Disclaimer: I wish I owned like... Something worth like, a lot of cash. So I could sell it. And like yah... But other than that all I own is my name.
Alright. Let's all ignore what happened to JoebTheGreat and continue on with Pichu.
Chapter4: Peach's turn P.1!
So off went Pichu to Princess Peach's castle. But Pichu didn't know where Peach's castle was from Hyrule so he just wound up in the field, getting chased by a Pea Hat.
"Ahh! It's all sharp and Razorbladey!" Yelled Pichu as he Sped through Hyrule Field.
(For those of you who aren't fans of one of the few good Zelda games I'll inform you that Pea Hats are these weird plant things that fly around like helicopters to piss you off and cut you up as a kid.)
And so he scurried along as he was chased by the big plant 'thing' until Ganondorf, who had just started searching for him, noticed him running along screaming "Pi!"
"There's that prick that shot me!" Ganondorf said to himself as he gave chase to the little yellow rat. "Come back here you little prick!" He yelled as he chased Pichu.
Pichu then looked back to see that he now had a second pursuer on his tail, he also noticed that Ganondorf hadn't noticed the Pea Hat. This gave Pichu a plan. He would stop running and let Ganondorf get cut up by the evil plant instead of him. Oh he could just see the blood and body parts falling through the air! He could just imagine himself running through the field with his mouth open and his tongue sticking out so that he could collect some of the blood that fell through the air before it hit the ground. What ecstasy it would be!
But Pichu's little fantasy didn't occur the way he planned. However, Ganondorf did wind up with the Pea Hat sticking out of his back and he began to run around in circles screaming in pain.
"Meh." Said Pichu to himself as he grew tired of his current situation. "I guess I should call for that Crazy Hand Guy." Then Pichu considered what the consequences of relying on him to help him to get to places and decided to just use one of the canons back at the castle.
So he headed out towards the castle to ask Zelda if he could use one of the castles canons (if they had any) and of course to grab his next victim so he could get his candy and go back home. Things went smoothly until he got to one of the castles front gates.
"Hi." Said Pichu as he approached the Castle Town Guard. "You wouldn't happen to have any Canons out here would you?"
"No sorry." Replied the CT Guard. "The only canons we have are on the castles walls."
"Well then can I come into the castle?"
"Nope"
"What if I gave you five rubies?"
"Still nope"
"Nah screw it." Said Pichu as he pulled back out his crossbow. "What's a few more casualties anyways?"
"What's that?"
So Pichu simply shot him in the forehead and squeezed in-between the gates bars and proceeded on into the castle killing any guards that got into his way until he finally got inside of the Castle and proceeded to Zelda's room.
"Oh! Aren't you cute?" Zelda said happily as she saw the little Yellow rat walk into the room.
"Uhh.." Said Pichu, rather confused at her reaction. "Aren't you a little scared that a talking rat covered in blood just walked into your room?"
"Oh! It even talks!" Zelda whined as she picked up Pichu and began hugging him.
"..." Speechless...
"Where'd you come from little boy..." Began Zelda as she put Pichu down on her more than oversized bed. "Or... Girl... What are you?"
This made Pichu think! Was he a boy or was he a girl? He (or rather 'it') never thought of what his gender really was.
"I don't know let me check." Said Pichu as he looked down towards his crotch. "Oh my god... I'm a girl!"
"No you can't be a girl." Replied Zelda. "You don't have a... You know..."
So Pichu checked again...
"Oh my god!" He said alarmed. "I seem to have no Genitalia whatsoever! I'm gender less! Wah!"
And so Pichu began to cry. He always wondered why he hadn't ever needed to take a piss or to lay a log. He always wondered why he had never had gone through puberty. Why his voice hadn't gotten deeper... It was because Pokemon didn't have genders!
"Ahh it's ok." Said Zelda, comfortingly. "People sometimes think I'm a boy."
"That's different!" Cried out Pichu. "You have the right to be offended when somebody confuses your gender because you have a gender! I'm some freak of nature!"
So Pichu began crying...
"Ahh.. It's ok." Said Zelda, who then started hugging him/it. "You can live a normal life without a sex."
"No its not okay!" Screamed Pichu, pulling himself away from Zelda's grasp. "What's the point in me even hugging somebody if I can't ever do it with them?. cries.
"Nah poor thing." Said Zelda comfortingly as she started Pulling out some candy. "Here want some candy?"
"Candy?" Said Pichu suddenly normal again. "Yah Yah!"
"Here you go." She said pouring out all of the boxes content in front of him. "Have all that you want."
"Yay!" Went Pichu as he began stuffing his face with high quality, uber sugary, candy fit for royalty.
After finishing off the candy Pichu began bolting around the room at incredibly high speeds. (Literally. He was a bolt of electricity.)
"Yay!" Said Pichu while he spelt out the words 'you teh rockzorz c joo laiter!'.
And so Pichu bolted out the Window Towards what he felt like was semi-modern technology. That being Princess Peach's castle...
Slap! Pichu suddenly slapped into Crazy Hand who had caught him like a baseball...
"Ewww..." Went Crazy Hand as he looked at the mess that was Pichu in his hand. "I messed up..."
So Crazy Hand simply revived him.
"OK." Said Crazy Hand as he wiped himself off on the ground. "I'll ignore the fact that you just friends with one of the people you were supposed to kidnap and warn you about Princess Peach's castle's defenses. She uses Canons that shoot out things called Banzai Bi..."
Just then Crazy Hand was cut off by Pichu.
"Canons? Where!" Yelled Pichu excitedly.
"Uhh... There's one that's unmanned over there." Said Crazy Hand as he pointed towards a canon that was right behind Pichu. "Just be careful..."
Too late though. For Pichu had already climbed into the canon and aimed at his next destination Peach's Castle. It was her turn and so far she had nobody to put in Pichu's way.
End!
So it wasn't as good as the others. Maybe I'm just being to hard on myself... But hell. At least I proved the fact that Pokemon don't have genders. And I also proved that the castle guards on Zelda OOT favor Link because he can just pay cash to get in. Anyways I'll update later!
R&R... Why do I always put this at the bottom of the page?
