PART X
The end of February advanced on Lily rapidly, and before she knew it, it was March. She was saddened as she realized she only had a few months left before she'd graduate, but at the same time, she couldn't wait. She could join the order, settle into her flat and find an interesting job. Most importantly, she could move on from James. While he hadn't been ignoring her or Remus since news of the attack, he also hadn't gone out of his way to speak with her. Lily had been hoping to open his eyes, to get him to see the girl who was crazy about him, but he didn't seem to notice. She was doomed to be a sister figure towards him.
Lily gathered her things and hurried off to transfiguration. This was the only class that James sat next to her in. He had a passion for the subject and voluntarily chose to sit up front, leaving the marauders behind. She looked forward to the lessons just because they were a chance for her to get close to him.
She made it to class early and sat down in her seat, patiently awaiting the entrance of her friends. When James finally entered and slid in the seat beside her, Lily couldn't quite keep the small grin that was forming on her face away.
"Hey," he smiled at her. Lily felt herself melting a little. Whenever he was around, she felt charged with a type of energy foreign to her.
"Hi," she replied softly. The word had trouble leaving her mouth. She was bursting to tell him her feelings. But she couldn't. It would ruin everything. They'd act awkward around each other and drift apart. Lily didn't want that. She sighed in frustration.
"Are you okay?" he asked amused. He had watched a range of emotions play across her face in the space of a few moments.
"I'm fine," she answered automatically. She rolled her eyes as he looked away. 'Of course I'm not okay! Get your head out of your arse and realize that I like you!'
"Good day class," Professor McGonagall said primly as she entered the room, shutting the door behind her. "Today is the beginning of something entirely new. It is the apex of transfiguration, the highest level. We will be discussing animagi and the process in which you find the animal you are, learn to transform, and register."
James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged uneasy looks at the last word. Lily looked excitedly at the boy next to her to gage his reaction. She was puzzled at how uncomfortable he looked. Usually he was wild about stuff like this.
"The best way to find your inner animal is to take a revealer potion and clear your mind. There are other ways, but they are less accurate," the professor droned on. "Some people don't have a form as they aren't destined to have that particular ability. Usually they have some other rare power or an affliction that took the form away."
"How long does it take to train?" Lily asked curiously after McGonagall called on her for raising her hand.
"It varies. For most it take years, although rare cases have been recorded where the witch or wizard honed their ability in a couple of months. Professor Slughorn was kind enough to make a potion for each of you." With a flick of her wand several vials came zooming out of a box and in front of each student. "All of you are to take it. If any of you have a form and are interested in training to be able to change into it, you are to stay after class and speak to me."
The class grew quiet as they contemplated what the results of the potion could be. Noticing that others had begun the drinking process, Lily hastened to take the potion. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of all thoughts. It was pretty hard for her. Her mind was always racing at a mile a minute. Finally she felt the magic work its way through her system, and she relaxed. A small animal seemed to appear from the back of her mind. It was a few moments later that Lily could really focus on what she was seeing.
It was a small deer. It had a reddish color to it and a sort of humble but brave air to it. Lily smiled as she mused over her inner animal. She decided that it described her incredibly well. She was small and shy. She had been known to freeze like a deer in headlights in certain situations before being snapped out of it. She was fiercely protective of her friends and family and her beliefs. She didn't look to start confrontations, but she didn't scatter away from them if she felt strongly about the issue.
The potion's effects ended, and Lily's eyes snapped open. Others around the room were coming out of the same trance she had been in.
"So what did you see?" she asked James excitedly.
He eyed her for a second. "Tell me what you saw first," he finally shot back.
She frowned and opened up her mouth to respond, but Professor McGonagall cut off her thoughts. "How many of you had a form?" she questioned. A little over half the class raised their hands. "Good," she nodded. "Most of you will never achieve becoming an animagi. It takes a lot of discipline, time, and raw power. Those who become an animagus must have a knack for transfiguration."
Lily nudged James playfully. "You could do it," she whispered.
He tensed slightly, "Maybe," he shrugged casually. Lily was dismayed. In all the time she had known him, she had never seen him so nonchalant about a new transfiguration topic.
"Would any of you who have forms be willing to share what you saw?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Mr. Black maybe?"
