Wow, do you guys know how much I love you! You are too nice, and I am so glad you liked the last chapter. I especially want to thank NotAContrivance for the shoutout in Consequences thank you so much! And I loved the chapter
Tommy4eva ((I am so glad you thought it was funny, I was really nervous! I have a serious twist with the Portia thing. Trust me ;o) ))
Latisha C ((I totally used the bile line this chapter! I laughed so hard when I read that it was ridiculous! I think you might need medical attention after this chapter. I've got Liam doing...stuff. lol))
Duddley111 ((Aw! I love you, I hope you like this chapter just as much!))
CJMJM ((I love you more! I am so glad I turned your frown upside down. But I think of mean Liam every time I say that. Yuck,I hate him so much after the finale. I hope you like this chapter!))
Beauty in the Breakdown21 ((oh my God, does your tattoo say Go Steph? I would laugh so hard and then contemplate getting one lol! I think all coffee enduced break downs can be related back to Rory and Loreli. I'm currently a combination of the both, its not pretty to see lol))
You guys are so sweet, I hope I don't dissapoint. Ok, notes about the chapter. I'm saving the photo shoot for next chapter becasue I want to make it really good. And there's some craziness in the beginning and in the middle/end with Tommy and Jude. That's all I'll say ;o)
Chapter 9: Help!
You are about to be told the story of a girl who is about to cry a river and drown the WHOLE DAMN WORLD!
I swung the door closed again, shutting Portia and Craig to whatever they had been… doing. NOT THAT I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS!
"You guys just keep… getting on, whatever you we're…gettin'…on. Ok? I'm just gonna go and uh, yea… dig a whole and live in it… or something." I sputtered through the door and pee-pee danced my way the hell away from there.
"Whoa, whoa girl, where's the fire?" Tommy asked me.
IN CRAING'S PANTS! I shouted in my head. "I just have to pee. Really badly. So I'm gonna go do that. Away from here. Far away from here. I would rather do it in a different plane or…dimension… but I can't, so yea. I'm going to pee. Down there."0
"Away from here?" Tommy asked with a chuckle as I realized he had listened to all of my rambling. He looked down at me intently.
"Are you ok?" Gee, no. I just saw Portia and Craig making out in an airplane bathroom.
I had no idea what was to come.
Darius answered for me, having taken my vacated horrified spot in front of the bathroom. Mary Mother of Jesus, I thought they would stop at one interruption.
"GET OFF HER!" Darius roared, scaring small children.
Literally, I was reverting to my 6-year-old self and crying. Make the scary man stop! I guess Craig didn't hear the ferocious screaming because Darius shouted again.
"MOVE YOUR HAND NOW!" Um, ew. I guess things heated up in the twenty seconds that I had caught them and when Darius caught them. "NOW!"
For the love of all things Holy, Craig listen to him! I watched a skittish looking Craig run from the bathroom, his hands thrown over his head in fear of being hit. I would totally have a Full Metal Jacket if I were Craig. Really. I watched Darius corner him against a wall while I could swear I heard Craig whimpering.
Tommy looked at me questioningly while I shot a smirk, laughing a little as I saw Portia beating Darius' back to "LEAVE HIM ALONE" to no avail. It's like that Geraldo Rivera documentary thing that they based Cops on without Geraldo. "Portia and Craig were getting a little, hot and illegal in the bathroom." I told him. I quickly put my hand over my mouth realizing whatever Tommy and I had done could lead to his imprisonment.
(Except I think that Craig isn't jailbait anymore, but I don't know. Because I know Manny's only a little older than me. So technically the whole Crammy thing is illegal. I need to stop talking to Mason and gossiping with Mason about celebrity couples and couples within the people we know. His annoying little nicknames get stuck in my head and then I go around calling Spiederman and I Juderman and Tommy and I Jommy. Except Mason didn't make up Jommy. Us Weekly did and it just stuck. But whatever.)
Then, in prison, he would probably meet some guard and fall in love with him. It would be like that part of that Sublime song, Date Rape, where the guy is butt-raped by a large inmate only Tommy and Butch-man would be in love.
I think the man who steals Tommy away from me will have to be named Butch-Man or else I'll send Tommy voodoo dolls for the rest of his life.
"I have to pee." I said quickly and jet towards the bathroom where Spied and Kyle had been stripping and switching.
