CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
THERAPY
Linda smooths out the edges of her skirt as she steps out of the taxi, thanking him before she gently guides Charlie out of the car with her. Despite his excitement as he realizes where they are, she holds on tightly to his small hand as her heart beats wildly against her chest. It took everything she had to convince Amenadiel that she would be fine by herself, though it seemed like his visit to the Cullens did do some good since he at least didn't put up a fight about bringing Charlie with her.
She takes a deep breath and wonders how she got roped up in being the go-to therapist for every non-human being in the world. She was the one who wanted to do this visit to the Cullens in the first place, but thinking about it and actually being here are two vastly different things, especially considering that Dr. Carlisle is the only vampire she's met. She has no idea what she could be walking into or how the others are going to react to her. But she does have Charlie. Charlie, who's already met all of the Cullens and deemed them good enough to give a feather too. Charlie, who she knows that they at least like, even if they may not like her. Charlie, who is acting as her peace treaty since she's not still sure if she's allowed to know that they're vampires; just as technically, she's not supposed to know about angels either.
Linda squares her shoulders, preparing herself for the worst. She knows that she may unwelcomed, considering everything that's happened, but she can't call herself a good therapist if she doesn't at least try to reach out to someone who she knows must be suffering.
The door swings open before she reaches it. The woman (teenager?) who stands before her smiles brightly, though it doesn't quite meet her golden eyes. Her pixie-like and petite appearance isn't exactly what Linda thinks of when she thinks of vampires, but at this point in her life, anything is possible.
"Come on in, we were expecting you. I'm Alice, it's nice to finally meet you! You're Amenadiel's wife, aren't you?"
She doesn't know how they can be expecting her considering she didn't give any notice she was coming; she's too used to her patients running out at the last second. Linda shakes it off and matches Alice's welcoming smile, taking the offered hand as she lets Charlie go. Charlie doesn't waste any time dashing into the house, being snatched up by one of the vampires Linda recognizes from the photos.
"Little man," the man bellows with laughter, spinning Charlie around to Charlie's delight. Linda watches them from the corner of her eyes, but reminds herself why she's here.
Alice lets her into the house easily enough, a smile still not reaching her eyes, as she briefly introduces her to the other members of the house. Emmett is currently the one swinging Charlie around while Rosalie is his mate. Despite Rosalie's soft gaze upon Charlie, her eyes are a bit colder when she glances toward Linda. Unphased, Linda matches her gaze with a thin smile, not backing down from her cold eyes. Rosalie gives her a short nod and turns back to Charlie, her expression turning more sincere. Jasper is Alice's mate - Linda does her best to figure out that mates are essentially life partners. He's not as friendly, but he is polite with a light southern drawl as he calmly welcomes her.
But there's no sign of the most concerning ones. Edward, Alice informs her, is closed off into his room, but according to Alice, he is still handling things better than Carlisle. The mere mention of Carlisle's name causes a more somber air to fill the room, the silence becoming thick as the coven share a few looks between one another. Jasper grows the most uneasy, his expression becoming more pained as Alice quietly tries to comfort him.
"I'll start with Dr. Carlisle," Linda folds her hands neatly in front of her, "But I am open to anyone else who needs to talk."
As Alice starts to take her through the house, quietly informing Linda that Carlisle is still in what had been Ariel's makeshift room, Emmett calls out to them both.
"Hey - doc?"
Emmett's voice is uncharastically unsure, but Linda stops and turns to him nonetheless. He glances toward Rosalie, who shakes her head no, but her answer doesn't seem to matter as he then continues to ask.
"Is it true that you know what we are," Emmett inquires. As if to clarify, he points his fingers into 'fangs' at his mouth. Linda's lips quirk into a smile and while she debates internally about whether or not to speak the truth, she settles for a simple nod knowing that she's already briefly touched on the subject with Carlisle.
"Huh."
Rosalie, for her part, does give him a light slap upside the head for asking. Despite the coven knowing that their secret is hanging on by a thread among Ariel's family, not one of them had much courage to discuss it in too much detail. As if afraid that if they speak about it too much that it may summon the Volturi. Alice is quick to usher Linda up the stairs to avoid being questioned too much.
