Nine little soldier boys sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were Eight.
For two weeks, Stephanie watched Binkie. He frequently woke up during the night from nightmares. Stephanie didn't know how to help him. Every time she attempted to talk to him, he either shut down or retreated to his bedroom. Sighing, she shook her head, then joined her grandma on the couch. "How can I help him?" Stephanie asked, resigned.
"Stand outside the bedroom and talk to him," Edna suggested. "It always worked on you."
"I guess," Stephanie said, then walked to Binkie's door. "Hey, Binks. It's Steph. I'm not asking you to open the door, but I do want you to listen. Can you sit on the floor and lean against the door? I'll do the same on this side."
Stephanie pressed her ear against the door to hear if he complied. She smiled when she heard the bed squeak. Binkie tapped the door with his hand to let Stephanie know he was there. Stephanie sat on the floor and leaned against the door.
Before she started talking, Ranger entered the hotel suite with Julie. Stephanie pressed a finger to her lips, requesting their silence. Julie quietly sat beside Stephanie. "Binkie, I know what happened. You don't have to say anything. I'm going to tell you a story. I'm not expecting you to reciprocate, okay?" Stephanie knew more than she would ever care to admit, but she needed Binkie to say the words. It was the only way to heal.
Binkie tapped the door. "I know you heard about the Tasty Pastry incident when I was sixteen. What I never told anyone besides grandma and Bobby was that I got pregnant. However, Bobby doesn't know I was expecting twins. Grandma noticed I lost weight and got sick a lot. She took me to a clinic outside of Trenton for blood tests to determine what caused me to get sick. I'm sure grandma suspected I was pregnant. After all, I did display the classic symptoms. Grandma got my uncle Sandor to drive me to the clinic for my prenatal appointments. Oops, I forgot to say my uncle Sandor knew the secret too. Anyway, after Christmas, grandpa and grandma Mazur took me to Cincinnati to visit with grandpa's brother and the family. On December 28th, I went into labour. It was too early for the children to be born, but with the low position of the placenta, pre-term labour was inevitable. I gave birth to a girl weighing just under 3 lbs. Her brother, weighed 3 lbs 1 oz. Both babies were tiny. I didn't expect them to live past a few hours," Stephanie said.
She had to pause to wipe the tears off her face. Julie sat on her lap to hug her. Ranger stood with his lips pressed together in a thin line. He suspected Stephanie had a child, but to hear it from her mouth was another story. "I was kind of right. Savannah was stronger than her brother, as typical with premature babies. The girls have a higher survival rate than the boys. I held my son, Frankie, until his heart stopped beating. I thought I was going to die. My heart broke. When I lost him, I promised myself never to have another child. I was devastated on their first birthday. There wasn't anything I could do to change the past or bring Frankie back to life. I spent the entire day in my dorm, crying. I refused to go home for Christmas, opting to pay for staying in the residence during the holidays. The following year, I started lighting a candle for my children. My grandma must have had the same idea because she met me there. Grandpa drove her that first time. Now, Grandma and I go to Newark every year to light a candle in the church," Stephanie stopped talking when the door opened. Binkie held out his hand for Stephanie. Julie left her lap to hug Ranger.
"I'm sorry, Stephanie. I had no idea," Binkie whispered. "Where's your daughter?"
"Living with her adoptive parents, Calvin and Serena Mazur. Calvin is my second cousin. They were unable to have children, and I was too young to raise a daughter," Stephanie confessed. "She needed medical attention I couldn't afford and patience I didn't have."
When Binkie released Stephanie, Ranger pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Babe. I wondered why you visited that church for the past two years. I only followed you inside the church this year. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
"I just did," she replied. "I wasn't ready to share my deepest secret with anyone. Nobody currently living in Trenton knows about Savannah. Not even my dad."
"Can we talk privately, Steph?" Binkie asked. Stephanie kissed Ranger's cheek, then followed Binkie into his room. Ranger watched as the woman he loved disappeared behind the closed door.
