The WWE was in the Caribbean for a week which was a great thing because I got to relax and spend sometime on the beach. I took Boston and my old man with me. It was early in the after noon and we were chilling on the beach, pops had fallen asleep and Boston and I decided to "accidentally" cover him with sand. It was more me who decided but Boston laughed so if I was gonna get busted then I was taking him down with me.

"Hey it's my favorite nephew and the jackass" Maddie said.

Boston jumped into Maddie's arms he seemed really glad to see his aunt again. Me I was less than thrilled Maddie hated just as much as Adrian did… so you can see the awkwardness there was at the time.

"Boy if you get any bigger Auntie isn't going to be able to pick you up anymore"

"He takes after his dad" I said with a smile.

"I don' t know John I think he might be smarter than you are" she said as she put Boston back down on the sand.

"Let's hope so" I replied.

"Smart enough not to leave his baby's mama when she needs him the most"

Here we go again what is with Ashley's family don't they understand that I made a mistake.

"What I did in the past was inexcusable but I'm trying to make up for it now" I said as patiently as I can.

"So are you telling me that if Ashley was still alive you'd still be in Boston's life?" she asked. She put a really big emphasis on still.

"What do you want me to say Maddie I'm sorry, I have to live with Ashley's death for the rest of my life and the fact that I know Boston does too should be punishment enough" the last part was barely above a whisper.

"It should be but it doesn't seem to be" she said.

Boston must have sensed the tension and while Maddie and is were "discussing things" he wandered of.

"Where's Boston?" I asked when I finally noticed he was missing.

"He was just here!" Maddie exclaimed.

"We have to find him" I said as calmly as I could but inside I was scared shitless.

I got the old man up and he was less than pleased to be covered in sand but he was more worried about his grandson to be too pissed. The first thing we did was get a lifeguard. I was going out of my mid with worry about him going near the water by himself, I didn't even know if he could swim.

"Boston" I yelled.

I could hear Maddie yelling his name ahead of me. I ran my hand through my hair and wanted to pull it out. How could I have let him out of my sight? He's the only connection I have left to Ashley and if I loose him to I don't know what I'd do.

Maddie and I found him at the same time. Shelton Benjamin was holding him. I reached them first and Maddie was right behind me.

"Cena there you are I found you nephew all by himself" he said.

When Shelton said my nephew Maddie's face went from it's normal color to red in like 3.5 seconds.

"Hold up did he just say your nephew…please tell me you didn't tell people he was your nephew" Maddie said.

"Maddie let me explain" I tried but she wasn't hearing any of it.

"No John… you have done some shit for brains things but this one takes the cake" she yelled "my sister fought to bring that little boy into the world, she quit her job which she loved to be a parent to YOUR SON, she died coming home from her dead end job… you know what I can even look at you right now"

She took Boston from Shelton and began to walk away.

"Where are you taking him?" I asked.

"away from you" was her reply.

I wanted to grab my son from her right then and there but she was right calling Boston my nephew was a stupid move so I just let her go.

"Did I miss something?" Shelton asked.

"Yeah" I answered. "I'd tell you about it but I end up looking like a jackass"

My dad who had been watching all of this stood with his arms crossed smirking.

"What could be even remotely funny about what just happened?" I asked.

"Only you would do something that stupid" he said.

"Thanks for the support dad" I said.

"Being a parent isn't easy John if it was more people would have kids" he said.

"I know that dad" I said.

"What Maddie said was true Ashley went through hell on earth to bring that little boy into the world, so cherish him… but cherish him even more because he is the only living reminder of Ashley we have"

"I have a headache, I'm going to head back to the hotel" I said "are you going to be ok?"

"Yeah I'll be fine" he said.

I got back to the hotel and collapsed on the bed. But then I got up again and went over to get something out of my bag. I carried 4 pictures around with me everywhere I went. One was of me and Ashley during happier times, Ashley and Boston, Me and Boston and finally one of Boston by himself. I couldn't help but wish there was a picture of all 3 of us.

I looked at all the pictures and smiled. Remembering those times helped ease the constant pain. I fell asleep instantly.

Dream

I was in a park. It was spring time and everything was green.

"I always loved this time of year" Ashley said.

"What…how… oh god no"

"Relax you are just asleep" she said.

"Ok I feel better now" I said. "why are you visiting me now… I mean why not sooner?"

"I have my reasons" she replied. "you needed to focus on Boston at first but now you need to focus on yourself John"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Boston needs a mother" she said.

"You are his mother" I said.

"You know what I mean he needs someone with him right now and I can't do that"

"I don't want anyone else"

"Spending the rest of you lie alone isn't going to make either of us happy, it's ok to love again" she said. "I may have been your first love but don't let me be your last"

"Boston and I are ok on our own" I assured her.

"Sure it's fine now but what about when Boston grows up and you are going to be alone again, I know you are still grieving but don't grieve forever… John you are an amazing person and I was lucky enough to have been able to love you, there is someone else out there that is also lucky enough to deserve you" she said "like maybe Abby"

"Oh hell no I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole"

Ashley laughed. It felt good to hear her laugh again.

"I'm sorry for everything I did to you if I could only take it back I would" I said.

"Don't talk like that I've forgiven you now you need to forgive yourself"

"I'm trying" a few tears escaped my eyes I knew she was leaving me soon and I didn't want her to. She wiped the tears away from my eyes.

"Don't cry heaven's amazing and in a while I'll have you all to myself again"

"I'll wait my whole life for you" I said.

"I know you will but give Abby a chance" she said "most people only have one soul mate but you John you have a chance to have two… take it"

"I love you Shel" I said.

"I love you too Boo Berry, take care of our son make sure he grows up to be a good man" she gave me one last passionate kiss.

"Goodbye" she whispered and then she was gone.

end of dream

I opened my eyes, it was dark out now. The doors the lead out to the terrace were open and a light breeze was coming in. I walked out onto the terrace and gazed at the stars.

"Heaven's amazing" I smiled. Hopefully she was right.