Chapter Ten
Cas and Dean avoided each other for the most part over the weekend, although Dean couldn't resist listening outside Sam's door while Cas ran the campaign for their group. Cas barely said a word otherwise, until Mary had both him and Dean help her clean up the kitchen on Sunday night.
'So, good news,' she said brightly. 'I got you both appointments on Wednesday after school. I got Cas a therapist in the same office as yours, Dean, so if I let you borrow the car, can you take Cas with you?'
'Sure,' said Dean.
'That okay with you, Cas?' Mary asked.
Cas just shrugged and left the room after drying the last of the dishes.
'Okay, spill it, what's going on?' Mary said to Dean, once Cas was out of earshot.
'Nothing,' Dean said, but Mary raised an eyebrow as he blushed. 'Fine,' he groaned. 'It's not a big deal, he's just… embarrassed.'
'Why?'
Dean glanced at the kitchen door. 'I almost caught him - doing something.' Thankfully Mary understood without making him elaborate further. 'He'll get over it eventually.'
Mary sniggered. 'All right, well as long as he's okay.'
'Yeah, he's fine. Don't worry about it.'
Mary snorted and let Dean leave the kitchen.
The curtain was drawn across by the time Dean got upstairs, but Dean knocked on the wall anyway.
'You okay, Cas?' he called.
'Fine, thank you.'
'Good.'
When they got to school on Monday, Cas still wasn't talking to him, and Dean felt more exposed to Rhonda. It took everything he had to make it through the day, then Tuesday, and Wednesday. He was exhausted and shivery when they arrived at the practice after school and trudged inside. Dean hadn't noticed how much he'd been relying on Cas to keep Rhonda distracted, and hated himself for it.
He and Cas sat in the waiting room in silence, until the receptionist directed them to their rooms.
Dean walked in and sat down.
'Good to see you again, Dean,' Tessa smiled, sitting in the chair opposite him. 'Although, you're looking a little tired. '
Dean smiled weakly. He had always been appreciative of Tessa's honesty.
'Let's just get right to it. What's on your mind?'
Dean sighed. 'A lot,' he said. 'You - you remember Rhonda?'
'Of course.'
'She transferred into my homeroom. Things have been - tough since.'
'What do you mean by that?'
Dean started off slowly at first, but soon everything was pouring out of his mouth, all his fear, all his guilt, and he felt so much lighter by the time he was done.
'Seems like you needed that,' Tessa said.
Dean nodded. 'Yeah, I guess so. I don't wanna dump too much on my mom, you know?'
'Why not?'
'For a start, she doesn't get paid to listen to me bitch like you do,' Dean laughed. 'And - and I know that she doesn't like to think about what happened either…'
'Why do you think that is?'
Dean shrugged. 'I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to be strong for her, and she doesn't like to think about me being so weak.'
Tessa narrowed her eyes. 'Is that what she thinks, or is that what you're worried she thinks?'
Dean blinked.
'What happened to you doesn't make you weak, Dean,' Tessa said sympathetically. 'I'm sure your mom thinks nothing of the sort.'
'It's just… she relies on me, and…'
'And?'
'I can't… I can't go off the rails like I did before.'
'Do you feel like you will?'
Dean hesitated. 'I don't know. I didn't even notice I was doing it before.'
'Give yourself a little more credit, Dean, you've come a long way since then. Do you remember our first session?'
Dean snorted.
'How you spent the entire hour in silence 'cause you thought therapy was stupid? And look at you now, you asked to come here all on your own.'
'I guess…'
'Dean, really, why are you being so hard on yourself?'
Dean thought about it. 'I guess it's just that I did all this work to get better, and all it took was being in the same room as her to make me…'
'Make you what?' Tessa prompted.
Dean let out a breath. 'Make me bad again,' he said in a small voice.
'Dean, listen,' Tessa said gently. 'You were never bad. Bad things happened to you, and your mind was trying to protect itself, okay?'
Dean took a deep breath. 'Okay.'
Tessa glanced up at the clock. 'We're almost out of time for today, but I want you to talk about this some more. Same time next week?' she asked, picking up a pen and her diary.
'Yeah, sure.'
Tessa scribbled in her diary, but looked up at Dean with a small smile. 'While we're here though… What's going on with this Cas?'
Dean blushed. 'Um…'
Tessa raised an eyebrow.
'It's just a crush,' Dean stammered, refusing to meet her eye. 'It'll go away.'
'Will it?'
'Sure it will.'
'Why don't you just ask him out?'
'Because… then I'd have to tell people. I'd have to tell him, and I don't want to yet. Besides, what if he doesn't like me back? That would make living with him really awkward.'
'All right,' said Tessa. 'We can talk about that some other time, if you want to.'
'Thanks.'
Tessa got up and opened the door for him. 'See you next week.'
'Sure. Thanks, Tessa.'
Dean stopped outside her office to take a few breaths, then went out to the car, where Cas was already waiting, leaning against the car with his back to Dean.
