A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for the views, follows, faves, reviews and PMs. They really mean a lot. Please do keep reviewing, it makes it more interesting to write when I know people are digging it.

I thought I'd clarify that this story will follow the show here and there, but you may have noticed I adjusted the timeline in some points. This will continue to happen. :)

Also, some people PM'ed about the songs as chapter titles since someone commented on it, so I will start adding the bands to the beginning of the chapter. Some have lyrics that make sense with what's happening, others I just think are fun and was probably listening to while writing.

This one is Clutch. (Chapter 1 is Sex Pistols, Chapter 2 is Dead Kennedys, Chapter 3 is The Stooges).


Chapter 4: Spacegrass

"It will only be a minute," Teller told her as he stopped by the closed clubhouse door and turned to look at her.

"Don't rush on my account," Alex said cooly and shrugged.

"It may be a bit too much Motley Crue in there," he said lowly with a half-smile. Was that embarrassment?

"I can take it," she assured him with a smile back. She surely could; between covering shows, festivals, and really just Scott's friends, there wasn't much she hadn't seen yet. Unless they were actually killing and dismembering people in there, she doubted she'd be shocked.

Jax raised his hands in the air and shrugged as if letting her know he warned her. She grinned and nodded. He turned his back to her and opened the door, letting her enter before him.

The music was blasting, the voices were loud, the place reeked of weed and whiskey. So far, so good, she entered and immediately felt a blast of warm air, a contrast to the night outside that had cooled down since she arrived.

There were strippers and stripper poles, there was a pool table, a bar, plenty of cigarette and weed smoke. She saw lines of coke on glass tables, and just generally everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Alex felt like she must have given Jax the wrong impression; while this wasn't exactly her scene, it really wasn't anything she hadn't seen in a million of other parties or backstages before. She took in the biker decor, the Sons of Anarchy reaper making appearances in several spots, and her eyes laid on a wall of mugshots. That was interesting.

Jax watched Alex for a moment, she seemed untouched by everything she just saw. Ok, good, he thought, the only moment in which he noticed her eyes show any interest was when she saw the wall with the mugshots. Fuck. Well, she couldn't possibly think he was a saint at this point, but yet – somehow – he felt slightly ashamed.

"I will be right back," he whispered in her ear before passing her and walking towards a group of people. He decided not to address anything yet, letting her take it in for a second.

Alex's eyes were on his picture on the wall of mugshots when he whispered in her ear. She felt the hair behind her neck stand-up, and glanced at him momentarily as he made his way past her. She stood still for a moment and made a mental note to look up his name with her California State Police source. While he may have thought that seeing that would give her pause because she'd be surprised, in reality she just thought of Scott, again. He also had been to jail, besides the time he was arrested with her, although his assault charges had been dropped. This didn't scare her, just gave her pause.

She turned back to find him embracing a short and large man, the stereotypical biker with a long grey beard. They seemed genuinely happy to be seeing each other. She smiled to herself for a moment and looked away to the bar right next to her.

Her eyes landed on the man with the scar on each side of his lips that she'd seen with Jax that afternoon. He had a woman by his side who was very much into his neck, but their eyes crossed and he raised his beer at her, friendly. Alex smiled and nodded then glanced at Juice, who was right next to him. He'd been watching her from the moment she walked in with Jax, half-curious half-mortified due to their recent interaction. She crossed eyes with him and smiled again, stepping closer so he could her hear through the loud music.

"Do you know where I can find the loo, love?" she asked, amiably.

"The what?! Right, yes" he stopped himself, getting it as soon as he said it. "It's down the hall, to your right." he gestured to a long hall.

"Thank you," she mouthed back and winked at him before following his directions.

Jax watched as Alex talked briefly to Juice and made her way towards the hall, while someone from the Tacoma chapter talked in a group conversation he was taken into without much choice. He watched as she entered the bathroom and let out a breath, relieved that she didn't try to prod around. Or run away. His eyes then landed on Clay by a corner, him and Happy watched Alex like hawks. He had to get her out of there.

"I gotta go," he told the others around him and turned in the direction of the hallway, not before tapping Bobby on the back, who had his face again literally buried in some woman's crotch.

"Glad you're back where you belong, man," he shouted with a laugh when Bobby didn't move, and made his way down the hall.

[xxx]

Jax stopped first in the room he usually crashed in at the clubhouse. He took off his cut and carefully put it away in the closet, grabbing a dark blue zip up hoodie and wearing it instead. He ran his hand through his (now dry) hair and also put away his knife and one of his pistols, keeping only the handgun strapped to this ankle. He would have left that one out too, but you couldn't be too sure at the moment.

