PART VI

A few days later, Lily was out of the hospital wing. She was avoiding pretty much everyone she knew. The Slytherins were sending her death glares; the marauders were getting suspicious, and everyone else kept asking her where she had been.

The visible injuries had faded, minus the scar, but the emotional wounds were still fresh. This attack had dredged up previous emotions that Lily had thought she had already worked through.

Halloween had long since passed, but she had missed the feast, trapped in the hospital wing. Lily was feeling the gnawing pain of loneliness. She'd never admit it, but she missed hanging out with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They were the closest things she'd had to friends in quite a while. It had been so long since she could freely talk with them or anyone.

It was nearing Christmas, and students were frantically piecing together their homework as well as presents. Lily was staying at school over the holidays. She wanted to savor her final year. This way she'd at least see some of her schoolmates who were staying. If she went back to her flat, she'd spend the whole time alone.

She was sitting in the head common room doing her homework, when all of a sudden the portrait door swung open and in entered the marauders who were laughing loudly. She immediately packed up her things and moved to go to her room.

"Wait," James said touching her arm. "Don't go." She flinched as his hand touched her. "You need to talk about what happened. Stop avoiding us!"

Lily made a move to go, but saw that all of them were blocking any exits. She sighed and sat down on a scarlet-red cushy chair. "Can't you just leave me alone?" she asked tiredly.

"Sorry! No can do!" Sirius replied cheerfully.

"Can you try?"

"Lily!" James exclaimed. "We're trying to help you! We know basically nothing about the attack, except for when we saved you."

"Fine!" Lily snapped. "You want to hear what happened?" they all nodded their heads. "One of them grabbed me and dragged me down into the dungeons. They told me they couldn't use very dark magic or the unforgivables in the castle, and that they were going to do it the muggle way. They cut me up with a knife, mocked me, and hit me around a bit. I tried to escape several times, but they kept throwing me back in. After a while I hit the ground so hard, that there was a huge thud. Their look-out warned them that people were coming, and they left after tying me up and stabbing my leg," Lily finished in a monotone voice. It helped to separate herself from what had happened.

"I'm so sorry," Remus said finally. "You shouldn't have had to go through that."

"Why did they choose you though?" Sirius questioned. "There are plenty of muggleborns who people wouldn't notice were gone for longer."

She hesitated. "I think they had multiple reasons. One was to get me back for my duel with Lestrange. Also, I'm a muggleborn that everyone knows now. It would cause more panic if I turned up dead. And they did spot me walking alone when everyone else was in Hogsmeade, so it was easy to get me," she listed off logically.

The boys shifted uneasily. "Listen Lily. We should've been there. We're sorry we didn't stop it," James told her sincerely.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Lily snorted. "You have your own lives that don't include me. It's not your responsibility to protect me."

"You're right," Peter agreed, and the other boys shot him nasty looks. "It's no ones fault but the Slytherins," he finished, and the other three marauders relaxed.

"Is that everything that happened?" Remus asked inquisitively.

"More or less," Lily squirmed, Heavy on the less.

"Lily did they do anything to you…" he seemed to be trying to phrase it correctly. "Did they make advances towards you that you couldn't stop?" he asked seriously.

Should she tell them? One less secret would be nice. "Yes," she muttered embarrassedly. Upon looking up at Sirius's pained faced she added. "Don't worry, it wasn't Regulus."

"Did they rape you?" Peter asked curiously.

Remus hit him upside the head. "Have you no tact?" he hissed.

Lily smiled slightly. "No it's ok. Did they shag me? No. Did they do some other things to me to embarrass me? Yes."

James looked ready to spit fire, but at the same time heartbroken. "Who did it?" he demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you," she said coolly. "You'd just go out and do something stupid."

"How can you protect them?" he yelled. "After what they did to you, they deserve everything they get."

"And they'll get what they deserve," Lily replied evenly, "Eventually."

She exited the room while she had the chance. Lily couldn't decide where to go. Usually she would choose the library, but she hadn't been spending much time there since her abduction. Finally, she settled on sitting with her back against a tree overlooking the lake. She sat and played with her jean pockets for a while before glancing around. It was peaceful and calm, sunny and bright. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the atmosphere in silence.

After several minutes she felt a warm body sit down next to her. She opened her eyes and recognized the person as Davy. "Hey," she said smiling slightly.

"Hi," he replied with little grin of his own. "So how've you been? I haven't really talked with you lately." One of his legs was pressed against hers, and she smirked slightly as she noticed him moving his hands slowly. He thought he was being cool, and that she wasn't noticing his movements.

