NOTES: I think this was the best 4400 episode ever. The interweaving of all the different kinds and levels of forgiveness was remarkable and immensely satisfying. I wish more series could offer stories so profound. There was no Marco in this one, but there was plenty Diana might want to discuss with him. Thank you for the beta, PurpleYin!

SPOILERS: through Rebirth

DISCLAIMER: The 4400 and all things associated with it belong to other people.


TWELVE STEPS

STEP 8: FORGIVENESS

Diana had decided to wear her leather jacket, a conscious choice to emulate the thicker skin she knew she'd need to survive the day. She was sick of Tom's self-righteousness about the whole Mayuya case. Add to that the latest development, that the Rwandan's healing was slowly killing him, and she had to get out of the office, if only for a little while. It was as if doing so would somehow delay what was happening, postpone the inevitable, but, really, she needed blow off some steam. Pulling out her cell phone, she hit 1 on her speed-dial.

After a single ring, she was greeted by, "Hey, Diana."

"I feel like a coffee break." She couldn't have kept all of the tension out of her voice if she had tried.

"So do I." Of course, he would say yes, regardless of her mood, but even so, she felt relief that he'd agreed. At least someone wasn't peeved at her this week.

"Meet me out front in..." Glancing at her watch, she wondered how long it would take for him to make it upstairs.

"One minute." It didn't seem to bother him in the least that she meant a walk to the cafe they frequented instead of a cup from the office pot. She hadn't had time for a coffee stroll since Collier's death.

It was a beautiful day, and as she made her way along the sidewalk, she briefly wondered if it was nature's way of mocking her and her petty concerns. Kick a sister out of your home? Ha! Reveal a man's death sentence choices? Piffle! Nature had bigger issues to contend with, like making the world spin and seasons change so life could go on.

Marco ambled along beside her, his unhurried gait causing her to walk more slowly and relax a little, but Marco seemed uncomfortable with the silence. After all, she had done this to talk. "I read the med labs' results," he offered, not needing to mention Mayuya's name for her to know the context.

"Yeah. The cherry on top of a spectacularly rotten week."

He shot her a surreptitious, worried look that she almost didn't catch, then he was mild Marco, again. "Something else happen with your sister?"

She nearly stopped walking in her surprise. How did he do that? How did he know? "I'll say. I kicked her out, and I'm not letting her near Maia again. She used Maia for betting then lost the money she'd gotten from pawning my engagement ring."

There was a funny noise from Marco that made her look up from the pavement in time to see his brows disappear into his bangs. "Engagement ring?"

Belatedly, she realized the implication of what she'd said. "It was my mother's."

"Oh." In looking away then back, he changed his expression from relieved comprehension to quiet concern. "Well...Maia is a kid...she's going to make mistakes."

"Maia?" Accusation was mixed with her incredulity. "April is the adult in this equation; she's the one who's responsible."

He spread his hands in a placating manner. "Not to play Devil's advocate, but...think about it. It seems Maia knew what was going to happen, that she intentionally told your sister to place a bad bet. Maybe she just..." putting his hands into his pockets, he shrugged, "didn't know the ring was involved or how it was going to affect you."

"You're not suggesting I lay this at Maia's feet, are you?"

Shaking his head, he pulled out a hand to gesture with. "No, but it sounds like it has more to do with them than you, like you just got caught in the crossfire." Shrugging, again, he added, "If your sister hadn't lost the ring, would you even have heard about this? Wouldn't it just be between them?"

"Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation? She used my daughter!"

Nodding, he didn't reflect any of her frustration back at her. "And there's no excuse for that. But how is cutting off your sister going to help?"

"So I should just forget it ever happened?"

"No, nor should there be no accountability." His calm, rational, reasonable tone nettled her. "But you could forgive what happened."

She stopped and gaped at him, yet he seemed willfully unfazed by her silent perturbation.

"Try looking at it this way... You're upset about Tom being so hard on Mayuya, and that involves the deaths of hundreds. You're willing to counterbalance his responsibility for his actions, or...inactions in this case, with the benefits he can offer now. Your sister has given Maia something no one else can give." He spread his hands. "A...a broader sense of family. Is one ring so important, one mistake so horrible as to make the potential she can offer you and Maia have no value?"

His ability to discern the patterns in chaos, to draw clarity from tangled messes, never ceased to impress her, even when the subject was her own life. Inside, her Catholic upbringing was nagging at her. She could all but hear Sister Ann's voice in her head, lecturing against hate. She knew forgiveness was the right choice. But why was it so much harder to forgive people you were related to?

It hadn't just been Maia who had felt a greater sense of family the last few weeks; she had felt it, too. More than the ring, it was the feeling of betrayal that really bothered her the most. Yet Maia, who was the true victim, had managed to accept April's apology. Surely she could, too. After all, what kind of example was she setting if she didn't? A resigned smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and she saw Marco relax, smiling in return.