He was ready to get the hell out of there now. He had agreed to come by only to see Bobby, and Juice faithfully let him know as soon as Bobby was around like he asked; he was glad he was out. But even being there, even at a party, was suffocating to him. He saw an escape in Alex, and grabbed at it with a might that even shocked himself.

At this point he was desperately infatuated with her. That exchange in the roof had shot a rush of endorphins through him that he was hopelessly thirsty for. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe it wasn't, but he felt an incredible need to be in her company, even if just to talk. It was as if she was his lifeline at that moment, and he needed that air. A window into a more normal world, and he couldn't stop looking.

And he needed to get her out of there, he felt as if he didn't, she'd be poisoned, tainted. Like all the bad things that he wanted to rid his club off could somehow infect her if she stayed.

[xxx]

Alex finished washing her hands after using the toilet, she grabbed a handful of cold water and splashed it behind her neck, feeling it cool her off. She turned the water off and rested her hands on both sides of the sink, looking down, taking a deep breath.

What are you doing, Alex? She thought to herself. In a way, being interrupted on the roof was probably a great thing. She should not get involved with Jax Teller; he was a source; she was there for work and this could turn really dangerous real quick.

She had ignored all those signs with Scott; he wasn't a source but part of his world was very much like this. He didn't do anything overtly criminal, except for beating a man senseless one time in a very dumb, very futile bar fight. And she ignored it. Deep down she knew she was treading dangerous waters by being involved with him, but at that point she was totally in love with the man.

Jax Teller hadn't shown the slightest sign of being violent towards or around her. But she was a wounded animal at this point and her pride screamed for her to let it go and run. At the same time, he was so intriguing. She knew there was something more than a criminal there; it felt more and more that he was just about to tell her something. Something that seemed that if he didn't tell someone, it would consume him. And she wanted so desperately to know.

She could hear Jimmy's voice inside her head; he had told her before she had a habit of self-destructing, he said it the first time she was arrested with Scott for possession (although nothing came of it) and when she got serious with him. Jimmy had always known Scott was bad news, this was why Scott kept her away from him as much as he could.

Scott, again, popped into her mind. She shook her head, angry at herself.

Her cellphone buzzed on her back pocket. She grabbed it and looked down. No Called ID. She narrowed her look and answered.

"Yeah?"

"This is a prepaid phone call from," an automatic voice spoke. "Scott Davis," Scott's voice came up. "An inmate-"

Alex hung up and threw the phone in the sink, as if she had just been bitten by it. She felt her heart beating in her throat.

"No, no, no, NO!" she paced in the bathroom, hyperventilating. Trying to calm herself down. She put both of her hands on the edge of the sink again, breathing deeply, her eyes full of tears.

The other times Scott had reached out to her, with the exception of the last episode at the magazine, she was able to keep her calm. Not this time, though. Was it always going to be this way now? She couldn't let him do that to her. She looked at the phone buzzing in the sink, she could read No Called ID again on the screen.

"Fuck it, fuck Scott," she said under her breath and let go of the sink, she grabbed the phone and turned it off, putting back in her pocket. She ran her fingers under her eyes to wipe the tears that didn't fall and opened the door at once.

Jax Teller was lying against the wall across from the door, he wasn't wearing his leather anymore, but a blue hoodie. He smiled when their eyes met.

Before Alex could process he was there, Jax saw that her demeanor was completely changed. Her eyes were narrowed, he could see her chest moving with intentional breathing. She looked almost angry. He frowned.

"You ok?" he stepped forward.

"I'm alright," she nodded and shook her head quickly. It was like a switch, and her smile was back, her breathing still intentional. "Just needed to freshen up."

Suppressed.

"Alright," he didn't push it, but curiosity ate at him. It didn't seem like the right moment to ask, though. I can't let all of this this bleed on her, he repeated in his mind. He stepped closer still.

"Wanna split?" he asked as he reached for his pocket and pulled out a joint, showing it to her.

Alex looked down at his hands and back at his eyes. They shared a suggestive smile and she nodded. Yes, she needed that right now, it was as if he knew. He motioned with his head back to the main room and they left together.

[xxx]

Jax this time directed the redhead out of the garage. She walked beside him feeling the cool air of the night touch the skin she just splashed water on. She was back to her normal self by them, and tried to completely ignore it by not mentioning it at all. He had gestured his goodbyes to acquaintances as they walked out and they made a left on the sidewalk; he reduced his pace significantly once he was out of the garage.

"Wanna do the honors?" he asked handing her the joint and the lighter. She grabbed it and shook her hair out of her face, putting the joint between her lips and her hands together to light it and protect it from the light wind.

Alex handed him the lighter and took a long, slow drag out of the joint. She held it in her left hand between her fingers for a few seconds, along with her breath, and passed it to him as she let the smoke out slowly.

