sleep. You'll probably feel better later."
James sighed and hugged his knees to his chest tighter than before. The dormitory door opened and Remus stepped inside. When he saw James on the bed, looking frightful, he dropped the book he was taking. For a moment, as Remus bent over to pick up the book, he looked as if he was going to help James. But the next second, Remus had shot a glare at Sirius and left the room again. Sirius watched as James curled up in the fetal position and fell back into a sleep before sighing, turning, and leaving the room.
When James awakened, he felt a bit better. Though his head was still aching terribly, he managed to heave himself up and clamber to his feet. He looked about the empty room and sighed, running a hand through his hair. What time was it? The clock that Remus kept by his bedside told James that the time was four o' clock. James vaguely wondered when the others would come back, and how much fun they were having without him.
James crossed the room to get a glass of water from the jug on the windowsill. He poured himself a glass of water and looked out the window, when a surprising sight met his eyes. Peter, Remus, Sirius and Lily were all crossing the lawn up to the castle, holding a few bags in their hands. Peter was laughing with Sirius and Lily, and Remus smiled in his reserved kind of way. Sirius was up close to Lily's face, saying something as she laughed hysterically. Lily stuck out her tongue at Sirius and he began laughing, too, and linked his arm in hers.
James noticed then that his cup had been crushed in his hand and the water was trickling down his arm, but he didn't care. Could Sirius possibly like Lily? Was this what the list was for; to get Lily to hate James as much as possible? James threw the cup down onto the ground and stomped out of the dormitory – he had to confront Sirius.
James stomped down and had been reaching out to push open the portrait when the foursome emerged. Remus and Peter's smiles faded instantly, and they turned and left again. Sirius and Lily unlinked arms and Lily scooted off towards her dormitory. Sirius was left quite alone, apprehensively eyeing James.
"You look ill," Sirius observed, watching James breathing heavily.
"You'll look more ill than me after I've finished with you," James growled, and drew his wand out of his pocket.
Before James's sick reflexes could react, Sirius had snatched James's wand out of his hand and pushed him into the nearest chair. Sirius got down on his knees in front of James and tried to calm his friend.
"Don't worry, James, Lily and me have a strictly professional relationship." Sirius insisted.
"You were up in her face, Sirius, and you were flirting with her!" James said loudly, causing many people to turn and watch.
Sirius grinned broadly at the surrounding people to show that nothing interesting was going on, and then turned back to James, his smile fading steadily.
"I know it looks bad, Prongs," Sirius said. "But I've been talking to her, and I think she's starting to become interested in you!"
James raised an eyebrow at his friend.
"Really?"
"Yes, most definitely. It's the list! Just follow the list and you'll have her in no time!"
"You're sure she's interested?"
"Positive!"
James watched Sirius for a moment longer, eagerly searching for any of his friend's telltale signs of lying. He found none. James sighed and leaned back into his chair, then lurched forward and had a small coughing fit. Sirius tumbled backwards to get out of James's way. James rested his head in his hands to block out the light in the room – he had just remembered how sick he felt.
"I feel terrible, Sirius," James said quietly, "In more than one way. Sorry for suspecting you; I should have known better."
Sirius sighed and got to his feet.
"S'alright, mate. Go to sleep or something – you look like a train wreck."
James grunted in reply and stood on his shaking legs. Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and James went back to bed.
A day passed, and then another, and James found himself feeling much better. In fact, on the third day, he was completely back to normal. He awoke and stretched happily, marveling at how he could breathe through his nose and how he was hungrier than he had been in days. With his stomach growling, he sauntered down to breakfast with Sirius. The dynamic duo took their seats and began talking about the upcoming Quidditch match.
"Should be great," Sirius said brightly, snatching up a kipper and eating it.
"You're telling me – I've been waiting for months for this one!" James exclaimed.
Sirius looked around to make sure that nobody was looking before lowering his voice.