HA! That's a funny alliteration, stripping and switching. Stripping and Switching… I could go on, but I won't.
I saw Jamie wave me down as I stooped in a seat, waiting for him to catch up to me. "I'm not gonna make out with you in a bathroom Jammy. I think that Pasty would meld a knife out of soap and stab me to death with it."
"But God forbid she use a little." I shot him a look. "She's a little dirty in a lot of places."
"STOP!" I don't need that image of Jamie. I see him as the non-sexual, non-hormonal being that a male best friend/ex boyfriend should be once you pass the awkward I-don't-know-how-to-act-around-you-so-I'll-just-stand-here-and-cross-my-arms-over-my-chest stage.
"What was Darius saying?"
"He said that Craig is gonna be one sorry ass if he don't take dat job in New York." Jamie replied, imitating Darius to the best of his ability. I stopped him suddenly and looked at him square in the eyes. I watched him flinch as he face melted into worry.
"Jamie," I started sullenly, "please don't speak like that to me any more." I finished with a straight face.
I think he thought I was going to pull a Pulp Fiction on his ass. But he should know that the only John Travolta that I will ever associate myself with is the Grease-Lightening Travolta. And the Saturday Night Fever. Basically whenever he's dancing. The same goes for Kevin Bacon. I would totally jump him Footloose era but The Woodsman was creepy beyond belief. When he relaxed I burst out laughing.
"What does he mean job in New York?"
"I don't really know."
"Craig's gonna be recording his album in the new wing of G-Major." Spied said butting in. I would call him out, but his information was useful. I knew I kept him around for a reason.
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Not really.
"Really?" Jamie asked, intrigued. But he let whatever he was going to say trail off as he head perked up.
"Are the Death Eaters calling?" I asked jokingly.
"Jude. The Death Eaters have physical means of knowing when to congregate. They don't merely call each other." Spied scoffed.
"You're pathetic. And I think Hermione could tell you on precisely how many levels." I told him, my voice heavily irritated. He sank his head submissively, obviously still ashamed and remembering my previous warning.
Spied jumped from my shower; covering himself with his hands to keep whatever modesty he had intact. He stood in front of me and whimpered in pain from the plastic utensils I had thrown at him while he was in my shower… moaning.
"If I ever catch you doing that near me, I'll use my mounting celebrity to find her and tell her in person. Then you will not be shouting her name quite so loudly Vincent."
I shot with venom after he told me that I was just bitter because Harry would never go for a girl like me. But he totally would because Ginny's a redhead and I was a redhead.
Jamie waved off our bickering and walked ahead of me, towards a flight attendant's station in the back. I stood there, huffing that he cut me for the bathroom while I showed Spied my pee-dance.
"No, it's all in the hips." I told him and shook them from side to side vigorously. I watched his stare linger as I danced and I abruptly stopped. I was about to tell him to show me Kyle's underwear again when Jamie ran from the alcove, screaming
"AH! EYES! BURNING!" He shouted as he tore away from the back of the plane like his ass was on fire.
"What?" He looked like he had just seen Casper the Friendly Ghost and Wendy getting dirty. Oh my God, I am slowly ruining my childhood. There must be something the matter. I reverted my attention back to a spazing Jamie.
"Liam's… member! And…and… grunts of…exertion! AH! INSIDE A LADY!"
Oh no.
Oh gross.
Oh shit.
"NO WAY man!" Spied said like a gnarly surfer. I followed hot on his heels and then suddenly… I really wished I hadn't. I was beginning to regret every decision that brought me to this point.
-Saying yes to the SNL performance
-Letting Darius be my manager
-Listening to Sadie out of jealousy that one night at studio when she was being a whore and stealing Tommy from me
-Asking Kwest about Frozen
-Speaking to Kwest ever, since he a frickin' font of Tommy information
-Entering Instant Star.
Those don't really make very much sense. But my brain is mush. I am vomiting and bile is rising from every orifice on my body. I can't think.
I can't … I just can't do anything.
No wait… system rebooting.
Hearing coming back…
neurons firing…
vision restored…
NO TAKE IT BACK! TAKE MY SIGHT FROM ME! No this…OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! "PUT IT AWAY! PUT IT AWAY!" I screamed like that girl from The Ring was finally coming to get me and ran away with my hands over my eyes that were shedding real tears. I DON'T NEED THIS! NO, REALLY, I AM GOING TO DIE!
