A/N: Band is Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats.
Chapter 8: I'll Cut You Down
Jax frowned at Alex's sudden movement. He attempted to step closer again, but she took another step back, with an expression he didn't know until now he never wished to see in her face: fear. The phone was still by her ear and her mouth was slightly open.
"Ms Williams?" the voice called on the other end again. Alex swallowed dryly again, her eyes fixed on Teller, she could feel her heart slamming in her throat.
"I, I... I am out of town," she stuttered. Jax stood still, she could see in his eyes there was concern, but he seemed as unsure what to do as she was. At that point though she didn't know what it meant.
"It will take me a while to be there," she continued. "You should call Eric McInnis," she added. Scott's best friend. She gave the lady on the other side of the line the number and just hung up the phone before even saying goodbye or a thank you.
"Did you go after Scott?" Alex asked right away, her eyes fixed on Jax. Her voice was steady as ever, but she could feel herself shaking; she fought valiantly against it.
"I did," he said simply, as he let out a breath.
Fuck, he thought. He knew instantly he had fucked up. His first mistake was to deal with this the way he would've dealt if she was any other woman in his life. The problem was that she wasn't; Alex was an outsider. At that specific moment, as he looked at the absolute horror in her eyes, he was more aware of the differences in their worlds as ever. He felt a cold in his stomach that was incredibly unfamiliar. The self-hatred started eating at him immediately; the same way he felt when it dawned on him what had happened to Donna.
"Oh my god, what the fuck?" at this point Alex's voice broke. She tried to keep herself calm, but her voice shook at every word. "They said he's in critical condition. I-what the fuck?"
Alex was trying to keep calm, or at least make sense, but she couldn't. Her mind was at the same time blanking and rushed with every thought at once. She paced around the room for a minute and as Jax tried yet again to approach her and she stepped away from him, Sid sensed immediately something was wrong and stood by her side as she made her way to the bathroom door. She turned around, and her eyes searched around the room in desperation. She didn't know exactly what she was looking for.
"Hey, hey, it's ok." Jax said calmly, but inside he was screaming. The horror in the redhead's face broke his heart, and he was hating every minute of this. And himself. Yet at that exact moment all he wanted to do was to make sure she was ok. He put his hand up gently as he tried again to approach her, Sid immediately started barking, furiously, standing between them. Jax stepped back.
Alex kneeled on the floor next to the dog; Sid only waiting for her command, continued barking, baring his teeth. At her touch he looked at her and licked her face, she calmed him by scratching his ear and whispering to him she was fine. The dog stopped barking, but continued standing still, his eyes fixated on Jax; who didn't dare to move.
"Ok? Are you serious?" she said in a rushed whisper, suddenly aware again that it was 4 AM. She stood up again, but didn't move.
"I... This is not the way, no no." she shook her head and paced slightly back and forth, away from him. One of her hands on her head between the locks of her hair, the other to her chest, trying to breathe. She wasn't speaking to him at this point, but at him. He stood where he was, Sid stood still between the two of them.
"And you say you want to change the ways of your club, whatever the bloody hell that means?" she looked straight at his eyes at this, almost defiantly. "Clearly this can't be it!"
"Do you know how many women get murdered because scumbags like him keep escalating?" he snapped back, his voice was low and steady but now there was a hint of a scowl in his expression. With Sid fixated on him he didn't attempt even a single movement.
"I-he wouldn't," Alex stuttered again, and looked away from him. Deep down though, she knew he was right at least on that remark.
"Isn't that what you said when others told you he'd assault you?" he regretted it as soon as he said it. Why did he keep fucking this up so quickly?!
For the first time he saw true tears in her eyes, they filled them immediately, and while at other times he had seen only glimpses of what he thought were tears, this time they were clear as day. She breathed out and blinked in silence at his remark, the tears rolled down but her expression was blank. She looked away from him and he didn't care about Sid anymore, he took a step towards her, but the dog snapped again barking at him, salivating at the opportunity to bite him. He stopped one more time, taking a deep breath.
"I have to go," she said after gesturing to the dog to come by her, then walked past Jax, grabbing her pants from a chair and putting it on.
"Don't go, that's what he wants," he turned around to follow her with his eyes, but Sid still had his eyes on him, so he didn't attempt another movement.
He loved the dog, but right now he wished he wasn't there. All he wanted right now was touch her and hug her and say he was sorry, but with the distance he simply couldn't. She was so close and yet completely far away; metaphorically and even physically.
