PART XI

Does he like me? He's acting so strangely. Does he feel sorry for me? Does he care about me like a lover or a sister? Does anyone else know what happened? Will things ever go back to normal?'

Questions filled Lily's mind over the next couple of days. She caught James eyeing her uncomfortably several times, but he never came up to her or began a conversation. She certainly wasn't going to confront him. If he hadn't said anything, than that meant he wasn't really interested.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter knew that something was up but had enough sense not to mention it, well most of them did.

"Is there something on Lily's face James? You keep looking at her funny," Peter said at breakfast.

James jerked around to glare at him so suddenly that his goblet of juice was knocked over. "No," he hissed. "I wasn't looking at her."

Peter seemed to get the point and dropped the subject.

Lily stood up. "I have to go," she told them. "Bye Remus, bye Sirius, bye Peter," she called as she walked away.

James took notice of the absence of his name and scowled. "I don't understand her!" he muttered angrily. "What did I do?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks. "Are we missing something? Because ever since the hospital wing visit you've been acting very strange."

James sighed and looked up at them. They could see the plethora of emotions written on his face and how tired and drawn he looked. "It started right after you left…" he informed them.


She was angry, angry that James was being so defensive and wouldn't acknowledge her. Like it or not, Lily had changed their relationship two days ago when she kissed him. She could have dealt with it if he continued acting the same or if he had confronted her right away, but she didn't like the way he was handling things.

Either it was just a kiss- a mistake, or he liked it and wanted to do it again. It should be simple for him. Lily's knees went weak just in remembrance of that kiss. How could he not have felt that same energy?

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the person in front of her until she slammed into him. He backed away and brushed his clothes off in disgust. "We have to stop meeting like this," Lily said dryly.

"So you're still alive then? Pity, I was hoping the werewolf ate you," Snape sneered.

She pulled herself up off the cold stone floor. "Why if I didn't know any better, I'd think that you didn't like me!"

"You don't deserve to be liked mudblood. You're nothing."

"So what does that make you half-blood?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow.

He paled. "How do you know about that?" His voice shook.

"Severus, we're the two best potions students in the school. I've seen your textbook, your ideas. You label it half-blood prince. It isn't hard to figure out."

"You've been going through my things? I'll have to clean them then. You probably contaminated them."

"Well if you find grease, that's not mine. That's from your hair," she remarked calmly. She could see why the marauders taunted him so much. It was kind of fun.

"Watch your step Evans," he warned. "Some of my friends aren't very happy with you."

Lily was shocked. She was fairly certain that he was giving her veiled advice. "What will they do, try and kill me?" she chuckled. "It didn't work the past couple of times remember?"

"Yes well third try is the charm," another voice said.

She turned towards Rodolphus and tried not to lose her cool. "You know I'm quite good at charms, and I've found that usually it works best if you get it right the first time," she told him offhandedly.

"Where's your little boyfriend Potter? Did he finally see you for the mudblood you really are?" he taunted.

Lily glared. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Of course he's not. Who'd like you? Although I have to admit you were really nice and tight when I was 'with' you. I heard I left a scar when I was through."

Lily stiffened. She didn't know how to reply to that.

She didn't have to. The marauders had all come out of the Great Hall after hearing James' story in order to get some things straightened out, and they immediately began throwing curses at the two Slytherins after they heard the last comment.

James looked furious and it seemed an unspoken agreement that he was to take on Rodolphus while the others took care of Snape. Finally both of the Slytherins were bound.

"Don't you dare go near Lily ever again," James snarled.

"I don't need to. I've already got what I've wanted from her," Rodolphus laughed coldly.

James was about ready to retort, but Lily stopped him. "30 points from Slytherin for your insults," she snapped. With a wave of her wand they were released from their bonds. "I suggest leaving before I make it more." They slunk off admitting defeat.

There was an awkward silence. "Did you guys want something?" Lily broke the silence impatiently.

"Can I talk to you alone?" Remus asked her.

She glanced at him curiously. "Sure. Let's go to class early. No one will be there." He nodded his consent and they left off for their conversation.

Remus sat opposite Lily at a table in the charms classroom. "You kissed James," he said bluntly.

She rolled her eyes. "I know. I was there."

"Do you love him?"

Lily nodded. "I do. I mean, I'm pretty sure. Has he said anything about liking me?" she asked hopefully.

He hesitated. "Well…he hasn't said anything yet, but I can tell that he's realizing something. I just don't know what."

She sighed. "Well its better than nothing."

"You two belong together, and I think James is possibly finally realizing it. I don't think he understood his feelings for you before. They took a while to develop."

"You're so good with relationships! Who do you like?" Lily asked curiously. She was so wrapped up in herself this year that she hadn't thought about her friends liking anyone.

He scowled. "There are laws Lily. Werewolves can't marry or have children."

Lily frowned. "That's horrible! Maybe we can change the ministry's bias someday. Is there anyone out there you fancy though?"

Remus looked thoughtful. "No. There's no one out there that I've met yet who I've really felt a connection to. Maybe there's just no one meant for me."

"Or maybe she's just really young or hasn't even been born yet or she's living off in some other country or is someone you never took the time to really get to know," Lily suggested. "Personally I see you as the cradle robber type," she giggled.

He laughed. "Well wizards live longer so it's considered more acceptable to marry someone very different in age, but I don't think I'd be comfortable with dating someone who I could almost be the father of."

Lily just smiled knowing that his mind could change if he felt the way about someone extremely young that she felt about James. "You're coming to the memorial ceremony right?" Lily asked changing the subject.

He nodded in the affirmative. "I wouldn't miss it. I have to ask though, what are you going to do if some of the Slytherins try to start something?"