I was still screaming and shocked as hell as I bashed into Tommy's chest forcefully. "Whoa girl, what's wrong?" He asked with concern.
I just whimpered in response as Liam approached us gruffly and zipping up his pants. He looked between Tommy and I before staring at me.
"Ms Harrison?" NO! DON'T LOOK AT ME!
"Uh…yes?"
"Get ready for landing."
"Ok." I relented and sat on the floor with my eyes down. I heard Liam shuffle away, with my eyes still closed, and then felt a pair of arms around me. I felt my butt leaving the ground and move to a plushy seat. I looked up and saw Tommy smiling amusedly.
"There is nothing funny."
"I think there is."
"I just saw Liam racking up some serious Preferred Member Points."
"What?" He asked when realization donned on him as the disgust settled in.
"Liam?"
"Yes."
"In the bathroom."
"No."
"What?"
"In front of the peanuts." I told him trying to block out the whole thing.
But flashes of Liam's half covered butt and clips grunting played in my head cruelly. I let out a small sob and shook my head and forced it into my heads. I felt Tommy grab my chin lightly as his eyes twinkle closely to mine, a smile dancing through them and I felt the memories of Liam drifting away.
But I don't think they would ever be far enough.
I heard yelling and reluctantly looked past Tommy and I saw Craig getting reamed by Darius. This would be funny. But it's not. Tommy slumped next to be numbly while everyone else put up their trays for landing.
Half an hour later...
Just as we disembarked a girl, not much older than me, approached Tommy and I. Well actually she bounded like a giraffe on the run. And she was running at Tommy, not me. And she was squealing like one of those boys in the Vienna Boys Choir, before they hit puberty.
"OH MY GOD! AreyoureallyLittleTommyQ? BecauseIhavebeeninlovewithyousince1998!"
Wait, hold up; rewind that for me.
Are you actually Little Tommy Q? Because I have been in love with you since 1998.
Aren't we bold? I looked her up and down meanly; she looked like a hoe. Someone needs to tell this hooker-in-disguise that normal people don't tie their father's button down shirts in a lacy knot like Daisy Duke. And it's winter.
"Uh, yea. I am." He said neutrally, but I caught an undertone of exasperation.
"Could I, like, have your autograph?" She asked. I stared at her mouth for at least ten minutes to see if she had stuffed marbles in there because otherwise I don't know how the hell she could drop her jaw so low.
"Sure," he started and held out his hands for a piece of paper and a pen.
"Do you need-"
"Well, I like don't have a pen or anything like that. But Oh Em Gee, you could like sign my bra or something…"
WHAT?
What did I do? No really who is doing this to me?
I know that Buddhists are too peaceful to manipulate like this so it must be… THAT FIEND! It has to be Tom Cruise; there is no other explanation. Now the bashes will never stop.
I looked over to see Tommy's jaw drop and this little whore seriously unclasping her bra in front of us. I promptly walked away, seeing Craig hiding in a corner.
"What's up?"
"I'm afraid." He said in low whisper. Poor Craig, he should know not to make out with old people. But I guess I can't really talk.
(And I mean Tommy right now. When I said old I meant older. It's not like I go to nursing homes and disconnect ventilators to get my elderly make-out fix. That would be wrong. And gross.)
"Don't be. Darius is a dick." I told him and waved my hand casually. His eyes went wide while he pointed behind me like he saw the Ghost of a wasted Danny Bonaduce. But when I when I looked behind me I came face to face with the devil. I mean Darius. But whatever, same thing.
"I mean Darius has a dick." His eyebrows rose towards his bald scalp creating creases and lines in his forehead that I swear a monkey could live in. I mean those are like…craters. Truly captivating. Wait a minute… did I just say that.
"No I don't mean you have a dick. I mean of course you do. You're a man…a manly man. Not that I would know… or…or, uh think about it or anythi- What was that Sadie?" I looked behind his broad shoulder, pretending that Sadie was calling me.
"Oh sorry, I have to go. She uh, needs a… tampon. I mean no she doesn't. What I was saying was that I uh… COMING SADIE!"
I whined loudly and ran away as fast as I could. I looked back as Darius' face contorted in a range of emotions. I think there were dashes of amusement, confusion and hint of rage. But that rage was all for Craig.