Stephanie sat beside Binkie on the bed. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Binkie asked.
"For the same reason as you, I imagine," she replied. "Binkie, losing a child or relinquishing your parental rights for someone else to raise your offspring is not an easy decision. I lost my son and gave up my daughter. One wasn't more difficult than the other. The first few years were the toughest. When the due date arrived, I spent the day at my grandma's house crying. On their birthday, I did the same. Grandma and I went to a Newark church to say a prayer for my babies. Every year on their birthday, we light a candle. It's our tradition. I'm not sure if I can continue it when grandma dies."
"Then I'll go with you," Binkie offered.
"Why?"
"Because you need support, and I wouldn't mind lighting a candle for my son," Binkie quietly said.
"Binkie, where is your son?" Stephanie asked. She saw the pain on his face. "Oh, Binkie. I'm so sorry. How old was he when he passed away?"
"Two. Did you know I was married?" he asked.
"Yes. I saw that in your background check. It said your wife passed away during childbirth. Since you weren't raising your son, I assumed he got raised by your family or died at birth. I didn't dig deeper since it didn't impact the case I was reviewing at the time," she replied. Stephanie only knew for certain that Binkie lost his wife.
"Do you know how I got my nickname?" Binkie asked. When Stephanie sat on the bed, she noticed the blue blanket on the nightstand.
"You carried your son's baby blanket when you joined the Army?" Stephanie guessed. Binkie nodded. "What was his name?"
"Bradley Andrew," Binkie replied. "He was born on August 31st." Stephanie knew when Binkie's wife, Yvette, died. Binkie opened his wallet to remove a photo. He passed it to Stephanie.
"He's handsome," Stephanie said. She noticed the IV in the boy's thin arm. Stephanie wondered why he died.
"He had an inoperable brain tumour. My mom took this picture when he started treatment," Binkie said. "It was a Hail Mary, but we didn't want to do nothing. I promised Yvette that I would protect him." Stephanie leaned against Binkie as she examined the photo. Despite being deathly ill, the boy had a radiant smile. His blue eyes sparkled as he grinned at the camera.
Stephanie used her phone to access an online account. Once she found the file, she passed her phone to Binkie. "I got a digital camera for Christmas that year. Grandma used it to take the photos," she explained. "I hid the SD card until I could upload the pictures to a secure location. The tiny baby beneath the ultraviolet lights is Savannah. You can move to the next image."
"Is this Frankie?" Binkie asked.
"Yes. Frankie weighed more than Savannah, but he looked smaller. His lungs could draw in enough oxygen. The steroids didn't work." Binkie scrolled to the next image. "Grandma took that picture a few seconds before he died," she whispered. Binkie looked at the much younger Stephanie in the photograph. He noticed she was a gorgeous teenager.
"Is this?" Binkie asked when he moved to another picture.
"Yes. My cousin sent me the picture," Stephanie said.
"She's a mirror image of you," Binkie said.
"In every way," she confessed. "Vannah's left-handed. I don't see anything reminding me of her father."
"Does she know who you are?" Binkie was curious if the family shared the girl the truth.
"They told her when she was five. Vannah has a good life. I send her gifts or money whenever I can. She shouldn't have to pay for my sins." Stephanie wiped a tear from her eye. She stood up after Binkie returned her phone. "Binkie, please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to let go of your son. Carrying his blanket everywhere will not bring him back. You deserve to have a life without constant grief. I bet trying to make it from day to day isn't working anymore, is it?" she quietly asked.
"No. But I don't know what to do. How did you move past it?" Binkie asked.
"I'm the queen of Denial Land for a reason," she sadly said. "Talking about your son will help. I know how difficult it would be but try to remember the good memories. There's a special woman somewhere in the world waiting for you. It's time for you to start living."
