Never…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Red Eye or Batman Begins!

Chapter Thirteen

Lisa Crane was pacing the floor of Rachel's small apartment. The kindly district attorney had offered to take her to the hearing, but Lisa had been forced to decline. She was nervous, edgy, and unable to sit for more than a few minutes at a time. Her dream about Jackson had unnerved her and Lisa felt like she was falling apart at the seams.

Jackson Rippner was dead and she had been the one to snatch his life away, even as he had planned to steal her freedom. She had foiled his plots without a second thought, but she loved him far too much to allow the pain to continue.

Jackson, I'm sorry. I really did love you. I still do.

Sixteen long years had passed since Lisa had really thought about Jackson. She had dedicated her life to helping Jonathan with his work and allowed him to help her with Amy in return. There had been no chance to reflect on her past, especially since Jonathan and Lisa had worked to purge all memories of him. Jackson was supposed to be forgotten; a closed chapter in her life.

Yet I can't forget you. Do you not want me to forget you or is it me? Do I not want to let go?

She had never entirely come to terms with the red-eye flight from hell or her time with Jackson, doing the best she could to bury all thoughts of it deep inside of her, ignoring all the remnants of the past. Lisa had to separate herself from them or risk going insane. But that was unavoidable because she felt like she was going insane currently. Jonathan's medication had kept Jackson buried deeply within her and now he was free to torment her relentlessly.

Once I have my medicine again, I'll be fine. Jonathan and I will go home and life will continue like normal. Amy will be moody, but we'll work that out and Jonathan will be busy at Arkham, while I stay at home with her.

What was normal except an illusion? There was nothing normal about a husband with his strange hours and the fact that Amy had turned into a reckless teenager. Not to mention the therapy Jonathan conducted on her seemed to be increasing Amy's abnormal behavior rather than ending it. She failed to understand why there was a reversal in its effect.

Lisa was surprised that Amy had yet to succeed at killing herself as she seemed almost determined to die. Why does she want to die? Amy had a perfect life, so why end it? All of us do. Jonathan takes exceptional care of Amy and I.

Jonathan had always treated her like a fragile doll. He cared for her feelings and listened to what she had to say. His rules might seem odd or eccentric, however Lisa knew that everything he did was in her best interest. Yet, with Jackson, there had always been an element of control and domination.

But Jackson loved me. He loved me even as I was killing him. He took care of me when I was sick. He comforted me during the nightmares and helped me to survive.

Jonathan had helped her as well. He had forced Jackson from her mind. Except now, now the memories of Jackson were starting to return because Jonathan was not there to suppress them.

Do I still love him? Even after everything? Is that possible?

Jonathan was her husband now, not Jackson. Not anymore. Jackson was dead… dead, dead, dead!

But I miss him. I love Jackson. I still love him. I wish he was here.

Jackson however could not return. Jackson could never come back home. She had murdered him in cold blood. She had been the one to organize his funeral, pick his suit, and say her final good-bye as they closed the lid to his casket. She had buried Jackson Rippner alone and now he was refusing to remain dead.

Why? Why come back? Why, Jackson? Wasn't tricking me enough? Wasn't stealing my sanity enough? Where does it end, Jackson? Does it end when I die, or will you haunt me there still?

She could almost see his pale, slender hand reaching up from his grave to touch her. To play with her hair, cup her chin, stroke her cheek…

He will never touch me again. I'll never see him or feel him again.

There was a time over sixteen years ago that Lisa would have been eternally grateful to be rid of Jackson Rippner. Directly after the failed Keefe assassination, Lisa had never wanted to hear his name spoken again, not to mention seeing those brilliant blue eyes once more.

Now, all she wanted was Jackson back. She yearned for the charming man that she loved and who loved her in return. She yearned for Amy's father and her husband, without the darkness that was within him that irrevocably linked him to his job as an assassination manager.

Why did this happen? Why did you have to be a killer? Why, Jackson

They could have been a happy family, knowing nothing of the problems she was faced with now. Lisa, Jackson, and Amy could have lived an easy, comfortable life in Miami. Instead, Jackson was resting six feet under in a grave in Miami, while Lisa was pacing in a strange apartment in Gotham where her wayward daughter was missing. Everything was falling apart and she knew that Jonathan was at his hearing for a crime that he did not commit.

Surely, Jonathan did not harm her. Jonathan would never hurt her. He would never lay a hand on his daughter…

But Amy was not Jonathan's daughter. She belonged to Jackson, who went to his death never knowing he was going to be a father.

Would that have changed him? Would he have been a better father than Jonathan? Would Amy be different? Was it right to lie to her for all these years?

No, it was never okay to lie. Jackson had taught her that, but still she had lied to Amy repeatedly. Jackson haunted her dreams, which was her punishment for the deceit she constantly told to their daughter. If Jackson were only still alive…

He can't come back even if I wanted him to. Even if he wanted to...

Jackson would never meet his daughter. Amy could never know her true father.

I did it. I killed the only man I ever loved…

She loved Jonathan though, right?

No, I only ever loved one man. I only ever loved Jackson. My heart was his. I will never love Jonathan like I loved Jackson. I just wish he would return.

Correction. I need Jackson back. Without Jackson, the pain was too severe and the wound too deep. Only Jackson could restore her to the life she used to have.

But that can't happen because he's dead. I killed him. I killed my husband!

Without the medication, Lisa would be dead in a matter of days. Her heart could only take a limited amount of pain. The loss of Jackson twisted like a knife inside of her. It was slowly eating away at her from within her, killing her gradually. Jackson had taken her heart, her soul, and her life with him as he had fallen from the window. He had stripped away everything that meant anything to her from her body and his death had left a permanent hole in her heart. All she had left from him was Amy.

But now I don't even have her.

There was nothing left. There was no road to follow. Even if Jonathan was cleared, Lisa knew she could not return to that empty existence of their life. She had changed and she knew what she wanted but it was out of her reach.

Please, Jackson, please come back to me. I need you now more than ever. Jackson, I love you and I want you. Don't leave me here alone!

Author's Notes:

It seemed to be time to see Lisa and understand what she's going through. She still has yet to see what Jonathan has been doing to her and Amy. Enjoy and thanks to emptyvoices for her help! The next chapter should be up later today!