"I needed that," she said as they stopped by an abandoned warehouse, a few feet away from the auto shop, the music and party now just a faint sound.

Alex put her weight against the fence of the old warehouse and looked up, the old fence fell back slightly with her weight but she didn't mind. It was a clear night and she could see a fingernail moon shining brightly.

She felt the buzz of the high as soon as she did that. It was some good weed. For a second, she even forgot he was there. But when she looked down again, he was right there, with that disarming smile, passing it back to her.

Jax again reached with his left hand to the fence behind her just like he did on the wall on the roof, as he looked up like she did and let the smoke out, but as he passed her the joint with his free hand, he gently pulled the fence towards him and with it her closer to him, but again he did not kiss her, just looked down at her eyes.

Alex felt the push from the fence behind her and looked at him, holding the joint he passed down with her left hand. Smooth move, she thought and smiled.

"Do you want to tell me why you invite me to this party yet you seem quite keen to keep me away from it?" she asked lowly, sharp but with a smile. She then took another drag on the joint. With the buzz she could feel her mind easing up, her thoughts clear, and all that mattered in that moment was the man in front of her.

"I needed to see you again," he answered, unbothered, and with his free hand gently moved her bangs away from her left eye and behind her ear.

"But you don't belong there," he added, as truthfully as he could for now, looking into her eyes. They were both talking very low, relaxed.

Alex squinted briefly as he said that. Needed to see you again, she repeated in her head. Needed, not wanted. Needed. She thought it was an interesting choice of words. She turned her head slightly to the side to let go of the smoke away from his face, then passed it back to him.

"Do you? Belong there?" she asked as he took the joint back and she looked at him again. He turned his head to the side as well to take his drag, but his free hand still held the fence behind her, so she'd stay close.

Jax felt that question in his spine again, the same way as when she quoted Hamlet. He wanted so badly to tell her. He paused, taking his time dragging the joint this time and noticed as she tilted her head, her eyes searching back for his, he let go of the smoke and lowered his hand with the joint, looking back at her.

"If you asked me this a few months ago, I wouldn't have hesitated," he answered, as truthfully as he could again without saying much. "Today? Honestly. I don't know."

Alex saw it again. The same sadness from that afternoon clouded his eyes, except this time he was looking directly at her and not away. He offered the last bit of the joint to her and she shook her head slightly. Time slowed down. She wasn't entirely sure if it was because of this moment or the buzz, or both. It didn't matter.

"Do you want to talk about that?" she asked as he dropped the joint on the sidewalk next to her and put it out by stepping on it.

"Maybe," he said, looking back at her and stepping even closer as he put his other hand on the fence as well, this one down by her waist.

"Not right now." he added, as his eyes ran through the ink on her chest, then her neck then back to her eyes.

"That's ok," she nodded and reached her hands to his chest as he got closer. She could feel his heartbeat under his unzipped hoodie and t-shirt, it was steady but strong. They shared a silence and she reached her right hand to his neck and the tips of his hair, interlocking it with her fingers.

Jax continued to run his eyes through her ink now, as if trying to take a mental note of every detail in her. He wasn't entirely sure if this was because of the high he was feeling or because she had pierced through his armor so easily that night, and he needed to make sure she was real.

He ran his fingers through her left shoulder and took her wrist gently from his chest so he could he could look at her arm. He touched her skin lightly as he traced shadows, daggers, a cloaked woman screaming with what could be blood on her hands.

"I don't usually ask people about their ink, but your pieces seem very deliberate," he said as he reached for her wrist again and placed her hand back on his chest, holding it there.

"Some of them," she pointed at her left arm with her eyes. "That one is Macbeth, well, Lady Macbeth."

"Of course. Dark." it made sense now. The witches on her back also had to be Macbeth. "Beautiful." he added with a gentle smile. Not talking about the ink anymore.

They both needed that joint, it seemed.

Jax closed the few inches between them and tilted his head, kissing her lips softly, she kissed him back, pulling him closer with her hand that had been by his neck. He let go of her hand on his chest and reached for the side of her neck gently. She hesitated, immediately, and pulled back.

Alex felt her heart race at once, and it wasn't a nice buzzy racing heart. It was the same as the bathroom a few minutes before. It was panic.

She opened her eyes and instinctively pulled back slightly. She grasped his hand when he followed her lead and tried to pull away from her neck; she didn't want him to go, she just held his hand next to her neck, not touching it.

"Sorry, I-" her demeanor changed entirely again. It wasn't the angry in he saw in the bathroom either. It was almost ashamed. The confidence gone.