'Hey,' Dean said, unlocking the car. 'How'd it go?'
Cas said nothing. He just raised the hood of his jacket, and climbed into the car, squashing himself against the door. He held his arm tightly to try and calm its twitching, but couldn't quite manage it. He ran up to their room the moment they arrived home, and Dean went through to the dining room, where Mary was setting the table.
'Where's Cas?' she asked.
'Upstairs,' Dean told her. 'He's not doing so great, I don't think.'
Mary frowned. 'Do you think there's anything we can do?'
Dean shrugged. 'I don't know. Give him some time, maybe. The first session is always tough. Remember mine?'
Mary chuckled. 'Oh yeah, I remember all right.'
As Mary served dinner, Dean grabbed the plate and took it upstairs, knocking on Cas's side of the wall.
'Yes?' Cas croaked, and Dean pulled aside the curtain.
'I brought you some dinner,' Dean said kindly, putting the plate on the end of Cas's bed. He still had his hood up, but his arm had stopped twitching. He turned to leave but Cas called him back.
'I'm sorry,' Cas mumbled. 'I've been rude.'
'Don't worry about it,' Dean smiled. 'We all have bad days.'
'Thank you. For dinner.'
'You're welcome,' Dean grinned, his chest loosening now that Cas was talking to him again.
'Will you come with me to practice tomorrow? It's the last one before the race.'
'Sure thing. Mom made peach cobbler for dessert, if you want some later.'
Cas finally gave him a small smile, and pushed his hood back so he could eat. He eventually did come down for dessert, after Sam had already gone to bed, and Dean and Mary were chatting at the table.
'Hey, sweetie, you all right?' Mary asked as he helped himself to a serving of cobbler.
Cas nodded, but didn't say anything, content with listening to them talk.
Dean could tell that Cas was getting nervous about the race, and did his best to crack jokes and act as a distraction, though he found it difficult with Rhonda around. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself around her, but seeing how it helped Cas made it worth it.
Finally, it was time for the race, and the bleachers had more people sitting in them than Dean had seen at a track event before. Clearly Cas's addition to the team sparked some hope for a win. The other competing teams, however, seemed less than impressed.
Mary, John and Sam all arrived, once again painted in the school colours, and they were joined by Jo, Crowley, and even Kevin, though Kevin was dozing off the second he sat down.
'Now that's what you call a uniform,' said Crowley, staring down at Cas.
'You can say that again,' said Jo.
Dean rolled his eyes. 'You know he's gay, right?'
Jo shrugged. 'I can still look.'
'Who's all here?' Sam interrupted. 'Looks like a lot of teams.'
Mary flipped through the booklet she'd brought with her. 'Lawrence is hosting the north east counties, so there's thirty of them down there… This'll be more about endurance, since they'll have to do a couple heats each, then the final races after the heats are all done… Top teams will go to the state championships.'
'First call, heat one, eight-hundred relay,' came the first announcement, and the first few teams gathered.
Lawrence High were participating in the third heat, and Sam pointed down at them excitedly.
'Look, they got Cas in the relay! I told you they would - GO CAS!'
Dean flinched as Sam yelled directly in his ear, but joined in as the others began to cheer for him.
Cas turned around, seeking them out in the crowd, and waved when he saw them, then took his place at the start line.
'They want him to go first? That's a lot of pressure, isn't it?' said Mary.
'Nah, he's pretty quick off the block,' said Dean. 'He's got this.'
The crowd fell quiet, and Cas, just as Dean said, was the first off the block, flying down the track to the next runner.
The head start that Cas gave the rest of the team gave them the push they needed to get ahead and win their heat, to the crowd's delight. Then he waited on the sidelines for his next race, his first solo heat for the sixteen-hundred meters.
Cas steamed past everyone in that heat too, but doubled over at the end, until someone else on the team came up to him with a bottle of water.
'Do you think he's okay?' Mary asked, leaning forward to watch him hold his side.
'Pushed it too hard, I think,' said Sam. 'He's got a break 'til the two-hundred meters though, so he should be fine.'
Half of the team rallied around him, encouraging him to keep moving and stay ready, while the rest watched the next race.
Then came the two-hundred meter heats. Cas had recovered enough between races to win the heat, but he was grateful for the break before the final races.
The rest of the team were beginning to flag, however, and by the time they made it to the finals, they had slipped down in the standings, and it fell to Cas to win it all in his last race.
He looked exhausted, jogging sluggishly on the spot to keep himself warm until they were called to their places.
Dean bit his lip, then jumped up, cupping his hands around his mouth. 'COME ON, CAS!' he yelled. 'YOU CAN DO IT!'
The rest of the crowd picked up the cheer and Cas shook out his arms before crouching at the block.
The whistle blew, and Cas pushed off the block, and everyone gasped as he stumbled slightly, but he caught himself and raced ahead, closing the distance his stumble had opened between him and first place. The crowd urged him on, their cheering and swelling louder and louder as Cas ran, then breaking into delighted screaming as he passed into first just before crossing the finish line.