"Thanks, Steph," Binkie said. He stood up to hug her. "You should talk to Ranger. I bet he has a lot of questions." Stephanie nodded. She lowered her head to stare at her feet.
Her head was still lowered when Ranger pulled her into his arms. Ranger had waited outside the room. "Babe?" he asked as he lifted her chin. He looked into her eyes. "Morelli?"
"He doesn't know. I'm not planning to tell him, either. Vannah knows who we are and our names, but she hasn't shown an interest in meeting anyone other than me," Stephanie replied. "Would you like to see her picture?"
"Babe," he replied. Stephanie handed Ranger her phone. It was still logged into the online photo storage. "She's beautiful like her mama."
"Let me see," Julie said. Stephanie nodded when Ranger raised an eyebrow. "She looks exactly like you, Steph." Stephanie smiled at Julie. She didn't know how to reply.
"Julie, can you and grandma order room service? I would like to have a private word with Ranger," Stephanie asked. Julie nodded and passed the phone back to Stephanie.
Ranger entwined their hands and pulled Stephanie into her room. He shut the door, locking it to prevent any unwanted guests from entering. Ranger released his grip on Stephanie's hand, then raised it to stroke her face. "Why didn't you tell Morelli?" he asked.
"Our parents would have forced us to get married. I was only seventeen. My life would have been over. I would be stuck raising a child with a man I don't love. Joe would have controlled every aspect of my life. No job. No freedom. No friends other than married Burg women. No adventure. No you. Joe would never have settled down at eighteen. His lifetime goal was to join the Navy and become a SEAL. Did you know that's why he hates you so much?" Stephanie loved Morelli, but not the forever kind of love. She was irrevocably in love with her Batman. But he doesn't do relationships, marriage or children. God, what wouldn't she give to be with Carlos Manoso forever.
Ranger raised an eyebrow, making Stephanie smile. "Joe couldn't handle the physical demands it took to become a SEAL. His temper didn't help either," she said.
"It takes dedication, determination and ignoring all external activities to make it into the special ops programs. Most men in the Rangers, Delta Force and SEALs are single. They were forbidden from disclosing their involvement with their significant others. That kind of life does not lend itself to relationships. I know men who left their wives or girlfriends when they got accepted into the program," Ranger replied, talking more than Stephanie expected.
"It seems a bit extreme," she huffed. Ranger pulled Stephanie onto his lap. He inhaled her scent.
"Babe, running special op missions takes its toll on the best of men. It's why the training is rigorous and exhausting. They are designed to test the limits both psychologically and physically. Only the strong survive. It's not a life that supports relationships." It was a life for the young soldiers. Ranger was getting too old for those missions. He was still the best of the best, but his injuries were taking longer to heal.
Stephanie knew Ranger's contract with the government would end in August. She prayed he wouldn't sign a new contract. "Constantly watching your back must be a challenge," Stephanie added.
"You have no idea," Ranger whispered. He turned Stephanie around to face him. She straddled his waist, wrapping them tightly around his body. Ranger felt his arousal as Stephanie rubbed against him. Dios. What that woman does to him. Only his Babe aroused him that fast. Who was he kidding? Other women didn't get any reaction from him.
Ranger moaned, then slammed his mouth against hers. He pulled her shirt off as someone knocked on the door. "Dad, Steph, food arrived," Julie called from the other side of the door. Reluctantly, Ranger pulled Stephanie's shirt back over her head. He straightened the cloth before rising from the bed with Stephanie attached like a Koala bear. Ranger gently squeezed her ass, silently asking her to release her grip.
Stephanie snapped to attention, then released her legs from Ranger's waist. She slid down his body, feeling the bulge in his pants. A moan slipped through her lips. "Dios, Babe," Ranger moaned. He kissed her forehead and willed his erection to subside. When he thought about Edna Mazur, it finally went away.