I made a last venture around the baggage carousel to find Shay chatting up some blondie. I laughed lightly when he looked over at me and raised an eyebrow and mouthed 'hot stuff.' I came around and slinked an arm around his neck.
"Hey babe." I purred and nipped his ear lightly. And can I just tell you that my tongue tasted bitter for about an hour. He needs to wash himself more. Or wash himself in general.
"Hey…" he said uneasily and trying to shake my grip.
I brought my mouth to his ear again, whispering, "not gonna happen after this morning." I pulled away and giggled lightly as if we had been whispering sweet nothings. 'Hot stuff' looked at me funny and then looked at Shay disgustedly.
"Do you know each other? I could invite you to the wedding." I said, smiling sweetly as Shay tensed in my arms.
He is a man whore.
This was total payback, and it was just an added bonus that it was strategic cock-block. I don't need to hear moans or bed springs squeaking while I try to sleep.
I'm just thankful that Sadie and Tommy took their show on tour. I would jump off a tall bridge if I heard/saw/made accidental insinuations about them. She slinked away with a shake of her head and Shay turned to me angrily.
"What was that?"
"I swear, when they make a bobble head of you there needs to be an unknown pair of legs across from you. And your hand should be plastered between them."
He looked at me shocked.
I looked at me shocked. I was fairly cross-eyed for a minute. I think it's all this sex in the sky that's getting to me. I've become the embodiment of all of SME. Cue shudder here. That's a chilling notion.
I let my hand rest around his shoulders, in a merely friendly way (Shay kinda makes me sick now) as Tommy came up from behind us.
"Jude."
He said simply and I turned around to see a dangerous look in his eyes. Shay and Tommy stared at each for an infuriating few minutes before Shay relented with a sigh. I think he was kinda afraid that Tommy would ram his foot up his ass so hard that he would have trouble seeing tomorrow. With the look on Tommy's face I thought the same thing.
"I gotta go." He told me and made a peace sign with his first two fingers, pressed them to his lips and pounded them against his chest twice.
"Yea… uh, bye." I said with an awkward wave. I don't know what to do when someone tries to make up a secret handshake. I make things really weird and then I ruin the point and purpose of a secret handshake by going over it like I'm learning dance steps.
They love it when I 1,2 step, except not.
Tommy grabbed my hand and pulled my down a few winding hallways, towards the signs that said Car Rental. Aw, what a boy scout. It was silent between the two of us except for his lightly grunting when I resisted. I tried to break it with a light joke.
"Well just know I Loved You Before You Were a Myspace Whore." I told him with a self-conscious chuckle. He looked at me sharply and realized I kinda told him I loved him. Aw-kw-ard.
He pulled me into the men's bathroom and can I just tell you how it smells? It smells like piss and… socks.
Gross.
Gross.
He looked at me square in the eyes, making me spin turn to raspberry Jell-O. He was starting to freak me out, even more than Edward Scissorhands did.
I mean that guy was scary as hell, that was not a romantic tale of someone over coming objects and disabilities, but come on! He had hedge cutter hands!
Then I was watching VH1 and I found out someone made a porno spin off called…can you handle this… Edward Penishands. And the cover was of this fat guy with the Johnny Depp make up on his nasty face and his hands were penises and he was like hugging these girls in bikinis and I when I saw it I unhooked the cable box in disgusted protest.
But then I started to dream about VH1 and I was cold sweats and heat flashes. I asked my mom if I was going through menopause and she threw a dishtowel at me and told me to stop asking her things and call my father. Instead of doing that I just plugged the TV back in and the urges to vomit and cry subsided.
I think it was withdrawal, but I can't be sure. But I remember the episode of House when he and Cuddy made a bet…maybe it was Wilson…maybe it was Foreman. DAMN IT!
This can all be linked back as Spied's fault. He fills my brain with the most disgusting things, that will not help me later in life, and I can't remember vital information to episodes of House! Damn him!
Anyway House bet someone within the hospital that he wasn't addicted to his little pills things…Vicodin and he didn't take it for like a week. And then Foreman caught him throwing up in his office, and House looked all sleep deprived and corpse-y. And then a man punched him in the face because he walked in on his son's surgery and like brought in a dead cat and spat at stuff.