Sirius exchanged a look with Remus that Lily couldn't identify. "A dog ma'am," he replied quietly.
She looked vaguely amused, but tried to stifle her smile. "I see," she said. "Anyone else? James?" She glanced at her star pupil. The professor had a soft spot for anyone with a love of transfiguration and thought quite a bit of James, not that she'd ever tell him. A few moments passed and he hadn't answered. "Anytime Mr. Potter," she said impatiently.
"A stag," he announced.
The professor nodded and moved along to the next student.
Lily looked at him startled. Her patronus was a stag! James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius all seemed to think that was interesting. Had they already known James' form? She thought about it a while longer. Sirius said he was a dog and that's what his patronus was! They had called him self-obsessed. This confirmed it in Lily's mind. They all must have already taken the potion. That's why James seemed so surprised and uninterested. It was nothing new that he'd be learning.
Why had they taken the potion though? Lily felt like she was missing something. She thought back through the year and finally realized what the strange nicknames she had heard were for. Padfoot had to do with the padded feet and a dog has. Prongs had to do with the antlers of a stag. Wormtail had to do with a tail that looked like a worm. What was Peter? He hadn't said. She hadn't heard them call Remus anything strange. That must be because he doesn't have another form.
Lily didn't pay attention the rest of the lesson. She was too busy trying to figure out the marauders. She didn't even realize class had ended until she felt someone shaking her.
"Are you alright?" Remus asked. "Everyone else already left."
She looked around the room and found his words rang true. "I'm fine. I was just thinking," she said.
"About what? It must have been pretty intense."
"Just my animagus form," she covered lamely.
"Oh? What is it?" he questioned.
"I don't want to say." It was a deer. James was a stag. She was a deer. Was this the universe's idea of a cruel joke?
They walked out to where Peter, Sirius, and James were. "What's your form Peter?" she asked. She had planned to try and figure it out subtly, but she was dying of curiosity.
He looked down bashfully. "Hey wait a second! You wouldn't tell me yours, so why should he tell you his?" Remus protested.
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'll tell you then." 'Anything to solve a little more of this mystery,' she added silently.
"I'm a rat." Peter said.
Lily almost snorted. Her lips twitched. "I think that fits you quite well," she managed to speak with a straight face.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.
"Well…" Lily tried to think of something nice to say. "You'll eat anything, you're small so you can sneak around, and you're um… nice?"
James snorted. "Nice save. What are you, an ant?" he asked sarcastically.
"No," she replied coldly. She walked up to Remus, "I'm a deer," she whispered in his ear so no one else could hear. "You never said I had to tell everyone." She walked away.
"What is she?" Sirius asked curiously. "Is it really embarrassing?"
Remus shook his head sadly. "No. It makes a lot of sense really. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I should really go talk to her. This must be driving her insane!" He quickly walked the same direction Lily had gone.
Peter shrugged. "Oh well. Who really cares about her anyway?" he walked away in the opposite direction.
Sirius looked to James for a moment and saw how troubled he looked.
'James does. James really does,' he thought to himself silently.
There was so much work to do. NEWTs were coming up soon, and the professors were packing in their teaching in brief amounts of time. Head Girl duties were taking up Lily's time too. She had to plan out patrolling and also plan the memorial service she had thought of in the beginning of the year. To put it mildly, Lily was feeling stressed.
To make matters worse, the marauders were being extremely evasive. Lily had gotten no farther on her search to discover the reason why they had already taken the animagi potion. She knew how complex it was and severely doubted that they would spend their free time brewing it. They seemed to sense what she was trying to figure out and tried to steer clear of those subjects.
'Why can't I figure it out?' she thought frustratedly. 'I'm usually pretty good with these kind of things. I know I'm missing something. They're acting so paranoid. It must be big.'
Lily paced around in her bedroom until she heard the portrait door swing shut. She could hear voices. Lily paused and pressed her ear up against her bedroom door.
"What are we going to do? She's definitely on to us!" Sirius said panicked.
"Relax. She doesn't know anything," James replied. Lily could almost hear him rolling his eyes.
"You don't give her enough credit. She's a smart girl," Remus said.
"You'd think so wouldn't you Moony?" James sneered. "You're going out with her after all."