"He doesn't bloody want anything right now," she almost snarled at him this time, getting dressed and grabbing her bag and a jacket.
"They called me, not him," she continued and stopped by the door and looked straight at his eyes again. There was a hesitation and he thought perhaps she would walk to him. But she shook her head as the tears kept falling and opened the door.
"I have to get out of here." she said before leaving with Sid and slamming the door behind her. Jax stayed where he was as he heard the sound of her starting her car and taking off.
[xxx]
It took Alex over half an hour on the road to calm down. Right now, she zipped through the CA-12 with L7's Shitlist blasting loudly through the speakers. The windows were down and Sid enjoyed the wind as both his ears and her hair flapped wildly with the wind. She took very deep breaths and the tears had left her eyes completely by now.
She didn't understand exactly all the emotions she was feeling at that moment, it was a mix of fear, rage and indignation. And there was also shame; how could she have possibly gotten herself in this situation? Even when Scott wasn't around, he managed to steer her right into destruction. As the song approached its end, she lowered it and made a phone call to Jimmy.
The editor answered in a worried tone, and Alex was able to keep her calm as she explained that Scott had been assaulted, she was called in and she was making her way to San Francisco General. She didn't say much more and didn't really need to at that moment, she said she'd let him know once she was in SF so he would meet her at the hospital.
Alex made the usual hour and a half drive much faster than she probably should've. She didn't care. She parked and left the window partially open for Sid, she was on her way to the main entrance and called Jimmy, but before it even rang, she found both him and Richie waiting outside. Both of them gave her a big three-way hug, she felt almost guilty that there was so much she wasn't telling them.
"Do you know anything?" Jimmy asked as they made their way inside, Richie stopping to ask where they should go. Alex shook her head.
"No, only that he was assaulted," she couldn't look at him as she lied, and just looked down. Jimmy thought that was strange but took it as tiredness and discomfort at the whole thing.
"I told them to call Eric, he should be here." she added as they made their way to an elevator with Richie.
The trio made their way to the third floor and stopped by the floor reception, before they could approach a nurse, a tall blond skinny guy approached them.
"Hey Allie," Eric called out lowly. He dressed like a teenager with baggy clothes and a beanie, although he was in his late 20s like Alex and Scott.
"Jimmy, Richie." he acknowledged with an awkward nod.
"Hey," Alex greeted and, in another life, she would've given him a big hug, but she just stood there. "Do you know any details?"
"Not much," Eric shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Police took his statement, but he doesn't know much. Some guy just walked in from the street and just went to town on him. It's pretty bad, the studio is a mess too but oddly enough nothing was stolen."
"Probably pissed off the wrong people in jail." Richie needled under his breath; Jimmy shot a killing look at him. Alex remained expressionless.
"Any leads?" she asked, still blankly.
"No, nothing." Eric shrugged. Alex almost sighed in relief.
"Hi, excuse me," a nurse called as she approached them, her eyes were on Alex. "Are you Alex, Alex Williams?"
"Yes." Alex turned to her.
"We spoke on the phone," the nurse said and let out a reassuring smile. Alex nodded. "He is heavily medicated now and will not be awake for a few hours, but he did ask for you. Would you like to go see him?"
"You don't have to go." Jimmy said right away and touched Alex's arm gently.
"Dude," Eric said in a scoff. "He's in bad shap-"
"Shut the fuck up, Eric, you enabling piece of shit." Alex snapped at him. The other three stared at her in a shock.
"Will you excuse us for a moment, please?" Richie was the one to talk this time, interjecting between the nurse and Alex. "I do apologize."
"Sure, of course," the nurse replied with a sympathetic smile again. Alex exchanged a look with her. "If you do decide to go in, you can tell the nurse by the desk."
"Excellent, thank you." Richie replied and turned to Alex as the nurse made her way back.
"Sweetheart," Richie said calmly. "You really don't have to go in. You didn't even need to be here."
"Yeah, I know," Alex nodded and said lowly. "I do need to go in, though."
She didn't dare tell them why, it was entirely because she wanted to see what Jax Teller was capable of. Jimmy could see a weird blankness in both her eyes and just general expression the whole time. Looking at the old t-shirt she was wearing under her leather jacket he just assumed, or wanted to believe, it was just tiredness.
"Are you sure?" Jimmy asked this time, and Alex nodded again. "Do you want me to come with?"
"Sure," Alex shrugged, it really didn't matter at this point for her. "If you want."
[xxx]
Alex and Jimmy made their way to the room, accompanied by a nurse. Richie decided to wait outside, and made his absolutely best to stay away from Eric. Eric, just kept quiet since Alex snapped at him.
