Heeeeeey! I'm baaack! WoOt! Here's some more of the insanity! WoOt! Also I was thinking of putting some 1337 (LEET) in this chapter and maybe in the next chapters. I heart 1337. Ok, here we go! WoOt!
Disclaimer: YuGiOh does not belong to me, if it did, it would be rated R and the ever so innocent yet arrogant Seto Kaiba would be a pedophile. And sadly, 1337 doesn't belong to me, either. Nor does Paris Hilton, but I love to make fun of her (I still like her, so don't flame me for that).
The Happiest PoOp In The World, By Blackfoxi
Previously, in the Happiest PoOp In The World, Chapter 1: One Of The Many Ways To Be Random, I had informed the Doom guys of The Great PoOp, the most powerful thing in the world. Then Raphael went cra-Z and left the Doom to join the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, of which I think is a stupid idea, since they jumped out of a window and got hit by a car. Their loss, my gain. Now, at Domino High School, Yugi is talking to Duke and Tea outside. I don't care, really. I hate them all.
Chapter 2: If Ya Can't Read 1337, Get Outta Da $tr337
"The sky is blue, the gentle wind blows," said a very short and smiley Yugi. He twirled around in a circle.
"And I hate you, and I hate your nose." added Duke. Yugi turned to him, teary eyed.
"Really?"
"Yeah, "said Duke, "I hate you."
Yugi sniffled and began to sob.
"Cut it out, you two." Tea scolded.
"Okay!" yelled Duke as he pulled out a pair of pliers. He took a step toward Yugi.
"Hey, " Yugi stammered, "W-what are you d-doing?"
"I'm doing just what Tea told me to," replied Duke mischiviously, "I'm 'cutting it out'."
"Don't do it!" cried Tea, "It's the only thing that makes Yugi a man!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, right!" snorted Kaiba as he walked past them, "Even if his was bigger than mine- of course, nobodys' is as big as mine, Yugi could never be a real man. If anything, Yugi's an 'it'."
Yugi sobbed as Tea rolled her eyes. "How did we ever get on this topic?" she sighed.
"Because I'm so sexy." Kaiba replied.
All of a sudden, I appeared.(dun dun dun-dunnnn!) "Kaiba, you only say that because you have male insecurities. While it is true that Yugi's no man, you aren't so great yourself."
"Oh sure, you say that, but deep inside that twisted mind of yours, you know I'm great. You know you want me...admit it, my dearest darkest admirer." Kaiba whispered seductively, walking toward me slyly. I try to step back, but he grabs my wrist before I could run away, and leans in close to my ear. He spoke so quietly that the others couldn't hear us.
"I see the way you look at me, and I can hear the way you breathe when I'm near you, too. Everything you do in my presence just screams 'fuck me, Seto', and if you confess your desires to me, I'll fufill them. Why? Because I want you too, my little vixen. So drop the 'hard-to-get' act and just say that you want me...because you know you do. Now, will you be my lover?"
I stare at him hard for a moment, my face void of emotion, and the look kinda scared him. But then I smiled at him seductively and he started to breathe harder and faster. I put my hands up to his face and I leaned forward, close enough so that our lips almost touched.
"Oh, Seto," I start, making sure I charmed him while speaking, "As much as I know you want me..." I took a deep breath.
"I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE!"
Everybody in the entire courtyard stared at me and Kaiba jumped in front of me.
"Keep looking at her like that and I'll rip your eyes out!" he yelled. The spectators rushed inside the school building. Kaiba turned to me. "You're safe, my lovely fox. They won't dare to hurt you ever again. Now, after I had just saved your sexy ass, will you be my lover?"
"No."
"Oh, come on. Every girl and nearly every boy in Japan would do anything to have me glance at them for less than a second. They kill for me, even though I don't ask them to. But I give you my love, my ever-so-coveted love, and you deny it? What is wrong with you? Am I not loving you the way that you want me to, or are you just afraid to confess your love for me in front of people?" he asked.
"'No' means 'no'. I refuse to be your lover."
Kaiba sighed. "Fine. I shall leave now, but I will be back, I promise you. I will not rest until you are my woman!" And with that, he ran off.
"Damn, some people got some mental issues." Duke snorted.
"Right...I forgot what I was here for. I'm leaving." I said as I scampered off.
Welcome to English Class.
The teacher strode in, and the students quieted. She made her way over to the chalkboard and wrote "1337" on it. She banged the board with her fist.
"Ok, listen up, you pathetic brats, today, I shall teach you the forbidden language of '1337', pronounced as 'LEET'. All must watch as I write in 1337."
Note: It has come to my attention that some of the 1337 letters do not show up on so I cannot use all of the 1337 letters. I apologize for this inconvience. But don't flame me for it.
She picked up the chalk and wrote: K!8 !$ 7h3 $3x!3$7 mn !n 7h3 w0r1d (!)