'Moony?' Lily mouthed silently. Apparently he did have a nickname after all. He didn't have an animagus form though. Maybe they called him that, because he would act unhappy, upset that he had no form.
"We went on one date!" Remus exclaimed.
"So you aren't going out?" James asked interestedly.
"No! She likes someone else. I'm pretty sure she's in love with him actually."
"Oh," he sounded defeated. Lily's ears perked up in hope. "Who?"
Sirius snorted. "If you don't know, than we're not going to tell you."
"You know too?"
"Not for sure, but I can guess."
Lily decided that she wasn't going to learn anymore as the topic switched to something quidditch related. After she waited a safe amount of time, she exited her room.
"Hey guys!" she said cheerfully. She sat down on the couch.
"Lily…what are you doing here?" James asked nervously.
"I live here James," she pronounced her words slowly and clearly as if talking to a small child.
"I know. I just assumed you were at the library," he replied.
"Do you not want me here?" she acted hurt.
"No!" he said quickly. "I just…never mind. We have to get going anyway," he said looking out the window. Remus and Sirius sprung up from their seats and left the head tower along with James.
"I'll go find Peter." Lily heard Sirius speak before the portrait swung shut.
She tapped her chin thoughtfully. 'What are they up to? Is it just a prank, or is it something more?' Lily exited the head tower to find out.
She was quite paranoid, walking down the Hogwarts corridors alone. Usually James or Sirius or Remus walked her wherever she went. At those times, she would just roll her eyes. It got quite annoying. But now, she wished they were there along side her.
She could hear their fading footsteps. Suddenly she caught a glimpse of them, and immediately she hid herself behind a suit of armor. Remus turned towards the door leading outside, Sirius to another corridor, and James stayed in the same spot.
"I'll wait a couple of extra minutes for Wormtail and Padfoot," he explained. Remus nodded swiftly.
'Go in? Where are they going?' Lily mouthed to herself.
Finally the minutes passed. Sirius and Peter went running by. James fell into step with them, and then they were gone.
The sun had set, and Lily slightly feared going outside. Before she could make her decision, a young man pinned her against the wall.
She gasped. Then she noticed who it was. "You know its people like you who make me not want to hang around randomly in the corridors after hours."
He smirked. "I saw you."
"Saw me what? Were you spying on me you nasty little perv?" Lily asked sounding braver than she felt.
"Relax mudblood, I've already seen everything anyway remember?" he told her.
She sighed. "Yah yah, you and your little friends tried to kill me. That was a while ago. What I really want to know is why you were stalking me."
"I know where they go," he said immediately. "And I know you want to find out."
"You?" Lily asked disbelievingly. "Why would they tell you?"
"It was a joke, a prank gone wrong. Believe me they hadn't planned it that way," he answered grimly. "But now I'm returning the favor," he grinned slightly evilly. "I'm going to tell you where they are so you can catch them."
"Where are they?" she asked impatiently. She wanted to know so badly that she ignored all of the signs that listening to him was a horrible idea.
"Go to the Whomping Willow. Take a stick and poke the knot on the trunk. You can't miss it. It will freeze all of the branches, and you will find a secret passage to go through. That's where they hide out."
"Thanks," she said.
He looked outside. "You better hurry. It's getting late."
Lily nodded and walked outside. The doors slammed behind her. Severus felt momentarily guilty but pushed it aside and told himself that it wasn't wrong; it was justice.
She walked briskly towards the Whomping Willow. The doors she had exited through grew farther and farther away. Finally, she reached the tree. She saw the knot immediately. Just as Snape said, once it was pressed the branches stopped flailing around.
The secret passage was right there. Lily took a deep breath. This was it. She just knew that she'd find out all of the answers to her questions within moments.
She made her way into a tunnel. Eventually she reached a broken down room. A howl was heard, and Lily stiffened as she realized how close it sounded.
Then it dawned on her. Tonight was the full moon. Flashes began going through her mind. She remembered the nicknames, the werewolf lesson in DADA, the way everyone kept looking at the sky.
The door broke down, and Lily turned with her wand out. It was a werewolf. "Moony," she whispered. Her eyes were wide. Snape had set her up. She was about to die. She was going to be killed because the marauders had led him there earlier.
He came towards her, and Lily's eyes filled with tears. A scratch, another, and another, the werewolf was upon her. He was about to sink his teeth down into her slender neck.
