Author's Note
I'm sorry it took me so long to get this thing updated, but here it is. I hope to get chapter 5 up in a decent amount of time.
Lilly's POV
It doesn't bother me. Nope, not a bit. Not personally, anyway. I just hate sloppy police work, and let me tell you, this one is pretty damn sloppy. I make a point of ignoring him, our resident Don Juan. He's got that look, one he's got down pat, the Scotty-Valens-tortured-soul look. Give me a break. Vera's eating it up, though, hovering over him like some mother hen, and trying not to be too obvious. Jeffries is taking a more subtle approach, keeping his distance but keeping an eye on him.
So what if Scotty's kicking himself? All I got to say is, kick harder, Valens, kick harder. Am I miffed? Nope, not a bit. What do I care if the guy withholds important information on a case? What do I care if the guy compromises his own career by giving his phone number to a drug mule? What do I care if he can't keep his boundries straight, that all it takes is a pretty, vulnerable girl, and all the rules go out the window? It doesn't bother me.
I breeze by the desks, and out onto the balcony, where just a few minutes ago, Scotty was standing. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe my partner and my sister made a better couple than I thought. Expert liars, impulsive, but both always come out smelling likes roses. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everyone else always making exceptions for them, always excusing away their messes, wiping the slate clean.
I'm just as guilty as everyone else for letting them slide. How many years did I clean up after Chris, how many lies did I tell, how many corners did I cut, to get her out of a jam? How many times I have I given Scotty the benefit of a doubt? I didn't think he was a right fit from the word go, but did I stick to my guns? Nope, I went and gave him a chance. There's a dangerous side to him. Oh, everyone's got their dark side, but I have the feeling that Scotty's can get pretty dark. Look how at home he was playing his part for Ramiro. I bet he liked the danger, a drug onto itself.
Me, the world's great moron, trusted him. I believed him when he said nothing happened with Chris, never thought he'd lie through his teeth, right to my face. If Chris, with her big mouth, hadn't blabbed, how many months would he have kept it up, kept lying?
Maybe he lied because he knew you couldn't handle it, a little voice whispers in my ear. So, it's my fault! It's my fault he couldn't keep it zipped for five minutes after his girlfriend, since he was fourteen-frickin'-years-old killed herself? Wow, don't knock yourself out with all that restraint, Scotty, you might hurt yourself. Why, that-
Wait a minute. What I am I doing? Mentally bashing him over something we settled last year? He apologized. The memory softens me up a bit, has me considering. As proud as he is, that most have cost him something, to admit he was wrong.
Well, he should have apologized! He lied to me, and he...he...hurt me...
Why? That little voice whispers again. Well, because...because...because he lied. Because he made me doubt him every time he opened his mouth. Certainly not because I have some hidden set of feelings for him, because contrary to popular belief, not every girl falls for a hot guy with a lot of charm. My interest in Scotty Valens is strictly plantonic, and yet...I do care about him, deeply, as a friend. Outside of Lindsay, the guys, and maybe Kat, I don't have any other friends. Well, there's my cats, but they're more like my kids than friends.
I've never taken to people easy, or visa versa. I lean my elbows on the rail and sigh. Oh, sure, I can read them good, know how to make them open up, but that's a world of difference than being friends. I don't give out my friendship lightly, and maybe except too much from my friends. He shouldn't have lied, he shouldn't have made me doubt my judgement. He shouldn't have been dating Chris.
Was that your decision? Damn that little voice. Okay, no, he's a big boy, and he was single, she was single, but she was all wrong for him. I know her act line by line, and he should have trusted me when I told him to stay away. Not that I offered any examples...the only reason he knew about Patrick was because she must have told him about it.
I can't help what happened nine years ago, Scotty told me, and that's what hurt me most. He was dismissing what I went through, a 'gee, sorry' moment. He didn't understand it wasn't just her having sex with Patrick, it was the act of betrayl itself. All those years of me taking care of her, of loving her, sharing my life with her, and she could stab me so easily in the back. He'd never understand what she robbed me of, that security of thinking you know someone, only to see a side of them so ugly, even being a cop didn't prepare you for it, because it's not someone else. It's you who has the knife in your back.
I lost a sister and a lover that day, and just when I thought I had her back, she had to go plant a knife in my back again. It's not that I wanted Scotty for myself, it's that she was sneaking around, interfering with my life. She was swooping in on a guy messed up, I've seen her do it so many times, offer to kiss it, and make it all better. It's one of her better acts. You could only get slapped by the truth so many times before it dawns on you: It's never going to change.
Is it like that with Scotty? Is it just going to be one screw-up after another, each time expecting everyone to forgive and forget? He lied again, by omission, certainly, but he knew what he was doing. He knew that giving her that phone number might be important, and he kept quiet, because he didn't want to take the heat. It's not what he did in '98 that bugs me. It was crossing a line, but it's human, it's understandable. It's how he handled it today that I can't get over so easy.
There's no easy answer, no real resolution, except maybe time. And maybe, just maybe, I've got to change how I look at Scotty. Instead of having expectations that he can't or won't live up to, maybe on a personal level, I've just got to take it day by day, see his weaknesses, expect them. At least, until he can prove that I can actually count on him.
Feeling better, I push away, go back inside. Ceci's coming in, me and Kat are set to interriogate her, see if we can crack her. Whatever problems I have with Scotty, I'm a cop, and I've got to put that above everything else.
I hope I always do.
