It was shortly after school had let out for the day. Yusuke and Keiko were walking towards Genkai's temple, still wondering about the strange girl they had encountered on the roof, when a familiar, and unwelcome, squeaky voice assaulted their ears. "Really! I KNOW where the temple is! I read fanfiction, so I know everything!" Both teens stopped, dreadful anticipation flooding their souls.
Around the corner came two figures. Mary Sue was dragging a haggard looking red head behind her. Kurama was flushed, and for once, not his usual, composed self. His right hand was still locked in Mary's. (Gods, that girl has a grip! Once she grabs hold of a canon character, it is almost impossible for him escape!) Kurama's school uniform was torn on the shoulder and some spots of blood were visible. Mary just dragged him along, oblivious to all but herself.
"Now, I know the old temple where hag-shihan lives is right around...OH! Hey, Yusuke, darling. Did you get lost and need me to take you to the temple?" Mary called out. Yusuke visibly cringed, and tried to hide behind Keiko, but his girlfriend knew him far too well. Putting an arm behind him, she blocked his retreat.
"Hi, uh, Mary Sue. Uh, fancy meeting you here." Yusuke mumbled, running his right hand through his hair in an effort to not form his spirit gun.
"Yes, I see Koenma has contacted you as well. We have a big mission. You guys could never even hope to get it done without my special powers. I'll explain my powers to you at the temple. Let's go." Mary announced, and began to drag Kurama in the wrong direction, again.
The tattered fox looked at Yusuke with a baleful expression. "Yusuke," he whispered hoarsely. "Help me."
Keiko stepped in. "Mary, I think you want to come this way. Genkai's temple is up these stairs." Keiko hoped the old woman would have some sagely advice to get of rid of the girl, or maybe some poison. There was plenty of space on the temple grounds to hide a body.
Mary considered Keiko for a moment, as one would consider a cockroach. "Fine, human, but do not address me in the future. I am far superior to mere ningen, and expect to treated that way." the girl spat venomously, and began to ascend the steps.
"You are human." replied the combined voices of Yusuke and Kurama, but Mary Sue had a keen knack for completely ignoring minor details like that.
Luckily, the myriad steps winded Mary, so she was forced to release Kurama's hand. Snatching his now numb fingers to his chest, Kurama began to massage his hand, hoping the feeling would return soon. Yusuke took the opportunity presented by Mary's distraction to consult with the fox. "Where'd she get you?"
"At school, right before gym class. She latched onto me and dragged me out of the building. We've been wandering the outskirts of Tokyo ever since, going to Genkai's temple. This girl thinks she's one of us." Kurama replied.
"Yeah, she's a little confused. Um, Kurama, what happened to your arm? She didn't actually manage to hurt you did she?" Yusuke asked, gesturing to the blood and torn material on the kitsune's right shoulder.
"No. She is incapable of harming me. But she does have an unbreakable grip. That's where I tried to chew off my arm to escape. Human teeth are not well suited to such a task, however." Kurama paused when he saw Yusuke's look of sheer shock. "What? I am a fox, after all. I was caught in a trap."
"You would really chew off your own arm?" Yusuke asked.
"Okay! We're here. Now to get started on the mission." Mary said loudly.
"Nevermind, I think I understand." Yusuke mumbled. In a louder voice, the detective addressed their unwelcome guest. "Um, Mary Sue, not to be mean or anything, but there is no mission today."
"Oi! Sure there's a mission! My mission is to pound your face into the dirt, Urameshi!" came a rough voice from the temple. Standing in the doorway, waiting for their friends to arrive, were Kuwabara and Yukina. Upon issuing his threat, Kuwabara jumped off the porch and approached his best friend. The tall boy stopped short when he got a good look at the thing that was with the group. "Uh, who's this?" he asked, somewhat confused.
"Oh, I know you." Mary said, obviously unimpressed. "Your Kuwabaka." Kuwabara just looked at this girl with a strange look on his face.
"That wasn't very nice." he stated softly.
"But true." Mary countered.
"If it's so true, how come I noticed your poor grammar? And how did you use the wrong form of 'you're' while speaking, anyway?" Kuwabara returned, confused. Mary just gestured him away, and returned to harassing Yusuke and Kurama.
"Well, now we just have to wait for my third love to show up, and we can save the human world, spirit world, and demon world." the girl announced. (She had quit the annoying habit of not just speaking, but announcing everything, as if it were some proclamation.)
Genkai stood in the shadows of her doorway, watching and chuckling to herself. She had seen this type of character before. Her dimwit and his friends were in for some interesting times, indeed. Finally, deciding it would be more fun to watch up close, she exited the building.
"Oi, Grandma! We're here for training." Yusuke called out. Mary spun around to look upon the aged master.
"Genkai-hag-shihan-baasan!" the overexuberant young girl shrieked. All those present flinched at such a disrespectful blend of poor English and faux Japanese. "It's been so long!" Mary continued. Turning to the others she began to explain.
"I trained with Genkai back when we were both young, and she had pink hair, and Toguro was there, and he actually loved me, but I turned him down, so he hooked up with Genkai as a second choice, and I was stronger then both of them combined, and I had more kinds of powers, but then I found out I was half demon, so I went to demon world, and they stayed here, and I never grew old, even though Genkai did, and now this is the first time we've seen each other on dozens of years." Mary said, without pausing to take even a single breath. Genkai stood behind the girl, shaking her head 'no' and trying not to laugh out loud. This was going to be more fun than the old woman had thought.
After her senseless explanation, Mary launched into a torrent of insults directed toward Kuwabara, whom she continued to address as Kuwabaka. Yusuke took a moment to confer with Genkai and Kurama separately.
"What do we do with her, 'Baasan?" the detective asked.
"She's a Mary Sue, Dimwit. The less you do with her, the better." Genkai replied, lighting a cigarette. "I can give you some simple, general advice, but other than that, you're on your own."
"What! You old hag, why won't you help us get rid of her?" Yusuke fumed.
"Simple. Other than comparison, Mary Sues usually don't want anything to do with me. She already used me for comparison of age and power level, so she's done with me. Now she's your problem." the elderly woman explained.
"But why Us, Shihan?" Kurama asked softly.
"Simple. You three are the bishonen. It's something you will just have to deal with." Looking at Kurama's shoulder, Genkai regarded him again. "I guess you found out about that grip of steel Mary Sues have? Tried to chew off your arm?" Kurama nodded.
"You said 'three' Grandma. Kuwa's a nice guy and all, but I doubt anyone would call him a bishie." Yusuke prompted.
"No kidding?" Genkai said sarcastically. "You're right. He's not what most people would call a pretty boy, like you two." this earned a glare from both boys. "But, there is one more in your group that many Mary Sues have considered a bishonen."
Kurama's eyes grew wide. "Uh on. This will not go well." he predicted. Genkai and Yusuke nodded their agreement.