As they entered the private room, Alex could see immediately the extent of Scott's injuries. One side of his face was severely swollen, while the other sustained heavy bruises. He had several small cuts in his face, which the nurse explained likely came from debris from the floor, where they believed the left side of his face was smashed repeatedly. His nose was broken, and the nurse let them know he had multiple broken ribs, fractured cheekbones and jaw, among many other small superficial wounds.
"Oh my god, he is unrecognizable." Jimmy whispered when they were left alone. Alex stood by Jimmy, a good couple of feet away from the bed. She looked down at Scott with the same blank expression as before.
"Is it weird that I feel nothing?" she said more to herself than to Jimmy, lowly. Jimmy looked at her and her blank eyes just stared at Scott.
"What?" his eyes ran from her to Scott a few times, but she didn't move an inch. Maybe she was very tired. "Well, no, I guess not? Not saying he didn't have it coming, but this is brutal."
"Yeah." it's all she managed to say. They stayed in silence for a while.
Alex ran her eyes through Scott's wounds, and felt nothing. All the fear she was feeling earlier had mostly dissipated by the time she got to San Francisco, but right now she was just a mess of nothingness. For a second, she even surprised herself; she never really felt nothing. Her head was always a mess of emotions. But there, she was feeling nothing.
"How are you?" Jimmy broke the silence, looking at her.
"I'm alright," Alex replied lowly, her eyes still in Scott.
"You seem out of sorts." Jimmy said, his eyes narrowed. She finally looked at him and touched his arm with a faint smile.
"It's all good, I'm just tired," she reassured him, then glanced back at Scott. "I think I will be back tomorrow, well, later... I... uhm... Have questions."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jimmy asked, searching for her eyes.
"No, but I've got to," she glanced back at him. "I need it. Seeing him like this, absolutely done for, has really removed all the fear for me. I feel this may be the only chance I have to tell him what I'm thinking without having a bloody panic attack again."
"Ok," Jimmy said then paused for a second. "Are you staying? Do you want to stay over?"
"No, I need some clothes and my bed." Alex said with the same faint smile as before. Truth was deeper than that though: she wanted to evade any questions about Charming, her piece or Jax Teller.
[xxx]
By the time Alex hit her bed it was past 7 AM. She crashed, exhausted, having had several late nights in the company of Jax Teller and non-stop working and tailing the subjects of her piece, she barely slept more than 2 hours a day. She missed her much softer bed and sheets, and the mental exhaustion of the night she just went through got to her as soon as her head hit the pillow.
She woke up with Sid licking her face and squinted, reaching for her phone. Her blackout curtains blocked any light, different from the cheap ones at the motel in Charming, so her sense of time was completely eschewed. She looked at the time on her phone: 3 PM. She really did crash this time.
There were two missed calls that morning from a No Caller ID, which she bet it was Teller, he missed her being awake by only a few minutes. But no calls from Scott - at all, for the first time since that Saturday night where he called her from jail for the first time. She took a deep breath and caressed the dog that laid next to her.
She knew she had to talk to Teller eventually. The way she left was probably not the best, although she somehow just knew he understood her reasoning. He seemed so apologetic in his eyes - he always said so much with just a look, even when they first met; and there was so much he didn't say with words.
She tried so badly to overlook the fact that he wasn't only the nice, hot, deeply troubled biker who spent time with her. He was an actual criminal. And he seemed so hell bent in changing everything; even with his half-stories she knew there was something more. What she didn't expect, or if she was honest with herself actually ignored completely, was that sooner or later she would end up seeing this side of him.
The redhead made her way to the shower, got new clothes to bring with her to Charming and after a check on her flat, she made her way to SF General, Sid faithfully by her passenger seat. She checked with the nurse on the third floor who told her Scott was awake and the pain medication seemed to help him. She could feel a familiar cold in her stomach; not the one she felt when Jax Teller would run his hand up her legs, but the one she felt when Scott would call. Yet she took a deep breath and opened the door to his room.
Scott was sitting slightly upright although still pretty much flat. The swelling in his face was dissipating, yet it was still badly bruised in a mix of purple, yellows and reds. She could see both of his hazel eyes now, and they stared at her as she entered the room in a mix of disbelief and exasperation. He turned off the TV with the controller as Alex closed the door behind her and approached the bed, although a good couple of feet away from him.
"Allie, baby-" he started.
"Shut the fuck up!" she said at once, although her tone was low and unchanged. Her expression blank.