"I've been avoiding everyone," she confessed. "Ever since I ended up in the hospital wing, everyone's wanted to know what happened, and I really don't feel like telling them." His arm on his thigh, and since their legs were so close it was partially on hers too.

"That's understandable," he said agreeably. "I wouldn't want to talk about the details either." His hand was on her knee. Lily felt uncomfortable but didn't know how to respond, so she ignored it.

"Yup, so here I am, being a loner," she joked. His hand went up a little bit higher.

"No you're not, I'm here," he smiled bigger. His hand began lightly stroking her and made its way up a little higher and slightly more towards her inner thigh.

Lily's heart was beating rapidly. He was being dangerously flirtatious. The last time someone was that "close" to her, she had been hurt badly. He was rubbing her scar without knowing it. "Yes you are" she commented. "Though I'm not sure if I want you to be," she added in an undertone.

"Excuse me?" he asked. "I didn't catch the last thing you said." His hand continued lightly stroking her inner thigh, and she had to work very hard to maintain her nonchalant stance.

"Never mind," she shook her head. "It doesn't matter." His hand slid up to her stomach where her shirt had ridden up on the side. His hand was warm, and Lily couldn't decided if she was disappointed that he had moved or relieved.

"Alright," he said reluctantly. "I should go. I'll talk to you later," he stood up slowly and walked back into the castle, leaving Lily to ponder what had just happened.

'Merlin! He was being friendly. Why though? Why would he like me? I'm small and not particularly pretty or outgoing. He made me feel hot though, like someone could like me. He was being kind of creepy though. He hasn't talked to me since he kissed me, and now he's feeling me up! Davy must just be really weird or desperate. That's got to be it. I just seem like easy prey for him.'

Lily walked back into the castle. She really needed someone to talk to. Keeping everything to herself- not just the recent attack but everything- was driving her up the wall. Who could she talk to? James? No, That would be way too awkward. She was always nervous around him. Peter? No, he wouldn't know what to say. Sirius? No, despite his name he could not hold a serious conversation. So that left Remus. She could trust him.

She made her way to Gryffindor tower and found him in the common room, finishing up a charms essay. He looked up and saw her. "Hey can I talk to you?" she asked nervously.

"Sure," he put down his quill. "Is here okay?"

"Well…" she hesitated. "I'd rather go somewhere where I know no one can overhear us."

"Follow me." He brought her up to the 7th year dorms. "Is something wrong?" he asked concerned.

She spilled everything about Davy, all of her hopes, fears, nervousness, and the fact that he was her first kiss. "I'm sorry this is really a girl conversation, but I don't have any of them to talk to," Lily finished. "You just seem cool enough to be able to talk to."

He nodded as if saying that it was fine. "Do you like him or do you like someone else?" he probed.

"Why would you think that I liked someone else? I didn't mention anyone else," she replied sharply.

"I thought that you liked James."

"James?" she laughed a little forcedly. "I'd never like him! He always made fun of me!"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked bewildered.

"He'd ask me out or pretend to hit on me just to see my reaction! He thought it was funny!"

"Oh, well I think he meant it a little," Remus responded diplomatically.

"He didn't," Lily sighed. "Or else he wouldn't have gone out with all of those other girls."

"Are you admitting that you care?" he asked sharply.

"Of course not!" she vehemently denied. "I don't like him or Davy!"

"So you don't like Davy yet you kissed him?"

She blushed brightly. "It feels…I don't know, nice to be wanted. And he's the only guy who's ever wanted me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Remus assured her distractedly. He couldn't help but remember all of the times he had caught the look on James' face when Lily wasn't looking. Those two really had to get together. They'd balance each other out perfectly. "Are you going home for the holidays?" he asked.

"No, I don't really want to spend the holidays in an empty apartment."

"You won't be with your family?"

"My parents are unavailable, and my sister and I don't get along," Lily explained evasively. "What about you?"

"I'm not sure yet. I wouldn't be doing anything special at home, and this is our last year. James and Sirius are staying, but Peter mentioned something about spending time with some of his other friends."

"Stay!" Lily begged. "Don't leave me alone with them. I'll go insane!"

He smiled. "Fine, I couldn't subject you to that."

"Great! So it's settled. You're staying with me for my sanity's sake."


Winter break came upon them quickly. A small cluster of students was staying at the school. They either had nowhere else to go or needed to stay at the safest place in the country. Lily had bought presents for the marauders consisting of their favorite types of candy. She glumly realized that she'd be receiving nothing this year. Her parents used to send her all of her presents, but now they were gone.