A couple of animals came charging into the room. They took one look at Lily, and fought the werewolf off. The dog led the werewolf away. The second animal paused. It was a stag.
'Oh Merlin! That's Sirius! That's James! They're animagi. I can't believe it.' The thought drifted through her mind. "James," she whispered. "Thank you."
Lily passed out after that. Although she could have sworn she felt arms wrap themselves around her.
Her eyes opened reluctantly. She groaned as she recognized the surroundings. "The hospital wing again?"
Madame Pomfrey came in. "Hello dear! I see you've finally woken up. Those were some nasty scratches, Ms. Evans. I healed them right up though. They're almost completely gone."
"I suppose James brought me in again?"
"Yes. Mr. Potter carried you in last night, said you got in a fight with an animal when you were patrolling outside the castle. I must tell you, you don't have to conduct patrols outside. It's dangerous and unnecessary. Now about this animal, can you describe it? Mr. Potter said it ran off before he could get a good look."
"Oh no. I didn't see it," Lily answered shaking her head.
"It looks like you have some visitors," she said smiling. "I'll talk to you later." She exited the hospital wing and went into her office.
Lily turned and saw James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. "Hey guys!" she waved them over cheerfully.
They came over hesitantly. Remus was looking especially grave. "I'm so sorry!" He blurted out. "I understand if you never want to speak with me again. I'm sorry that I almost…"
"It's fine, Remus." She cut him off. "I understand why you'd keep that a secret. There are a lot of bigoted people out there. Fortunately for you I'm not one of them."
He looked relieved but still slightly guilty.
"What were you doing there?" Peter asked suspiciously.
"I was actually wondering about the whole animagus thing. I figured out you already knew your forms, but I didn't know why."
"But that doesn't explain how that led you to the Whomping Willow and how you passed it," Sirius said.
"I knew you were up to something. I could feel it. I followed you, and I hid until you left. Someone stopped me though."
"Who?" Remus asked curiously.
"Snape," she replied quietly. The four boys exchanged looks of horror as they realized what must have happened. "He told me what to do, where to go. He said he was returning a favor."
Sirius paled, Remus looked saddened, Peter looked slightly nervous, and James furious.
"He did what?" James roared. "I'll kill him! That had nothing to do with you! You could've been bitten or worse!"
"So you led him there?" she asked all four of them quietly. "You led him there to die."
Sirius looked pained. "It was me," he admitted. "He had gone too far last year. The influence he had on my brother, it was horrible to watch. I just got angry and didn't think things through."
"How did he get away?"
"James saved him from me," Remus answered grimly.
Lily turned towards James. "You're quite the hero aren't you? You saved Snape and me. Do you think you have a hero complex?" she teased.
"Don't put yourself and Snivellus in the same category. Saving him was just damage control," he spoke fiercely.
"And what was I?" Lily asked. She noticed how close they were. The others seemed to also, and they edged their way out of the room.
He hesitated. "I care about you. I couldn't just leave you to die."
She stared up at him earnestly. "And how do you care about me?" Looking into his eyes, Lily felt sure that an epiphany dawned on him. She took a chance, the biggest risk yet, and she closed the narrowing gap between them with a heartfelt kiss.
She broke away stumbling over her words. "James, I… I mean I'm…You just…" she couldn't find the right way to phrase her feelings.
It turns out that she didn't have to. Madame Pomfrey came back in at that very moment, taking no notice of the awkward scene before her. "Excuse me Mr. Potter, but I'm afraid you'll have to leave. Ms. Evans is not quite healed and she needs her rest."
He looked ready to protest, but he relented quickly and exited the hospital wing.
Lily nearly shrieked in frustration. "When can I go?" she asked flatly.
"I'd like you to stay here for a few more hours. You should be ready to leave by early evening."
"Fine," she snapped, not even caring that she was acting rude. That woman had walked in on a very important conversation that was about to take place. Lily had kissed James. And she had no idea how he felt about it!
Too much had happened too quickly, and she was having trouble coping with it. Animagi, werewolves, love, it was overwhelming. She pushed aside her thoughts of James and her feelings and focused on the upcoming NEWTs, memorial ceremony, and graduation. She had enough to worry about without adding on what she had just done with James.