Unfortinately for me, I was in that class at the time.
"Miss Blackfoxi!" she yelled, pointing to me, "Tell me what it says!"
"'Kaiba is the sexiest man in the world!'?" I say. But then I realized.
Unfortinately for me, Kaiba was also in that class at the time.
All of the girls started hissing and booing at me, and the guys just hid under their desks...except for Kaiba.
"Will you all just shut the fuck up!" he screamed at them. The girls shut up to avoid facing his wrath.
"Thank you, Mr. Kaiba, now that will end our lesson on 1337 today. Now listen up, you pathetic brats, I am assigning a difficult project to make your miserable lives a living hell. I shall pair you off with a member of your oppisite sex to write a fictional love story!- about each other!"
Everybody started to scream.
"SHUT UP!" she yelled, "There is no way to avoid this project, since your final grade before you graduate from this god-forsaken school shall solely depend on this! " She picked up her clipboard and started to read off the names.
"Miss Serenity Wheeler and Mr. Duke Devilin."
"NOOO!" screamed Tristan.
"Ms. Mai Valentine and Mr. Yami-Marik Ishtar."
"No! I can't go back to that place!" cried the blonde bimbo. Artichoke-head snickered mischiviously.
"Miss Ryou Bakura and Mr. Marik Ishtar."
"Ummm, Sensei?" Bakura asked sheepishly, "I'm a boy."
"Oh well; gay pairing." the teacher retorted, "Miss Tea Gardener and the class's pet goldfish."
Tea glanced over at the fish tank. Goldie the goldfish was already dead.
"Miss Teacher-Sensei?" Tea asked, "Goldie is dead. I can't work with a dead fish."
"Oh well. Then you'll fail." the teacher responded coldly, "Mrs. cafeteria lunch lady and Mr. Mako Tsunami."
"But she poisons my fish! It is dishonorable to poison the fish of a fisherman!" Mako cried, waving and flailing his arms around.
"We can have another gay pairing: Mr. Weevil Underpanties and Mr. Rex Barney-Boy."
"Those aren't our last names!" both of the boys yelled at their teacher.
"Mr. Yugi Mutou and myself."
"WTF! I can't work with you!" Yugi screamed, "You're the teacher!
"Miss Ishizu Ishtar and King Yami the Ugly-Ass Pharoah."
Yami winked at his new partner, and Ishizu leaped behind a desk for cover.
"Ms. Paris Hilton and Mr. Joey Wheeler."
"Oh, yeah!" Joey jumped on top of his desk and danced for victory, "I got Paris!"
"Don't flatter yourself, you scrub. She can't make me come near you." Paris retorted, "That's hot, you're not." Everybody laughed at Joey.
"Miss Rebecca Hawkins and Mr. Tristan Taylor."
"But she's a kid!" Tristan cried, "What could she know about romance!"
"I'm not your average kid." Rebecca snorted, adjusting her glasses in a smart-ass fashion, "I'm a genius."
Names were being called one by one, until I heard my name.
"The Dark Priestess Kitsune-Rose Mystique Blackfoxi-sama and Mr. Seto Kaiba."
Every single jaw in the room dropped. I thought it was from the shock of hearing my full name, but I was shocked because I ended up getting that creepy pedophile for a partner to write a romantic fiction story that's grade depends on if I graduate or become a lazy bum on the streets.
"WoW. I have never heard a name that long in my entire life." Yugi sighed, "Are you royalty?"
"Yeah. Don't ask me why it is that long. I don't know why either. Call me 'Kit' for short. I can't stand my ultra-long name, even though it's cool. Although people call me 'Lady' or 'Priestess' and they grovel at my feet, it's still annoying."
"Well, Kit, it must be dumb destiny for us to be paired together," said Kaiba as he walked up to me, "Because we were meant to be paired together for life."
"Shut up." I snap at him, "I make my own destiny, thank you very much."
"You tell him! No man can control a woman's life!" cheered Tea, "Girl Power!"
"That's hot." said Paris.
"Go back to your 'Simple Life', woman." Mai retorted.
"You're not, Mai."
"Women are so complicated. Thank the random deity that I'm a guy." Duke said. Every guy in the room nodded.
"I just love it when you're feisty." Kaiba cooed, "Why don't we get started on this project?"
"Great," I replied with obvious sarcasm, "The sooner we finish this crap, the better."
"Yes, my dear. And with that out of the way, we could get in the bed without anything to worry about other than STD's." Kaiba continued.
"Uh, no."
I totally forgot the plot to this. Please review. Oh, and it's not like I hate Paris, this fanfic just makes fun of random stuff. And I wish my real name was that super long one shown above. It would be cool. Now I must go, but I shall be back! Blessed be, from only me, Dark Priestess Blackfoxi. Oo