"So," he said, "Have you thought of taking step four?"
James choked on the pumpkin juice he had been drinking and coughed violently. Sirius thumped him on the back and he caught his breath. Breathing heavily, James's eyes sought Lily, who was sitting with her friends and eating her breakfast.
"Of course," James said.
A voice from behind them interrupted their conversation.
"Don't do it, James."
James and Sirius spun around to see Remus standing there, looking unhappy and disgruntled.
"Why shouldn't he?" Sirius asked indignantly.
"Because I've read this list and step four is assault!" Remus exclaimed, "James could get into trouble for this one."
"I think I can take care of myself, thanks," James snapped.
Remus and James glared daggers at each other for a few moments before Remus stalked off to, presumably, the library. James and Sirius shared a raised-eyebrow look before turning back to their breakfasts.
"Don't worry about him, James, he's just PMS-ing," Sirius said, helping himself to a pancake.
James shrugged.
"You're right. That Pre-Moon Syndrome is really annoying, though," James whispered. "I really hate it when he's right."
"Which is a lot, but not right now," Sirius said, and said no more.
James wasn't so sure of this.
o0o0o
School, for James, was easy. James was a superb student and could make anyone laugh. Heck, he could even put a smile on McGonagall's thin lips. However, James was not feeling like his usual cheerful self. James would sit in the back of the classroom and take notes quietly, or doodle in his notebook. The words of Remus were ringing in his ears like a gong.
Step four is assault!
Assualt? The word itself made him uneasy. People got put into Azkaban for assault. But James wasn't planning to do anything illegal – especially not to someone like Lily. He was, though, going to take step four. This much he had decided. Sirius had said that Lily had become interested, and James was willing to do anything to get Lily.
That night, James decided he would put step four into play. The monthly required after-nightfall patrol between Head Boy and Girl was on this night, and James would be forced to take a stroll around the school with Lily Evans.
James and Lily walked together in an awkward silence, only speaking when absolutely necessary. James had to stick his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out and touching her, and several times he considered skipping the step.
After the patrol had been completed, and James had still not completed step four, and Lily was walking up the stairs of the dormitory, James's nerves got the best of him.
"A surprise attack," he thought to himself, "Well, here goes nothing…"
"Good night, Potter," Lily said, and began walking away.
Without thinking, James did the first thing that he could categorize under "Surprise attack" – he smacked her bottom. Lily spun around, wand out, and pointed it at James's face.
"Petreficus totalus!" She hissed, and James fell to the floor, unable to move.
Lily stared down at James with mingled disgust.
"I can't believe that you would do this, Potter!" Lily hissed, "Of all things – assault! I swear by Merlin himself, if you touch me again, I will report you! Goodnight!"
Lily kicked James in the ribs – James grunted – and stalked off into the Girl's dormitory. James, unable to move, mentally scolded himself. He swore never to tell Remus that he had been right on this one.
After a while, James heard steps coming from the boy's staircase. Sirius's face loomed over his own, looking concerned.
"No such luck, Prongs?"
Sirius performed the counter curse and James sat up, holding his head.
"Sirius, I am so sick of this," James said in frustration, "I give up. Lily will never love me."
Sirius's eyes widened.
"Love?"
James felt himself pale. He jumped up and swept past Sirius, up the stairs, and into the dormitory. He lay there for a while, knowing that Sirius was probably waiting to come upstairs out of respect for his friend. James buried his face in his pillow and tried to calm himself, but his limbs were shaking uncontrollably. Love? James couldn't believe that he had said it, and he knew it was true. But James had never been in love and he never wanted to be in love. James was sick and tired of being aggressive in this relationship. He crossed off step four on his list angrily, and then shoved the list back under his pillow.
When Sirius came back into the dormitory, James pretended that he was asleep; he was not in the mood for questions, and just wanted to be alone for a while.
A/N: Will poor James ever get this girl, or will he die trying? Find out soon, hopefully.