"Baby, I don-"
"I came here to tell you to forget it." she continued, trying to stay emotionless. "Again. Please stop it."
"You know we're meant-"
"Shut up!" she said an octave higher. He never listened, not even now. She could feel her blood running through her veins.
"He told me to not look for you," she stopped talking at that and just looked blankly at him, trying not to break.
"But here you are," he smiled faintly under all the bruises, she could see he had lost teeth, he always had beautiful teeth. He seemed unbothered though, it was if it never happened.
"I knew you'd come, baby."
"Oh, my fucking god, Scott." Alex breathed out and looked up, taking a deep breath. Maybe this was a mistake.
"Alex, please." Scott pleaded.
"I'm going to leave now and I want you to take me away from your fucking emergency contact list," she stepped closer, but remained distant. "Take me from all your bloody lists. This has gone too far; you need to move on."
She didn't even see it happening until it was too late; Scott sat up straight on the bed and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her closer. Even beaten up and under strong medication he was so much stronger than her, Alex shifted forward with the pull and tried to pull away, but he kept her close. The apologetic demeanor had left his eyes.
"Are you fucking him? Or is he just another idiot?" he asked under gritted teeth.
Alex stared at his eyes for a moment in a half-panic, clearly the number Jax done on him didn't seem to actually hurt him. But at that exact moment she felt some clarity; her expression changed to a blank again, in an in fact almost defiant gesture, she leaned closer to Scott. He seemed taken aback but didn't move, they were inches apart when she finally spoke.
"Yes, I am fucking him." she said firmly, looking into his eyes. That's when she saw it: true hurt.
Scott let go of her in a mix of shock at her defiance and what she just said, she could swear she saw tears, but she took several steps back at the chance and remained expressionless as he looked at her, saying nothing else, she turned around and left as he yelled for her to come back.
Hell bent for self-destruction, or healing? It didn't matter.
[xxx]
Alex drove straight back to Charming. She spoke briefly to Jimmy to let him know she was leaving town back to Charming, he seemed awfully curious at her good humour; a stark contrast to that morning, but she said nothing, only that she was feeling good. She also tried Teller's number, twice, but it went straight to voicemail.
She entered the hotel room and found everything as she had left the night before. Teller did put her laptop and notes back in the safe for her, though. She smiled at the gesture and grabbed her notebook before getting Sid and driving to the diner on Main. There, she tried Teller again as she watched Jacob Hale enter Zobelle's shop, noting it in her notes; she knew who he was now because Mark had still sent her what he found on both him and his brother, although as he said it was nothing of note.
When Jax's line went straight to voicemail again, Alex took a deep breath and stared at her notes. Unable to concentrate. In a span of a second, she decided to look for him; she just had to see him. She paid her bill, loaded Sid in the car with her and made her way to Teller-Morrow Auto Shop.
She noticed quickly that while she would usually see a line of Harleys parked in garage, only a few remained. That could explain why she couldn't reach him. He had told her to avoid going to the shop, but she had no idea where else to look; she realized she didn't even know where his house was, even though he had told her that most nights when he was not with her, he preferred sleeping at the clubhouse. He kept his son in the house and visited, but while he worked on his problems, he didn't feel like he could stay there with him.
Alex parked inside the garage and approached a door to an office. An older gentleman with an oxygen tank strapped to himself, Alex noted his club kutte was not leather but jeans, made his way towards her after only a few steps out of her car. He made his way from the garage as he cleaned his hands with a flannel and smiled.
"Hey there, darling," he said with a warm smile and she smiled back. "What can I help you with?"
"Uhm, I'm looking for Jax Teller," she replied lowly, almost embarrassed. He seemed surprised and blinked, not afraid of taking another better look at her as she said that.
"Are you?" he asked, still warmly though, his eyes met hers again. "He's out of town, will be back only late. Much later. Blood drive to Eureka."
"Oh," Alex was the one surprised now. Blood drive? Interesting, but that also explained the straight to voicemail calls; likely no signal. "Well, can you let him know Alex is looking for him, please? I really need to speak to him."
"Sure can," he seemed as curious as before. "Maybe I can help you, though, if it's urgent?"
"No, not really something you can help with, I'm afraid." Alex smiled. "If you just let him know I was looking for him, that would be grand."
"Sure thing," he nodded, and smiled back at her. Still curious. She smiled one more time and waved as she started to turn back.
"Thank you, sir, I appreciate it." she said and turned back as he waved with the flannel in his hand, his eyes followed as she made her way out of the garage.