"It's about time," Lester said from the couch. Stephanie was surprised to see him in the room. "Beautiful, Stephanie, I would like you to meet Rick and Tom, Julie's bodyguards."
Tom was immediately attracted to Stephanie. Her blue eyes intrigued him. He stopped staring when Ranger placed a protective arm across her shoulders, claiming Stephanie as belonging to him. Rick smirked at his friend. Tom would earn a trip to the mats if the boss's woman distracted him.
Stephanie extended her hand to shake, smirking when the men's eyes flicked to Ranger before accepting the handshake. "It's a pleasure to meet you," Stephanie said. Her stomach grumbled when she shook Tom's hand. Her cheeks turned pink as she said, "Sorry."
"Must feed the beast," Lester joked. He tugged Stephanie to the table to eat her dinner. Another knock echoed through the hotel suite as Stephanie lifted the fork to her mouth.
Lester bounded toward the door to answer it. "Well, well, well. Look who we have here," Lester said.
"Hi. I hope we're not intruding," Bobby said. Stephanie jumped up from her seat to hug Bobby.
"Hi, I'm Steph," she said to the woman holding Bobby's hand. "Are you Stacy?" The woman shyly nodded. Stacy was mixed race, like Bobby. Her skin a few shades lighter than Bobby's cocoa tone.
"I'm sorry for unexpectedly showing up, but Lester said you're going to Disney in the morning. We want to join you if that's alright?" Bobby asked.
Stephanie looked at Julie and Ranger for permission before saying, "The more, the merrier."
Stacy threw her arms around Stephanie. "Thank you," she whispered. Stephanie stiffened for a second. Why was Stacy thanking her? "You brought my Bobby peace. I can't begin to thank you enough. I thought he was lost to me forever."
"I'm happy to help, though I'm not sure how," Stephanie confessed. "Please, join us for dinner. The guys and Julie ordered enough to feed a small army."
"Babe," Ranger groaned. Stephanie glared at Ranger, then grinned. He was amused.
Stacy spent time alone with Stephanie to discuss work options in Trenton. She wanted to relocate from Pasadena to Trenton. Stephanie learned that Stacy worked for a marketing company. When asked if she could work remotely, Stacy's jaw dropped open. She had never considered that option. Bobby laughed when Stacy excused herself to email her boss. She received a message within minutes saying she could work from another city provided she returned for one week per month to collaborate with the team.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stephanie had fun at Disney with Julie and her grandma. They rode every ride the attendants permitted. Ranger paid for passes for the group to skip the lines. Tom and Rick refused to participate, so they got stuck carrying the stuffed toys Ranger, Lester, and Bobby won for the girls.
"I'm having so much fun," Julie squealed.
"Me too," Stephanie replied. Edna had her arm linked with Lester as they walked through the park. Julie held Stephanie's hand while Stephanie held Ranger's hand. They looked like a happy family. Rick and Tom took many photographs of the group but didn't share them without approval from Ranger.
"Mom loved the pictures. She said I could travel with you in the summer too, if we could arrange it, Steph," Julie added.
"I'm not sure that's possible, Jules. Grandma Edna and I will be in the UK or Texas. We could play it by ear and see where I am. Would that work for you?"
"Of course. I know mom won't let me travel overseas without them, so let me know when you're stateside, okay?"
"It's a deal, Jules. But Ranger or Lester will keep you informed," Stephanie replied.
"Oh. I have to go on that ride," Julie said, pointing to the spinning ride. Stephanie was excited, but Ranger looked green. "This is going to be fun." Julie dragged Stephanie and Ranger to the ride.
Ranger tried to leave the line, but Julie grabbed his hand to stop him. Lester and Edna got into the line behind the others. Everyone got onto the ride. "Does spinning rides make Batman sick?" Stephanie joked.
"Don't tell anyone," he whispered. Stephanie laughed before resting her head on his shoulder.
"We're going to do this, Batman. And it's going to be good," she joked.
"Babe."