Her expression darkened and her green eyes flashed alarmingly. "I'll be on the look out and so will the other prefects. If anyone tries to ruin this, I will do something about it."

He raised an eyebrow, although he was inclined to believe her fierce facial expression. "And what will you do?"

She smirked. "Hex them like there's no tomorrow."

He mock shuddered. "Remind me not to get on your bad side," he said fighting to keep a straight face.

She glared at him and punched his arm jokingly. "Consider yourself reminded."


That Saturday dawned bright and early. The sun came up over the horizon without a hint of reluctance and not a single cloud blemished the sky. The crisp clear day seemed the perfect time to make peace and for that Lily was relieved.

Today all of her planning would be put into action. The memorial service was in a couple of hours. She had put notices up concerning it all around the school. She hoped that people would show up and take it seriously.

This event was entirely on her shoulders. She hadn't trusted anyone to plan it with her except the headmaster. She had prepared a speech in which she would reveal certain things about herself that had been kept under wraps all year. She wasn't much of a public speaker, but she felt strongly enough about this that she could face her fears.

Dressing herself in her school robes, Lily fumbled around her room. She had to get ready and get to the ceremony early to set up. It was going to take place outside by the lake, and Lily had to bring out all of the supplies there. She knew that a good portion of three of the houses was going to show up.

She walked briskly out of the head tower, not even pausing to notice the intent stare that James was giving her full of longing.

As she passed through the corridors of the school on her way outside, she gave a group of shifty looking 5th year Slytherins a warning glare that seemed to send them the message she wanted provoked loud and clear.

Finally she reached the enormous doors leading outdoors and flung them open. A good portion of the setting up work was already done, presumably by house elves. She took out her wand and with a flick the needed materials were in place. Lily hoped that people fully appreciated her work and took the event as seriously as she intended them to.

It seemed like ages before students began trickling outside and sitting in the provided chairs. Lily was feeling extremely restless. She sincerely hoped that this event today would portray a deep and meaningful message to everyone. To those who had lost someone she hoped that it would provide peace and closure. To those who were curious and ignorant to the war she hoped it brought knowledge and understanding. To those who were on the brink of choosing the side that wrought this pain she hoped it brought second thoughts.

Eventually the groups of her peers had all reached their seats. Lily noted that James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were in the front row with a small smile. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she stood and cast the sonorous spell, but she pushed them away determinedly.

"Welcome," she smiled and the crowd quieted. "Thank you for coming. At the beginning of the school year Professor Dumbledore approached James and me and asked if we had any ideas for this year. Immediately a thought of a memorial service sprang to mind." She paused and looked around noting that already some of the students in the back were looking bored. She mused that they had come just because it seemed like the right thing to do. Maybe she could change their minds.

"You see this past summer my family was attacked." Everyone seemed to grow more alert at her words. Surely if the head girl's family had been attacked they would have known! "And I was there. I survived the death eater attack." There were a few gasps but otherwise the crowd was utterly silent.

"My mother and father were killed." Lily took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. "They made me watch. I fought back, but I was outnumbered. They got my wand, and well, I guess the only word for what they did to me was torture." The mass of people was shocked. Few remained neutral, but others looked close to tears.

"The Ministry came, and the death eaters apparated away before they could finish me off. I went to the hospital and woke to find a ministry official there to talk to me. I was handed the Daily Prophet and saw my story on the front page. It felt foreign, unreal. I could scarcely believe that the article was talking about me. I kept it a secret. It was for my own safety and privacy."

Lily drew another deep breath. This part of her story was perhaps the toughest, and she knew this was what everyone wanted to hear. The rumors had circulated for weeks after, and she was aware that every single person was curious as to what happened that one Hogsmeade weekend that put her in the hospital wing and made her miss class. "I was attacked again just before Halloween. Some of the students who will remain nameless were a part of the original attack on me and wanted to finish the job."

Lily's demeanor cracked, and her speech wavered for a moment. "They wanted to draw it out. They embarrassed me, stripped me, stabbed me. Again they ran out of time and fled before someone came across me." The students looked horrified as they tried to picture what had happened. "Their friends covered for them. They got away with it," she finished her story sadly.

"So here I am today standing before you. I'm a survivor." She held up a long scroll of parchment. "This is a list of all the casualties of the war on either side. There's too many. A single life lost is too many. I've organized this program today as a way to remember them. Remember the dead. Remember the injured. Remember the lost. Remember that this war effects anyone and everyone." Her gaze swept across the scene in front of her solemnly as she took in the somber tone.

Her expression softened. "Remember that there is always hope and a new day. Remember to live life to its fullest. Remember to take a stand for what you believe in. Remember to love."

She took out two candles and lit them with the tip of her wand. "Remember Rose Evans. Remember John Evans." The candles up in the air and descended gently onto the lake where they floated.

James stood up and walked over to her. He cast a sonorous charm on himself and grabbed a candle. "Remember Jonathon Potter," he intoned as he lit the candle and watched it float over and join Lily's.

People rose from their seats and grabbed their own candles, each dedicating it to their own person. Soon the lake was filled with floating candles, all shapes and colors, specially personalized by each person.

"The candles will stay on the lake tonight if you want to come back and see them. After that they will be the candles around the school for the rest of the year," Lily informed the crowd. "Our futures burn bright as our past dims but never extinguishes. It molds us into our own unique forms. It may waver, seem insignificant at times, but it never truly disappears. May these candles be an eternal symbol to you, acting as tangible representations of your life and the lives of those who have fallen."

She exited ahead of the crowd in silence. Lily strongly felt like she had left a permanent mark on these people. Perhaps she had even changed the course of a few lives. She could only hope.