It was like crazy gross and awesome and the stupid one from Mean Girls was in it too. She was kinda a whore, in the beginning they made it look like she was pressuring the sick kid into sex, but it was just a joy ride in his dad's car. But yea… what was I talking about?
I looked up and saw Tommy's eyes boring into me. Oh yea, that.
"What's up?" I said easily while my small and large intestine battled for space.
If that makes sense… It doesn't. I just mean I was scared of him like a Bat out of Hell. Meatloaf is my life and a half. I love him. I devoted to him. I want to make him Meatloaf so that I say, "I watched Meatloaf eat meatloaf."
But no one would give me a weird look because Meatloaf equals God.
Just like Jude equals smooth.
Except for not, because as I was back away, while he advanced on me, I slipped in what was probably a pile of pee. I feel dirty. But not as dirty as that lady who had sex with Liam should. She did it with the devil. The Devil does not Wear Prada, no matter what Anne Hathaway says. He's a jaguar in Armani.
She needs to put her tiara back on and make some more movies with that really hot guy. Oh my God, I am in love with him but I only know him as "Hot Princess Diaries Guy." And people ask me if I'm in love with a Princess. People are stupid. I just want to hit people. I want to go around and smack them in the face. Just generally.
I felt myself loose control and nearly smack the floor with a graceful thud, but a pair of strong arms caught me before I fell. He obviously doesn't take Let Me Fall very seriously but whatever. Before I knew what I was doing I was babbling my thoughts about the princess diaries guy, for reasons unbeknownst to me.
"And people ask well I always thought girls were looking for their prince and then I get that Spin Doctors song stuck in my head… what was that called?"
"I don't really know." Tommy said impatiently. I started to sing, to jog my memory and his. Well not really, it was to stop him for speaking. It couldn't be good whatever he was going to say or else he wouldn't have that look and he wouldn't have brought me in the men's bathroom in a New York airport before 8 in the morning. Well I don't think he should ever bring me in a men's bathroom, but whatever.
"If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now. And if you want to tell me maybe, just go ahead now. Na nah nah na nah, nah…" I stuttered across the lyrics I didn't know.
"And if you want to be my flowers, just go ahead now. And if you want to talk for hours, just go ahead now. It's Two Princes, are you happy yet? Can I talk now?" He asked exasperatedly me after correcting the lyrics I didn't know and making me unendingly bashful.
"Um yea, thanks." He looked at me puzzled. "For the lyrics." It would have bugged me all damn day.
"I know it would have bothered you all day otherwise." No really, how does he do that? How can I not love him when he knows me through and through like that? It's crazy. I wish I knew him in same way, I really only knew his favorite color and favorite ice cream. I had screamed at him one day that he knew all about me but when it came to his life, he was Joey Tightlips.
"Who's Joey Tightlips?"
"My fictional Mafia character, stop trying to change the subject!"
"Fine, Jude, you wanna know about me? Then just ask me." I looked at him, not expecting it to be just as easy as a question. I looked up almost shyly.
"Well… what's your favorite color?" He smiled softly.
"Red." He came towards me and ran a finger through my flaming hair. He twirled it in his fingers tenderly, as he pulled closer, looking at me in the eyes. I inhaled sharply.
"What's your favorite color?" I asked stupidly, while the oxygen tried to get to my brain and keep me sane. It wasn't working.
He smiled and told me "Red is my favorite color" again.
I looked down at my feet, trying to hide my blushing cheeks. His fingers grazed the bottom of my chin lightly as he gripped it between his two fingers. He brought my gaze back level to him as his gaze locked with mine.
"My favorite book was Henry and Mudge, I got a silver bike with red flames for my 10th birthday. I rode it everywhere. My favorite kind of animal are horses, my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip. I never finished school, and sometimes… I think that I could stare into your eyes for days and never be lonely." He finished in a breathtaking whisper.
I blinked suddenly, keeping my eyes shut. I felt his fingers tips on my lids lightly as he ushered them open. When I looked up his head tilted with a warm smile on his face and dark glint in his eyes. He thumb dipped from my eyes and ran across my lips, brushing them lightly. My body tensed, and then leaned in magnetically. The door burst open with an amused Kwest looking back at us.