Piney wasn't the only one following Alex though. Outside, AJ Weston had just dropped a special delivery to Gemma Teller and was surprised to find the beautiful redhead from a week ago at the gas station at the garage. Something told him this was more than just coincidence and he should keep track of that, and so he did.
[xxx]
Jax made his way from the party post drop-off by himself. He couldn't stay after Clay threatened to kill him if he ever mentioned Donna's death again; if he stayed there's no guarantee of how that could've turned out. He made the five-hour ride faster than normal, riding at night was always a pleasure and much easier. Doing it by himself wasn't necessarily the best way to go about it, but honestly at this point it was the best for his sanity.
He stopped at home and quietly made his way upstairs to check on a soundly sleeping Abel. Neeta slept in the next room and checked briefly with him as he made his way in the house; he asked her to go back to sleep and thought maybe he'd enjoy watching the movement of his son breathing for a moment. Likely the most peace he's seen in a long time; it made him think how he couldn't possibly justify having this life for his son.
His thoughts raced at the possibility and suddenly he felt very uneasy with it. Maybe he was just tired and yet almost instantly he felt a familiar feeling every time he's been with Abel: he needed to stay away. It's like as if the longer he stayed with him the more his shit could contaminate him.
He sighed and took a last look at the baby before turning away. He showered quickly and hesitated before going to sleep in his own bed; he hadn't been there since the night Abel came home and Donna died, and in the past week and change he had found himself in Alex's bed and arms in the motel. It was strange how easily he gotten used to that, and it wasn't just the sex. It was what he saw in her; that little glimmer of hope that a different life was possible. Yet, with that morning and her leaving, so scared of him, he started to doubt that again.
By the time he made his way to the clubhouse, it was past 3 AM. The others hadn't returned yet, and likely would arrive only by the time the sun was out. Somehow, he preferred it that way, at least today.
Jax entered the clubhouse and was surprised to find Piney there, a scotch in hand, drinking in the almost total darkness by the bar, only the warm bar lights on.
"Hey, son," Piney greeted him as soon as he entered. He heard the motorcycle and was surprised to see only Jax in the security cameras.
"What are you doing here this late, old man?" Jax approached him and leaned against the counter.
"What are you doing here this early?" Piney answered with a question, then took a sip of his drink. "Where are the others?"
"Yeah, I had to leave earlier," Jax evaded his eyes and let out a frustrated breath. "I couldn't stay there."
"Clay?" Piney asked simply and Jax sighed deeply as he nodded.
"And everything else," Jax added, then shook his head. "I really don't want to get into it now."
"Hmm," Piney pondered and finished the scotch in one big sip. "Something might cheer you up. Redhead, tattoos, came looking for you."
"Alex?" Jax body shifted in place, his tired eyes shined for a moment, and Piney took every note of it.
"That's the one."
"She came here?" Jax asked slightly surprised, slightly preoccupied. Piney noted that too.
"That she did."
"Did anyone else see her?" Jax just wouldn't let him finish talking. As if he needed every bit of information at once, Piney just observed.
"Don't think so, your mother was huddled up in the office."
"What did she say?"
"Not much," Piney shrugged. "Only to tell you she was looking for you and she wanted to talk to you. It seemed important." he noticed as Jax's eyes lit up again, and for a second he could swear he saw a hint of a satisfied smile.
"An outsider, really?" Piney asked, Jax looked at him.
"It's very complicated." Jax replied and evaded his eyes for a second. He couldn't even contemplate how to explain to Piney the nature of his relationship with Alex.
"What does she know?" Piney asked, direct as ever.
"Some things, enough, I think," Jax said in an almost riddle, then sighed. "Maybe too much about me now."
"Look, she seems lovely," Piney said sincerely and Jax looked at him again. "But if you really want that to work in any way... You gotta start making some changes."
"I'm trying, Piney," Jax said slightly frustrated, more at himself than the comment. "It takes time."
"Well, son," Piney said already standing up. "A pretty thing like that, an outsider one at that, will not be patiently waiting for the MC prince."
"Yeah, I know," Jax said almost to himself only. Piney touched his shoulder and nodded, before walking out.
Jax stayed where he was for a second and looked down, hands in his pockets, thinking he if should go see Alex now. He knew she slept very late, and not only when he'd come see her. Every ounce in his body wanted to see her; the conversation with Clay that night filled his mind, and really, he wanted nothing more at that moment than to see her; however difficult he imagined that conversation was going to be. He stood up straight and made his way out the door.
