CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

FAKE UP BREAK UP


Let's not give the game away
There used to be an empty space,
A photograph without a face,
But with your presence and your grace,
Everything falls into place

Just please don't say you love me,
Cause I might not say it back,
Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping
When you look at me like that

- Please Don't Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin


Ariel is not sure if this will work, the more and more she thinks of it. But she has to at least try something to get Yana to come to her; she can't just blindly wander around in hopes of running into the demon, especially not with the Cullens - as well as the citizens of Forks - so close by. Besides, if Father Briar was any indicator, Yana is close by. The real question is how close and what does she know? Does she already know that Father Briar failed to get her wings or does she believe that he succeeded and just simply perished as a result? Does she know about her engagement to Carlisle?

There are, unfortunately, a lot of unknown factors that she is hesitant to admit. She has to cover everything. Her brothers can take care of themselves and they have no reason to think that Chloe, Charlie, Linda or any of them would be at risk. Though Lucifer will certainly be keeping a closer eye on his detective she is sure.

But the Cullens? They've never faced a demon before and she's not sure if they can. She needs to do this for their safety, for Carlisle's, for her new family's. After all, it's her fault that they're at risk in the first place.

She bites at the inner part of her cheek, emotion bubbling under her chest. She never had to worry about other people before - not like this. The incident with Charlie is the only thing that comes close and in hindsight, this situation isn't that much different. She just hopes that this won't end with the same bloodshed.

When she thinks back to how she handled the demon uprising, she doesn't regret it. Tearing through the demons as if they were nothing to her doesn't bother her nearly as much as it would bother a mortal. She will never regret protecting her family. What she does regret, however, is being so blind to her own rage that they hurt Charlie that she almost hurt Chloe. That in that moment, all the progress that she had made, was gone. As if it was never even there to begin with.

If she were honest with herself, it was that incident that also incited her to go into nursing in the first place. That was the first time she felt that she really did need to work on the way she handled humans and could only hope that it would be enough.

She can only hope that Carlisle is right about her. She glances over at him as he helps her settle back into her house. They settled on not moving too much since this would only be temporary, but ultimately they would benefit if Yana thought that she was living by herself; since they aren't sure if Yana even knows about their engagement, it helps to play into the idea that they had broken up in hopes that it would draw her out.

Which also means that after today, Carlisle Cullen and Ariel Sera will no longer be engaged in the eyes of the public. They can't risk small town gossip ruining their plans, which means convincing everyone that they have broken up. It also means no living together, no seeing each other outside of work.

Carlisle looks at her, his eyes glossy with bottled up pain. He tries his best to hide it, for both of their sakes, but Ariel can see right through him. She knows just how much this has to be killing him, especially since he won't be able to keep her as close as he would like. The memory of Father Briar and what he - as a mortal - with just one of her knives was capable of is still fresh in the forefront of their minds. Carlisle cannot - not if he wants to keep his sanity - even imagine what Yana could be capable of.

Ariel takes a step toward him, her hand going to his cheek. Her thumb rubs the spot under his eye tentatively, her eyes already bristling with tears that are too hard for her to hold back. She can see it in Carlisle's eyes; if he were capable of crying, she imagines that he would be. Dark shadows cross the edges of his eyes and there's a rumble in his chest that makes her heart shatter. He takes her hand off his face, holding it tightly as he presses a soft kiss to the back of it.

She wants to tell him that she's not sure if she can do this without him being there. That she isn't sure how well she will be able to control herself without him whispering into her ear. She knows that Carlisle is her consciousness, the reason that she is doing as good as she has been. That without him, she fears that will come undone.

The words are right there on the edge of her tongue, but die as soon as she opens her mouth.

She wants to tell him that she loves him. That everything will be okay. She wants to tell him that she will always love him, this is only temporary. But she can't. They don't know if Yana is listening; they have to make this believable and in the process, that means breaking each other's heart.

"I -" She licks at her bottom lip. Her face is flushed, eyes red with tears. Her heart beats wildly against her chest. "I'm sorry, Carlisle."

She takes her hand away and ignores the way they shake as she takes off the wedding ring. It doesn't feel fair to do this so soon after getting it. But none of this is fair. Her Father's never fair. When she slips it into Carlisle's palm, he doesn't let her hand go.

"We could do this together," he begs softly.

He wants to face Yana together. He doesn't want to let his dove go. Not like this. But he has to trust her. Ariel knows demons more than he does; she knows that Yana won't come out of hiding unless she's alone. She also said that she doesn't think Yana can really get the jump on her and he wants so badly to say that they didn't think that a human could either; but he bites his tongue.

You don't have to do this. He wants to say. You're not by yourself anymore. You have us. You have me. But the words are as still as his non-beating heart, his throat as dry as his eyes and he wishes that this could feel as cold as his skin, but everything feels warm. Her hands are warm in his and he fears that if she lets him go that this, as temporary as it may be, will be the last straw - that his heart will go cold.

In a way, this somehow feels almost worse than her near death.