"Did I interrupt anything? Important maybe? Illegal maybe?" He asked on a laugh. I rolled my eyes as Tommy fumed from behind my turned head. I wanted to throw something scalding hot in his face.
So maybe I knew more than just his favorite color but I had a feeling another moment was about to come on. I just didn't know if I wanted anyone to interrupt us this time.
"You back with Shay?" he asked suddenly, shaking me from my reverie. I snorted loudly and disgustedly.
"Are you… kidding?" I asked as if trying to piece a puzzle together. He laughed at me indignantly.
"Do you think I would kid about something like that? He's no good for you."
Um, hello I know that. I lived that. Why was he patronizing me like I was stupid and girly and impulsive? Maybe I was all those things, but I learned to keep it in check. Most of the time. Some of the time. Well now wasn't one of those times.
"I don't need another father Tommy. So stop trying to be my stand in."
"Then what do you want from me? You have exactly given me clear signals."
"Well I haven't told you no yet! Have I? I think my signals are pretty damn clear."
"Then tell me Jude, tell me exactly what you want."
He asked me, his hot breath on my face, his lips inches from me, his chest heaving in time with my own.
I did something.
Something that could be bad.
Something that could be good.
I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and closed any distance that had remained and grasped his lips with might. I didn't wait for his shock to subside and I kissed him with as much passion as I had ever mustered before.
It turned out his shock was merely a few seconds and he wrapped his arms around my waist and hips, encircling me in his touch. I felt his fingers prance around the hem and smooth themselves over the increasing patch of skin he was exposing. Our tongues sought entrance at the same time and met between the fervent distance between our lips, meeting in the center and fighting to the death.
I suddenly slipped mine back as his plunged inside my mouth, thoroughly excavating and exploring. But his lips dipped down against my neck, and planted hot kisses along my slightly exposed collarbone, making my knees go weak.
I moaned lightly in the heat of his passion fusing with mine as his hands dipped lower.
And lower.
And lower.
They were definitely in Southern territory, driving me wild. I gasped again as he grunted against my skin. My eyes flew open as I realized our surroundings. Tommy apprehended my protest and grasped my lips again.
"Tommy…" I said from between his lips.
"What?" he asked distractedly as his fingers wove in my hair.
"We can't do this." He stepped away shocked. Tommy continued to look at me with a puzzled look as he distanced himself even more.
"Really? Because I had a feeling that we were gonna do something."
Stop it. He's not aloud to talk that way when I can't think. Of course something would have happened. I looked into his face and I realized he didn't mean that something, he meant a different something. It was my turn to look at him puzzled.
"Jude, you need to figure out what you want. Maybe you need to figure out who you want, but I'm finished guessing." He told me softly and ruefully.
I opened my mouth to say something.
I want Tommy!
I don't want anyone or thing or whatever else!
It's Tommy!
It's been Tommy since the pier.
It's been Tommy since my Sweet Sixteen and then my seventeenth birthday.
It's been Tommy since I had an odd focus on my eighteenth birthday.
I didn't understand why he couldn't see that.
He was always it for me. But he hushed me hurriedly.
"Stop telling me." He told me. What? That completely contradictory to what he just told me.
"What else can I do?" I asked him, not knowing what to do without my words.
He shrugged lightly and let his grip slip from my shoulder, where it had rested, down my arms and interlocked our fingers. He looked at me for a silent moment before pulling away and pushing past me for the door. I watched him walk away.
I felt like screaming. Like a real scream. Like the one in Sixteen Candles when she finds out that nerdy kid has her underwear. I let it penetrate the hot air, left from Tommy and I.
I was beginning to know what the terms smoking gun and fighting fire with fire really meant.
It was Tommy.
It was me.
It was Tommy and me.
It was just my general situation. The gun just happened to be catching fire and burning the hell outta me. I looked around at the pee stained urinals, forgoing the shudder because it was pointless. I was really starting to feel some abandonment issues.
(I mean really, who walks out on a person like that? Who gives people ultimatums like that? Except me. Like that one time I made him choose between Sadie and me and then I offered my grandma to him as a potential concubine. AH! My imagination is literally going to be the death of me! I mean grams, is like a thousand years old.