Lily was spending more time with the marauders once again. She hung out with Remus the most since Peter was always gone, and Sirius and James were always off together. 'It's weird,' she mused to herself. 'I'm so nervous around guys and so inexperienced, yet the people who I spend the most time around- who I guess you could say I'm friends with- are guys.'

She went outside to join the other students in a massive snowball fight. She breathed in and paused to take notice of her surroundings. The crisp air was filled with falling snowflakes. Hogwarts looked absolutely gorgeous covered in snow, a regular winter wonderland. Rosy-cheeked teens were running around and laughing. Lily couldn't help but smile as she took in the scene. She loved winter.

Suddenly she was hit unexpectedly in the back of the head. She turned around and faced Sirius who was grinning at her and waving. She glared at him and shook her fist in his direction mockingly. She gathered a pile of snow hastily and threw it right back at him.

"This means war!" he yelled out dramatically. Suddenly Remus and James came up next to him, each holding a snowball of their own. They tried their hardest to look intimidating, and Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"No fair!" she squealed. "I'll still win though," she taunted them as she gathered some snow once more. She darted from tree to tree, furiously dodging the icy masses coming her way. Lily was quite proud that she had managed to hit all three of them several times.

Their fun in the snow lasted for a few hours before they got completely tired out. The three marauders collapsed onto the snow in a heap. Lily took her chance and with an unusually reckless feeling, she leaped on top of them.

"Oof!" the boys groaned. James picked her up off of himself and placed her next to him. Lily's heart raced as she felt the warmth of his touch. "You know, you're lucky you're so small, or else we'd be pretty angry that you tried to smoosh us," he told her.

"You mean it didn't work?" she mock pouted. "Fine. I'll go try and gain a ton of weight and then when you least expect it- bam! You'll be goners."

Sirius smirked evilly. "Why waste time? I happen to know this nifty little spell…" He took out his wand and muttered an incantation that Lily couldn't hear. The next thing she knew her clothes were a lot tighter fitting, almost to the point of ripping. She looked down at herself and screamed. She couldn't see her feet. Her stomach was too large.

"What did you do?" she yelled.

Remus and James cracked up. "No worries! It'll wear off soon," Sirius replied. "Until then, enjoy."

Lily frowned and looked herself over. "Hmm so this is what is feels like to have boobs," she joked. "No comments from the peanut gallery!" she warned with narrowed eyes as Sirius opened his mouth. "Well since I have the chance…" she trailed off and looked deviously at the marauder responsible for her condition. She jumped on him.

"Merlin woman!" he howled. "I can't breathe!"

She bounced lightly on him, making him cringe. "Enjoying it?" she smirked. "Because I am." He looked completely pained at the huge amount of weight on him. She was sitting on him and since she was so wide, Lily took up a good portion of his legs and stomach. Sirius was trying to push her off, but his efforts were futile.

Lily continued bouncing around and causing him pain. She didn't seem to realize that the spell was wearing off. "Now this I enjoy," he stopped struggling and grinned. She had shrunk down to her normal size and she was moving around on his er- upper legs and lower stomach.

She shrieked, and James pulled her off before she could remove herself. "I'm so embarrassed," she cried as she buried her head into James sleeve. If she had been able to see the others than she would have noticed Remus smiling happily, Sirius grinning and slightly aroused, and James glaring at his friend and standing with Lily protectively. She pulled away. "Sorry about that," she blushed as she pulled herself off of James and brushed off the snow on his sleeve.

"It's fine," James replied gruffly. "Why don't we go inside?" he suggested. The others agreed.

"Ooh! Let's get hot chocolate!" Lily said. She was feeling very out of character. The cold had left her feeling energized and hyper. She grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him towards the castle.

James looked after her with a far away look in his eyes. "Merlin she's something," he murmured amusedly.

Sirius chose to let his friend have a quiet moment and not comment.


Christmas dawned bright and early a few days later. Lily groaned as she opened her eyes and saw the sunlight streaming in through the window above her desk. She checked her clock and saw that it was 8 a.m. Lily used to love Christmas. It meant so much to her to spend time with her family who she seldom saw and take part in the familiar traditions. It was all ruined now- all lost. There was nothing she could do to get it back.

Eventually she pulled herself out of her bed and self-pity to go downstairs. She had to eat after all. Lily walked out and was mildly surprised to see James as well as Remus and Sirius sitting together with piles of presents. "You brought your presents up here?" Lily asked Remus and Sirius incredulously.