John whistled as loud as he could, but Mary gasped, watching Cas fall to his knees once he was off the track.
'Dean-'
'On it.' Dean picked his way through the bleachers and jumped down onto the field, jogging over to where Cas was now lying on the ground. 'Hey, are you okay?' he said, crouching next to Cas.
Cas looked up at Dean and smiled, nodding enthusiastically. 'We won,' he mumbled.
'Nah, man, you won,' Dean grinned. 'Come on.' He reached out and pulled Cas up by the hand.
Sam, Jo and Crowley had followed Dean down from the bleachers, and they all crowded around Cas, along with the rest of the track team.
The results were announced, but it was drowned out by the cheering. Lawrence High would be moving on to the next round for the state championship.
Eventually, the team extricated themselves from the crowd, so they could shower, and Dean wandered out to the car with Mary, John and Sam.
'Say hi to Ellen for us!' Mary called across the parking lot to Jo, while John unlocked the car. 'You want me to sit in the back again, sweetie?' she asked Dean.
'No, I'll be fine if I take the window seat,' Dean said, leaning against the door to wait for Cas.
When he came out to the car, Dean took his bag for him and tossed it in the trunk, and climbed into the car after him, rolling down the windows.
John pulled out of the parking lot, the car rolling smoothly around the corner and out to the main road.
'Do we want burgers again to celebrate?' Mary said excitedly, but Dean chuckled.
'I think some of us are a little too tired for that,' he said, Cas already nodding off, leaning against him.
Cas rubbed his face. 'Sorry,' he mumbled.
'That's okay, we can go out Sunday night when your father and I get back. Why don't you make us your mac and cheese tonight, Dean?'
'Oh, good idea. You'll love it,' he told Cas.
Cas just nodded and dozed off again until they got home, where he collapsed onto the couch for a nap.
Dean quickly whipped up a pot of mac and cheese while John and Mary packed for the weekend, and brought a bowl over to Cas, gently shaking him awake. 'Here,' he said, 'dinner's ready.'
Cas got up, took the bowl from him and immediately began wolfing it down as he walked into the kitchen with it.
'Hungry?' Mary asked, chuckling slightly.
Cas nodded fervently, scooping some more into his bowl. 'It's good, Dean.'
'Thanks,' Dean grinned.
Cas was the first to finish his dinner, but he was also the first to go to bed, dragging his feet up the stairs.
'I think they put him in a few too many races,' Mary said sympathetically.
'He did a good job, though,' said Sam.
'It won't be good for him in the long run, I don't think.'
'Ha. Long run. 'Cause he's a runner,' John snorted.
'Good one, John,' Mary said, rolling her eyes. 'Come on, we gotta go. C'mere, boys.'
Sam and Dean both got up to give Mary a hug.
'You guys be good,' she said. 'Dean, you're in charge, and don't trash the place while I'm gone.'
'Mooooom, I'm fourteen, why does Dean need to be in charge?' Sam complained.
'Because I'm smarter.'
'Sure you are.'
Mary rolled her eyes. 'Boys, please,' she said. 'Dean's in charge in case a satellite crashes to earth or something, okay? Be good. Take care of Cas,' she added to Dean. She picked up her bags and walked to the door with John.
'Bye, have fun,' Sam called as they left, then went into the kitchen to grab as many snacks as he could carry.
'What are you doing?' Dean asked.
'We're raiding tonight. Gonna be a while,' Sam said, before running upstairs with his arms full.
Dean stayed up a while longer to do some homework at the table, where he wouldn't disturb Cas, but he was soon too tired to focus, and finally went to bed, the sound of Sam's voice, muffled by the walls, drifting over him as he fell asleep.
After the week he'd had, Dean slept for a while, and woke to the sun streaming through the window opposite. He sat up groggily, squinting, confused that the curtain was open. Then he froze. At some point in the night, Cas had got up for something, then stripped off his pajamas and forgotten to close the curtain. He was lying on his stomach on the bed, blankets kicked off on the floor, and Dean couldn't help but stare at the perfect curves of his cheeks in the bright light.
'God, why?' he groaned, pressing his hands over his eyes. He took a deep breath, fighting to keep control of himself, then crept over to Cas's side of the room.
He picked up the blanket and gently laid it over Cas's naked body.
Cas's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Dean. 'What are you doing?' he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
'Nothing, you just looked cold. Sorry,' Dean said quietly. 'Go back to sleep.'
Cas didn't need telling twice, and closed his eyes, burying his face in his pillow again.
Dean let out a breath and pulled the curtain across. He escaped to the shower to take care of himself, but the image of Cas lying completely exposed would forever be seared into his brain.
Welcome back everyone! Thanks to Guest for the review! If you want to support my published work, The Boy in the Snow by C. Fletcher is now available on amazon as a paperback and an ebook. I'd really appreciate it! See you again next time :)