She's older than those dinosaurs from The Land before Time movies. And I think Tommy probably likes his women flexible. Well more flexible than an eighty year old with arthritis who pops Aleve like there's no tomorrow and says weird stuff like I got some jam for 10 cents and the Piggly Wiggly to smear on the butter you like so well. Even after I told her that Piggly Wiggly went out of business for ever ago, that jam never cost 10 cents, and that I don't like the eat sticks of butter with blueberry jam on it. Who does? I made her eat one time and I thought she was going to die right there. It was horrifying.)
It's like that time when my mom made me go to pre-school when I was like 3 but I didn't want to and I would cry all the time. And I would make her stay outside the school for the few hours that I was there and I would check to make sure.
Every few minutes, after I had built up enough tears to choke on, I would fly to the window in a fit a sorrow and check that her car was still out there. And once I couldn't find it and I heard them batting mild tranquilization about. And before my mom would take me in the morning and I would have to go to the bathroom and the song and dance was always the same.
"Don't make me go PLEASE!" I wailed loudly while Sadie beeped from the car. What was her problem, it's not like she was pretty in third grade. It was before she got her hair dyed completely blonde and before she lost the baby fat. What was she so impatient about?
"Jude, honey, you have to."
"But I don't want to leave you!"
"But I'll be right out there the whole time.
"Well… today is 'show and tell' and I want to show you! Stay with me!" I would sob and fling Cheerios at my dog's fur, watching them get stuck. My mom looked at me with a mix of pity and disbelief.
"Mommy! I have to go pee"
"Jude, honey, don't say I have to pee. It's not lady like."
"But I havta go!" and I would cry and dump the milk from my cereal on the floor.
Sometimes it was brown if I had eaten Coco Pebbles, and other times it had the wheat cereal from Lucky Charms, and I only wanted to eat the marshmallows.
"Then go, Jude." She told me in her most patient voice while she got out the mop. I looked sheepishly down at my feet while tears resurfaced.
"Mommy…" "Yes Jude."
"Which bathroom is closer to you?"
I need to be locked away.
I stare down at my phone, replaying Tommy's words.
Tell me exactly what you want.
Stop telling me.
Well I want Tommy, and I've told him. Like a million times. And made a fool of myself like a thousand times. UGH! He is so frustrating. What is Oprah saying that men aren't as emotionally demanding as women? Tommy is more irritating than a sun burnt Sadie. All she does is sit on the couch watching Laguna Beach, pounding out dry sobs for me to get her some water.
I know how to pour a glass of water and stir salt in it so that she can't see it. I don't know what to do with Tommy.
John?
Paul?
Ringo?
George?
Help!
My phone suddenly pounded a low hum from within my bag and I saw E.J.'s face pop.
"Hello?" I asked irritably.
"Get your ass out here right now. We're leaving for the shoot in twenty minutes and if you're not there we're gonna have to dress Spied up like you again and those tour posters didn't look so hot the last time." She shouted angrily.
"I'm coming."
God, let me breathe.
Just as I made my way out a guy walked in and gave me this really weird look. "Hey man." I said in my deepest possible voice, pulled my pants up like a man and readjusted my nonexistent package.
He looked at me like I had crazy-glued my nostrils shut and now I was trying to breathe through them. I think he thought I was a cross dresser or getting ready for a sex change.
Either way, it was funny as hell when he looked me up and down with the most distressed face I've ever seen. I tried to keep a straight face all the way out the door and just as I slammed it open I burst out laughing right in Darius' face.
"Jude, can I ask why you were in the men's bathroom?"
"No you may not." I told him haughtily and jogged to catch up with Sadie and Portia.
Tommy…
Tom Quincy walked through the airport, navigating against the oncoming flow of traffic, trying to make sense of what was happening.
His fingers tingled slightly at the memory of the feel of her hands through his hair and softness of the skin on her stomach. Her persistent breaths that grew shallow and ragged as he hands mounted past the fabric of her shirt.
He distantly heard a 90's song filter through the speakers. "My fingertips have memories. I can't forget the curves of you body. And when I feel a bit naughty, I run them up the flagpole and see"
He shook his head swearing at irony like a long shore fisherman. He listened to the passing conversations of the people around him, catching little snippets.
"Stop quoting Fall Out Boy." "But their lyrics speak to every situation I find myself in." "You are creating non-existent drama for your own entertainment because you have nothing to do." "Shuddup."
