Disclaimer? What? OK... I only own my name! That means that you'll never be a sexy as me and my friends!...
Chapter 1: The Evil Plot
Mario was sitting at his table, which was at his house, sorting through, lets say, coupons, when he noticed something... He hadn't been summoned to save anybody for months. For some reason Bowser must have gotten bored because Princess Peach had been safe in her castle for a record breaking 3 months
"Oh my god!" Thought Mario, finally realizing what he was doing. "I actually have time to live my life like a normal person. Hellཀ I'm even cutting out coupons! "
The same thing was going on with Link down in Hyrule. Which just happened to be over that hill that Princess Peach's castle sits by.
"I got another one!" Yelled Link, who had just turned a butterfly into a fairy by touching it with the tip of a Deku Stick. (That's Freaking near impossible I swear!) "How many does that make Navi?"
"Uh... That makes forty-eight." Replied the fairy as she counted up all of the other fairies flying around in the courtyard.. "Shouldn't you be traveling to Termina or something by now? You know through the lost woods?"
"Nah already did." Replied like sneaking towards another butterfly. "The ungrateful Bastards just told me to leave pretty much. Shoulda let that stupid moon kill them all. Cept' that Cremia chick. She actually went as far as to give me a hug for helping her."
"Wow." Replied Navi, surprised. "There's a first."
After that Link turned his forty-ninth butterfly into a fairy and sat down on a log. He would have played his ocarina, but he had gotten so damn good at it that he had gone Platinum twice. Which is sad because there wasn't any such thing as albums... Or recording studios for that matter.
"I wonder what Zelda's up too?" Link asked to himself, bored.
"Probably doing the usual." Said Navi, equally bored. "Executing peasants and wondering why the hell nobody has ever seen the King of Hyrule, her own freaking father, before."
"Meh." Replied Link. "I bet Ganondorf's even having more fun then us, and he's stuck in an infinite stretch of white Sacredness."
Meanwhile back in the Gerudo's Fortress, not to far away from the castle courtyard that Link and Navi were in...
"I'm boredཀ" Yelled Ganondorf as he sat at his throne in the Gerudo's Fortress.
"Nah shut upཀ" Replied one of the many female Gerudo guards. "You've been back for two months yelling that you're boredཀ How in the hell can a man get bored when he's the only male in a whole freaking race that He's the king ofཀ?"
"It's been two months?" Asked Ganondorf confused.
"Yes it has." Replied the same Gerudo. "How the hell did you get out of that realm anyways?"
"I think it was a plotting device... I'll have to think on that."
And so it was. Nobody had anything to do. Because their was nobody to save/help. I mean Dr. Mario hadn't had a patient in three months, Fox and Falco hadn't heard of Andross since they accidentally hit that giant brain on their way to Wendy's with the Great Fox, DK hadn't had any problems with finding bananas since he now worked at a grocery store, Nana and Popo decided to just shoot the condor that kept stealing their stuff so they weren't having problems, the F-Zero Grad Prix kicked Captain Falcon out for steroids and he had gotten every single bounty in the solar system that Samus hadn't already claimed, Marth and Roy had finally became ugly and battle-scarred so the fan girls didn't bother them anymore, the Pokemon had all been identified and everybody lost interest in them six years ago, Mr Game and Watch had gotten caught in a massive 0.5 MPH wind that blew him to god knows where, Mewtwo had found an amazing new invention for his Migraines called Tylenol so he didn't bother anybody anymore... All seemed at peace .
But there was one more villain that hadn't quite given up or gotten bored with the whole "I'm a stereotypical evil dude that kidnaps princesses and robs grocery stores." That villain was of course... Crazy hand!
"I ate all of my grandfathers pills!" Yelled the deranged, severed hand. "And know I have absolutely no idea what in the bloody blue hell is going on!"
Crazy hand had just happened to say this above where the cutest being to ever be birthed lived. That being in the Pokemon world right above where Pichu was napping ).
"Pickachu!" Yelled the adorable creature. "That big hand thing that stole Jigglypuff is back."
"Well hello strange yellow gremlin!" Boomed the giant hand when he saw the cute creature. "Would you be interested in some candy?"
"Yay candy!" Yelled back Pichu "What's the catch?"
"Simple." Replied Crazy Hand, a lot calmer then he had been two seconds ago. "You just got to..."
Just then the giant hand spotted something on the ground. It looked like a winter clothing magazine for what seemed like, mittens...
"Ohhh... That's Sexy."
In saying so Crazy Hand proceeded to grab the magazine and start thumbing through it. He stopped on one page that had a pair of mittens being held together by a cute little string.
"Ohh..." Said crazy hand, getting exited... "bondage..."
So Crazy Hand proceeded to try and Jack-Off to the mittens in the magazine. Sadly though, since he's just a giant floating hand... He failed miserably and just wound up trying to poke a giant hole in the ground with his finger. He stopped when the bone in his finger broke and began to protrude out of his skin. Then he lost interest and turned back to Pichu.
"Owww..." Said Crazy Hand, bleeding. "Anyways about the candy. Just do some favors for me and I'll see what I can do."
And so it happened. An evil plot finally started to unfurl as Crazy Hand whispered his ideas into the poor gullible creatures ear. Soon something bad was going to happen. We just have to wait and see.
End of Chapter!
Well there you have it. Now you know why hands are meant for video games instead of jacking themselves off. I'll update soon so R&R. Flames are always welcome BTW )