Jax froze where he was, puzzled, looking at her. He tried to follow her lead and pull the hand away but she held it there, as if a sign for him to stay. Her own hand from his neck reached to his hoodie, almost desperately for him to stay put. He did.

"I... It's not you," her hand got cold, and shaky. Her once slow breathing now was rushed, intentional again. She evaded his eyes and looked down.

"I just... I can't. With my neck. No." it was all she managed to say. He was the one to find back her eyes now, he tilted his head more to the side and let go of her hand gently, touching her chin so she would look at him.

"Not a good thing?" he asked, although he could tell the answer by her reaction. She shook her head briefly, in silence. He could swear he saw a glimpse of tears in her eyes, but when she looked back at him again, it was gone.

He took his other hand from the fence now that she stood up, her weight not against it anymore, and brought it to her waist, keeping her close, reassuringly.

"Do you want to talk about that?" he repeated her question from earlier back at her. She caught that and shared a soft smile with him, her breathing starting to slow down.

"Maybe. Not right now," she repeated his answer back. And took a deep breath. He slowly reached the back of her head and made sure not to touch her neck, when she didn't flinch at that he put his fingers between the soft locks of her hair. He looked down and touched his forehead with hers for a moment.

"That's ok too," he whispered looking at her eyes, then he lifted his head and kissed her forehead, both of her hands were resting on his chest. He stayed, quietly noting as her breathing continued to slow down back to normal.

Alex closed her eyes when he kissed her forehead. She concentrated on her breathing. The weed definitely helped her to slow down this time around. She could feel her fingertips on his shirt, and tried to go back to enjoying the high.

They shared the moment in silence, but it didn't seem to bother either of them. He had turned his cheek to her forehead and stayed close, his hand still on the back of her head, his fingers interlocked in her hair. His other hand held her by the waist still.

When he noticed her breathing slow down, he moved his head, pulling back slightly to kiss the top of her cheek. One of her hands moved back to his neck and hair at that and he continued to kiss her face, slowly, moving towards her ear.

"Is this ok?" he whispered, before moving his lips towards her neck. She didn't seem apprehensive.

"Yes," she whispered softly when she didn't feel much more than an expectant shiver, not a scared one. He proceeded to kiss her neck gently and she let out a relaxed sigh, her eyes closed when he moved slightly back from neck to her lips. They kissed again, and this time it grew intense, very quickly.

Alex had to stop this.

"I should go," she whispered when their lips parted for a second, their eyes met again, and inch apart, him having to look down at her.

Jax on one hand was glad she stopped it, on the other disappointed. Maybe this was moving too fast. Maybe it was a terrible mistake from the start, yet they didn't move as she said that. She seemed to still try to convince herself she should actually go, and so did he.

"Do you want to go?" he asked and she raised her eyebrows as they shared the same thought.

"Isn't that the question?" she replied rhetorically. They both smiled. "I really should go."

"I can walk you back to the motel."

"No, I don't think I can stop this again," she said sincerely. "I could use the alone walk back to get my shit the fuck back together."

"Seems like we both have some shit going on," Jax said, his disarming smile again. She nodded and finally had the will to pull away from him. They remained close but seemed both intent on stop touching, as if they did touch again, they could never let go. Intense.

"Yeah," she breathed out. That's an understatement, she thought.

"I want to see you again," he said finally. This couldn't be it though. Maybe they both needed time to think things through a bit, get their shit the fuck back together, as she said. But he had to see her again.

"I am not leaving for a while," she said. She needed to see him again, too.

Then she unexpectedly stepped closer again, her hands reached from the side of his chest and ran down to his pants, she stopped in the left front pocket and felt the lighter, then she ran her hands back, to the back his pants. He stood frozen, half amused, half aroused. Entirely shocked. She smiled as she did that, teasingly, savouring his confusion for a bit.

She pulled his cellphone from his back pocket and stepped back again. It took him everything in his power to not hold her there and kiss her again.

Alex opened the flip phone and dialed her number, as if what she did had been the most normal thing in the world. She just needed to touch him again, she couldn't even blame it on being high.

"Here," she handed the phone back without pressing call. "You can call me."

Jax stared at her transfixed for a moment, then grabbed the phone back.

"I'll catch you later, Jax Teller," she said with that accent of hers, and before he could even think about what to say, she leaned closer and kissed his lips softly, this time though his free hand reached for her waist and held her there, for a moment.

She smiled, mid-kiss and pulled back, their eyes met one last time before she turned away and walked up the street, not looking back.

"Holy fuck." he whispered to himself under his breath as he observed her passing the garage, crossing the street and turning the corner.

I am into some deep shit now. He thought before looking down at the phone and saving her number as Iggy, then walked back to the garage after a deep breath.