Carlisle is in the same room that she disappeared from. In the future, Carlisle had hoped to turn this room into her own bedroom, for the day that she would move in with them. If that's what she had wanted, they never quite talked much about it, but he wouldn't be against moving in with her either. He supposes it doesn't matter now. He just wants to be with her, he never cared where. He glances out of the window and toward the sky. He's prayed to her. He doesn't know if she can hear him or if that is how it works, but he had to try something. Anything to just make him feel a shred of control in this situation.
He doesn't acknowledge Linda's presence when she enters the room, even as she sits down in an empty chair not too far from him. He hears Alice shut the door to give them at least a shred of privacy.
"How long have you been in here, Doctor Carlisle," Linda asks gently.
She can't help but compare him to what she saw before. That handsome, bright and otherworldly doctor now looks like a shell of his former self. He seems more disheveled, not as together as he was before with the spark gone from his eyes. His eyes are hollow, fixated on the sky through the window as if he would be able to see Ariel herself floating down any minute. Linda doubts that he would, considering the stormy clouds hovering above them like an omen. She briefly wonders if the sun were out, if he would really burst into flames like the ones in the movies.
Linda doesn't rush any answers from the other doctor. It takes a moment before Carlisle moves, turning toward her and she can finally see just how lost he is. He glances at her as if she can give him whatever answers he needs, but sadly she cannot provide any. Hell, she barely even understands what happened in the first place; Amenadiel wasn't forthcoming with any direct answers at first, but whenever Carlisle and the rest of the coven's reaction to things were mentioned, she knew she would eventually have to visit. She just wishes that she could have come sooner.
"Since she left. Her scent is the strongest here and each time I visit her house, I just smell the man that killed her." Carlisle finally answers. He doesn't keep her gaze long, glancing away back toward the bed. "Though I'm sorry that you've come all this way, Doctor Linda."
Linda takes in a deep breath, "Dr. Cullen, you just admitted that you've been sitting here for the last two months, I am only sorry that I was only just able to clear my schedule. We don't have to talk about what happened. Therapy is what you want it to be, but it only will work if you want it to."
"To be honest, I am not sure if I do want it to work," Carlisle admits, his voice a soft whisper, "If it does, then I would be doing her a disservice by continuing on so bluntly without her here."
"You're doing her a disservice by acting like she's dead." Linda states bluntly, but as carefully as she can. "I know that it feels that way sometimes, that it's different. Being thrown into all of this can be hard for anyone, human, vampire, or otherwise. But they don't view this the same way that we do and it's not the same process for them either. Ariel may have gone to Heaven, but as hard of a concept as it is to grasp, she will come back."
Ariel, despite the odd similarities she shares with both of her brothers, has never made a habit of just disappearing. Out of the entire family of angels (and demon), she is the only one Linda can really count on for constant updates and always being where she's expected to be. She's always preferred to keep her roots in one place, as she has said before.
Carlisle's smile is thin and forced, but he remains silent. Linda takes it as a sign to continue, at least knowing that she has his attention. She crosses her legs and folds her hands on her knee.
"No one but her can determine when she will return, in the meantime, try to think about how exciting it will be when she does. Try to think of the things that can be done so that when she does, you two can continue to live your lives together peacefully."
Carlisle thinks about her house; the place he's been avoiding since she has disappeared. The messy state that it's in. The browned plants he can see on her porch and through the windows. The rotten fruit that still hasn't been disposed of, the smell of blood and the man responsible for all of this. He thinks about both of their jobs; he has taken the liberty to sign her off on a sabbatical leave, currently written down for six months since he can't be sure when she returns. He still goes to work, but every day gets harder when all of the nurses are avoiding him. Charlie has asked a lot of questions that he can't answer. Rumors are spreading that they had a fight or that Ariel's sabbatical leave is really a maternity one. Thinking about it makes his head spin and his heart ache.