"What?"

"Maia said something like that this morning...sans the Mayuya parallel."

"So...maybe we have a point?"

"Yeah, maybe you do."

They continued their stroll to the cafe in comfortable silence. It was nearly empty at that time of day, so service was quick. She couldn't help but note Marco went with an Italian soda instead of coffee, but she didn't ask why. On the way back, they talked about lighter topics, including the latest misadventures of his niece. Apparently, Gianna's attempt to make brownies unsupervised had resulted in quite the mess. She often wondered if he brought her up as a way of offering Diana a comparison to her own experiences or as a way of bonding with her or, perhaps, something else entirely. Regardless, the stories of his naughty niece usually made her feel better about Maia.

As they crested the hill and NTAC's front doors came into view, she heaved a big sigh.

"There's nothing you can do but tell him."

She looked over at Marco, wondering if he was telepathic. Then again, what else was there that would cause her such apprehension? "I know, but it's not as though I can look forward to it." He nodded in response. "Then, while helping a man deal with two, death-only options, I need to find the time to track down my mother's ring before it gets sold."

"April didn't tell you where she'd sold it?"

"I..." Diana looked away sheepishly. "I didn't ask."

"Oh. So...I guess that means Maia doesn't know, either?"

"No, just that the proprietor is bald and it's somewhere near a bakery."

"Look, you've got enough on your plate right now." He reached out, as though to touch her arm in reassurance, then changed the gesture into a sweeping motion that ended with his hand on his chest. It reminded her of the comforting hand on her shoulder he'd given her after Jean Baker's death. Some part of her was disappointed he had chosen not to touch her. "Let me find it."

"You?"

"Yeah. Think of it as a way of making up for including Mayuya in my report to Nina and causing you all this work."

Surely he didn't feel responsible for Mayuya? "He would have been exposed, eventually, whether you'd brought it to Nina's attention or not."

"Okay. Then think of it as one less thing you have to worry about."

"Marco, I..."

Stopping, he faced her straight on. "How many hours of sleep did you get last night?"

He said it blandly, as though he didn't think it was an intrusive, intimate question, but it made her glance away.

"Less than five."

"And how much time have you spent with Maia this week?"

"Does that include when she's not talking to me?" In response to his sympathetic grin, she answered, "Not very much."

"It's really no trouble. Besides, I'm used to datamining, and you deserve a perk for giving us Theory Room guys problems we can really sink out teeth into."

Gazing into his warm, brown eyes, she suddenly felt a little lighter. She knew what she had to do and what she didn't, and, somehow, that was a relief. Nodding, she smiled. "Okay, you've sold me on the idea."

"Good." He grinned and started walking again. "I'll have the address by the end of the day. I might be able to get it sooner if I have a picture of April."

"So quick?"

"Sure."

"Here, I can give you a picture right now." Pulling out her phone, she scrolled through the images stored in it and sent him one of April as they approached NTAC's front door.

"Hmm."

"What?"

He flipped his own phone closed and opened the door for her. "I guess I was expecting crazy colored hair and face piercings or something."

Was that the impression she'd given of April?

Security waved them through.

"Even so, other than the hair and the eyes, I don't see a lot of resemblance."

Without thinking, she asked, "Do you look like your sisters?"

He smiled "Other than the hair and eyes...I guess not." Arriving at the spot where they had to separate for him to go back to the basement, they both hesitated. "Well...good luck with everything. I'll text you the address when I find it."

As always, Marco was true to his word.

Diana hadn't had much time to stand outside herself and contemplate her behavior, lately, not that she had a tendency to do so except in regards to motherhood. But after witnessing the quiet dignity with which Mayuya accepted his fate and Tom's odious sense of "justice," she was feeling a bit philosophical as she made her way to the pawn shop to retrieve her mother's ring.

Had she stopped trying to be a better person? Or was her lack of personal growth exclusive to her relationships with blood relatives? Maia had only just met her aunt and had never met her grandfather.

As she held the little silver box in her hand, she recalled Marco's words. How is cutting off your sister going to help?

Flicking open her phone, she hit 3 on her speed dial. Maia answered. "Hi, mom."

"Do you know where your Aunt April is going?"

It didn't surprise her that Maia both was unstartled by the question and had a ready answer. "She's getting on a bus for Berkeley, California, but I don't know where the station is."

Fortunately, Diana did, and she took a right to head that way. "I'm going to be a little later than I thought, sweetie. I have something really important to do."

"I know."

"Bye-bye, sweetheart."

"See you soon."

Making her way to the bus station, she tried to think of what she wanted to say, but no words would come. All she could do was marvel at the feeling in her heart that told her she was doing what was right.