"I hate Jamba Juice. And I hate coconut even more." "What? When you were on Ambien you used to steal my car keys and drive to Jamba Juice! Then I would have to pick up little coconut shavings around the house!" "Well I don't want this."
He smiled lightly at the bustle and leaned himself against a pillar, thinking of what had led them to such a kiss… He quickly remembered his Jennifer Love Hewitt inspired provocation that Jude needed to show him or something equally disgusting. He quickly made a list in his head, now unsure of his manhood and everything that had brought him to that point.
My name is Tom Quincy
I'm in an airport
I really want to do a Boost Mobile Commercial
When I was thirteen I had a crush on Doctor Quinn Medicine Women
I sent her love letters
I thought we were destined because our last names were so alike
Chaz found them and gave them to Us Weekly
I went through that phase where I thought I saw Jane Seymour every where I went
I'm a producer
I work at G-Majors
My main artist is Jude Harrison
She won a competition 3 years ago
I dated her sister
Her sister dumped me
I never had so many girl problems before I met Jude
I forced Jude into a men's room
I nearly groped Jude in a men's room
I acted like a lost cast member of Melrose Place in the men's room
…I left her in there too. That was worse than when I told everyone that Portia and Chaz are hermaphrodites, after she filed for divorce and Chaz asked if Little Tommy Q was going to throw a little fit when I didn't want to wear a blue bandana like Bruno. And that at birth both sets of parents flipped a coin to determine the gender, but Portia's genitalia was creeping back and that Chaz's ovaries were sagging. And that Portia had gotten Chaz pregnant. Ok maybe not worse than that, but it's close.
He looked over at his group fleetingly, seeing that Jude had finally emerged from the bathroom. E.J. was yelling at her as she rolled her eyes, giving Spied the finger while he tried to goose her and then rolled her eyes at E.J.
Jude…
"Just get in the car."
"But I havta get my bag."
"Stop talking like Carrie Underwood, and we're having your bag sent the hotel. Have you never traveled with me before?" I was starting to hate that E.J. was back.
"Have you never traveled with me before?" I mocked in a singsong voice to Portia, once E.J. was out of earshot, knowing that neither ever passes up a chance to bash the other. But she just slumped back dejectedly and looked around. I'm assuming she was looking for her brother or that she was pulling a Charles Manson. I moved away just in case and racked my brain, trying to remember if Portia knows where I live.
"Do you think he's mad?" Oh, no. He's irate.
"I uh… think he'll get over it." Eventually.
But I didn't add that for her sake. Portia, SME, Kwest, Mason, Sadie and I stood outside in freezing air. Damn you Al Rocker! I think I've shared the story about the crazy lady already.
The rest of the gang joined us and I felt like the Partridge Family. Or the Brady Bunch when they went to King's Island. I saw that episode and the guys were sadly unimpressive. And My Fair Brady is vaguely creepy. Suddenly an enormous limo pulled up in front of us and screeched the wheels noisily. I looked at the driver, trying to see if he resembled any of the Punk'd cast. I was so not in the mood.
"It's a Hirsch."
"I won't have a funeral." Pasty said suddenly. Um, ok?
"I want to be eaten alive."
Oh my God, she is so much worse than I thought. I pushed her into the open door and followed, throwing a glance behind me to look at Tommy. I saw his eyes focus when he felt my stare and he smiled back.
Ok, what happened to PMSing Tommy?
I slid into my seat and let my head loll against the headrest as I felt Tommy slide next to me.
He is really acting like a pubescent girl with a creepy crush. No really, I will not go to a move with him. I bet he'll look over at me every time he laughs to see if I'm laughing too. I hate it when people do that so I laugh extra loud so they don't have to waste the pointless energy to turn their head.
But I let my guard down and let my head droop against his shoulder as his hands found themselves in my hair. He twined them together and spun circles with small pieces around my head, letting them unravel gently. I felt myself moan with satisfaction and I felt him inhale and tense slightly beneath me. An obnoxious cough woke us from our small trance and I looked up to see a smug looking Liam.
I felt like throwing the pine needles we had tracked into the car at him. Right at his eyes. He should not be judging. He was having random sex in an airplane. He should be arrested.
that was all for chapter 9! I hope you liked it! I have some of chapter 10 written but I think it's all going to be the shoot, but I'm not sure yet. Please review and tell me what you think, I'm so addicted:o)