He certainly hasn't done much - anything - that would make it easier for her when she gets back. That realization causes a guilt to rise up in his chest. He has no right to sulk about when she is the one who got butchered by a deranged nut, only to immediately return to a family who she was never thrilled about and who, personally, Carlisle thought came off as toxic and borderline.
He can almost hear her voice calling to him, scolding him for making her work decisions for her, and for sulking around. He's not sure how she's going to take to the rumors that have spread in her disappearance already. Just the passing thought about that one rumor makes him realize that he hasn't thought too much about her acknowledgement that children are within the realm of possibility for them. Not a guarantee, but far from impossible. He wonders if when she gets back if they can really go down that revenue. Though the town would be in an upstir if they weren't 'married' yet.
Linda isn't sure what the doctor is thinking of, just that whatever it has reignited something deep in his eyes, giving them some sign of life. Carlisle glances toward Linda hesitantly, almost unsure if he's allowed to speak.
"Dr. Linda, would you mind if I asked you a few personal questions?"
"This is supposed to be your sessions, doctor," Linda stresses, sighing when he corrects her to call him Carlisle before continuing, "But if it will help, yes, you may ask a few questions, but I cannot promise any answers that may threaten a relationship between a doctor and a patient."
"Fair enough." Carlisle's eyes gleam with a bit of amusement before he continues, his expression turning more somber, "Ariel admitted to me that it may be within the realm of possibility for us to have children."
Linda's eyes blink owlishly, taken aback at the statement. While she's not a stranger to half-breed children, the idea of the angel being the one pregnant is a bit of a foreign concept to grasp. Though in hindsight, she supposes that it isn't that much different than Amenadiel becoming human enough to get her pregnant.
"And you want to know about Charlie," Linda guesses and Carlisle's nod, she continues. "You're the first vampire I ever met, which I will ask you about later because w-o-w, and Amenadiel isn't very detailed about your customs, so I don't know how it may differ. But I do know that Charlie is one of the first nephilim born in a very long time."
Linda pushes up her glasses with a finger, "And when he was born, it created a lot of problems and a lot of questions. Not that I would give him up for anything in the world, but if you really want to think about children with Ariel, you have to consider the fact that it will be dangerous. When Charlie was born, it nearly created an apocalypse, because he was half angel. I can't begin to imagine the complications that an angel and vampire hybrid may bring and considering that Ariel only thinks it's a possibility, unlike with Charlie, I don't think there has been even one vampire-angel hybrid."
Linda frowns, reaching out to place a hand on him as she spots the forlorn expression forming on his face. She tries not to think about the cold harness of his skin.
"I'm not saying that to scare you, Carlisle, not by any means. If you and Ariel both want to have children and think that it's possible, that's a conversation to have with her when she gets back, but make sure that you not only fully think it through, but think about the implications of what it can mean. First and foremost, I think you need to make sure that you are fully accepting of who and what she is before thinking about children."
Carlisle's eyes flutter toward her suddenly with a bout of confusion, "Accepting her? I will be the first to admit that I know next to nothing about what to expect from both her and her family, but acceptance has never been an issue. I love her, all of her, it never has mattered to me what she is or the complications that it brings. Meeting her brothers was a - surprise - and I will always be cautious for the sake of my family's safety - but if anything, it just brings up questions, not doubts."
Linda's smile is as sincere as Carlisle's words as she grasps his hand tightly. She thinks back to how everyone, including her, reacted to Lucifer. She remembers shutting out Amenadiel despite him being an angel. She remembers the hurt and betrayal of being lied to. Yet, Carlisle and his coven are not only handling it better than she expected, sulking aside, they have welcomed both her and Charlie into their home knowing what Charlie is and knowing whom Linda is married to. They didn't hesitate to greet both of them, playing with Charlie like they always have.
She wonders how being a vampire - or simply not human - plays into it. If they are used to and understand hiding that part of yourself better than she ever could and thus are more accepting of it as a whole.
"Ariel is very lucky to have you, Carlisle."
Carlisle chuckles - to the relief of his coven, all bluntly eavesdropping from the other side of the house, who have not heard any other emotion other than sorrow from him as of late.
"With all due respect, Dr. Linda, I am the one lucky to have her."