"Well, it's tradition that we open up our presents together," Remus explained.

"Oh," Lily replied. She awkwardly changed the subject. "Well I'm going down to breakfast. See you lot later." She began walking towards the door.

"Wait!" Sirius called. "You haven't opened yours yet! You can't ignore presents!" he exclaimed.

Lily turned startled. "I have presents?" she asked curiously. Sure enough there was a small cluster of packages off to the side of the marauders' massive piles. She grinned at the unexpected gifts and immediately sat down.

They watched her reaction as she opened her 4 presents. Peter had gotten her some chocolate frogs, Sirius some pumpkin pasties, Remus a large book on interesting defense tactics, and James a matching jewelry set that she figured one of his dates had picked out. "Aw thanks you guys!" she said and hugged them all.

"How come your family didn't send you any?" Sirius asked curiously and rather bluntly.

"How come yours didn't?" Lily responded coldly, knowing very well why he hadn't received any.

"Lily!" Remus admonished. "That wasn't fair. He just wanted to know."

"The only family I have I don't get along with," Lily finally said.

"I've met your parents though!" James protested. "They seemed cool, and they had good taste. They liked me after all," he added arrogantly.

Lily snorted as she remembered the time that James had come up to her parents after school had ended and the Hogwarts Express had pulled in. He had proceeded to embarrass Lily immensely in front of her parents. He introduced himself as the love of her life and informed them that he thought she was one hot witch. Then James flirted exaggeratedly with her, before leaving behind a fuming Lily with shocked parents. "They didn't like you. They felt sorry for you, especially after I explained your mental disability," Lily smirked as she finished speaking.

Sirius and Remus started cracking up. "That wasn't really much of a stretch was it?" Sirius teased. James hit him on the back of the head.

"Lily, you just changed the subject. Are you in a fight with your parents or something?" James asked.

Lily sobered immediately. "No," she answered quietly.

"Then why didn't you go home to see them? Why are you living in the apartment over by Sirius'? Why didn't they even send you presents?" James questioned.

"They aren't exactly available for me to spend time with," Lily answered carefully after a pause. "

"What?" Remus asked sharply. "What do you mean? Did something happen?"

She thought for a while. Was it safe to tell them? They were her friends after all, and it was a bit frustrating having only her professors know the truth. After a bit of deliberation, she began speaking. "They died this summer."

They gasped. "Was it…was it death eaters?" Sirius asked tentatively.

"Yes," Lily replied blandly.

"Oh Merlin!" James paled. "I'm so sorry. Were you the one that found them? I can't even imagine having seen my parents after the attack…"

Lily took a deep breath. "I didn't find them." She looked into their eyes. "I was there."

There was a brief pause that was broken by Sirius, "What happened?" he questioned with wide eyes.

Remus interrupted Lily before she even began. "You were…you were that girl from the Daily Prophet article weren't you?" he asked piecing together the puzzle.

"Yes," she nodded.

"But we saw you the day that article came out!" Sirius protested. "It said that the girl was still unconscious."

"I had just been released from the hospital about an hour earlier."

"The hospital gown!" Remus exclaimed. "I saw it sticking out of your bag!"

"They actually let you out the same day?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"I had to convince them," Lily admitted. "But yes, eventually they let me out after they gave me a ton of healing potions to take. Anyway, so that's the reason for a lot of things this year. Rodolphus was the leader of the group. I recognized his voice at the prefects' meeting." She saw recognition dawn in James' eyes. "That's why they attacked me later. They had a job to finish."

"God," James breathed. "God Lily I'm so sorry." He wrapped her in a big hug, and she melted in the embrace. "How did you keep this to yourself for so long?"

She pulled away and looked down bashfully. "I'm used to not having people to talk to I guess. I'm pretty good at dealing with things on my own."

"You won't ever have to anymore," James said. "I promise." The others nodded their agreement.

Lily couldn't help but be swept away by these words. She still had people who cared for her. James obviously cared, but was it as she hoped or just sisterly? She couldn't just ignore the swooning feeling that had pulsed through her body as he held her or the way she went weak in the knees when he spoke with her, the way that when he smiled Lily felt perfectly content. The reason she had gotten so worked up over him, so nervous, wasn't just because he had mercilessly teased her and flirted with her for years. She loved him. She was almost sure of it. Lily just hoped that her feelings wouldn't come to a catastrophic burning end. She didn't think she could handle not having him in her life at all. He meant too much.