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Chapter 17

John continued to read thru the files on her, her dead husband, Flynn Lawrence and the Feds case against him and the Santi's. He looked at a few pictures of her in the file, all sorts of pictures were in the file, his friend really did his homework he thought, there was everything he needed to know and no one was telling him. He heard a voice and he looked up.

"My gosh Mcbain is that you?" The familiar older man said as he approached John at the table, john stood and smiled as he saw Kenny, his old partner.

"Look what the cat drug in, good to see ya man, how have ya been?" Kenny asked as he and john shook hello and then sat.

"Can't complain much, how bout yourself, heard you finally retired Huh?"

"Yup, I'm retired and loving it, so what brings you back to Ac Agent Mcbain?" Kenny asked as he noticed a few pictures sticking out of a file on the table.

"Nothing much just some work related stuff" John said as he quickly tired to push the last of the pictures completely into the file folder on the table.

"Yeah, really, cause those pictures look a lot like a red head I remember, one that maybe you fancied along time ago" he told John, john looked away for a minute and then back at Kenny.

"Retired and still nothing gets pasted you Huh?" John said and he gave the older gentlemen a smirk

"Taught you everything you know didn't I," he said and smiled, they stood silent for a few minutes

"You found her again or are you looking?" he asked John and John looked at him seriously

"Oh, I found her again, accidentally, sort of, actually the Feds helped me find her again"

"Is that right? She most certainly is still a looker isn't she?' Kenny told him as he took one of her pictures and held it

"She's got a kid too huh?" he said as he saw the picture of Nat with her son. John just nodded

"Husband? Is he in the picture?" he asked and John was confused by his questions

"What? Why would you ask about her husband?"

"Just wondering that's all, I just remember how crazy you were for her although you always said she was your friend, your roommate. You seen her yet."

"Yeah, I've seen her, we've spoken" john said softly in a depressed tone

"Why the sour face, her husband is still in the picture isn't he?"

"Yes, No, sort of, he's dead and he sounds like he was a real piece of work too."

"So?" he asked and he could tell John was still in love with her by his words and the actions

"So nothing"

"You still in love with her Huh? After all this time she's been the only one for you, hasn't she?"

"You sure do ask a lot of questions don't you, for a retired cop and all" John told him smirking as he said his words. Kenny smiled back at John

"Its written all over your face son, you still love her, maybe even more now"

Kenny told him continuing to smile, John was hesitant at first, he wasn't going to keep it a secret. Even if he could keep it from everyone he just didn't want to get into it again right now. After a few minutes of silence Kenny spoke again

"Yup, I knew it you still Love her... so what she did... its all forgiven, I mean she and you, you spoke about it right?" John got curious for a minute to what he was talking about, he could tell Kenny seem to know something, something about what he was unaware so he played along.

"Yeah, we spoke about it, came to an understanding" was all John said seeing if he could trick Kenny into giving up some info

"Good, so why so gloom, you find a woman that you loved so much once, find her after all these years, find out how much she really loved you back then and this is the way you act, the way you look" Kenny told him and John looked at him with curious eye's.

"What do you mean find out how much she really loved me back then? Why would you say something like that?" John asked as Kenny realized John still knew nothing about what she did all those years ago, the truth of what she did all those years ago.

"What? You set me up, didn't you? I guess I taught you right Huh?" the older man said shaking his head with a smile on his face

"Kenny, tell me what's going on, or what went on?"

"I guess there's no reason not to now, its...its... its been a long time, its probably time you knew anyways and she is probably still much to stubborn to tell you" Kenny told him and John didn't say a word, he waited for Kenny to start speaking again.

"I told her Man, I told her back then about Quantico, even about you turning it down" John heard Kenny's words and he was starting to get a strange feeling come upon him, almost as if after all these years he was realizing something.

"You told her, told her I turned it down? When? When did you tell her?" he asked almost knowing his answer, almost realizing the answer to a question that he had asked himself a thousand times over the last five years, Why? The questions of Why she was with someone else in his home when she cared so much about him, about each other.

" That day... that day you found her, the day you kicked her out of your house, the day you thought she didn't love you, the day you decided to go to Quantico and make that dream of yours a reality" he told John and he saw John close his eye's for a brief second, john brought his hands to his face and covered his eye's for a few minutes.

"She did it for you, she didn't want to see you turn that dream down because of her." was all Kenny had to say, John opened his eyes' and looked at him. John barely said a word as he got up to leave, he started to just walk away when he remembered he left the file on the table, he walked back towards Kenny and the table, he grabbed the file, and looked at Kenny once more.

"Thanks, you up for a little investigation work?" he asked Kenny and the man smiled.

"Always, what do you have in mind?"

John sat back down for a few minutes and he started going thru the files with Kenny, he could see the older man getting almost just as upset as John did when he read thru all those files, they talked and then Kenny was blunt and asked him a question that john wasn't expecting to be asked, not that the question wasn't on his mind, not that the solution wasn't on his mind but it caught john off guard all the same.

"Are you quitting now or after this is all resolved?" John was still confused on when the best time for him to quit the bureau was, he had wanted to quit the minute he heard what they did to her, was doing to her, the minute he realized how corrupt and heartless a place it was, he just wasn't sure if it was more beneficial to quit now or wait till after he saw her thru this, maybe he could get more info still being on the inside, well sort of since they weren't telling him anything.

"Still undecided as to when is the best time, I'd love nothing more than to tell them to stick the fucking job right now but it may be better if I wait, wait till this is over." John told him and then he told him about what he needed him for, to try and dig up shit on the Santi's and Flynn, to see if there was any additional info on the two of them, anything that maybe connected them even more.

"I've gotta get back to Llanview, I'll keep in touch, Thanks Man, for everything" John told the older man and he left the bar.

John knew it was late, he had spent the whole day and part of the night at the bar with Kenny going over the case, trying to put it all together. It was now close to eleven pm and he knew he should wait till morning to see her, to confront her with the truth, with what he just found out, to tell her what he knew but... but he just couldn't. He learned so much today, not only about why the Feds were coming down on her, about the asshole her husband was, but... but he had reassurance today, reassured of what she felt for him all those years ago and why she did what she did, she didn't do it cause she didn't love him, she did it because she did. He had to see her and he wasn't waiting for the morning.

John ran up to her front door and started to knock on it gently at first but after a few minutes he started to bang on it.

Natalie had just come down stairs in her nightgown to get a glass of water, he mouth was dry and she was having a hard time sleeping, she was startled at first by the knocking on her door and then it turned to a banging, she was about to call 911 when she peeked out the front window and saw him so frantically banging on it. She unlocked and opened it shocked and a bit annoyed at the banging at this hour.

"What the hell is going on? You're going to wake CJ" she told him angrily as she opened t he door and he wasted no time, he moved himself into her home, grabbed her by the waist, he pushed her up against a wall and started to devour her lips as he spoke softly first.

"You love me, you always have"